ITT: Pokemon Are Real. (This thread takes place in a new universe.

>>10179532
SPORNTS

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nigger

goo

This new universe is boring

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>>10179532
I love battling.
The thrill of a fight, the anticipation for your opponent's next move...
It's exhilarating.

>Dunno what happened to that Nihilego, but Alain was definitely stung so... No inhibitions Alain is a go.
>He sends a quick text Tobias' way - "Hey Tobias, wanna go become champions of Kanto?"

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>>10179532
what
>>10179745
what

>>10179745
it just started anon, give it some time

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>After releasing the Fennekin from its ball Jackie gets to work on making a fire, staring expectantly at the little fox.
"Hey. You. Light up that wood."

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>>10179532
An occasional sparring match to get everything moving can be nice.
Not much more than that for me though.

>>10179718
Goo.

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>>10179753
>You get a text back.
>"I'm locked in my closet."

>>10179532
Um, sort of? I like winning, and showing other people that I won, but I don't want to get beat by some little kid, or worse, my shitty little brother.

Anyway, my Trainer's license is FINALLY back and ready, so I'm going to try to cozy up to my worthless little brother's team. I'll tell you how it goes, okay~?

>>10179745
(Mate, if it's boring do something. People not doing stuff is why the Cipher grunts got so strong.)

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>>10179847
>Alain's torn between chuckling and sighing... and ends up doing both, dropping his head into his hands and letting out a sigh followed by a light chuckle.
>"Do you need some help with that...?"
>>10179908
You sound like an asshole.

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>>10179908
You sound like an asshole.
>>10179960
>"yes, please"

>>10179908
You sound like an asshole.

>>10179908
you sound like an asshole

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>>10179982
>"Yeah I don't know where you live?"
>"I mean, in my weird dream you lived in the Viridian gym but I don't think you live there now."
>Shortly after sending the message Alain regrets it, realizing how creepy it would come across and chastising himself, having come up with no reason why he would ever have considered sending that.

>>10179960
>>10179982
Better that than a PokeMart worker with a search history with nearly-Pokephiliac videos in it.
>>10180018
>>10180033
Okay, really, stop. I'm doing his Pokemon a favor.

>ywn be turned into a bunch of objectmon's cumdumpster

>>10180126
You sound like an asshole and a Kantonese.

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>>10180070
>"Um. Let me go check the map."
>If Alain could see he'd see Tobias getting out of the closet to check the map.
>"I had a dream like that too, weird. anyway it's Canalave City. Look for the house with, uhh..."
>Now Tobias is sitting on the lawn.
>"The green roof."

>>10180142
you sound like a alternate universe version of a horrible wench who can only loosely be described as female

>>10180223
>>10180126
fuck wrong one

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>>10179753
>>10179847
>>10179960
>>10179982
>>10180070
>>10180212
YOU GUYS ARE BOTH STUPID NIGGERS

>>10180142
Probably not.
Doesn't mean I can't try though.

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>>10180212
>"Alright, I'll be there to rescue you from the closet soon."
>The moment isn't as dramatic as Alain would like, his attempt to swoosh an absent cloak ridiculous looking at best. He does manage to leap out the window and onto his Charizard with a degree of grace, however.
>Last two numbers is the time it takes him to get there in minutes.
>>10180270
ok

>>10180178
You sound like a Kalosian perv.
>>10180223
You sound like you're a crazy person.

Anyway, the Pokemon are giving me funny looks. Maybe it's my perfume?

>>10180315
Hurry up and take them, lady. Dawdling is just gonna result in your pokephile brother raping more pokemon.

>>10180315
No I'm from Ferrum, thank you.

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>>10180315
Umm....
If you smell really really bad then maybe!
But um... You said perfume so probably not....
Maybe it's like one of those scenes from a comedy!
Do you have something on your face?

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>>10180313
>"Thank you."
>Rolling for if Tobias falls asleep in his front yard.

>>10180315
you're not wrong

>>10180327
You're right. I'm going for the Pokeballs now!
I was hoping to charm them into going with me instead of him, but there's no time!

>>10180344
I don't know, but I don't have time to check!

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>>10180402
So you're gonna steal someone's Pokemon...?
That's um...
That's kinda illegal!
... how do you know the Pokemon won't think you're a burglar and attack?

Quick question: I need a trainer's license from the big 7 quickly, which region would be the fastest?
Thinking Sinnoh at the moment.

>>10180402
Quick, quick
There are pokemon at risk of being raped. Do you want that to happen?
Imagine all the rape that'll happen if you mess up. Oh, you'll need to make sure his licence gets revoked too so he can't go around raping pokemon.
...Maybe even see about getting him on a list.

>>10180448
Kanto. They keep the licenses loose as hell so that ten year olds can do that League challenge.
I suppose the same goes for Johto, Hoenn, and Sinnoh, Kanto is just more well known for it.

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>>10180448
i hear that kanto place is pretty wimpy

>>10180499
>>10180500
Kanto it is then. Still want to visit Sinnoh but can do that after.
>ding dong
Shit shit SHIT BRB

>>10180461
I'll try~!
>>10180436
I'e got the Pokeballs now, I'm almost home free!
Now, I need to find out how to get his license yanked.

What's something that will get someone's Trainer license revoked in all Regions?

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>>10180348
>A roar fills the air as Charizard touches down, Alain hopping off and spotting... Tobias. Were he a man of stature he would pick Tobias up, but alas, he lacks such an ability. Instead he sits down on the ground next to him, poking his side.

>>10180521
oh dont die. unless your into that

>>10180564
Uhhhh... Pokemurder probably? Or rape but even rape laws are pretty weird with pokemon.

>>10180521
Big cities play the loosest with their checks, they want to get trainers in and out as soon as possible.
>>10180564
Pokemon abuse or any kind of felony.

>>10180594
is it even illegal?

Damn, just a bunch of reruns on.
I hope the killchip katastrophe isn't up next, that episode sucks.

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>>10180586
>The dark type nerd is awoken.
"...When did you get here?"

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>>10180670
Killchip katastrophe? What are you watching exactly?

>>10180588
NOT DEAD YET

>>10180614
Well that's fucking great because I might have just done something real bad.
Fucking perfect timing.

