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>be playing a character in D&D for the first time, only DMed until now
>have no idea what to do so I just decide to play Guts from Berserk
>make a 10th level Barbarian, greatsword, daggers, hand crossbow
>roleplay as Guts, don't interact with the party, act aloof and distant
>find a small homunculus, decide to interrogate it to find its master
>catch it in my fist, the same way Guts did to Puck in the beginning of the manga
>go away from the party, get lead down a secret pathway
>two party members are tailgating me, the other 2 are somewhere else and I don't give a shit about them
>hear the sounds of battle
>2 party members persuade me to go investigate with them
>it's the other 2 party members getting assraped by a Giant and 2 drows
>I'm still holding the homunculus in my hand and I need to jump into the fray
>the greatsword is a 2 handed weapon so I need to put the homunculus somewhere safe
>have no place to put it, no pockets or pouch
>I.... uhhh, I shove it up my ass?
everyone keks heartily at this point
>DM allows it but I need to make a Strength check every turn to make sure it doesn't fall out or go up my ass
>first turn I roll a 1
>the homunculus shoots up my ass all the way into my stomach
>end of turn, we hurry so the homunculus doesn't die from stomach acid
>I want to go back to the kitchen and eat until I shit myself
>ranger restrains me and cleric pours a Potion of Gaseous Form up my ass
>fails
>I shit blood
>tries again, succeeds
>I now have to fart the homunculus
>roll a 20
>clench so hard I also shit some gold coins I had ingested previously
MFW I got him up my ass with a 1 and took him out with a 20
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This is stupid.
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LOL op for da win xD an internwt for u good sir xD capped for future threads xD
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>>54138228
ebin xd include me in the screencap when you post it on plebbit
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>>54138228
I would say you sound too creatively bankrupt to be a DM, but your friends all sound like jackasses too so I guess it works out. Also why not just vomit it out if it's in your stomach?
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>>54138265
>>54138280
>>54138309
>>54138321
you're all a bunch of no-fun faggots who self-validate by picking on people that do wacky stuff. Try not being spergs for a change.
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>>54138228
I'm pretty sure Guts has pouches. Why not stick him in a pouch?
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>>54139289
Try making a good story next time.
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>>54138228
>Never played before
>Jumps right up to 10th level
Stopped reading right there senpai
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>>54140220
Nobody even does that shit. Sounds made up.
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How about based GM thread?
>GMing in FLGs for my usuals and one of their female friends
>female friend is a lesbian
>party gets obliterated during combat, one guy is dead and everyone else is unconcious
>bandit leader starts raping the lesbian, as she is the only female in the group
>I can already see tears forming in her eyes
>roll for bandits leader charisma
>nat fucking 20
>"You were raped straight"
>she runs out of the story crying, her friend runs after her and rest of the guys gang up on me and give me shit for rest of the evening
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>>54138228
That sounds pretty retarded, but you're probably 14 so that would sound fun to me at that time.
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>>54140345
Your friends are a bunch of prudes.
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>>54138228
You were roleplaying as Guts and didn't have any bags? That's larger faggotry than shoving a homunculus up your bunghole.
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>>54138228
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>>54140345
That's the most retarded thing I've read and I suffered through >>54138228 to get here.
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>>54140345
>gaming in public
>if a girl loses she gets raped
>you describe this in a public setting
>"I really upset an actual human being lol!"
>your friends even call you out on it
you're a shit gm, lol.
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>>54138228
Why didn't you just put inside your mouth?
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>>54138228
Every character has a bag in 5e unless you specifically choose not to for some reason. . This is fake and gay.
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>>54138321
its also got shit on it. dont want that in your mouth
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>>54138228
Even /tg/ have standards, you know? This story is garbage.
Thread posts: 21
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Thread images: 2