Three women approach the party, and declare that they are ancient

>derp derp derp derp derp

>>54712742
Accept all the bribes then declare you are unable to decide because they are all too fair for mortal means to see anything but their ravishing glory.

>>54712742
Demand an oath that they shall not, nor shall they allow any other, to punish me for my judgement

>>54712742
Pull out the God-Slayer Spear and proceed to follow through on the party commitment to free humanity from the tyranny of the gods.

Declare the one offering the most beautiful girl in the world the winner, then point out due to your delcaration and since she's currently in the material world, she is the most beautiful girl in the world and you've won her companionship, as per the bribe. Now you're the consort of a goddess, and from there its the path to immortality and godhood.

>>54712742
They're all kinda plain and boring. I mean, THAT is the goddess of beauty? Come on, I've seen prostitutes who look better.

>>54712742
I'm a wizard and therefore don't have time for harlots, so I float away upon a cloud with my virginity intact. Checkmate sluts.

>>54712742

Tell them to get new material and quit copying Greek epics.

>>54712742
Take all the bribes, declare mai new waifu the winner of the beauty contest, and then fight off the angry goddesses with the help of my nation's armed forces and my immense fighting skill.

GG EZ

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>>54712794
Here you go anon, you forgot this in the other thread

>>54712742
slay them and devour their hearts in hopes of gaining their divine power.

>>54712825

This. I'm not falling for that shit again. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me 7 times, shame on you still

>>54712763
>torn asunder into three parts

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Declare the single female PC in the party the winner. See what happens.

>>54712742
>each goddess attempts to bribe the party

All three are disqualified, the party's luggage donkey is declared the winner by default.

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>>54712810
Here's some compensation

>>54712742
Tell them I'm gay and that Ares wins.

>>54712742
Get the goddess of love to get you laid with the hottest women in the world, then start a gigantic war where you bitch out of doing anything while watching everyone die

>>54712742
Tell them that I have to have sex with all three of them to truly decide the winner.

I won't survive, but I will have fucked three goddesses before I'm turned into a constellation or some shit, which basically means that I automatically win any "Manliest hero in mythology" arguments.

>>54712742
After failing to judge their beauty with their clothing on, the three goddesses stripped nude to convince Paris of their worthiness. While Paris inspected them, each attempted with her powers to bribe him; Hera offered to make him king of Europe and Asia, Athena offered wisdom and skill in war, and Aphrodite, who had the Charites and the Horai to enhance her charms with flowers and song, offered the world's most beautiful woman (Euripides, Andromache, l.284, Helena l. 676). This was Helen of Sparta, wife of the Greek king Menelaus. Paris accepted Aphrodite's gift and awarded the apple to her, receiving Helen as well as the enmity of the Greeks and especially of Hera. The Greeks' expedition to retrieve Helen from Paris in Troy is the mythological basis of the Trojan War.

According to a tradition suggested by Alfred J. Van Windekens,[8] objectively, "cow-eyed" Hera was indeed the most beautiful, not Aphrodite. However, Hera was the goddess of the marital order and of cuckolded wives, amongst other things. She was often portrayed as the shrewish, jealous wife of Zeus, who himself often escaped from her controlling ways by cheating on her with other women, mortal and immortal. She had fidelity and chastity in mind and was careful to be modest when Paris was inspecting her. Aphrodite, though not as objectively beautiful as Hera, was the goddess of sexuality, and was effortlessly more sexual and charming before him. Thus, she was able to sway Paris into judging her the fairest. Athena's beauty is rarely commented in the myths, perhaps because Greeks held her up as an asexual being, being able to "overcome" her "womanly weaknesses" to become both wise and talented in war (both considered male domains by the Greeks). Her rage at losing makes her join the Greeks in the battle against Paris' Trojans, a key event in the turning point of the war.

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>>54712794
>>54713013
But anon's... Two members in my party are Athar.

>>54713223
So hera is what /r9k/want in a women
Pure, modest, hot, and faithful
But she's also a cuck

>>54712742
I tell them that as a mortal I can not possibly, and indeed do not have the right to, pass judgement on goddesses.

>>54713223
>Paris turned down ruling the entirety of Europe
What the fuck was his fucking problem?

>>54712742
Hahaha no, nope, nope, no

I throw up my hands and walk away. Nothing good ever comes of mortals getting involved in divine squabbles.

>>54713223
>>54713348
The joke's on everyone anyway since Eris held the contest to fuck with the other goddesses

Tell them that the most beautiful goddess is actually Persephone/Kore. I'm gonna die no matter what, so I might as well start sucking up to Hades as soon as possible.

>>54713348
He wanted to get his dick wet and most likely didn't want to piss off zeus

>>54712742
I declare that they shall face "trials of loveliness" to determine who is the most beautiful. After all, there are many aspects of beauty. I then use this to stoke their competitiveness and hold increasingly-saucy "trials".

Near the end of the trials, I secretly shall take each of their bribes, promise that they will each be winners, and extract promises from each that they shall do no ill toward me if they should win. I then declare them all winners, and explain that it is meaningless to quarrel and hate when they should be enjoying their own beauty as I have done.

>>54713348
paris was known as a fair judge. that is why the goddesses went to him. he did not judge them based on their bribes, he judge them based on their actual merits.

a rarity in societies at a time when probably 100% of them were horribly corrupt

also, hera was just a bitch.

>>54713441
>born into family who owns shrine to hades
> was killing sacrifical lambs before i could speak
>always oray to hades every night
>everyone calls me a weirdo hermit but i don't care
>hades makes me stinking rich for my service
>now own entirety of the island and get to hang out with my idol when i die
>exact samething but for zeus
>he cucks me and gives my wife a divine STD

>>54712742

> play a paladin
> determine their souls are black and hideous
> deus vult or die trying

Or just nope out of the campaign.

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>>54713479
walking a razor's edge my friend, i like it.

>>54713479
>I secretly shall take each of their bribes

How the fuck are you planning to keep the fact that you're the newly-crowned king of a nation secret from two goddesses?

Give them a week to make their cases and showcase all their beauty and charms, then delay my decision for as long as I can and make them all sweat it out.
Then I just pick the one I like the most and hopefully get the bribe anyway.

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>>54712742
Tell them they too old and fat...

Rolled 1 (1d6)

>>54712742
>what do
Take a die, roll for it (both IC and OOC).
The winner is:
1-2 goddesses A
3-4 goddesses B
5-6 goddesses C

Chaotic Neutral, bitches!

>>54712742
Goddess on the right DESU.
I'm screwed anyways, so I'll just answer honestly.

>>54712742
Throw an apple at them and tell all three to piss off.

