>Be a bard
>People keep demanding that you to sing Stormy Winds on the Glade
>Sick of singing Stormy Winds on the Glade
>Start refusing to sing Stormy Winds on the Glade
>Get stabbed
>>55006444
>be a rogue
>my favourite bard song is Stormy Winds on the Glade
>dont get to listen to it often because of rogue-business
>But whenever I am at the tavern I ask the bard staying there to sing it again
>It reminds me of home and the Fishing Village I grew up in
>One day Bard bitches then refuses to play my favourite song for me
>stab him in the dick
Bards are assholes.
>>55007884
>Be Shadow Monk trained for assassination.
>Mission to capture a thief with a nasty habit of stabbing people.
>Can't make a move without proper evidence to implicate him.
>Dude keeps bothering this poor sod of a bard who has been singing the same song over and over again.
>Bard refuses to sing it again out of annoyance i guess and gets stabbed in the dick.
>Neck-chop the rogue into unconciousness, tie him up and proceed to give first aid to bard so he doesn't bleed out...
>Now i have my hands full of someones cut up bloody junk...
Rogues are assholes.
>>55007970
>be wizard
>flying around
>see monk giving first aid
>snap fingers, fix wound
>fly home and have succubus sing stormy winds of the glad
>>55008008
Glade*
Crystal balls don't fix spelling errors
>>55008008
>be a traveler
>see a wizard fly down from the sky like it ain't nuffin
>gorgeous bard with their pants around their ankles and an assassin working them over
>I arrived at the right time
>>55008078
>be Paladin
>find a traveler, monk and bard with bandages on his willy having sex with a knocked out rogue
>suspect the wizard had something to do with this
>wizards are assholes
>>55007970
>Be cleric
>Just finished a long day of missionary work.
>Brought the poor huddled masses to the gods.
>Feels good man.jpg
>On my way back to the temple.
>See some creepy shadowy guy with hands covered in what would seem to be some poor soul's vivisected member.
>Run off to find an Inquisitor.
Shadow monks are a problem.
>>55008078
>>55008223
>>55008334
>Be Shadow Monk...
>Curse at my self for trying to help a stranger.
>Thankfully i have used propper disguize techniques so i won't get recognized.
>Grab the fucking rogue, cast a darkness spell and teleport out of there.
>>55008373
>be wizard
>sense monk teleporting away
>cancel.jpg
>go back to succubus
>lul softly
>>55008425
>>sense monk teleporting away
Unless you have spent a slot on keeping an eye on the action via divination.
Fucking wizards.
No sense of right and wrong.
>>55008473
>not having a mutlifunction crystal ball
Peasants please go
>Be a Goblin prostitute
>Offer to heal the bard with my body
>>55006444
Oh man I love that song
>be tavern owner
>asshole uppity bard refuses to pay some shitty song
>what the fuck the guy asking just stabbed him in the dick
>some other asshole chops the rogue asshole and starts...
>holy fuck he's jerking him off what the fuck
>a fucking wizard flies through my window and fixes the guys dick
>oh god the guy's hands melded with his dick
>there's a fuck tonne of blood for me to mop up now
I should have gone to law school
I just want a drink. Hope that group I requested shows up and listens to my requests, otherwise I'd feel like an asshole.
>Be patron
>Trying to pass out on the table
>Hear "You stabbed my dick!"
>Open eyes
>Immediately regret it.
>Be lich
>carve out nice (read: horrible, deadly) dungeon in very remote, safe area
>commit generations of heinous affronts to living creatures (and some unliving) in the name of dubious research
>dungeon is TOO remote, and TOO secure; no adventurers ever come by
>evil plans are too brilliant to ever be connected to a lich in the middle of nowhere in an underground dungeon
>get bored to trying to see if zombies breeding with giant dire-scorpions does anything for the fifth century in a row (no I didn't watch zombies fuck bugs for 500 years for a sick sense of enjoyment for carnality long lost)
>have run through nearly every evil plan I can think of
>have one plan left, but it's pretty stupid
>write the perfect catchy song that's always enjoyable to heart, call it Stormy Winds on the Glade
>have cat's paws evil familiars teach it in parts to various bards in the region in a long term scheme that spans a hundred years in increasingly contrived linkages to make it look like it was created organically as part of local music theory
>song is great to listen to, increasingly grating to singers who know it
>it took a hundred years for me to teach disgusting meatbags a song that annoys people
>get bored again and wonder where my un-life has gone over more than a millennia of being a shut-in
>go back go moon-sized bee breeding plan
>be depressed because nobody ever asks me to sing Stormy Winds on the Glade even though I invented it
>I'm so lonely
>be me, mayor
>rumours of a dragon to the west
>oh no.town cryer
>not cause of the dragon, ballistas can handle that
>but where large monsters appear adventures follow
>doesn't help that it's adventurer season to begin with
>basically have to double up the town guard so we can patrol every tavern, whorehouse, weaponsmith, armour and guild in the city as well as the walls
>weekly report comes in
>bards, not too bad, can usually behave in cities and leave pretty quick anyway
>turns out this one got stabbed in the dick by rogue, who duelled a monk, who was 'helped' by a wizard just in time for a impromptu threesome to begin, which cause a paladin and a cleric to begin smiting them
>hey why's that tower glowing and making sex noises
>oh
>this is why adventurers are banned
>>55008008
>snap fingers, fix wound
I assume you're just memeing, but can wizards really cast healing magic nowadays?
>>55010980
Yes, though it generally involves some intermediary spell that grants access to the cleric list.
Summon Monster is a classic.
>>55011053
Yes ^ i usually do this. There is a feat that gives access to sacrifice a spell for an appropriate healing spell from a limited list..... but that was 3.5 and i havent played in a while... I have a job now... im salty about work...
>>55006444
>be anon
>think Stormy Winds on the Glade is an actual song
>google, YT, etc
>nothing
Oh.
>>55014077
>Been there
>Done that
>was disappointed
>became a lich (because i havent much talent in writing songs and needed the time to write a proper song)
>write Stormy Winds on the Glade
>go on /tg/
>see a thread about myself
>Eyyyyy
>posted retroactively
>>55010352
>Be a drink on the table.
>Trying to get drunk so I can end my existence
>Hear "You Stabbed my Dick" Somehow
>Knocked off table by startled Patron
>Spend eternity soaking into urine covered Tavern floor.
>Wonder what cruel god granted me the ability to think
>>55010109
You know how crazy law school is now, think about how stupid it would be a universe where law is an actual universal force
>>55014193
>became a lich (because i havent much talent in writing songs and needed the time to write a proper song)
Is your next song called Don Juan Triumphant?
>>55016017
Actually, the biggest reason law is insane (at least here in Clapistan) is because it's all based on precedent, meaning how a different judge decided on a similar case sometime in the past. That means that for 90% of cases, what is and is not legally permissible was decided five decades ago by one backwater judge that got the position with at worst an unopposed election unless a higher court decided to look at the ruling fifteen years after the fact.
A universal force of objective Law could only simplify things, especially when there are followers and servitors of that force that can put capital-L Law into human words.
>>55008626