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>>10180680
"About..."
>He casts a quick glance down at his phone
"... five minutes ago? You were sleeping on the lawn. Which is..."
>He clears his throat awkwardly
"Definitely not a closest."

>>10180698
Ooooh? Sharing is caring, anon, do tell.

>>10180689
The world.

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>>10180698
how about yet?
>>10180741
terrible show

>PAR reset
>MC&D now exists again
>That dude that almost shot desmond with a flare gun exists again
>We're turbofucked

>>10180752
If I die and come back as a Ghost this will be all your fault.

>>10180734
Knocked the lights out of a family member I'm not fond of. With a hammer.
Not like she deserved it, this was reaching the boiling point and I have been taking measures.

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>>10180564
That's a kinda crappy thing to do...
I'm pretty sure you're gonna get in trouble for stealing!

>>10180752
Isn't it?
The first season was shitcanned halfway through. Heard something about the directors and writers not taking hatemail very well.
A shame really, had some nice things here and there when they weren't outsourcing most of the work.

>>10180832
(Can you can the metacommentary, we know we fucked up.)

>>10180848
(But it is entertaining when put IC)

>>10180855
(It just makes me feel like a retard for everything I've tried to do to hear it laid out in metacommentary format.)

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>>10180741
So you're watching the news or something?

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So.
My job interview went well.
How are you all?

>>10180865
(What?)

>>10180782
i know everything is
>>10180866
news is boring i think
>>10180873
bad

>>10180782
That can't be all anon, what'd they do?
>>10180873
What job were you looking for?

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>>10180894
What's going on?

>>10180897
Contract work at a building org based in Unova. They call themselves Glacier. They love to stylize it in all caps.

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>>10180713
"...Well I needed to be able to tell you were I was, no?"

>>10180894
What the hell is your problem.

>>10180897
Messing up my life until now.
Can't dawdle too much posting gotta take the next plane out of Ferrum.

>>10180914
>>10180923
im still alive

>>10180848
(But it's fun. Also a reset was wholly unnecessary as it doesn't actually fix anything and the main problems from before are still going to be problems now. Namely lack of ooc and confirmation, and people caring far too much about blatantly obvious shit stirring. Though I understand the reset was made by some random, it wasn't even given a thought before being accepted.)

>>10180436
I'm doing what has to be done.
I'm sure you can understand that~?
>>10180614
>>10180594
I need to think of something, and fast.
I have a day, maybe...

>>10180959
(Alright. I'm trying to talk with people OOC in DMs more. People aren't obligated to get in with my plots and I'll say that OOC. I dunno, I'm trying to show to give OOC not tell.)
(I'm probably not going to reply anymore after this to avoid clogging the thread with OOC.)

>>10180914
>Glacier
>Anon squints at his computer
Sounds interesting. Just general buildings or?
>>10180923
Fair enough.
Stay safe, anon~
>>10180964
I'm sure you can figure out some kind of evidence to plant.
Buuut, if you need some tips...
Go dip your hand in wax, grab one of his kitchen knives, and murder a Rattata or something like that. Do a half assed job of disposing the body and knife, but make it look like you still tried.
He should get in some sort of trouble, and unless you're stupid with the wax your fingerprints shouldn't be on anything.
Can't say the same about your hair or blood or anything, but do make sure to remelt the wax.

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>>10180929
Fine, you need someone to put you down or something?
Give me a location.

>>10181068
I dunno, I spent a few months getting a team together because that was a requirement. I think it's something about building inspection. They gave me some books and set me up with some classes that I'm about to finish.

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>>10180964
Um... I guess but...
I don't think you should kidnap or make up stuff to get someone's license revoked...
If you have concerns couldn't you um... Just talk to the police? Or the person....?

>>10181068
Thanks anon, I actually feel relieved now despite the murder attempt.
Just a question more: can you apply for a license without taking in a starter? Not really feeling the Kanto selection and I already have a pokemon.

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>>10180922
>Alain stares at him blankly for a good ten seconds before erupting into a fit of chuckles.
"You could've just said "Hey Alain, come check out my house" or something."

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>>10181216
"...But I needed you to save me."
>Tobias seems like he hasn't connected the dots yet.

>>10181126
you don't understand, he had videos of people smooching their Pokemon!
He's a Pokephile, and for that I need to take his Pokemon!

>>10181068
Ugh... I think I'd be sick.
I'm going to try the wax thing, but download gross videos to try to get him in trouble.

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>>10181244
>It takes him a good minute or so to calm down enough to talk again.
"Tobias? You aren't in the closet. I can't save you from the closet if you aren't in the closet."
"Unless you mean... The other closet."
>He waggles his eyebrows for emphasis at the word "closet"

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>>10181285
That's um...
That's not that bad!
People do it all the time here, I don't get why it bugs you so much!
If he wants to kiss his Pokemon why does it really affect you?
.... are you jealous???
Do you wanna smooch him??
Or his Pokemon??

>>10181114
They required you to have a team?
How does a Weavile help with construction?
>>10181186
I'm pretty sure they're optional. Most of the young trainers here don't have them.
>>10181285
Well, that's one way to do it, but I don't think videos alone will work unless they're illegal.

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>>10181566
I'm contracted as a building inspector. Basically means I go check if a building they want to purchase has all it's pipes, wires and etc. The pokemon are so I don't get mugged.
...And I just got my first call in. Sorry, gotta jet.

>>10181491
It's... LEWD SMOOCHING!
>>10181566
I'm trying, I'm trying! I don't know how to find this stuff!

PAR I-I need some advice. I have a defense case coming up and my-my defendant keeps saying she's guilty>
I"m five mintues from a panic attack, someone help me the fuck out here.

>>10181799
Just say she pleads clinically insane. Boom. Done.
That's how I got away with 69 counts of hot blooded murder

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>>10181785
No I mean...
That stuff is okay in Alola!
I remember Kanto being super super against it, but that seemed kinda silly to me...

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>>10181824
That's not how that works.

>>10181799
Details? It's entirely possible I know something of value to you. For a price.

>>10181824
THAT IS NOT HOW THAT WORKS!
>>10181880
Oh, fantastic, dealing with shady men on a forum, should I post my badge and fucking name too?
My defendant, we'll call her... Rose. She's... Well... Sort of a spy for the Almians! Can you believe that!!! And I get put to defend her!!! HAHAHAHA!

