Let's try this just one more time. ITT: Completely Useless

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>telescope that fogs up as soon as it is raised to the eye
>sword whose blade goes limp and soft when drawn
>mirror anyone can see everything but themselves in
>arrows that lose all momentum on contact with a solid object
>cape that shrinks to become too small for the wearer
>pen that only writes when scribbling in the corner of a page
>dice that always land cocked
>book which rewrites itself to be relevant to but never exactly what you are searching for
>book that only shows what you're thinking
>bagpipes that make all of your movement completely silent but only while playing them
>rope that cannot be tied
>cloak that is unable to absorb and completely permeable to any liquid
>a ring that lets you wear one extra ring
>a ring that turns its wearer invisible, but only when nobody is looking
>shield that is unbreakable because it transfers all energy absorbed to the user
>gloves that turn gold into lead and gems into sand stone
>candle that goes out immedately after lighting
>crystal ball that only shows the room you are in
>wand that destroys itself and creates a duplicate wand with a magic word
>ear muffs that freeze your ears and make every sound you hear painfully loud
>knife whose blade becomes incorporeal on contact with a solid object
>broom that leaves trail of dirt behind when sweeping
>bookmark that changes place in the book
>flute that makes no noise when played
>bag you can store one item of any size in, but it takes the size and shape of the item
>pillow that is only soft when you lay your head on it, but screams when you do so

An exact copy of a bag of holding, just its a normal bag.

Can't open the PDF right now to see if they're there, but a couple old favorites:

>Ring of +1 Ring Slot
Does what it says on the tin

>Choker of Snakespeech
Enables the user to talk to snakes and only snakes. It has no effect on spoken language or comprehension, you just can only address snakes while wearing it.
Best Use: identifying a person who is really 1000 snakes in a trench coat

>>54330130
Lastly,
>GroloMagitek™ brand Multifunction Doomsday Device

A floating polyhedron where each side contains some writing and a button. What remains of the manual suggests that each side contains the name of a species which may be rendered extinct by pressing the corresponding, labeled button.

The party does not recognize any of the species names, and only one selectable option remains: "Auto"

Pressing the button erases the device from existence, as Auto means Self

>>54330086

How is that magic?

>>54330130

The first one might be in there, I'll admit I haven't read it myself it was just something an anon in my last thread posted but I did include it in my list.

I like the second one. I could definitely do something with this.

>>54330170

Ehhh, I might be able to make this work.

What do you guys think of stuff a little more mundanely useless? Stuff like...

>pants that can't stay fastened or pulled up
>bookmark that falls out of the book as soon as it's closed
>bag that nothing can be placed in

I could crap those out all day but it just seems lazy and boring. Do I bother?

>>54330666
>How is that magic?

It's an actual bag of holding, but the pocket dimension it uses is only the size of an ordinary bag.

>>54329996
Some of the entries in that PDF are duplicated

>>54333881

Goin' with a theme:

>Longsword of the Lannisters

"A Lannister always pays his debts"

When a foe is struck by this sword in melee combat, a number of coins equal to the cost of magically healing the wounds inflicted by the sword will be teleported from the wielder's person onto the target's. If the wielder doesn't have sufficient coinage to cover the cost of this healing, the sword will magically twist in his or her hand, causing an automatic miss.

>Wand of the Starks

"Winter is coming"

When evoked, this wand will verbally inform the wielder whether or not it will get colder than the current temperature. Unfortunately, its creator apparently forgot to include a timeframe or range of location (i.e. will it get colder this week, will it get colder in this town). As a result, its answer has always - to date - been a simple "yes."

>Dragonglass Club

For some unknown reason, this rare material which, due to the way it fractures, can produce some of the sharpest blades known, has been fashioned into a perfectly smooth, rounded club. It suffers a -1 penalty to hit and damage due to its light weight, but otherwise acts as a normal club.

>>54332765

Ah okay, that works then.

>>54333881

Sorry anon, like I said I haven't read it. Some kind anon posted it in my last thread and I saved it.

>The Mountain of Odin

According to legend, this mountain is actually the tip of Odin's spear, Gungnear. When wielded, the mountain acts as a Colossal+++ Vorpal Spear. Unfortunately, it is also literally a mountain, and nobody has thus far had any success at picking the mountain up, let alone swinging it around.

Also, some wags say that the legend is just that, and that the mountain is literally just a mountain.

How about a mask that allows you to breath under water?

You still don't gain any oxygen from it and you will still drown, it just becomes much easier to inhale and exhale.

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Quick bump. Wonder why last thread did so well but this one just doesn't wanna take off?