Cultists fuck up and accidentally summon an eldritch god they

It wants to eat the very void of space itself. Space is like orange juice to it, and the planets are the pulp.

It doesn't like pulp.

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A friend.

It pities the humans and wants to make them more like itself. Since the very concepts like "physics", "logic" and "time" are completely alien to him, what it does to people is...
Weird.

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>>54959227
WHAT SHALL BE, WAS

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/ck/ - C IS FOR COOKIE, IT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME
/pol/ - T IS FOR TINFOIL, IT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME
/tg/ - D IS FOR DOOKIE, JUST LIKE YOUR OPINION
/k/ - C IS FOR CLIP MAYBE, IT'S POSSIBLY GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME TO TAKE A PICTURE OF IT WITH MY HAIRY HOBBIT FOOT STILL IN THE FRAME

>The eldritch god wants running gags and overly elaborate jokes

It doesn't want to eat the earth.
What it wants is to take the mass of our solar system, combine it into one giant clump of matter, and form it into an egg that will birth another of its kind.

>>54959268
what game?

>>54959344
That game is Stellaris. It's a sci-fi 4X game. Lots of mods. Lots of worms.

Eldritch god is uncomfortable in 3d space. It wants to go home.

>>54959338
/d/ IS FOR ASS DATS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME

>The god wants booty. A woman's butt.

It just wants to watch for a while before floating off to watch some other planet. It could probably kill us all if it tried, but it gets nothing out of it, not even the satisfaction of killing. Plus we're far away from where it is and aren't doing any harm.

Plus we can even communicate on some level, so it's not like even if we were a problem we couldn't be reasoned with.

No real reason to kill us, so it just chills for a while.

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>>54959113

You could have stopped this.

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TO LAY ATOP A SMOOTH ROCK AND FEEL THE SUN ON HIS BELLY.

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>>54959113
>Summons Eldritch God
The only way that is possible is if any with Alienist levels works under the group summoning rules to cast a ritual summon, in which case it'd be a pseudonatural creature.

So in effect, they probably summon an animal with a Divine Rank of 1 or 0 with the Epic Pseudonatural template applied that just wants to go outside and eat grass and graze.

It just so happens to be a grotesque parody of a cow that shifts to a tentacled abomination from time to time, capable of granting divine spells, Pact Warlockhood, and occasionally drive the low willpowered individual mad through some means, and additionally shit out astral cosmic fart gas and the occasional otherworld parasite as some of it's ablutions terraform landmass closer to that of the far realm

>>54959414
so we're basicly an anthill/farm that can talk back?

>>54959378
That could make for a very comfy Call of Cthulhu game. if thats even possible.

>>54959552
That's the primary metaphor with this sort of thing, right? We're just ants to them?

>>54959268
WHAT WAS, WILL BE; WHAT WILL BE, WAS

>>54959456
So much useless information and you didn't even answer the question.

>>54959590
Yea but usually writers tend to see the metaphor as a reason to just kill us instead of passively observe us or interact with us or atleast try to with no ill intents. Less sadistic child more poetic bohemian.

>>54959113
It wants a garden. It wants to watch flowers grow. There weren't flowers when it was young, nothing but palms and ferms and such. It likes flowers. So colorful. It is told that people put them on graves.

It would like them out on its grave. Not cut flowers, living blooms. It's closer now.find

Will you hold it's hand. It r remembers rainbows and sunshine and warmth after rain when the ferns were covered with dew that sparkled in the dawn warmth. It is cold now.

Is it time for flowers?

It would like to plant a garden now and sleep for a while. Just a little while and then it can watch the flowers when it wakes up, lister to the bees, rest for a while.

It's cold now. Will you hold it's hand, just for a little while.

It's cold now.