>>10181566
Thanks.
Yeah, I'm not exactly young either, bound to raise a few eyebrows when I get there.
Ah, Neos City airport. Gonna miss this place.

>>10181799
First relax. Inhale, exhale.

>>10181824
What the actual fuck

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>>10181909
Almian spy? Lovely. Would you happen to be in Unova? I understand the extradition treaties there have some different standards with regard to our fine Comrades to the north then in more... agreeable regions. I assume the Almian Embassy is claiming to have no knowledge of any of this?

>>10181871
W-WHAT!?
Alola ALLOWS THAT!?
Oh, sweet gods. If my brother finds out, he'll move, and I won't be able to get his Pokemon away from him!
>Rolling for success at framing - this is a Long Shot, only even dubs will get the guy in legal trouble.

>>10181799
>>10181909
Well....
Such a shame, I really don't have much for tips on this.
Sorry, anon~
Do you have anything that could possibly prove she didn't do it?
>>10181921
Oh, just act like you're there to renew your license. It's a common enough occurrence.
>>10181785
Really?
Just check some shifty Orresian basketweaving forums, they should have something.
Or one of those bait sites set up by the Unovan gov.
>>10181659
Stay safe, anon~

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>>10182036
Um.... Yeah!
And so does Kalos and Unova and probably Orre...
... why do you wanna get his Pokemon so bad?
Are you actually jelly?

>>10181921
I AM GOING TO LOSE MY JOB OVER THIS.
OR DIE.
PROBABLY DIE.

>>10181978
THEy- They aren't, no they aren't. I'm pouring over files and notes trying to find something this is not how I wanted my job to end.
Oh! And it doesn't help my defendant won't shut up about being guilty! I'm sure this is treason in SOME way!!!

>>10182036
What the hell are you doing?

>>10182042
I have files upon files proving that she DID do it. I don't have enough time to pull something out of my ass saying she didn't.
She doesn't even want to meet before the actual court date, haha!!

>>10182068
>throw gun at

>>10182068
Were there any witnesses?

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>>10182068
First of all, why would you lose your job? A public defender's role is to defend. The public. Regardless of guilt or innocence. Unless you've done something terribly unwise, like offend an officer of the court, allow your conviction rate to rise above 50%, or make an ass of yourself to the press, you'll be fine.

Now, tell me. What evidence does the defense actually have? You haven't done something foolish like turn over her assorted files upon files for cross examination, have you?

>>10182036
What an asshole.

>>10182042
That might actually work. Thanks anon, again.

>>10182068
Die? The Almian Mob is after you?
Do what is the trend now and skip region.

>Rolling last two digits: minutes until boarding plane

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>>10182036
What exactly is the problem with your brother kissing pokemon?

>>10182098
WHY IS THERE A .45 IN MY OFFICE.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

>>10182103
Camera evidence, fingerprinting, SHE SHOT A GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEE AT POINT BLANK IN FRONT OF A CAMERA FOR FUCKS SAKE!

>>10182132
No I haven't but there's enough proof here that this case should be done within a few days at most.
Haha...

>>10182143
No.

H-hold on I need to g-get a call.
>If this post rolls an odd the call will leak onto the thread in next reply.

>>10182068
I'm trying to frame my brother as a hardcore Pokephile!
>>10182178
IT'S DISGUSTING! GAH!
>>10182061
He doesn't deserve those Pokemon, darn it! He's a good-for-nothing Pokemart employee, with no family or girlfriend or even many friends! That, and a dirty Pokephile!

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>>10182214
Mm. Amateurish. Frankly, I don't believe she is an Almian spy. That's a pathetically obvious and amateurish style. The goal of an infiltration agent is not to be caught. It sounds to me like she's going out of her way to cause as much of an imbroglio as possible, one primarily directed at the Almian government.

Frankly, your self-proclaimed spy sounds more like a radical on a false flagging campaign than a trained infiltration agent.

>>10182178
Everything.

>>10182068
>>10182214
Good luck anon, if you need to hustle on out of the region do lemme know, I might be able to pull some strings~
>>10182143
Well, I do love to help.
What Pokemon do you have, anon?

>>10182214
Oh.
Well shit.
Uh.
Damn.

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>>10182293
>>10182269
I bet you think two people of the same sex kissing is digusting too.

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>>10182269
So um...
You think that lonely Pokemart employees shouldn't get to have Pokemon?
And that you should just.... Take their friends and lovers?
You've.... You've never had a Pokemon stolen, have you?
It sucks!
It sucks a lot, and you're probably worse than him if you think that's okay to do!

>>10182269
Wow. Just because someone has a clerical job and happens to have pictures of pokemon kissing on his computer you're trying to ruin his life?
You're the person that doesn't deserve friends here.

>>10182269
You... Know that's illegal, right? I'll be submitting a report to the judge.

>>10182293
O-okay. I think I see your point. What's my best course of action?
Let her get the guilty verdict?

>>10182313
Yeah, I'll just be vomiting in a bucket if you need me.
my shaaaaaaame bucket

>>10182321
That's what I said.

(This lawyer character is great, keep it up, Anon.)

>>10182214
And she is supposed to be a spy?
The hell she is.

>>10182313
A Porygon2, a pretty old model but well maintained.
Maybe I'll get a proper team...

>>10182269
And I thought I had family problems

>>10179532
cosmoem cumshow when?

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>>10182344
I am offended by that assertion.

>>10182403
Frankly, that depends on your opinion on the Almians. Is defending the reputation of a foreign power, one who, be frank, we all know is just as guilty of surreptitious acts as Miss... Rose, was it. claims to be?

This is, as some individuals of lower class would say, a "Grade-A box job". Doing anything the legitimate way would require a great deal of investigative work on your part, more than likely dangerous. Police tend to dislike being contradicted, radicals dislike being challenged, and your hostile defendant certainly is a menace to the public that would be better off in prison.

Truth or justice are often in conflict with eachother. This is simply a first-hand demonstration.

>the rambling about morality and ethics and the spirit of law and social contracts, and several dozen other things you really don't care about continues for almost twenty minuets before the suspicious man finally shuts up

>>10182354
I think losers going nowhere and Pokephiles like him shouldn't have Pokemon!
I think I've got to do it so he doesn't hurt them!
>>10182403
Wait, what? W-what Region are you in!?
>>10182344
It is, but this is even worse!

