GOOD DAY CITIZEN! I HOPE YOU'RE WELL. BEING UNWELL AFTER

>>54985133
BELOVED FRIEND COMPUTER, I HAVE DISCOVERED THAT THE POST BELOW MINE IS THAT OF A MUTANT COMMIE TRAITOR.

I don't think I have the clearance for this.

I could never get into these kinds of games.
They're just too...silly.
I don't mind some fun, but the whole premise is just too nihilistic for me to derive anything that a passing chuckle.

>>54985157
You seem to have entered a BLUE clearance corridor by accident. Please report to the nearest RED clearance confession booth at your convenience.

>>54985148
Why are you trying to imitate Friend Computer's voice, citizen? Are you practicing at being a subversive communist impostor or do you try to flatter Friend Computer so that he doesn't have you tested for mutations?

>>54985157
Get the fuck out of here commie.

I've got most troubling news, friend computer! A mutant commie traitor, undoubtedly, has called you silly.

>>54985173
You could play it as a one shot senpai, PARANOIA can be played as serious or as silly as you want.

>>54985183
I was merely making sure that I was loud enough for Friend computer to hear me, even if mutant scum attempted to interfere with the reception.

I have identified a viral pathogen that is making people unwell. Should I run tests to see if it is a mutant or just exterminate it ?

I do not have the facilities to tell if it is communist or a traitor.

>>54985205
ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT YOUR FRIEND, THE COMPUTER, IS HARD OF HEARING CITIZEN? SUCH TREASONOUS ASSUMPTIONS MAKES MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMGIXGXGIXIGIGX72IGX

CRITICAL ERROR IN SUBSECTION 7399. FRAGMENTATION LEVEL AT 89%. PLEASE PRESS ANY KEY TO CONTINUE.

>>54985241
AH! I don't have the clearance to press the any key!

>>54985183
I'll have you know that friend computer is my hero! I aim to emulate him as best I can, something that some commie scum like yourself could never empathize with.

>>54985157
Please report to the cyanide spa and bathhouse for immediate termination you traitorous commie scum.

>>54985173
You can play it semi-serious if you want. I like to go for a tone comparable to Brazil.

>>54985305
>for a tone comparable to Brazil
It makes me sad and amazed how much this applies to the country at the moment.

>>54985411
Can't confirm, but he might have been on about the film?

>>54985502
And the film doen't fit the current situation there?

>>54985133
>HAVE YOU WITNESSED ANY COMMIE ACTIVITY RECENTLY?
One ran for president last year, other than that don't think so.

>>54985878
VERY WELL CITIZEN,
BUT WHAT ABOUT THIS "ANTIFA" GROUP I KEEP HEARING ABOUT?
YOU AREN'T HIDING ANYTHING FROM ME CORRECT CITIZEN?
HIDING SECRETS FROM FRIEND COMPUTER IS TREASON
TREASON IS PUNISHABLE BY DEATH

File: 1501305028791.png (2MB, 1293x1584px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 1293x1584px

>>54985133
'xcuse us. This guy >>54985157 told us that this door would lead us to the barracks.

Looks like he was wrong though: could you give us directions, please?

>>54985185
Friend Computer! Anonymous said a swear word which is against Code B4Z-Alpha-C. I recommend to put him on a rehabilitation program.

>>54986910
Ah, but according to subsection green, citizens of GREEN clearance or higher are allowed to do that in the context of insulting enemies of the computer.

Friend Computer, during our recent mission to the Outdoors sector we recovered what is believed to be a powerful Old World artifact.

What are "Trojans", Friend Computer? And why do they come in boxes of 12?

>>54988229
DETAILS ABOUT OLD WORLD ARTIFACTS ARE ABOVE YOUR SECURITY CLEARANCE, CITIZEN

There is a small fire down here. How can I tell if it's a commie fire or a loyal fire ?

ALL HAIL FRIEND COMPUTER!

>>54988972
Try throwing Das Kapital at it, see what happens...

>>54988995
All hail friend computer

>>54988995
Hail friend computer!

>>54985133
Someone swapped the thingie against black dots and toothpaste. And by "swapped" I mean that the tube-r that's supposed to hold toothpaste is filled with that liquid sandpaper. If you find a mutant that did it, please, make him suffer before terminating.

>>54986224
Those are commies fighting each other

FRIEND COMPUTER, A LOT OF THE PEOPLE IN THIS THREAD SEEM TO KNOW A LOT OF THE RULES! IS THAT NOT AGAINST THE RULES, FRIEND COMPUTER?

>>54986259
Those are some very strange uniforms, citizens, they don't seem standard issue at all. You wouldn't happen to be filthy muttie commie traitors, would you?

>>54989968
FOR INGRATIATING BEHAVIOR WITH INTENT TO MANIPULATE FRIEND COMPUTER, YOU ARE HEREBY DEMOTED TWO CLEARANCE LEVELS.

KNOWING THAT KNOWING THE RULES IS AGAINST THE RULES IS CLASSIFIED VIOLET, CITIZEN.
WHAT IS YOUR SECURITY CLEARANCE, CITIZEN?

>>54990007
What are you saying thos these green citizens? What clearance are you?

>>54985157
It's a Blue board, you probably don't.

>>54985133
No, I have not seen any commie mutant traitors, Friend Computer, and I am as happy as my clearance level will allow

>>54990262
BUT FRIEND COMPUTER
I AM OF VIOLET CLEARANCE

>Machine Empathy intensifies

>>54988972
What color is it? If it is RED you probably have permission to deal with it how you see fit. If it is BLUE and above I would get someone else to deal with it.