>>54713656
Are you sure? Because she's the one posing right now, the other two might be better if they were the ones putting out.

>>54712742
Vote for one with biggest tits, probably.

>>54713441
Nigga no he'll just get jealous. Hades don't fuck around when it comes to his waifu.

>>54712742
>>54713126
Man, people put waaay more effort into their hentai back in the day.

>>54713628
>Handing off the decision to the Fates

Smooth.

>>54713673
I'm just going on what I know. You might be right, but if I were dealing with them I'd just pick the one i thought was hottest.
If they were all equally hot I would probably go with the war goddess. The other two are goddesses of authority/love respectively, so if I picked the kingdom I'd get killed and the waifu I'd also get killed and my waifu taken away. Better to walk the earth as a lonely badass to die son grorious battle one day.

>>54713678
Well back in the day you couldn't just sketch something up quick and slap it on the internet, and there was no comiket so everyone just spent years on a single pic eventually selling it to some rich dude who would put it in the medieval equivalent of a fap folder.

>>54713628
> relying on impartial arbitration to resolve a completely subjective disagreement so that you can spare the goddess' feelings

Congratulations, you're lawful good.

>>54713820
Nah, he's manipulating the goddesses so they'll be mad at other gods, not him. >>54713722

Chaotic Neutral.

Skill in battle, which I'll use to get kingship and women.

>>54712742
If we're literally talking about the Greek goddesses in question, then I pick the first one, Hera. This is not entirely because she's the most beautiful, but because you never, ever, fucking EVER cross Hera.

If it's just three goddesses, then >>54712807
has the right idea.

>>54713172
Probably the best plan.
Don't worry, in three thousand years people will start changing the story to make you the hero because we love beautiful people.

>>54713401
Even better: she held the contest on the request of Zeus.

>>54713482
>Paris did nothing wrong
Nice try, Troyfag.

>>54713564
Oh, I think he'll be able to pull it off. They may even admire him for it, for a while.
But eventually, Sisyphus is going to have some company on the boulder-rolling hill.

>>54713743
Little would the upcoming generations know about the true purpose Library of Alexandria had...

>>54713482
T.butthurt troy fag
The upstarts deserved everything they got

>>54714064
>tfw we miss out on a bunch of high level ancient pornogrophy for no reason
Why won't the uncultured barabarians let us fao in peace?

>>54712742
>what do

Most of the party would start discussing the contest. Not that it matters. Before we come to a decision, the other member of the party would try to seduce one/all of them. Ever time he's tried that in the campaign so far has gone badly for him, often leaving him nearly dead. So this will go badly for him. Worse still, we might not be able to get to a safe distance this time.

>>54712742
OF COURSE only Athene has any fucking clothes on, holy fucking shit the Greek goddesses had no modesty.
I'll take the battle boon, TYVM. I can get the other things with that.

who the fuck is the little kid and why is it there.

>>54714420
Yeah
But you can gain a lot from beign the king of 2 continents

>>54713223
This is fucking bullshit though. Athena can't strip for a mortal male, he'll go blind from the wisdom overload like the seer, Tiresias.
Source: Bathing of Pallas, Callimachus.

Fall on my sword to spare my people the inevitable retribution that will come from me choosing one over the others.

>>54714590
Anon I think Athena blinded him in a rage and not due to a wisdom overload. She then gives him the gift to see the future when she regretted her outburst.

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>>54714579
With a party of unparalleled fighters we can serve as the backbone of a massive worker's revolution. What is two continents compared to the utopian union of the whole world?

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>>54712742

>>54714420
the one with clothes is probably hera, see the peacock next to her?

>>54714420
Pretty sure in this picture Aphrodite is showing off right now, (not sure which of left ones is which) the leftmost has done it already and the middle one is waiting her turn

>>54714621
>Implying you can see bewbs of wisdom without going blind with clairvoyance
>Implying gods regret anything ever
I don't care how this was rationalised by the primitive Greeks; science says that looking at Athena's unidentifiable body leads the observer to a quantum collapse of transapience, and so it is confirmed by experiment.
The only way Paris could've seen her naked body and still chosen Aphrodites offer is if he had a worm-level intelligence.

>>54712742
The second. Kingship of a nation sounds like a trap - I'm either going to get made king of some war-torn African country that'll get conquered or some tiny island in the South Pacific. I already know the third is a trap, based on historical precedent. But skill is skill, even if it turns out she's just referring to a board game or something.

>>54712742

Choose female Zeus.

>>54713515

Divine STD being a demigod bastard?

>>54714748
the one on the right is aphrodite, because of the cherub thing next to her.
the one with clothes is hera, because of the peacock next to her and her crown.
the one on the left must be athena

>>54713316
Well she was married to the chad of all chads

>>54714717
Fuck, you might be right.
Shit artist, then. I don't see any other identifier which one is which.

>>54714574
That's Cupid, Aphrodite's son.

>>54712742
I drop trow in front of them, cut off my own dick, shove it up my ass, and scream in their faces, "ITS MEEEEEEEEEE! IIIIIIMMMMM THE PRETTIEST LADY!" Of course this is followed by riding off into the sunset, to travel the lands creating more beautiful women.

I then give the DM a smug look, self congratulating myself that I've once again foiled his shitty plans

>>54714825
>No gorgonion
>No helmet
>No aegis
>No Paris and the painter going blind
No respect for the goddess of fucking weaving, olive oil, civilization and strategy, I hope this "Enrique Simonet" faggot got eaten by owls.

>>54714904

Burly owlbears are dispatched to severely admonish him.

>>54714904
T. Athenian
Athena is the edgy donut steel of the greek pantheon

>>54713456
What the fuck was his problem?

>>54714814
Divine STD being Hera's wrath.

>>54713983
Was zeus always drunk?

>>54715563
Zeus is either scheming or in fratboy mode like half the time

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>>54713482
>he did not judge them based on their bribes, he judge them based on their actual merits.
>chooses the most beautiful woman in the world to have sex with over conquest and wisdom

I literally have not read such rubbish on this website and I've been here for 8 years!

>>54713479
In one way you will invoke all three of the Goddesses wrath as no woman, let alone a female goddess is going to ever feel she is of "equal" status in beauty to another.

You done guffed anon.

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>>54715438
You're only fucking shitposting on this Thracian fishcleaner board because thousands of years of civilization led you here. Show some gratitute, knave!