>>10182214
>6
>No effect, she's interrupted.

>>10182454
Neato. Considered evolving it?
>>10182403
Do cases normally stress you out this much...?

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>>10182584
But how do you know he's going nowhere?
And what's nowhere to you might be somewhere to someone else!!
Plus... If his Pokemon are okay with it and he's okay with it then why do you care?
It doesn't really affect you, just like same sex stuff doesn't affect you either!!

>>10182445
(Thank. I only get to slightly exaggerate their anxiety from my own.)

>>10182454
Right, not a spy. I got this.

>>10182524
Thank you so much, sir. I'm... Going to look over some of the files, ask the judges for a bit more time.

>>10182584
Unova. Even if we aren't in the same region I'll make sure the Kanto police hear about this.

>>10182590
Decline to answer, haha.

I'm going down to the bar to get a drink and pour over these files for real.
>Lawyeranon grabs the only two pokemon she has and heads down to the bar on 5th street.

>>10182584
You do realize Pokephillia is legal in all regions right?

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>>10182584
>It is
I am very offended by that assertion.

>>10182650
(Lawyeranon is really fun, good job Anon)
Indeed. Best of luck to you. If you ever require any services of the legerdemain nature, do be sure to write.

>>10182590
Not really, he is fine as he is right now.

>>10182650
Don't forget your breathing exercises.
(Lawyeranon is indeed a cool char)

>>10182699
W-What!? I could have sworn it wasn't here!
>>10182648
B-Because I can't have someone l-like that in the family! I'd never hear the end of it!
>>10182706
W-Well... I'm sorry that you're offended.
>>10182650
>Fear™
>Crazy Lady is not going to be able to cover her tracks very well.
>For sure, her brother already knows she was fucking with his stuff.

>>10182706
(Thank you.)
Yeah, heh, I'll be sure to.

>>10182748
(Thank you too.)
I'll be the one hyperventilating with a bunch of folders in the back of the bar.
>Rolling to get composed.

(If anyone wants to bug lawyeranon at the bar feel free to.)

>>10182831
I would but I'm not even remotely in the area. Sorry.

>>10182754
Anon, you're nuttier than a Chespin and dumber than a Slowpoke, if I were you I would have already skedaddled.
>DING DONG
Welp, time to board a plane to Kanto.

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>>10182754
You should be.

>>10182831
>shifty man nods
>no you can't see him nod over the internet
>he just needs to have the last word in every conversation to sooth his massive ego

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>>10182748
Ah, well, I can get that.
Good luck with your Kanto trip.
>>10182831
>The 5th street bar?
>You've forced my hand anon, I've gotta use the avatar now
>The bar's fairly quiet tonight, even for a weekday. One of the workers - previously texting - pockets his phone his phone with a smile, sitting down on the table.
"Someone looks worked up. At a bar nonetheless! Tut tut, at least get a drink or something..."
>He makes a show of thinking it over, looking over with a smirk
"... first one's on me."

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>>10182754
And??
You should be happy for him, not actively trying to ruin his life!
What kinda sibling are you?

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>>10182864
Not an issue.

>>10182912
>The woman looks up from her files, her hair sticks up in a cowlick and she looks like she needs about 200 hours of sleep.
>There's also an expensive looking blue stone being used as a tie clip, a Carbink looks at the employee from behind her, drawing her attention up from the files.
"I- uh, I don't drink, Mr?"

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>>10182975
>The gasp and clearly fake surprise are momentary, sliding back into the smirk a moment later.
"Sure you don't. That's why you're in a bar."
>An eyebrow slowly arcs as he continues
"Unless you're here for the strippers?"

>>10182969
The kind who won't have their reputation ruined by a good-for-nothing!
I can't expand my social circle or replace my boss if I have that idiot dragging me down!
I don't know where you are, but here, photos of him doing that stuff would ruin my reputation!
>Rolling to Avoid Consequences.

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>>10183052
>Did you mean "Send her into a spergfit?"
>The lawyer freezes up.
"I mean I do drink, I just don't drink at bars, b-because that's how you get killed. Have you ever read how many murders happen outside of bars? The-the highest recorded amount of murders in Unova happened at the Emboar Bar in 1992, I ended up as a defense lawyer on two of those murders!"
>She seems like she's totally talking to herself now, she looks down at the files."
"This is ridiculous... 40 years of loyal service of the court and this is what I get?!"
>And... There's a long pause as she stares at the employee, She has a brief moment of lucidity, looking to one of the dancers.
"...No."

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>>10183066
If he goes to jail for it then that's even worse!
How do you think your social circle would feel if they found out you were a conniving BITCH?
Or saw you abandon your brother when he needed you?
And I'm in Alola now, but I grew up in Kanto!

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>>10183066
Nice.

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>>10183173
>For much of the ramble he merely nods along, waiting until she's done to contribute.
"So if you aren't here for our fabulous men...."
".... and you aren't here for our delicious alcohol..."
"What are you here for?"
>Hilbert emphasizes each pause by drumming his fingers along the glass in his hand, swirling the bright blue drink to catch and reflect the bar lights.

>>10183186
T-They won't find out!
This kind if intrigue is the lifeblood of climbing the social ladder!
>>10183192
H-heh...

I think I'm going to get some beauty sleep.

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>>10183429
Yeah but...
Who says they don't browse here!
Yeah, bye, maybe you'll stop being nasty when you wake up tomorrow!

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>>10183429
Night. Post some more pics when you wake up, crazy lady.

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>>10183357
>She sighs sharply, her head still in her hands.
"I wanted somewhere out of the office to clear my head. What do you have here that's strong?"
>She looks through a file, between the pause.
>You manage to catch a glimpse of a photograph of a woman pointing a gun at another much taller woman.
>The woman with the gun can only be seen from behind, the angle is a bit strange, her hair is dyed pink and rather long, the victim is rather tall, with shorter pink hair, her face can clearly be seen.
>Rolling for discovery.

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PAR, I need your help with something, interesting. I'm just so tired of my friends calling me a virgin, I live with my parents, have no gf and-- listen i'll just fucking skip to the interesting part.

My Vulpix is asleep, and it would be so fucking easy. No more virgin comments, besides, the thing's not sentient anyway. What's the best way to go about it without alerting my parents?