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>>54959113
The unspeakable horror summoned from the audient void was placated only for the most cyclopean of callipygian vessels.
All of its foul ilk could not rebuke this testimony,
For in ancient times, when such a being encroached upon their antediluvian domiciles, with a vespiform thorax and a corpulent fundament:
They grew tumescent, and their hunger caused them to manifest great displays,
For they could sense that the being's nates were engorged.
Lurking in the abyssal realms of the exotic shalwars clasped to their figure, their baleful influence compels the horror to gaze like that of a gorgon.
Oh, how the unspeakable being was drawn onwards like unto a siren,
To preserve the vessel in its inhuman mind.
No matter the doom that would befall us all,
The haunches of its prey arose a desire in it which was rapacious.

>>54959113
>>54959378
The party is a cult who is trying to send God home because God is sad and it's presence is breaking down physicality in the local area, which sucks because the local area is where the party keeps all their stuff.

>>54959113
It wishes to have a child, as such it needs a surrogate

>>54959868
The sweet blood

Oh, it sings to me

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>>54959896
Its enough to make a man sick.
Next time I go to a Con, I really need to get my Gascoigne cosplay together

>>54959896
It's enough to make a man sick

>>54959113
a garphangle and not a orange one

>>54959734
... That was beautiful man

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>>54959113
to be milked

>>54959113
I just wants to drop acid and listen to psychedelic music, man.

It knows that it shouldn't. It's older now, it's not a stupid teenager anymore, but it's really how it has fun. It reminds it of simpler times, you know?

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The pleasures of modern living.

>>54959113
It wants to put a hold through the moon and use it as oversized fuckpillow

>>54959113
It has a voracious appetite... for human media! It enslaves the human race and forces them to become writers, filmmakers, musicians, etc. and upload all of their work to a home theater the size of a country, where the god resides. Here it watches ten thousand movies, reads hundreds of books, puts on thousands of operas and plays, and listens to millions of tunes all simultaneously and at increased speed with its many eyes and ears, day in and day out, until the creative imagination of humanity is tapped out. Then it leaves and brings the amalgamation of its experiences on earth to its children in the forbidden dimension as a mere bedtime story. The next "night" (eons, in our timeframe) it seeks another planet to absorb now that it has gained knowledge of the material realm.

>>54960231
Feels

>>54959268
>Turns my humans into big-heades tentacly ugly fuckers
>For some reason it bugs my game and suddenly humans are enslaved

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>>54959113
They only summoned it's nose. And by Azathoth does it want to sneeze.

Are you a bad enough dude to stop the Elder God from destroying your local galactic cluster?

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>>54961280
>His cult are joint-faith Juiblex worshippers
Literally the Zargon Questline, Brilliant

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>>54959113
>What does it want instead?
Companionship. It gets lonely out there in the endless void ...

>>54959456
>everything is D&D 3.5 the post

>>54961372
God you're in every thread aren't you? Fuck off, you're amazing system doesn't excuse the normalfaggotry twitchshit and cashgrab besmirching of generations of lore and detailed effort but into released products that you venerate and support with your useless childish whining.

Fuck off.

>>54959113
Cookies, apparently.

>>54960839
>eldritch abominations want our media
So basically Haiyore Nyaruko-san?

>>54959113
television
it wants television.

>>54959113
The release date of Half Life 3

>>54962139
We're doomed.

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>>54959734
I-I'm not crying. YOU'RE CRYING!

>>54959432
Indentured servitude

>>54959113
Tell you about the jews.

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you

>>54961347
Sauce?

>>54959113
>Finally! Actors!
It forces the cultists to put on shows from its many scripts and plays. They learn lines, make costumes, and are forced to do all the production work.

The plays are actually very good, and the cultists are technically immortal, but they are forever on tour...until it needs more people for the chorus line.

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It wants a new friend. It gets lonely out in the void and people visit so rarely these days. Your kind are so much better company.

>>54959113
Brains.

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>>54959113
It just wants to make sure that the inheritor species it designed the universe for is thriving, and to see if the disposable builder species is still terraforming things to be perfect for the inheritors, or if the stars have aligned and set off the builder species' implanted self-destruct impulses.

>>54959113
It wants someone to listen his really, really bad poetry. Bad even by his species standards.
And don't you dare to not appreciate his talent. He doesn't take a criticism all that well.