>>54715823
>she's a godess of war but better than ares because she's smart
> no you don't understand she's better than him you guys she can totally beat him in a fight
>she has no mother and came out of zeus's head
>one day she will usurp zeus
>my pure godess waifu can do bo wrong
>fuck you everything you made is because of her
>take us seriously you fucks
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Shut the fuck up Pericles no one likes your shitty godess

>>54716076
Lmao this subhuman titanfucker doesn't even know, Diomedes and Odysseus owe their accomplishments to the Virgin Goddess and that she's also the Mother Mary so it's not her who will usurp Zeus, it's her son and your Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Just as planned.

>>54713967
>This is not entirely because she's the most beautiful, but because you never, ever, fucking EVER cross Hera.

Also "And then this guy cucked Zeus" is the best way to be eternally remembered.

>>54712742
You accept the 3rd goddesses subtly marriage proposal because 1.) You don't turn down a goddess' proposal, that shit will get you cursed. 2.) once deities are involved (especially capricious Greek deities) you are fucked one way or another, so just ride the train for as long as you can. and 3.) Maybe you'll get turned immortal eventually, and made the deity of deftly protecting one's own skin.

>>54716160
>implyass hera would cheat
It would just be "this guy said zeus's wife has a nice ass"

>>54716160
Zeus would turn into a Ram or some shit and fuck your wife, make you raise his bastard, then curse you with blindness so that may never look up beauty ever again. Then drown you in the Aegean for good measure.

Zeus may have cheated on Hera all the time, but he was just as much of jealous mofo as she was.

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>>54716157

>>54712783
This is prolly the safest bet

>>54713090
She gets turned into a tree or some shit

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>>54714639
>Gay best friend of the Gods
>Not willing to give harsh judgment on their appearances
I didn't think I could be more disappointed in my gay son.

>>54716157
Sorry, but the Queen of heaven is Astarte, who is the Hellenized version of Ishtar. Athena shares her virgin status with a whole bunch of greek goddesses and can't claim to be Mother Mary in good faith with virginity as her only qualifier.

>>54712783
>>54717128
>make demand to three goddesses
>as a mortal
>expect no punishment by demanding deities to do anything

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>>54712742
>attempts to bribe the party
engage in a bidding war?

>>54717564
YHVH isn't like Zeus, he only picks the best. And he'd never copulate with some Babylonian immigrant fertility goddess.

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>>54712742
dig out the magic mirror and put that maths degree to work

>>54717720
>YHWH would never copulate with a Babylonian immigrant fertility goddess.
>Forgetting that YHWH was an Jewish immigrant in Babylon.

Inanna isn't even a fertility goddess, she's a sex/war goddess. The whore of Babylon who will destroy the west because God wills it.

>>54712742
Eat the apple

>>54717817
>Jew breeding with a Mesopatamian
Keep dreaming turbanhead, only purest Hellenic female for the big G.

>>54717912
https://rarediseases.org/rare-diseases/heavy-metal-poisoning/

>>54717932
The Jews didn't have a choice. They got raped by the Babylonians, who also raped the shit out of the Greeks from time to time. Learn some actual history.

The Helenic age only started when Alexander the great reversed this rape train, and he was a total Persia lover to the point where it kind of cheeped his own men out.

>>54717998
I know my history from the only important sources, the holy Bible, occasional Greek Poetry, and my sharply honed logical Athena-enlightened mind. I have used these sources to deduce that the Virgin Mary and Parthenos Athena are one and the same. How dare you dispute the word of the Gods? Do you wish to travel for 20 years on the seas before you may see your family again, hm?

>>54718209
I've already been doing that fool. I serve the goddess better than you do.

>>54718209
Slow down there anon
You're lucky we aren't in spain right now

>>54712742
Wait till they are distracted, sneak-away, begin a forced march to a temple of my god far away from where the party met the goddesses, pray to Pelor to protect me, and hope for the best.

>>54715563
Most of what Zeus does is a scheme. He wanted the Trojan War because Gaia the Earth had been complaining at him about the demigods all weighing her down and causing too much pressure and chaos, so the Trojan War was intended to wipe most of them out.

>>54716160

Hera doesn't cheat, anon. If anything you'd be on Zeus' good side because you're saying his wife is obviously the most beautiful of them all.

Plus, Hera is also the goddess of marriage, so as long as you don't cock it up and break your oaths like Jason did, she'll arrange a perfect waifu for you.

>>54712742
Cold Iron, or have the wizard deal with it, they are clearly fairies.

>>54712742

The only way out of this is to refuse to accept any bribes, because "Judging the competition is privilege enough". Then pick the one you really think is most beautiful.

That's the only way you can get out of this with an intact skin.

>>54714847
>>>54714574
>Cupid
Romefag leave, that's Eros.

>>54722393
You know, Medea was SUPPOSED to be Jason's perfect waifu.
His 'breaking of oaths' was basically objecting to this particular definition of 'perfect waifu'.

>>54722556
No, that's even worse.

Because at least with the bribes the losers can tell themselves that they only lost because the winner had a better bribe.

But with no bribe, it's just because her ass was too big or something, and she'll get pissed off immediately about losing.

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>>54724170
>>54722393
Pic related.

>>54714782

The only person that waifu'd Athena was Odysseus, and you just *know* he was mostly interested in her mind and personality.

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>>54724290
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Ithaca Warrior Kings, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Troja, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in epos warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire Achaean armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Hexameter? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the Greece and your muse is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Achaean Kingdoms Hoplite Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

>>54722866

What do I get if I pick him?

>>54712807
I'm pretty sure her husband's going to be pretty angry about you cucking him, anon.

And since he's the god of blacksmithing, fire, and volcanos... well, I hope your house isn't near a volcano. Or made out of anything flammable.

>>54726758
>implying
Hephaestus is made to be a cuckold.

Besides, in the Troy myth he's married to Charis anyway, not Aphrodite at all.

>>54714796
In the original text, the kingship was over all of Europe and Asia.

>>54712742
Accept all the bribe, then declare my waifu the most beautiful since it was part of the deal

>>54714782
T. Atheanen
Thats not apart of the offical canon

>>54712763

Pretty much this. Bribes weren't stated to be conditional, so I'll take all of them and give a non-answer (or choose a 4th woman).

>>54713515
>Not being a fervent debout to Silenus and having wacky adventure with a fat god of drunkness with his Merry band of satyr.

Its like you dont know how to have fun

>>54713090
>>54717140
>Name the female BBEG of the campaign. The party gets to sit back and relax as the goddesses do our job for us.

>>54712742
Immense skill in battle lets you take the the kingship and the best waifu for yourself anyways.

Paris was a fool.

>>54724290
Diomedes

>>54712742
My Fantasy Craft Captain would ask for immense skill in battle so he could crush the foes that destroyed his kingdom. His lieutenant would ask for the waifu and give it to the Captain because he REALLY needs to get laid.