>>10183583
How about you wait until she's awake and fucking ask her about it. Pokemon are Sapient, you mongoloid.

>>10183583
That sounds like a good way to get your dick burnt off.

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>>10183583
Do not. Go purchase the services of a hooker, raping your Vulpix will not help you.
You'll completely destroy the bond between you and your very much sapient Pokemon, potentially face legal issues, and make your social issues even worse.
If you wish to have sex with your Vulpix just ask them after they've woken up.

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>>10183583
It's first-staged. Please, restrain your pedophilic urges, for the sake of assuaging my own nausea if nothing else. Also the word you're looking for is sapient, not sentient. Not that it matters, the deformed fox thing is indeed sapient.

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>>10183583
And yet you wonder why you're still a virgin...

Hey, dude, tell me how that convo goes when the friends, 'aight? I can hear that shit now.

>"Yo dude, I'm not a virgin anymore!"
>Bullshit dude who'd you get with?
> "No one, I assfucked a baby fox!".

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>>10183568
"Hmmm... Well, there's a favorite mix of mine you might like... How do you feel about Blue Curacao?"
>His snooping is somewhat subtle, watching from the corner of his eyes as he awaits an answer.

>>10183602
>>10183633
>>10183638
>>10183645
I can always just.. make her forget. It would be so easy, just... to do it in her, to rape her.
No more virgin comments, no more anonymous people calling me a fat neckbeard..
she's so young, that to her it'll be a game.
Just a game.

>>10183741
>>>/tlhg/

>>10183741
>to rape her.
Are you reading what you're typing?
Rape is wrong, dude, do it consensual, evolve the vulpix too.

>>10183741
You disgust me.

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>>10183741
No, I can assure you that you would still be referred to as a fa neckbeard.
Instead of being *just* a fat neckbeard you would be a pedophile, a rapist, a Pokemon abuser, *and* a fat neckbeard.
You may think she would forget, but those things are never truly forgotten.
Wait until she's old enough to consent, you've gone at least two decades without sex, you can go another six months.

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>>10183741
...I have murdered other pokemon and sold their bodies as beef and yet somehow you manage deeply disturb even me.

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>>10183716
>8.
>You can hear her whisper a silent "oh my god" under her breath.
>She doesn't give an immediate answer, grabbing a notepad.
>You can make out a few of the notes.
>"Angle doesn't match height of Rose filing cabinet, door. Diane doesn't make eye contact with Rose. Rose never speaks in the video, when Diane notices Rose before the shot she sounds extremely confused, like it isn't Rose."
>"Review video footage immediately."
>A blue marker is used for the next note "Conspiracy?"
>She looks up, flipping the notepad closed.
"Ahahaha, s-sorry. I'll be happy to try that- That's on the house, r-right?"

>>10183741
JAIL.
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAIL DO NOT RAPE THE FOX.
JAIL JAIL JAIL JAIL JAIL JAIL JAIL.
YOU WILL BE THE FOX IF YOU TO TO JAIL.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR ASSHOLE BECAUSE YOU WILL HAVE NO ASSHOLE.
IN JAIL.
JAIL.

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>>10183741
Tell Tyrone I said wassup.

>>10183758
>>10183767
>>10183779
>>10183796
>>10183819
>>10183849
I managed to fuck that up even, she woke up and started screaming really loudly so i had to pull out and wasn't able to finish
what should i do? i dont wanna go to jail with my virginity intact

>>10183888
Kill yourself, its easier.

>>10183888
Go directly to jail do not pass go do not collect 200 dollars

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>>10183888
You won't be a virgin for long in jail.
From the tales I've heard from Plasma Grunts pedophiles and rapists are the most hated people in a prison.
Good luck, I'm certain the people from the prison will treat you better than we would've.

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>>10183888
>trips rapefail
Delightful. Even I have some standards, and as such, am amused by your folly. Enjoy the fruits of your labors.

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>>10183888
Hey gratz. You won't be a virgin anymore.

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>>10183888
>A mysterious little girl with blue hair appears out of nowhere in front of him, surveying the scene
Well this is a great place to Return to, a rape, about two seconds after the act.
Well, now I have some easy fuel.
>She claps her hands, and then presses them into the fat man's chest, a circle glowing against his shirt.
>Then he is condensed into a drop of red fluid, more viscous than blood.
Another soul for the collection!

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>>10183849
>A simple nod is the answer, Hilbert walking off and coming back a few minutes later with a glass of the same blue drink he had.
" Vodka, Gin, Tequila, White Rum, Blue Curacao aaaaand lemon juice, carbonated water, and corn syrup. That hard enough for you? First one's on me."
>The drink is slid across the table, light catching and shimmering in the drink.

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>>10183888
I HOPE YOU HAVE FUN IN JAIL.
I'M SENDING THIS TO THE POLICE.
REPORTED TO THE IP, SENT TO MY MOM, SENT TO MY DAD, BURNED MY COMPUTER, MOVED TO ALOLA AND CHANGED MY NAME TO RICHARD.

>>10183987
"Sounds good to me. I never got your name, sir."
>She takes a sip of the drink.
>Rolling for drunkness.

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>>10183986
(Hey, could you maybe not bring Jumpchain into this? Crossovers/alternate timeline/dimensional travelers never really work well here and kinda don't fit the setting, we'd really prefer not to have to deal with that again. If you wanna use a character from another series as a faceclaim that's perfectly okay though!)

>>10184043
(Lawyer is a really fun character, just throwing it out there)

>>10184043
>You are awarded three (3) drunk points. Please track them carefully.

>>10184057
(Different jumpchain anon here. On behalf of the rest of us, we're sorry and feel free to ignore/report him into oblivion; he's actually pretending to be someone else's jumper)

(This is the second time I've noticed we've got crossposting assholes, and I'm amazed somehow this tops the other time)

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>>10184057
Oh hey Arceus, guess what, I saved this just for you!
>Master Ball

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>>10184043
"Hilbert. Name's Hilbert."
>A second drink is mixed for himself, the first one long gone.
"How's the case going?"

>>10184146
(Seriously, cut this shit out. This isn't funny, and you're not doing the rest of us any favors)

>>10184057
(Though yes, ignore him. He's shitposting and we've all basically told him to kill himself already. Nothing to do with us.)

>>10184116
(You can't get banned on /trash/ for most things, anon.)

