>The Queen hires you to test her castle defenses for vulnerabilities

File: 1414390029229.jpg (74KB, 831x445px) Image search: [Google]

74KB, 831x445px

Depends on the setting, now fuck off.

>Not all is as it seems
What did he mean by this?

Is the Queen framing us for espionage? Are the defenses inadequate? Do we find traitors in our midst? Is she surreptitiously seeking a paramour among our number? What the heck are you saying?

>>54905664

Shes probably not even the queen.
You should have explored her more thoroughly.

>>54905663
>passive aggressive shitposting combined with shitty meme-forcing

Is this you entry for worst post ever? It might win.

Clear the agenda with all of the guards, so they know we aren't really invaders. If the Queen has an issue with it, quit the job because its an obvious setup. It may seem like the guards will change their behavior when they know about the test but its better to give them a vague idea that the test will be within the next month than to leave them out of the loop and risk someone getting violent.

>>54905734
Also get your contract in writing and give it to your lawyer before doing the job.

File: 1436595787434.gif (290KB, 500x677px) Image search: [Google]

290KB, 500x677px

>>54905750
>Lawyers
>Medieval setting

Is this a subtle reference to that Oglaf comic with the castle backdoor?

>steal the blueprints of the Castle from the College of Engineers, locate a secret royal escape route
>the passageway is forgotten and abandoned, just our luck, no chance of running into patrols
>Isn't this tunnel longer than it should be?
>This stairway wasnt on the map
>Neither was this reservoir
>or this blood anointed arcane seal on the floor of the hidden temple of the necromancer cult which has the Queen herself as high priestess
>oh look theres the way out
>make queen aware of vulnerability, avoid undue embarrasment
>get paid
Job's a good 'un

>>54905645
>Schmalz is the painter's painter
>That modern painters cannot beat

>>54905664
She's got a dick and in order to get past her guards, you drink the piss of her futanari guards.

Inside her vault you find the magic chamberpot, which will grant you any wish if you drink from the rancid yellow pool contained within.

What's that? You've been betrayed. You hear the sound of alarm and the doors have been sealed behind you. Torrents of piss begin flowing from the ventilation ducts, threatening to drown you and your party unless you do something!

>>54905910
Clearly, the only thing that can be done is drink the amber-colored nectar from the chamberpot and wish for the ability to breath in piss!

File: 1.jpg (95KB, 526x742px) Image search: [Google]

95KB, 526x742px

>>54905734

>Secret test
>Tell the guards

>>54905910
Magical realm thread? We doing this?

>>54905774
>Medieval Setting
>OP picture isn't medieval

>>54905774
I'm laughing at you anon.

File: Rudolf_Schiestl_Bauernkrieger_und_der_Tod.jpg (131KB, 445x600px) Image search: [Google]

131KB, 445x600px

> The testing of the fortifications was unannounced to the realm, so when peasants see you besieging the castle they think it's an uprising against the Queen and join in
>The Queen was suicidal

>>54905955
>Secret test
>OP doesn't say it is a secret

>>54905988
>Suicide by rebellion
I like this a lot

>>54905992

How does one properly test defenses if guards are alerted? They'll either be more observant than usual, or they'll be more inclined to overlook suspicious activity. In the end, the test will be tainted.

>>54906035
You kill everyone

File: 1469899099938.jpg (289KB, 1000x800px) Image search: [Google]

289KB, 1000x800px

>Starts off entirely serious with the party checking traps and so on
>Then a female guard start ogling them when they bend over to inspect the arrow holes with a muttered 'She found some cute ones this time'
>The Royal bard starts playing sleazy porn music
>Queen comes out her Boudoir in silks alone, presses up against the Paladin
>"Oh brave heroes, come into my inner chamber, the most important pit to inspect is within. Maybe then we can discuss 'payment'."
Options are offend the Queen by getting the fuck out of there or risk the Kings wrath when you get caught gangbanging his wife.

>>54906035
Tell them that it will happen but not when. Treat it like any other military exercise. They can't be on their best behavior all month long. Also introduce yourself to the guards so that they know not to overlook suspicious persons that aren't you.

>Tell the guards you'll be doing a penetration test in the near future
>Tell them they'll all be tortured to death if you manage to slip through
>Stay back and watch
>????????

>>54906093
>turns out the 'Queen' is a Succubus (Or non-evil equivalent) designed to capture attacking adventurers
>Party literally gets caught with their pants down by it.

>>54906016
Eyup! Makes a lot of sense too actually. It takes the act itself out of the Queen's hands, so she can get around moral or religious complications (and just plain hesitation) and it doesn't hinder the rest of the royal line with a show of weakness.

Whats that one barbarian ability that lets you summon a horde of barbarians? Just use that.

>>54905704
Ill explore you more thoroughly

File: Zenobia.jpg (599KB, 1500x1120px) Image search: [Google]

599KB, 1500x1120px

>>54905645
>Test it thoroughly with 65,000 legionaries
>Castle's weakness turns out to be it's finite food supply
>Lead her back to my capital city in golden chains to be gawked at by the Mob

t. Aurelian

>>54906404
>that one barbarian ability that lets you summon a horde of barbarians

Is that really a thing? How does that no render everyone else in the party redundant?

>>54906510
They don't last very long

>>54906510
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFuMpYTyRjw

>>54906567

What heppens to them?

>>54905645
seems like a setup, abort