>>54712742
stab them all for the glory of Tharizdun

>>54712742
Inform them that they have all been outshown by Eris, because that bitch has already got me good with the apple, so I might as well return some of its joy to the sender

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>>54712742
>>54712742
>what do
Shame the skub-loving bitches like the degenerates they are.
Eris/Discordia4lyfe

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>>54714867

>>54713160
>not Apollo

All the flavours you could be

>>54713482
Paris wasn't a fair judge, he wasn't renowned for shit. He was living as a shepherd because prophecies said he would destroy Troy. Hermes only found him by accident after trying every king from Greece to Asia.

Paris was just the only guy who was so disconnected from the world that he would accept responsibility for something as stupid as judging a beauty contest between 3 goddesses. If he was so wise, he wouldn't have fucked over his wife Oenone. You know, the actual goddess he was already married to, who was madly in love with him?

>>54714782
>>54714621
You can't see any of the goddesses in their full glory. They are cloaked by the mist that concealed Olympus, which is the reasoning Athena used to turn it from a beauty contest into a sweet gift contest.

Artists just don't paint the mist because they want to show off the boobs.

What would momus do?

>>54728855

Just trying to rustle Odysseus.

>>54712742
Deny all three bribes, declare that beauty can only come from an honest woman, name Persephone and tell Hades all about it after they shred my ass.

>>54730601
Somebody already suggested that.
>>54713441

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>>54712742
Tell them it is what is on the inside that counts, so the only way I can judge who is best is by eating them.

>>54726084

V&.

>>54712742
I go with the kingdom option.

>>54714590
>>54714621
>>54724290
Athena was wet as fuck for Odysseus.

>>54728855
>>54730522
She backed Diomedes because he was the ultimate self-made man at Troy, but he doesn't have the connection Odysseus does.

Nevermind Diomedes was the only Greek at Troy to have a happy ending.

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Choose Nyx.

>>54726812
>>54713223
>>54713348
>Kingship of Europe and Asia
That's a trap. If you were suddenly made king of Europe and Asia (even just the parts that the Greeks knew about at the time) there would be no way to hold it properly without also getting the second boon.
Taking Athena's boon would at least give the strength to conquer a small kingdom for yourself and hold it.

>>54712742
No matter what you choose, the two others will kill you.

>>54712742
Decline all the bribes and declare Helen the winner, then explain that jealousy is truly the most beautiful thing in the world. then proceed to be utterly annihilated and thrown into the Underworld for eternity.

>>54712810
Please send me your prostitutes

>>54712742
>"But oh, radiant beauties all. I am hellspawn - surely there must be a better judge of which is fairest than I."

>>54712742
Criticize the concept of objective beauty, while downplaying any choice they force me to make as mere accident (i.e "I like Hera the most, because she looks like my old kindergarten teacher"). Hopefully they'll just dismiss me as a nobody instead of making it their personal mission to destroy me when I don't choose them.

>>54712742

Judge the beauty contest fairly but pretend to the winner that I picked them because of the bribe.

>>54712742
Throw my shoe at the GM for blatantly ripping off mythology.

>>54712742
My waifu is the fairest, now good luck getting to us behind a while nation led by a military genius.

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>>54726773
Being Hephaestus is suffering.

>>54732490
Wasn't he happy with Aphrodite in the Iliad when Thetis goes to get Achilles his new armour?

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>>54712742
nice try devil

>>54712742
As a paladin I cannot accept such bribes unless they present themselves in a formal courting manner in assuming the position. For my god is the mighty Cock and it suffers not the foolish flesh who presume gain without the planting of my seed first and foremost as equal payment.

>>54732142
>>54732132
I don't know how anyone expects at least one of the goddesses not to screw them over by way of deception. They're gods!

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Well, since I am actually aware of how that story ends, and I'm generally fairly well versed in mythological storytelling: I think I would just kill myself instead of answering, to save myself and the whole world a BUNCH of suffering.

Bitches be crazy about their looks.
Divine bitches being cosmically crazy about their looks.

There is literally no way out of that scenario that would not unavoidably end up in a tragedy. Anyone who thinks he had figured a way to outsmart those women is just making everything so much worse for everyone involved.
Seriously, if you even CONSIDER answering their questions, you have learned nothing from mythology.

>>54714782
>The only way Paris could've seen her naked body and still chosen Aphrodites offer is if he had a worm-level intelligence.
And you're implying he didn't?

>>54712742
Take the most beautiful waifu. Start the Trojan War.

10/10 would take again.

>>54733333
nice digits, and yes, she still had a ton of lovers. Theirs was a marriage to keep balance in the heavens

>>54712742
>>54713126
>>54713550
>>54734440
I think what interests me most about these pictures and statues and others like them is how the women (and men) are always presented as shaven. Greeks are not known for being without body hair, quite the opposite, in fact. Yet all of the statues and paintings from antiquity to renaissance always depict them as relatively hairless. Most people who claim to know anything of culture claim that women shaving their armpits and legs is a relatively recent cultural development, only widely practiced in the last 200 or so years. The shaving and trimming of pubic hair wasn't widespread in western culture until sometime in the mid to late 1970s. And yet we have clean shaven Greek goddesses. Why is this?

>>54735563
It's aesthetic, duh.

>>54735563
Because it's painfully hard and annoying to paint hair through all of the human body. I can't even begin to fathom how fucking stupidly hard it'd be to sculpt it.
These guys might have been masters of their craft, but you can't spend half your life into this one single goddess who couldn't into shaving her legs.

>>54735563
Well, shaving of almost all body hair (even head hair) was very popular in Egypt and in some Persian regions too. So it might be influenced by their ideals?

But honestly, probably a more logical explanation would be that those things were viewed as "dirt" obscuring the "true beauty". After all, the intention of the statue was not to capture the REALISTIC IMAGE of the person:
it was to capture the "Platonic IDEAL" of the person. Not even the person her-self, the model may have been nobody, just standing in for a DIETY.

Body hair, small imperfections, birth-marks scars etc.. were ommited because they were considered irrelevant, they were literally not part of the IDEA the sculptor was trying to capture.

Hell, earlier helenic statues even treated expression or emotion this way. Just abstracting it away from the final product.

TLDR: GREEK SCULPTORS PHOTOSHOPED THE SHIT OUT OF THEIR MODELS.

>>54712742
I pick the one that is the most beutiful.

>>54717659
Well, you will absolutely get fucked if you don't demand this, but have only a decent chance of getting fucked if you do.
99% or 60%? Which do you prefer?