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>>10184116
>>10184167
(Thanks for the warning guys. Oh well, asking politely was still worth a try. Thanks for the warning, guys, good luck with your threads.)

>>10184167
(I still feel really bad because to make some old drama short, like I said something similar to this did happen when one of the least liked regulars in our thread shatposted the /tg/ parliament in a similar way. Wish we had a way to screen the idiots)

>>10184197
(No worries, and you guys have a nice day too!)

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>>10184163
Oh really, you told me to do it though!

>>10184197
(There should only be one "Thanks for the warning guys" in there, the first one is extra. FML.)

>>10184116
>>10184167
(Thank you. Have a nice night Anon.)

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>>10184207
Oh yeah, if you folks want to stop me, you're gonna need some real power, none of this jump 1 pansy shit!
>>>/tg/54081795

>>10184230
(Blah blah blah. You're boring, nobody cares, go away.)

>>10184245
(Replying doesn't help. Ignore him.)

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>>10184070
(Glad you're enjoying her.)
>>10184079
(I mean she's a super lightweight, a solid 5 before she gets drunk.)

>>10184153
>3/5.
"Nice to meet you, Hilbert. "
>She leans back, taking another sip.
"Open and close murder case might not be as open and close as I thought. I need to look at the camera footage again..."

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>>10184245
Boring? Boring would be summoning my warship from WH40K and laying Exterminatus on you all, there's no way to fight back when I go planet-busting-level!

Hey PAR what is your favorite drink?

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Why can't I find an 8-track player anywhere?

>>10184333
I mean, pretty much everything is some kind of berry juice right?

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>>10184333
this one

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>>10184333
Hydrochloric acid

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>>10184333
Why, a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster of course!
Now then, what other scum need eliminating here...

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>>10184260
"Oh? What, did someone get framed?"
>His chuckle is light, cut off by another sip from the drink.

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>>10184341
I think I have one in my garage if you really want it?

>>10184387
>I'm counting that 0 as a 1 so 4/5 drunkness.
"Looks like it. I'm not sure by who though..."
>She stares at the files and mumbles.
"All this other stuff was... Just a red herring? The video is what I really need. I need a different angle..."

>10184277
>10184361
Begone thot

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>>10184444
Joke's on you, I'm immune to banishment!

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>>10179532
To pursue mastery
Grants meaning to life's journey
In this, joy is found.

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>>10184419
Why the hell would you leave a valuable piece of equipment like that laying in a garage? Everyone knows 8-Track is coming back as soon as this stupid Cee-Dee thing dies out. It's just a stupid fad. Like that "Microsoft" thing. Everyone knows IBM makes the best home computers.

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>>10184419
"Shit, really? That was a joke, damn."
>He hums, taking a swig from the alcohol and furrowing his brows in thought.
"Different angle as in a literal viewpoint, or a figurative one?"

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>>10184333
Any kind of sangria.
>>10184341
A what?
>>10184496
The fuck is IBM?
>>10184480
So.... Your dream is to be a master poet?

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>>10184496
You're further stuck in the past than me.
You're more stuck in the past than my dead parents.
Amazing.
Do you want it or not?

>>10184559
>Forgot to do a sip.
>13/5 drunkness.
"Haha, jokes tend to be right."
>She sits the drink down before she spills it.
"Both, you've already given me the figurative one. Now I need a shot from behind Diane..."
>She sighs, showing the picture to Hilbert.
"Rose is the one with the gun, Diane is the victim. I can't see Rose's face from this angle... In the original video Diane's reaction indicates she doesn't recognize Rose. Someone's wearing a wig or... Something. Plus her height next to the filing cabinet and doorframe make her look taller than she actually is... She's about 5'5 and this angle makes her look... 6'0 at the shortest."

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>>10184587
...It's not 96' anymore. Right. This. This is not a fun decade to wake up in.

>>10184667
I've been off for 20 years, gimme a break. Sure, I'll take it.

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>>10184667
"But... Definitely still a chick? Kinda narrows it, doesn't it? 6' + women with a beef against your Diane and a similar skin tone and general build to Rose, right?"
>25/50 for drunkness for Hilbs, he probs won't be getting drunk tonight unless there's another tripsfail situation.

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>>10184587
Dreams are a treasure
From days of innocent love
Mienshao dreams no more.

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>>10184704
.... How many Pokemon do you think there are?
>>10184886
You're... heartbroken?

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>>10184704
Where will I be taking it to?

>>10184809
"There's... Only a few people I can think of like that. Diane was the head judge and Rose is a security chief... Neither of them have an MO for..."
>She looks down at the files.
"An open judge spot. Two of the most important judges working on this case... An open judge spot. Both of them are tall..."
"They... Got her to kill Diane...? To open the spot?"

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>>10184919
Internal reference database says 150.

>>10184944
Uh... You know where Saffron is?

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>>10184919
This one is a brush
A tool to create the art
That it swept away

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>>10184944
"Hmmm... Sounds complex, you thinking the people you work for did it...?"
>His huff is an impressed one, downing the rest of his drink in one go.
"... you looking for a refill?"

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>>10184959
Okay, how many regions in the League?
>>10184997
Right, I'm afraid I really don't get it.

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>>10184959
That's... A bit out of my travel budget... Can you post a PO box or something?

>>10185113
"...Maybe. I'm going to need some serious proof if I'm going to pull that claim."
>She rounds the files up, hopping out of the booth.
"Uh, I need to try and find that proof soon, actually. Here's my card if you need a lawyer."
>She passes a blue card across the table to Hilbert, with contact info, heck there's even a Fax before she leaves.
>I should probably sleep since its like 4 so, goodnight PAR.

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>>10185141
Life of shared beauty
Filling the void it has wrought
As justice demands

For he who shall write no more
This one shall write eternal.

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>>10185141
Kanto, Hoenn, Johto.

>>10185208
PO box 900, 90212

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>>10185208
>Hilbert waves a quick goodbye, stuffing the card into his pocket and returning to cleaning the bar.
>Night dude.

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>>10185271
The League has seven regions now and 802 Pokemon.
Have fun getting caught up.
>>10185265
So... A lover died?

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>>10185403
Quack.

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>>10185403
Single unmarked mound
Final home of the master
He who loved the world.

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>>10185438
Quack.
>>10185542
Your trainer...?