It wants to awaken it's old enemies and draw them back into the age old battle of universal domination. Things will be different this time. They won't make the same mistakes that set them to slumber the last time.

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>>54959734

>>54965276
Humans are neither of these, and the elder being is just confused as fuck on what we are and why the Dolphins are swimming in the ocean.

Those fuckers were building spaceships last time it checked.

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>>54959113
It wants you to JUMP ON IT

>>54959113
A ride home
Its a long walk

>>54959113
I mean, if it had its goddamn choice? Just be a catcher in the rye and all

>>54959113
Recreate its own history, except this time make it so things actually go right and see what happens. Everytime it fails, it will reset everything. It's not particularly malicious or anything, however the fact that just one mistake or error will cause a reset is problematic.

>>54966122
I think it would be more interesting for it to let things reach the conclusions from each major change.

It might end up with a result better than it wanted to start with.

>>54962139
Welp, everybody go home and say goodbye to your loved ones, it's over

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>>54963038
>tfw this will never be true

>>54959734
I came here not expecting feels. I now have feels.

Why do you keep doing this /tg/?

>>54959699
I always wondered at that I mean there are plenty of humans who enjoy just watching ants or even helping them.

>>54961395
I can't even tell what the fuck you're trying to say, except that you're deeply upset.

>>54967550
TL;DR

>Waaaah! Why can't you just let everything be 3.PF! Its all i know and am willing to learn!

That more or less sums it up. Or its someone trolling, in which case he's equally as retarded as if he was serious.

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A child

>>54959113
It is now experiencing true corporeality for the first time: it wants to try new things, feel new things. Meet new people. Experience life now that it is actually 'alive'.

>>54959113
Knowledge.
I i had slept for millenias, the first thing i would want to know would be what has happened during that time. How the world looks now. What species are living there. How everything has changeg since i went to sleep.

>>54965011
The Sister of the Woods with a Thousand Young

Watch out though, there's two versions and one is lewd while the other is very very lewd

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>>54959113
Panties

>>54965310
PUTTY, PUTTY, PUTTY,
GREEN PUTTY - GRUTTY PEEN!

bro, that looks like the fucking cookie monster

>>54965239
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hZ5GDYPqjk

>>54971533
You now know the cookie monster's true identity, and its true desire: to help educate and entertain human children through television and encourage better eating habits.

>>54959113
It's looking for new and creative ways to challenge itself. Having discovered human literature, it sets out to write a best selling novel. Given its wholly alien nature and lack of understanding on how human language works, it ends up becoming a celebrated surrealist writer.

>>54959113
IT WANTS PICTURES
PICTURES OF SPIDERMAN

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Purple People.

>>54959113
After viewing Earth's televisions shows, it has come to love the concept of game shows and reality tv. It now kidnaps people from across the globe to participate in games for prizes that the mortal mind can't understand. Generally, it always forgets to give you any rules, forcing participants to guess and walk on eggshells around unless they want their limbs be turned into tentacles.

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>>54965011
The Demon Who Became My Sister

>>54963038
... I actually like and want this?! Wut?

>>54959113
what is wants is incomprehensible anyway. what it does is it warps the world around it and makes people believe the apocalypse is at the doorstep, but then it just leaves the planet full of insane people and chaos behind. non more eldritch.

>>54972528
*the warping reality and making people believe grim shit is just a side effect of it existing on Earth, not a conscious and malicious action of the god-thing

>>54959734
>>54959758
And here we have the two kinds of /tg/ users.

Blump

>>54972481
Update when?

>>54977044
This, want more.....

>>54959113
Wants relationships. Mortals die so soon and frequently that worshipers are a good substitute or addition. Wants new experiences. Tastes like friendship gets a relationship (not so much friendship) and thrill/experience seeking eldritch god.

>>54959113
(you)s

>>54959113
It wants companionship. Someone to understand and empathize with it. It keeps trying to communicate it's thought processes to mortals, trying to allow them to understand it, and trying to express itself. This has the unfortunate side effect, of course, of driving said mortals quite mad.