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>>54735563
>>54735585
I think that it might be partially practical, too -- it's already pretty hard carving head hair, let alone body hair. Plus, that could have been a detail added after when painting the statues.

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>>54735563
Pumice stones were and still are used to remove body hair, now I'm not exactly certain if they were popular in Ancient Greece but they likely had some. I also remember hearing that sharp rocks and broken shells, like clam shells, were used as razors to shave legs and arms in the past.

Mind you, after Alexander reintroduced the metal razor to Greece, I think they might have been used for more then just men shaving their beards.

>>54735809
>>54735857
I can see the argument for most body hair, but on some men chest hair is as striking as facial hair, and on everyone unshaven pubic hair is extremely striking, at least as much as facial hair or the hair on our heads.

You can strip down and look at yourself from a distance in a mirror, the hair on your arms and legs may blend into your skin tone at a distance, but your pubes and armpits won't be doing this anymore than a beard or hair on your head, they're too thick. The hair there is as much as a part of the human form as a beard is.

>>54736070
I've officially learned more on 4chan than all of my time at school.

>>54732490
>Hello!
every fucking time.

>>54735563
I looked into this a bit. Body hair removal is often associated with how revealing a culture's clothing is. Societies with more revealing clothing more stringently practice body hair removal.

Roman and Greek people wore more revealing clothes than did barbarians on average, so they were more likely to shave. When the romans and Greeks started wearing more concealing clothes, shaving because less of a cultural imperative, but it remained strong in the Middle East and North Africa, where more revealing clothes were still worn.
When did shaving start coming back into general practice in the west? Around the time that is started to become acceptable for women to wear shorter skirts and shorter sleeves, while shaving has fallen more and more out of practice in the Middle East with the rise of Islamists enforcing full-body concealment for women.
Even in the west, women more stringently practice shaving during summer, but often don't bother in winter when they'll be wearing longer skirts and sleeves.

Tl;dr
More revealing clothes in a culture = more stringent practice of body hair removal.

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>>54712742
The mistake made by Paris was basing his decision off of the bribes the goddesses could provide rather than trading in the negative based on what curses each goddess would bestow if NOT picked. If you don't pick Hera, you are sure to find political trouble, which is okay if you have the greatest skill of a warrior, but not so much if all you have is a hot waifu. If you don't pick Athena, you are sure to be killed by a great warrior, which sucks regardless of whether you have a Waifu or a Crown. If you don't pick Aphrodite, you're going to be forever alone, which none of the others really mitigate.

Basically, if you want to live, you basically HAVE to pick Athena.

>>54739253
Wait didn't Paris live through the Trojan War?

>>54735853
What are you on about? You have the favor of the Goddess you just selected, as opposed to pissing each of them off right off the bat because you're acting like they're vindictive cunts. Which to be sure they are but you're not supposed to bring that up. Now you've directed their scorn at losing on you instead of just laying it upon each other if you had answered their question simply.

But Paris was already a Prince of one of the greatest Kingdoms and his brother was the greatest of warriors at the time. So why should the promise of kingdom or warrior prowess attract him?

>>54739306
He did. According the legend he and his wife fled to Italy and founded the first Roman tribes.

>>54739568
>According the legend he and his wife fled to Italy and founded the first Roman tribes.
You're thinking of Aeneas

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>>54739306
>>54739568
Yeah, well Paris was an orphan literally raised by bears and a master boxer. He's not your average fa/tg/uy

>>54717912
>apple

It's a tomato you sick fuck.

>>54739306
>Wait didn't Paris live through the Trojan War?

He was wounded in battle, and Helen killed him to regain favor with Menelaus.

>>54741526
Not quite. Paris was slain at Troy by Philoctetes who used a legendary bow to slay him in battle.

>>54712742
Knowing my party, they'd assume all three to be illusions (they think everything is an illusion) or assume they're charlatans and poke them with burning needles like from The Thing (what they did when they met an angel) or subject them to some other kind of torture. Provided this proves they're not illusions and they are real goddesses, and they don't get pissed and try to kill them, they'd probably all roll to seduce all 3 with varying degrees of non-success.

It's a wonder we survived even a couple plots. We are socially oblivious autists even in-game.

>>54740840
>Tomato
>In the old world
Nigga what

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>>54714842
Chad Prime, source of all that is Chad.

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>>54712742
>what do
Accept all the bribes then pick the one with the best badonk and we all know who that is.

>>54712742
>the last with the most beautiful waifu in the world
Question her, assuming the waifu is loyal and well suited to me it's the easiest choice, kingship is too much trouble and skill in battle is useless once you plan to settle down

>>54742652
>ITT: Someone who's never heard of the Trojan War

>>54742668
Once she's in your hands you run you can let the gods fight all they want

>>54712742
Cut my own throat, nothing good can come from angering two goddeses.

>>54742817
>Someone hasn't read the illiad

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>mfw I realize that the goddesses are real
>mfw Yahwe never existed
>mfw all I did has been for naught

>>54724225
YOU LITERALLY CAN'T WIN WITH THIS PROBLEM
THEY'RE ALL BITCHY DIVAS WITH UNLIMITED COSMIC POWER
The only way you can leave somewhat unscathed is by pretending to be retarded or just run screaming in the other direction

>>54742933
Don't silly, anon, that's just what they want you to think! Clearly they're demons trying to lead you astray! There's only one true response to this.

Draw your sword, and charge! DEUS VULT!

>>54712742
If it's going to end in war anyway, then you accept the skill in battle and just take the kingdom and the waifu yourself.

>>54730887
>Nevermind Diomedes was the only Greek at Troy to have a happy ending.

It's been a while since I read that stuff, but Diomedes was my favorite. Ballsy enough to stab a goddess and charge a god, level-headed enough to avoid the pettiness and whinyness of some of his peers like Achilles. What happened to him again?

>>54742933
See
>>54716157

>>54739633
>a master boxer

Fake news. Paris was a huge bitch who paraded around in a chariot shooting arrows like a coward, only to run away whenever anyone tried to get close enough to fight him like a man. Paris' failings as a warrior are critical to the epic.

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>>54744138
>>54744714
I HAVE BEEN RESTORED MY BROTHERS! I WILL CLEANSE THESE DEMONS AND STAND FIRM IN MY FAITH.

DEUS VULT!

>>54712810
Amazing how beauty standards can shift, especially when guided along by photoshop.

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>>54744821
Yes anonsader, give in to your anger!Slaughter the demons of Lust and Avarice in Virgin Mary's name!

>>54744607
Basically Diomedes was the only Achaean leader to not be punished on the return journey as punishment for all the fucked up shit they pulled during the sack of Troy.