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>>10185600
He was once it's Sensei
A bond shared till his last breath
He deserved better.

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(Oh wow I thought this thread would be gone forever)

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>not teaching your fighting-types poison gas

it's almost like you want to get wrecked by fairy types

>>10186166
Welcome back :D

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>>10184333
Whatever helps me forget my mistakes, and the sinnoh military.

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>>10186435
You can never drink enough to tighten that hole back up.

>>10186435
>annon answers a pretty generic Hey PAR with a pretty solid plot hook
>be me
> interested but am not sure where they want to take this, if they wanted their comment to start anything at all
>hopes this stupid greentext will prompt some sort of answer

>>10186496
lewd

I miss woodman

>>10184361
Why is that little girl pretending to be a silver giant?

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>>10187328
...

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>>10186500
>(Word of advice. If you do plan on it. Communication is key and make it an optional plot for all. All I got. Maybe DM a GM? Or someone who can help?)


>>10186496
I'd be willing to take that bet. Then lose. Cause your probably right.

>>10186500
>(Ah hell. Just got what you meant. This is what I get for not sleeping fully again. No I don't plan on anything. It's just a conversation starter more then anything. I just want to comfy post t/b/h.)

>Page 4 in 50 minutes.
Come on wake up everybody.

>>10187370
What?

>>10187721
(What's comfy post mean?)

>>10188163
>(Posts without any real want to get into action, slice of life stuff like that. I just don't want or feel like doing real plots. For well. Several reasons. It's not for everyone. More of a choice.)

>>10188238
(Ah that's a shame, I was hoping your character would get in on one of my plots. Seems like a waste, have fun with that, then?)

>>10188238
>>10188399
(Plz no comfy vs action stuff, that's what killed the thread before.)

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How do you tell if a human likes you? What sort of pheromones are their sexual ones?

>>10188459
>(No fighting here dude. Just giving explanation. Sorry for the clogging on OOC though.)
>>10188399
>(You have fun with your thing to man. Maybe I'll change my mind. Who knows. Well I'm going to stop clogging up thread.)

>>10188459
(It doesn't really make sense for people to do nothing about events....)
>>10188494
(Gotcha, bye bye.)

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>>10188477
Speaking as a human myself. No idea. We can't really sense pheromones. Any insight you can give us to make you think this?

>>10188511
(On one hand yes, it doesn't make sense and I personally think it'd be nice if people were more adventurous.)
(On the other hand forcing people to do things they're not comfortable with will only piss people off.)

>>10188511
>>10188546
(Sometimes there's simply not the time or energy for action)

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>>10188511
(basically forcing people into stuff pisses them off, for the love of god please don't force people into stuff they'd rather not do. For my plots I'm probably going to ask people who want to opt out to list characters or something.)
>>10188527
When my trainer comes out of the bathroom in the morning he always smells of pheromones.
Very heavily. It's almost unattractive how much he smells.

>>10188573
Thats funny, humans do not emit pheromonesm

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>>10188573
He probably is just experiencing unrelieved sexual tension. Nothing more. But if you have feelings for them make it clear. I'm not pokèphilliac so I wouldn't know how to do that. Also. If your trainer smells that bad. Make him take a shower! I think I can smell it from here.

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>>10188585
They don't?
>>10188743
He does take a shower though. He comes out smelling strange afterward.

>>10188758
Must be the soap

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>>10187314
nice

>roll to cover slash in bugs

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>>10188758
What>>10188851
Said. Maybe some sort of unique brand that's triggering your pheromone sensors?

>>10188920
>(Roll to help Anon.)

>>10188920
>>10188962
(pffff)

Hey, anyone in Orre know how I can get my Pokemon to like me more?

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>>10188975
Really depends on what type of pokèmon they are. But try the basic stuff. Taking care of them, talking to them. Etc. Bonding is the best way to get them to like you.
>(Also Bugs. Lots of bugs.)

Hello again /par/, just arrived in Kanto and can already smell the... conservatism.

>>10188975
Step 1: leave Orre

>>10188975
Spend time with them, if you're looking for the quick way out you can always grab a psychic and try and force them to.

>>10189036
(pffffffffffffff)

Yeah, I don't have time for any of that junk aside from maybe making sure they get their basic needs.
That's time I could be spending making my team stronger.
They're all pretty weak and I need to make them stronger so that I can finally get my Admin status!

>>10189046
Why would I leave Orre, it's great here!

>>10189086
That second option is very tempting.
Any recommendations on which psychic type to use?

>>10189107
Past psychic manipulation cases I've worked on have used Alakazam, Reuniclus and Malamar. I'd suggest one of them.
Malamar tend to not have very high morals from the beginning.

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>>10189107
Trainers like you who want the easy way our on training don't sit well with me. But. Fine. Most psychic pokèmon work. Ralts line, those 2 rock pokèmon that look like the sun and the moon that I can never remember the name of. List goes on.

>>10189107
Endless sand, heat and bandits doesn't sound too great to me.

>>10189157
That too.

>>10189157
(Out* on training. My bad.)

>>10189131
Great!
Any idea where I can get any of those in Orre?
I don't want to have to bother going around looking for trainers again.

>>10189157
You misunderstand me.
I'm fine with the training part to make them stronger, it's just all the bonding and friendship shit I don't care about, but I want my Pokemon to actually listen to me when I command them to do things.

Thanks anyway.

>>10189166
Well I guess you just aren't good enough to live in the desert then.
I bet you even walk in rhythm out on the dunes.

>>10189227
Pfffff, not in the wild. Looking for someone to trade something with is the best I can give you.

PAR, I'm having a problem.
Mudsdale keep getting into my basement and eating the meat reserves, I think they're in the walls.

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>>10189227
Let's just agree to disagree. Like the other Anons and I suggested. Psychic type assistance would work best to get them to listen.

>>10189266
I umm... get a reinforced door?

>>10189252
Fuck.
I guess I'll go hang around Phenac to see if anyone can help.
>Anon dances on over to Phenac and finds a nice wall to sit and wait on

>>10189266
I have so many questions.

>>10189311
I keep having to clean their shells off the ground, I'll see.
>>10189318
I don't know what there is to question. I'm trying to cull this problem at the source before their queen nests in my basement.

>>10189331
Are you fucking sure those are Mudsdale?