Eventually, it realizes this isn't working, and decides instead to try and understand the mortals. It learns of our hypocritical ideas, and innocently takes them to horrifying conclusions in a bid to emulate us. We tell it all life is precious and killing is wrong, and that it should protect and help living things. It tries to do so - by mutating a common cold into an adaptive, antibiotic-resistant eldritch supervirus and unleashing the resulting maddening plague upon the world. We tell it that knowledge is dangerous in the wrong hands, and it begins to snatch knowledge that fits the definition we have given it of 'dangerous' from our minds to protect us from it, defining dangerous in such an abstract, broad way that it is effectively lobotomizing people.

>>54959113
2001 Honda Civics.

>>54979539
"Honda Civics? But... why?"
"It's a horror from beyond the stars, man, nobody knows!"

Play Magic the Gathering

Lavos

>>54980127
>>54979539

Truly a creature mortal minds cannot comprehend.

>>54980158
Lavos is my go to Lovecraft horror

>>54979539
A Car You Can Trust(TM)!

It wants to go back to Zendikar again but only if Hurda are a good tribe in standard.

>>54980127
"Could be worse. Could be asking for Toyota Priuses."

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>>54959113
To be GROSSLY INCANDESCENT

>>54959699
Typically it's less reason to kill and reason to be indifferent about our safety.

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>>54959758

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>>54960839
>has a voracious appetite... for human media!

>>54959113
It does not want. It is not sentient in that way. Simply by existing it warps nearby realities to mirror itself.

>>54959113
To talk to a now extinct species of humpback whale it was very fond of and visited every few millenia for light and cordial conversation.

It is very angry that you have done something with its beloved animal friends and demands you return the whales at once.

>>54959734
you fucker, if you dont write a book or at least a story i'll find you and i'll fuck youre ass, I hate you for being this good,fuck youl.

>>54966483
It's not about getting a better result. It's more about repeating it's own history to see what could have been of its own history if things actually had went right.

To find its creator and relay all it has discovered on its epoch of traveling.

The issue is, it has no memory of its creator, only where it lived, which is where you are, however you do not fit any of its preconceived notions for what it's creator should look like, i.e. like itself, a vast machine.

>>54980855
>i'll find you and i'll fuck youre ass
Don't incentivize him.

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>>54959113
To look after its little brother.

>Ctrl+F
>"hostess fruit pies"
>Zero results
Come on, guys.

>>54959432
>It tried to get rid of us, the nasty little thing.

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>>54980962
Why would you want those? Twinkies are the superior unhealthy prepackaged snack food

>>54959113
D'rnth loves and pities humanity.

The very idea of hunger appalls it. The notion of death confuses and saddens it. It remembers a little girl who told it that her fire had learned the secret of fire, and is horrified when it learns she is DEAD.

D'rnth recoils in horror at the realization of scarcity. The idea a species could be so broken by the limitation of food and space that it could accept DEATH as natural is a terrible injustice it must correct.

Don't worry.

You won't feel anything.

>>54980867
>>54966122
I must know the exact moment. The exact moment that I went wrong. I am tormented by it every minute of every day, gnawing at me incessantly from the shadows. Endless nights I lay awake, wracking my brain. I can't stop thinking about it! Obsessed! I can't escape the agony of my own mind! If I have to remake the universe over a thousand times, trying every moment one after the other, I must have an answer, I must have clarity! I must have peace!


why didn't she love me...

>>54980962
Is this a reference to that justice friends commercial with the math-magician?

>>54965239
>yfw it only wants someone to solve this non-Euclidean sudoku puzzle. It's like a normal Sudoku puzzle, but the numbers are eldritch symbols, and it changes with time.
>Or alternatively Eldritch tongue crosswords
>The aberration's been trying to solve it for eons

>>54981199
my nigga.

>>54959113
To turn all men into traps and women into amazons.

>>54972205
Makes me remember a manga basically about this, more or less.

>>54959113
A nice and loving romance with the person that summoned it.

TO ROCK[

>>54959113
It wants to protect us from the terrible secret of space.

>>54959113
It wants to impregnate the Earth, obviously