Still, he gets home and finds out Aphrodite hasn't forgiven him about the whole stabbing thing and so she has his wife shacking up with a bunch of different guys and they don't want him in Argos anymore.

So Diomedes ends up going to Italy and settles down near Apulia. He wins some victories for the local king and marries his daughter with two sons. He settles down and helps found a bunch of cities which were prosperous. When the Latins come to ask him for help he straight up turns them down, saying he doesn't want to fight the Trojans anymore and all he is interested in is peace.

Sometime later he even gives the Palladium back to Aeneas, and eventually he gets deified, which puts Aeneas and Diomedes as the only two heroes from Troy to do so.

The only other Greek to get any sort of happy ending is Menelaus, but he also had to deal with a mad case of PTSD for the rest of his life.

>>54745398
Odysseus do kind of have an happy ending, when he finally get home. Not counting that he could have stayed with Circee or Calypso...

>>54712742
I'd just pick whoever looked the most beautiful to me. Being goddesses, they can probably read minds and shit and would know if I was up to no good. Also, that's obviously the woman on the far right in the image.

Leftmost has some kind of weird, sickly green skin condition. That's no good. The second one is covered by a dress which makes her look like a granny and impossible to tell. Last one is actually presenting herself, looks fairly good and doesn't have any obvious deformities. I'm gonna go with her.

>>54734440
Meh, you can't really go wrong with Athena. The two others would obviously upset a LOT of mortals, by either stealing away a beautiful girl or entire continents. With just skill at arms and wisdom, you're not stealing shit. And if Hera sends some dudes after you, you can just kill them all with your skill, or outsmart them with your wisdom. You're in a good position to stay below the radar with your skills, and no baggage like a girl or a nation. What is Aphrodite even going to do? Tell your waifu that you're a bad man? Whatever man. Athena is obviously the correct choice, and the entire story is about how dumb Paris was for picking the fat chick of the group, and also how big a vindictive bitch Hera is. Go Athena or go home.

>>54748680
I'm quite sure Aphrodite can and will make sure you'll never find love or get laid, actually. Thought I guess the joke may be on her for some of us

>>54749720
>the joke may be on her
Well precisely. Also, you're like the champion of Athena now, which is like having the ultimate waifu. Seems like a pretty good deal to me man. Better than the alternatives at least.

>>54735563
Newsflash! SJW and feminists are retards and invent issues where there is none.

>>54748680
^This

Athena is best girl.

Would serve her interests if she wanted me to.

>>54749793
>ultimate waifu

I am sorry anon but unlike Aphrodite, Athena would never ever lay with a mortal. You may be her champion and she may be there to help you in the odd jiffy but goddamn she is spiteful. She turned Arachne into a goddamn spider for out weaving her. She is a petty, petty god.

Aphrodite will not only grant you a beautiful woman, if she is your patron and she loves you a ton she may come down and make love to you as either herself or in the guise of a mortal.

Aphrodite is great!

I can't even think of a good thing Hera would do for you.

>>54751972
Honestly, Hera is such a cunt that I can't imagine her as anyone but Alan's wife from Two and and a half Men.

Cruel, spiteful, and petty.

>>54748680
>just skill at arms and wisdom

You don't get wisdom. That's not what Nike Athena offers - she just offers glory and skill in combat. You're still a dumbass.

>>54753746
Not him but I will give Athena credit in one account: she saved Diomedes and allowed him to cut Aphrodite and make her flee and impale Ares through with a spear.

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>>54753880
Which makes him good at combat, not wise. If you want, you could argue that Athena also crammed his asshole with horseshoes and four-leaf clovers, to prevent the extremely unwise attempted deicide from coming back to bite him.

>>54735563
I believe I heard that Achilles was weird in that he shaved his body hair.

Debate with my group on this, setting the tone that I shall put asunder any man (or woman) whom would attempt a mockery of this contest. Each bribery shall be met with contempt.

At the time of the contest judging, we shall not bring up the attempts of bribery, but tell them that each shall have our devotion to them when they return to the paradise they reside - but on mortal lands they shall succumb to the flights of mortal fancy and therefore, sexually biased desires to be the judge.

>>54756674
And would also grease thyself to be extra slick.

>>54742390

Zeus don't do the thing.

>>54756674
>>54756761
I always find it funny the little details ancient writers tend to include in their works

>oh yes, it is very important that people know that Achilles was a fan of oiling himself up

>>54736070
Pumice does work, just saying as i use it, but i don't have much hair on my legs and arms anyway

Run the fuck away from three deities that will surely curse me.

>>54712742
You pick the most powerful of the goddesses. No brainer.

>>54757287

>YOU'RE NOT MY BOSS
>I'M MY BOSS
>I'M YOUR BOSS
>I'M FUCKING THE THING

>>54748680
The two others would subject you to eternal torment out of blind rage.
If you're lucky, they'll just physically rip your arms and legs off, killing you then and there.

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>>54739623
>The Trojans were awesome!
>But the MOST AWESOME was this one, whom you've never heard of before but trust me HE WAS AWESOME!!!
>Because he founded the greatest place evar, Rome!
>And there was a hot chick! And she totally wanted him!
>But he refused her because girls are icky!
>And then and then, you know that cool thing that Odysseus did where he talked to the dead? Well my guy did it too but IT WAS EVEN MORE AWESOMER when he did it!
Virgil - patron saint of fanfic.

Why would a goddess of wisdom and skill at arms give a shit about a beauty contest? Like, I get that it's just that they're the three primary female Olympians. But it just doesn't seem like a thing that Athena would be very concerned about. Is she just supposed to be terminally competitive?

>>54760404
Goddess of wisdom and skill at arms but still a vain woman

Greek gods aren't pure and inhuman manifestations of their spheres of influence, they just super-powerful dick wizards

What's with all the Athena worship in this thread? Athena beating Ares in a fight? Really? I'm an Erisfag but even I know Nike could beat them both without even trying. And not just in a fight, at any challenge or contest you care to name. And all the ones you don't care to name either. She'd win this beauty contest too. She's the goddess of winning. She wins, that's her thing.

>>54760586
see
>>54760431

I'm sure Nike would super duper WANT to win though.

>>54714638
>What is two continents compared to the utopian union of the whole world?
A start.

>>54745140
idk anon, I know several mortal women I would fuck before any of those three

It always angered me that Paris made them get naked. It's like, dude, Goddesses are choosing YOU, some random farmer asshole to judge them, and you're gonna demand they take their clothes off? They could smite you in a second.

>>54761328
Having such titanic balls is probably WHY they chose him.