>>10189311
Wow you really believe in all that friendship crap?
You had better stay far away from Orre.

>>10189331
You stay far away too crazy man.

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>>10189331
What>>10189346
Said.

>>10189360
Well exxxcccuuussseee me. I don't have many humans to socialize with where I live. So that's bound to happen. If I remember correctly we are social creatures. We all need someone to talk to. Even if it's online.

>>10189346
>>10189449
They are! They've already marked my basement as their territory with a sigil and any day now they'll move their queen in and I'll be doomed. I need something stronger than a pokemon.
>>10189360
If you ever have horses in the walls I won't give you the ingredients to get them out.
You've burned your sage for today, Helmet.

>>10189360
Orre is in dire need of a glassing, if you ask me.

>>10189457
You're being tricked, only explanation.

Anyway, time to get registered.
>Roll for complication

>>10189449
Blah blah nobody cares.
Come to Orre and I'll introduce you to some of my friends.
Hell, maybe I'll even have got my Pokemon to be slightly less useless by then and I'll be able to deal with you myself!

>>10189457
Call me Helmet again, I dare you horsey boy.
I'll come and fucking find you.

>>10189498
Good thing nobody was asking you then.

>>10189498
I'm not! THEY"RE IN THE BASEMENT AGAIN!
>>10189508
COME TO ALOLA AND FIND ME maybe the curse will transfer to you, helmet.
I need to get this damn thing out of my basement before it lays eggs.

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>>10189508
You really think you can scare me over the Internet? Over an Kantonese supremacy form no less? I'm not looking for a fight with some rando over the Internet. I have no reason to track you down either so. Tough luck kid.

>>10189521
RIGHT.
THAT'S FUCKING IT.
WHERE IN ALOLA.

>>10189576
FUCK YOU TOO.

>>10189576
>kid
What are you from /v/?

>>10189602
/pol/

Look at this shit, 25 years old, reapplying for a trainer ID I never had... and it worked, very quickly even. Guess Kanto is really starving for trainers.

>>10189508
>Orre
>Anyone going there willingly
You're hilarious, but also a cunt.

>>10189521
Apply more fire.

>>10189576
Internet tough guy v/s Internet tough guy, fight fight FIGHT!

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>>10189598
Sorry to tell you this. But I don't roll that way.

>>10189618
>(Pfft.)
Anon plz. I'm just not looking for a fight.

>>10189521
Good sir, are you currently under the..... influence of any psychoactive substances? Or, have you perhaps come into contact with a Psychic type recently? (not that you would remember it if a psychic was fucking with you)

You seem to be... confused.

>>10189618
I'll deal with you once I'm done with crazy horse guy.
Also, I'm an actual tough guy, thank you very much.
>"Helmet" makes his way over to Gateon and hops on a ship going to Alola
>Rollin' for travel time, if Mudsdale guy has disappeared I'll just hang out somewhere I guess

>>10189647
...You're next after the guy from Kanto.

>>10189598
Helmet I don't have the time, it got bilge water everywhere when I ran it out.
>>10189618
IT DOESN'T WORK! MY BASEMENT HAS AN INCH OF BILGE ON THE FLOOR.
THEY'RE TRYING TO POISON THE MEAT.
>>10189724
I'M NOT LOOK.
>bilge.png uploaded.
>You can see about two inchds of water on a concrete floor. A red glow comes from somewhere out of frame.

>>10189742
Alright, sir, I'm going to have to ask you to calm down. You appear to be being targeted by an ethereal force, I highly suggest you contact local authorities and inform them of your ghost incursion, they will send a exorcism team to your location.

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>>10189727
I'd like to see you try and find me. Protip. You can't. Even by the small chance you did find me. You'd wish you didn't.

>>10189742
STOP CALLING ME THAT.
I WILL DESTROY YOU AND YOUR FUCKING MUDSDALES.

>>10189794
Ohhh, so scary.
Trust me, I'm much scarier than you'll ever be and have access to more information sources than you'll ever know about.

We'll see how tough you really are when I bring you back to Orre to have a chat with some friends.

>>10189821
Do you know.. what a Mudsdale is? It certainly does not seem so, if your earlier comments suggesting our haunted friend burn them are any indication.

>>10189794
>edgelord detected
Lemme guess you chop "pokemon abusers" up?

>>10189848
(That was a different anon m8, but then my guy doesn't know what a Mudsdale is anyway because he's from Orre)
I didn't say to burn anything!
Also I don't know what those things are, never heard of them before.

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>>10189908
(alright fair enough man, i didnt expect to take this OOC, but while we are here, here is what Mudsdale is:
https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Mudsdale_(Pok%C3%A9mon)
)

>>10189788
>>10189821
I need to fish the bilge out, I'll be back.
(Irl came up, if helmet is still here when I get back we can continue. Sorry about this.)

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>>10189821
K.

>>10189879
Well I guess you can put it like that? I was in the Sinnoh military for 5 years. Not only do I have combat experience. Im trained in gorilla war/combat. Also just like Mr. You hurt my feelings I'm going to kill you now (who may also be possessed.), over there claims. I also do in fact have access to information my self. Through a few friends I did make.

>>10189959 (me)
>(Did I go over the top? I'll take several steps back if need be.)

>>10189959
>gorilla war
You... weren't in the army were you? Its gurella and Sinnoh doesn't even have a standing army.
Unova is the only region that has an army, you're either a liar or an idiot.

>>10189979
(as long as this character is supposed to be a slightly unhinged mil vet, nah i think you did just fine. But I'm not helmet annon so my opinion does not matter.

>>10189928
(I mean, I knew what a Mudsdale was, I meant the character doesn't)
(Sorry for the confusion)

>>10189949
I almost don't want to come and beat you up.
But for constantly calling me helmet I must.

>>10189959
K yourself.

Also I'll have to run that wall of bullshit past my buddies in Orre when I get back from this.

>>10189979
>>10190008
(I'm probably not the best person to ask if something is over the top, I generally roll with anything unless it's complete nofun bullshit)
(Which is a long winded way of saying I don't mind)

>>10189949
(Also forgot to say, it's fine m88)

>>10189727
Sheesh, cool your jets.

>>10189742
You have a burst pipe problem, not a Mudsdale problem.

>>10189959
Ahahaha suuuuuuuuuuuuure.