what if 40k were monty python? >Wot? You got no arms left!

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WHAT....is your name?
>I am Ahzek Ahriman, leader of the Prodigal Sons!
WHAT...is your quest?
>I seek the black library!
WHAT...is your favourite colour?
>Red...no, Blue! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

Who are you who can summon a baneblade without a teleport beacon or a tesseract?
> There are some who call me...Creed?

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THERE IT IS!
>Wot, behind the Tau?
It IS the tau...
>You silly sod! You got us all worked up!
That's the most foul, cruel, bad-tempered xenos you ever set eyes upon!

>>You tit! I, Cato Sicarius, soiled my power armor, I, Cato Sicarius, was so scared!

Look, that tau has a Khornate streak a mile wide! LOOK AT THE BOOOOONES!

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>Yes, I'd like to complain about this emperor that I spent my entire life waiting to see in this very throneroom
Oh yes, the God-emperor of mankind...what's wrong with him?
>I'll tell you what's wrong with him, lord custodes...'E's dead, that's what's wrong with him!
No, no, 'e's uh....he's resting.
>Look, custodes, I know a dead emperor when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now!
No no, he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable man, the emperor, idn't, ay? Beautiful golden throne!
>The golden throne doesn't enter into it. He's stone dead!
nonono, he's resting!

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Morning!
>Morning!
Well, what've you got?
>Well, there's guns and gore; guns, gore, and heresy; guns and grimdark; gore, guns and grimdark; grimdark, heresy, gore, and grimdark; grimdark, guns, grimdark grimdark, gore, and grimdark; guns grimdark, grimdark gore grimdark and skulls...or glorious tau mechs with alien cooperation served in well-run communist paradises with powerful weapons, garnished with civility and nobility, and with gore on top and grimdark.
Have you got anything without grimdark?
>Well, there's grimdark, gore, guns, and grimdark, that's not got much grimdark in it.
I don't want ANY grimdark!
>*grim dark grim dark grim dark grim dark, only waaaaaaar, grimdark waaaaaar!*

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>Huron: "Order", eh? Who does he think he is?
Abbadon: I am your warmaster.
>Huron: Well, I didn't vote for you.
Abbadon: You don't vote for warmasters.
>Huron: Well, how'd you become warmaster, then?
Abbadon: The First Prince of Chaos, his arm clad in the purest shimmering ceramite, held aloft Drach'nyen from the bosom of the warp, signifying by divine providence that I, Abbadon, was to carry Drach'nyen. That is why I am your warmaster.
>Huron: Listen. Strange daemons lying in rifts distributing swords is no basis for a system of leadership. Supreme military power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical daemonic ceremony.
Abbadon: Be quiet!

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>>55356067

>Ask me your questions Kairos, I am not afraid
WHAT... is your name?
>I am Marneus Calgar, Chapter Master of the Ultramarines
WHAT... is your quest?
>I seek our Primarch, Roboute Guilliman
WHAT... is the air speed velocity of an unladen Tyranid Gargoyle?
>Well that depends, Behemoth or Leviathan?
I... I don't know that... AAAAAAAAAAAARGH