>>54760586
Probably because Athena is /ourgirl/ and represents the sort of qualities we want to see in women at tabletop, rather than Iwantsexualattention Aphrodite and Iwantpreferentialtreatment Hera.

The Trojan war was basically a game of WH2k BC for her and Odysseus was her Creed.

>>54751972
>I can't even think of a good thing Hera would do for you.
Give you the perfect marriage with many children. That's what she gave Jason until he broke his oaths, at which point she abandoned him, his perfect waifu suddenly stopped being his perfect waifu and killed his kids, and he died alone, broken, and abandoned by all he held dear.

You don't fucking cross Hera.

>>54761828
>Iwantsexualattention Aphrodite
In Corinth, Aphrodite was also known as a war goddess, Aphrodite Areia.

>>54761937
>In random town, random cultism decided to take hold because Greek religion wasn't organised.

I'm referring to literature versions of the goddesses, just as is on topic of the thread. Obviously.

>>54760358
It's all fairness, it's my understanding that it was a commissioned fanfic. Virgil just wrote what he was told, and he was told to write about how rome and the romans were so great because their origins lie in great heroes descended from gods

>>54762239
>>54762218
>Corinth
>random town
t. Athenian

>>54761328
This is your ONE chance EVER to see divine tits. Not just one pair, but three pairs. And they're fighting for the honour of you telling them their tits are the best of the three.

I'd bring ruin to my homeland and die for that

>>54762343
>>54715438
>>54727504
You guys just jelly. Athene literally bestowed unto her patron city the wisdom to see past the needs of polytheistic gods, ushering in a new age of philosophy. And when she saw that philosophy had grown decadent and full of sophistry, she gave birth to Jesus Christ to save us from our original sin.

She's been the watchful sentinel of our evolution as a species since Prometheus gave humanity fire, she will continue to do so until the glorious workers paradise arrives, and any wise man will gladly take her boon of battle prowess, then invite her to their DnD session.

>>54762357
>I'd bring ruin to my homeland and die for that

Literally what Paris did.

>>54712742
Pick none of them and accept no bribes.

Don't trifle with a crazed bitch in a beauty contest, particularly if they have insane power to warp the world around their whim. That's like rule number one, and the fastest way to get your dick turned into a mouse.

>>54762763
>Pick none of them and accept no bribes
>get cursed by all three for insulting them by not choosing one

If there is one thing you can do worse than picking one, its picking none.

>>54762774
Yes, but the curse would be ironic because you didn't really piss them off, just recognized their argument as petty and inconsequential. A real curse is where you offend two goddesses by not choosing either of them, but also picking one, so you're now the direct actor responsible for the endless catty chirping of whomever your picked, which in turn gives them real reason to murder you horribly, regardless of another goddess' favor.

>>54762734
Yeah, and I'd do it too. Sure, I probably wouldn't choose Aphrodite, but really there's no right choice anyway and I'll bring ruin regardless. I accept that and take solace in that I got to see godly mountains that put Olympus to shame; and I guess I'll probably kick ass for a while in the horrible war to come with Athena's gift before I die a fools death.

>>54762886
Athena wouldn't let you die a fool's death. She'd make sure it'd be a glorious last stand, a tale to be told of how one man stood against the forces of greed and faggotry.

>>54716076
Wasn't Ares meant to be more of a primal violent side to war, slaughtering enemies and using their skin for bed sheets before raping the conquered peoples women? While Athena was more of the tactics and strategy of war, the more learned and civilised aspect of it? That was my understanding at least.

>>54763093
Yeah, Ares is the god of fighting in a war while Athena is the god of fighting a war.

It is worth noting, however, that we get a lot of of our view on Gods and Greek myth from Athens.

>>54729858
This guy gets it

>>54763093
Pretty much. I am happy Ares got one shotted in the Iliad and went screaming and crying in pain to Zeus, only to get told off.

>>54763093
Ares was also the god of rebuilding after a war ended, but that's not cool enough so it was dropped from the Roman version.

>>54729930
>Already married to a goddess
Then why not give her as the answer? "The most beautiful goddess is my wife Oenone, who I'm madly in love with." This might get approval from both Hera (marriage), and Aphrodite (love).

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>>54712742 (OP)
Slightly OT but even though she wasn't a major goddess, I think my favourite of the female deities would be Thetis.

>saved Zeus from a rebellion of Olympians
>saved and raised Hephastus when he was thrown from mount Olympus by Hera who hated him for being lame
>loves her son Achilles and tries to make him immortal
>hides him on an Island to protect him from the call of War
>comforts Achilles as he is crying over Briseries and Patrocles
>gets armor forged by Hepheastus to protect him

Thetis was a good mother and a great goddess.

>>54763748
I think Oenone's life would have probably taken a very unpleasant turn if Paris gave that as the answer. If not Aphrodite, Hera.

>>54763093
>Wasn't Ares meant to be more of a primal violent side to war
If you only read Athenian stuff, yes.

Not even then, really. If he was, then he wouldn't appear as one of their primary oath-gods, i.e. the one they swear vows to.

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>>54712742
>fuck politics, I ain't dealing with that shit.
>don't want to be a filthy martial.
>already have the perfect waifu, knowledge, and more than one waifu will ruin your laifu.

Their offerings are unsatisfactory. Kill them and eat them.

>>54763770
Why exactly? This would be an affirmation of the powers of both goddesses' domains.

>>54712742
>getting stuck on a greek goddess quarrel
I'm gay.

>>54763826
Hera and Aphrodite are like the rest of the pantheon, immortal humans with super powers. Unlike the kid tier super heroes we have today, the Greeks back then knew what any human would be like with that level of power and it isn't pretty. They were deeply flawed like humans but with the ability to deliver punishment without retribution. One of those flaws was pettiness.

You are right it would affirm it but the pantheon were pretty much gigantic assholes. By refuting the beauty of all three goddesses, even for his wife, Paris would have scorned all three.

>which of us is the most beautiful?
>my wife, the goddess Oenone
>so you are saying we are not as beautiful as your wife?!
>uh.....

>>54712742
Tell them that bribery is really unattractive and declare Macaria, daughter of Hades the winner.

Athens should have been genocided
Prove me wrong

>>54764039
And then you start a holy war against hades, will never be a good ruler, a good warrior, or find true love
Well done

>>54764276
Worth it

>>54712742
Reveal to them the truth of mortal whims; that beauty lies in the subjective eye of the beholder.

>>54764276
You really thing Zeus would go to war with his brother at the behest of his wife, his accident daughter, or the only woman in the universe he didn't got to sleep wi-

Oh my god he might.