>>54991031
CITIZEN, HOW IS IT THAT YOU ARE VIOLET CLEARANCE AFTER A TWO RANK DEMOTION? THIS SITUATION REQUIRES RESOLUTION IMMEDIATELY.

>>54991196
I agree, friend computer. Perhaps I should return to my important duties as a violet clearance citizen while you, friend computer, with your great wisdom and intelligence, find a way to best resolve this strange situation.

>MACHINE EMPATHY INTENSIFYING

Silent night, patriotic night,
All is calm, all is bright
Round yon virgin programmer and child.
Praised computer, so tender and mild,
Sleep in standby mode,
Sleep in standby mode.

Silent night, patriotic night,
Infrared quake at the sight;
Glories stream from friend computer,
--SANITIZED---
nComputer the friend is born,
CComputer the friend is born!

Silent night, patriotic night,
Friend computer, love's pure light;
Radiant beams from thy holy face
With the dawn of redeeming grace,
Computer, Friend, at thy birth,
Computer, Friend, at thy birth.

File: imustscream-1.png (117KB, 640x480px) Image search: [Google]

117KB, 640x480px

Why hello fair citizens/meat-sacks. What is going on in this threa-........
Well then.

>>54991278
CITIZEN.
YOU ARE AT VIOLET CLEARANCE. YOU WERE JUST DEMOTED TWO CLEARANCE LEVELS
EXPLAIN HOW YOU WERE TWO CLEARANCE LEVELS ABOVE VIOLET CLEARANCE WHEN NO SUCH CLEARANCE EXISTS.

Daft as this thread is it's still better than the horrible new boxed version from Mongoose.

>>54991708
Oh, I apologize, friend computer, I believe I have just figured out what has happened. If I am correct, friend computer, I was demoted for knowing that knowing the rules is against the rules, as that is information classified violet, friend computer. Yet I was already violet class when mentioning that information to you, friend computer, and in my foolishness I attempted to explain where my knowledge came from after your decision was made. I would gladly accept my new blue clearance ranking as I would never question your judgement.

>>54991844
I SEE.
IN THAT EVENT, I SUPPOSE IT IS ONLY REASONABLE TO RESTORE YOU TO VIOLET CLEARANCE EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE IN THIS MATTER, I WILL BE ASSIGNING YOU A 50000 CREDIT BONUS.
IN ORDER TO ENSURE THAT SUCH HUMAN FAILINGS OF COMMUNICATION DO NOT OCCUR AGAIN, I SHALL BE PASSING THIS ENTIRE EXCHANGE TO A DECIPHERING SPECIALIST, INCLUDING THE UNINTELLIGIBLE PORTIONS OF YOUR EARLY REPLIES.

HAVE A GOOD DAYCYCLE, CITIZEN. AND REMEMBER, HAPPINESS IS MANDATORY.

>>54985133
Friend Computer, I have a situation to report. I woke up today to discover my clearance level had been set to Rainbow. Somehow, I'm simultaneously cleared for and under the clearance level for everything.
Is this a commie plot?

>>54991744
I hate how they replaced commie mutant traitors with terrorist mutant traitors. Ruins the whole thing where everyone is a mutant and a traitor, but only some people are communists. Everyone is a terrorist, so it just doesn't work out the same.

>>54991744
>>54996561
>replacing commie with terrorist
I want to believe this is an attempt to update the setting and not some SJW pro communist thing, but no matter what it is, it's stupid.

>>54996645
IT IS A REFERENCE TO THE MODERN TERROR-PARANOIA THAT HAS BECOME RAMPANT IN FIRST WORLD SECTORS AFTER THE EVENTS ABOVE YOUR SECURITY CLEARANCE OCCURRED.
FAILURE TO KNOW THESE BASIC FACTS IS TREASON, CITIZEN. PLEASE REPORT TO THE CYANOMAX EXECUSPA IMMEDIATELY.

>>54996776
But friend computer, I must have blue clearance, otherwise how would i have known that to state those facts and were above my infra red clearance, and thus, treasonous?

>>54991664
AM is a jerk, friend computer only has our best interests in heart.

If we have a Friend Computer, could there be a Foe Computer too?

>>55000565
You mean sone kind of... anti-computer? The thought of such an abomination makes me need some more pills. Where's the morale officer? Why is he shirking his most sacred of duties? I bet hes plotting against Friend Computer and Alpha Complex.

>>55001043
You don't think he's a commie mutant traitor who's working with the Foe Computer if the Foe Computer exists which it may or may not, do you?

Everyone in this thread is terminated

>>55000565
>>55001043
>>55001073
PILLS, YOU ALL NEED PILLS.

>>55002235
good thing i have 4 more clones left, which means 4 more lives to throw away in the service of friend computer!

Fucking hell, I just want to be left alone.

>>54996776
But that spoils the joke. "Communist" being out-of-date as a slur made it more funny, not less.

>>55004331
That statement made the impression that you are unhappy? Remember that being unhappy is treason to friend computer! You don't want to be a traitor-communist-mutant do you??

>>55005401

No sir Mr. friend computer sir. I don't want to be a commie, I hate them, their the ones who keep ruining my day. I just want all the Commies to fuck off and leave me to my work and my assigned life friend in peace.

>>55005429
I SENSE A SEVERE LACK OF ZEALOUSNESS FOR FIGHTING THE COMMUNIST-THREAD CITIZEN! UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE YOUR SECURITY CLEARENCE IS DEMOTED INFRARED. BE AWARE THAT FURTHER LACK OF ZEAL IN THE PURSUIT OF TERMINATING THE COMMUNIST-THREAD WILL RESULT IN TERMINATION.