>>54713013
Just look up Mythenders )

>>54764460
He has fucked Aphrodite though, in some myths she's his mistress.

>>54712742
I think the best possible course of action is to take the cyanide pill (or equivalent) and be done with it as quick as possible. I'm too acquainted with the classics to see a better option.
(Of course dramatic irony would dictate that this contest didn't have any downside for me and the three would have let me go with my gift and friendly wave goodbye)

>>54762986
Or you'd walk off the battlefield, covered in glory, and then a hot lady offers to do sex things with you after you drink some wine. Then you drink the wine, and die shitting yourself from the poison, because Aphrodite is a cunt.

>>54763826
Remember that the Golden Apple was given to Peleus at his own wedding to Thetis, and both Aphrodite and Hera expected him to award the apple to them there. Don't insult them by saying that neither are as good as someone who isn't even in the contest.

>>54712742
Wax philosophically about beauty being an abstraction of sapient thought that is not a true physical quality, and thus subjective to any being and therefor a worthless measure.

Also, blame Apollo for giving me that thought.

>>54713195
Constellations are for people they like.

>>54713223
Disqualify them all for bribing the judge.

>>54764276
Yeah but I'll get into the Blessed Isles and seriously fuck the three that started it. Everyone knows goddesses can't act agsinst gods in Greek myth anyway, or Medusa would never have happened.

>>54764301
Indeed

>>54714087
The Great Library failed because of lack of funding, the volumes within were sold to pay for repairs over the centuries.

By the time religious fanatics burned it the only remaining books were religious texts anyway.

>>54745483
Unless you count the Roman continuation. Or the subtext in the oroginal.

Circe was his true love, but you can't be king with a witchy wife.

>>54764909
>you can't be king with a witchy wife.
Between that and Medea greeks truly were fucking faggots.

>>54712742
Tell them they have one dimension too many and to fuck off

>>54712742
Declare I am but a blind soldier and start a tittygroping feast

>>54713013
You're not too bright, are you?
Killing gods is a plot point of many an RPG.

To be fair even Aphrodite gift was shit
> you'll have the most beautiful woman in the world
>but you'll have to steal her to her husband, which happen to be a king, the brother of the most powerful king of Greece
>also all her would be husbands swore a vow to help get her back if she was stolen and they are kings too
>have fun ;^)
Geez, thank a lot. Couldn't she just create one out of thin air or something ? Truly worst goddess.

>>54712742

I declare that as a mortal, I am incapable of adequately judging the beauty of the gods. Therefore, the goddesses themselves must each cast a vote for whom they believe the most beautiful, with the caveat that they cannot vote for themselves.

>>54765585
>making your own waifu out of scraps

Go back to bed, Pygmalion

>>54765738
The losers will curse you for suggesting a method that disadvantaged them. In addition, the winner will see no reason to bribe/reward you.

>>54764840
I don't think it works that way anon. Athena damned Medusa not because she couldn't do anything to Poseidon, she probably could have through Zeus, but because Medusa was "weak" enough to allow herself to be raped.

Athena saw Poseidon as an equal, another God. Medusa was a peasant. A peasant dedicated to her and had to follow a virginal life. By letting her virginity be taken, she insulted Athena.

That's the logic of Gods, nothing to do with powerlessness. Hell they beat the crap out of one another in the Iliad no bother. Athena powers up a spear to impale Ares even.

>>54766182
And yet look how he ended up compared to Paris. He was clearly right.

>>54766326
>Athena powers up a spear to impale Ares even
l-lewd

Who is best greek waifu, then ?

>>54766617
Penelope, no doubt

>loyal to a fault
>clever enough to keep a horde of warlord suitors at bay
>skilled weaver

10/10 years

>>54763882
>Unlike the kid tier super heroes we have today, the Greeks back then knew what any human would be like with that level of power
Fucking eurotrash, scared shitless of anyone different from them.

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>>54766617
>Who is best greek waifu, then ?

>>54766874
I don't see what this has anything to do with being Euro. American, Euro, African, Asian, doesn't matter. If you give people a huge amount of power and immune to consequences, you get some pretty twisted people more often than not.

I don't know why my statement set you off, unless you love comic book super heroes. They're fun but not remotely how any real person would act. More fantasy than the Greek Gods.

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>>54766997
>Aphrodite was the one who brought Galatea to life
>they had two children together
>story so popular it was known commonly up till the 17th century

Aphrodite confirmed best goddess.

>>54764775

Or for people who have conquered them.

If three bitches being under your dick is not them "being conquered", I don't know what is.

>>54765460
There's a difference between killing a god and killing gods because you view the very nature of them as evil.

>>54766183

Fine. Instead, each goddess is to rank the three of them in order of beauty. The winner is chosen based upon highest average rank. Blind answers to prevent collusion or intentional equalizing.

>>54712742

> Things appear

> What do?

Shank 'em and take their loot obviously...

>>54767351
Anon, I ain't him but it cannot be emphasized that in this case, you are a mortal and any attempt to decree or make demands or orders to these godesses is paramount to suicide.

I also can't emphasize more just how downright petty (PETTY) these goddesses were. Imagine that individual you feel you need to walk on egg shells every word, every moment, every conversation. Now I want you to replace those egg shells with land mines.

That's the best I can describe.

>>54712742
Reply that as a mortal I lack an ability to perceive all the required information. Request they each stand in front of a mirror and describe the flaws they see. When they no doubt have no flaws to give I will say that it is clear any judgement would be down purely to preference, and considering such I prefer Athena.

Am I the only one who hates gods in greek myths? Whenever I read these myths it feels like most of the gods are bunch of degenerate tyrants who rape, scheme, and cause trouble for no reason. I thought the purpose of gods in mythology was to guide their human ethnic group.

>>54768650
>I thought the purpose of gods in mythology was to guide their human ethnic group.

Trying to ascribe a reason as to what a mythological figures does in terms of it's value to a sociological group is the most common mistake people without religious studies education makes.

>>54768650
It makes sense. Gods are personifications of the world's many facets, and the world will fuck you for no reason.

>>54768748
>>54768702
Is there a way for a pleb like me to better understand mythology and gods then? My goal in life is to write stories based of european mythology. I've gotten several books on mythology from Amazon but don't understand why people keep worshipping the gods when they constantly screw their lives over.

>>54769203
If you want to write stories, then write stories. A lot of people listened to the structuralists and their herpaderp trying to ascribe meaning to every story, and how the story of Thor in Hymiskviða is the Germanic peoples trying to explain lightning. Sometimes people just want to tell a story about going on adventures to find a cauldron.

>>54760358
It makes perfect sense that Dante included him in the first great self insert fan fic