The Bureau: A Return To Form

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>>54107075
We might need bigger guns for those crustaceans, command.

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>>54107161
How big are they? I remember one being the size of a tank, but that seemed to be just a one-off. What has happened, unit?

>>54107075
The crustaceans are clearly a distraction from the investigation into your corruption High Administrator. You have been charged with treason, bribery, and making stale derivative threads that add nothing to the board.

The crime is mediocrity, the sentence is sage

>>54107257
We have encountered one that dwarfs the rest, his caparace is impervious to small arms fire.

At this moment we're preparing to launch a strike with the AT we have at our disposal.

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>>54107411
And the various threads revolving around men in heavy armor, and whether or not they are fucking the warrior women of their imperialistic society are somehow better Comelius? Truly, you seem to have become quite delusional after ages of participating in the same stale threads, my friend.

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>>54107445
Try to take out one of it's legs. If it is as large as you say, then the sudden change in the distribution of it's weight onto it's various limbs will cause it to topple over, making it vulnerable. Just be careful once you do so, it will most certainly become desperate and will start attacking with more fervor, and the the lesser minions will likely rush to it's defense.

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Stealth Bump from above.

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>>54107670
Command, we have managed to inmovilize the hostile.

But the moment we advanced to secure it we were attacked, but not from we expected. The creatures attacked from below, dragging at least half of the fire team inside the tunnels.

Requesting permission to start a rescue mission once we get a pickup for the big one.

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>>54108608
Permission granted. Sending in a transport for the larger creature. Just stay on your toes men, these creatures are smart and highly adaptable. expect the unexpected.

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>>54109194
We're inside, signal is acting funny. We'll report back as soon as possible command.

ST, out

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>>54109778
Just be careful. And don't do anything reckless. I'm going to go call up Dr Draer and her team to see if they've come up with anything.

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Bump.

Is this the same shadowy organization that wanted me to go to a hotel in germany?

>>54111588
Because I cleared the hotel

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>>54111588
>>54111710
You did? How was it? what was the source of the problem? because last I checked, several.. -things- emerged from the building and started eating people, and we had to cordon off the entire site.

>>54112137
It was the tooth fae who was tired of not being taken seriously. So distracting her minons with various anti fae technics I got close pretending to be scared of her. Then I punched her as hard as I could with cold iron brass knuckes( she would have noticed a sword or gun) banishing her and breaking my hand

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I seem to be lost, Command. No signs of giant crabs here, just... sand.

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>>54112404
P͑̏̈́͆̚ś̾͋̉s͗ͬͯ̑̍s͐ͨ͒ͭ̌̋t̃̓̌ beh̃̂i̿ͯ̿̾͑n͒d͌̏̂̊ ̊ͧy͒͒o̊͒u͗̍̑̓̔̓̾

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>>54112452
Command, I have made contact with a giant lobster. Please advise.

>>54112490
PUNCH IT

BY GOD PUNCH IT YOU BASTARD

>>54112490
S͌̀̇̚hͨh͛̑ͮh̒̊̉̿h ̽͆kͧ͋̄ͯ̋̚e̓̔͗̀e̊̄̐̈p͐͛̋̉ͦ͌̚ y̒̇́̔ͦͮȏ̊̄̚ū̓̈́ͯͪͬr̐̀̊͗͆̚ h͌͛̏eͭaͩ̈̐ͭ̄̈̈d̎̌̉͊ ͂ͤ̏̾͂̿̚dͣͭ̊̓̂̓ͯown̿ͧ̄̽ͮ
̾ͣ̐͌͆̈́͋C͂haͫ͒͂̇̌rͪ̋̃lͫͪ̋̈̾̃ĭ͂̏ͤ̄̒ͨȇ͂͌̂̏̔ͣ ̒̈́iͣͧ̽ͫ̆́s̒ͫ̋ͩͬͦ̿ ̈́͑̽̚o̍̑uͯ̑̏͒̄̎t̔ͩͩ̿͋ͮ̑ ̚t̉͋̄̊́̐̑h́̍̓̽ͩ͆é̄ͤ̈ͧ͗rȅ̾̑̇ ̐̆́ͧͤsomͬ̈̌eŵ̀herͬ̋ͩ̎e̊ͣ̃
Wh̒̐a͂t̃ͫ̓ͭͣ̉́ ͛ͬͯg͐̇ͪ̔i͌̑̈́̌̿͑̊ȁͪn̈́̃t ̑ͫ̌ͦ̀l̓̾̾ͨoͫ̃́ͨb̉s̓̌͒̃̇t͋̓̑̎ͣ̎͑er̀̎̌͊̚?́

>>54112508
Command, the giant lobster has been neutralized at the cost of my right hand... what now?

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>>54112404
>>54112452
>>54112490
Remain perfectly calm, no rash actions. Ask it about it's purpose here on this world. Doesn't seem to be off the demonic, fire-breathing variety encountered thus far. Seems willing to open negotiations, and besides, if it was evil you would already be dead, soldier.

>>54112536
Addendum, Command: It seems to believe it's a US trooper in the Vietnam war. I'm so confused...

>>54112574
I͆̎̽̍ ̍̑̃ͬ̋̂̚dͫ̂͗͐̈́͌oͭ͗ͬ͒ͩn'̉ͭt̎͗ͨ̓ͫ ̔̌k̐͐nͪ͂̎̐̐̆o͛ͦw͒̃̈́ ̿͋̏͊wh̾ͤͧ̇ͯ̂ȁͣͣͬ̒̌̏tͩ̌̌͊̆ ͤy͑o̿͆̎ũ̃̀̋̽̄'ͤͪv̈́̃̆͗̉̽̿ė̚ ͬ́be̿̐͒eͮ͑͂̂̌̂͗nͦͩ ͬ́s͒̎mͧ̑̂o͒ͯ͊ͯ̽ͨk͂īͨnͨg̍̌̊̆̉̽̆ ̇͆̀͑̈́t͋͂̃̀r͆o̓͆ͧ̊̂͂̂o̓ͬpĕ͊ͤͣͫ̉r̆̿̆̂̑ b̈́́́̾u̎͆̍t͛̌̌ͫ͗̍ ̓̓w͛̇ͨe͆ n̈eͣͮ̐̓͑̂eͬ͂̋̎ͪ̏d́ͬ͑͒ͩ ̓̈́̆̋t̐̽̒͂ô͐͐̃ͤͫ͊ ̎ͮg͊̈́͗̽͂et̄͆ͬͯ ̆̍̋̐͋ͩ̂b͑̉āc͊ͪͬ̐ͫ͑ḱ̄ͮ̄͗̚ ͫ̈͋͗͋͒t̊̔̓ͦͦͨoͪͨ f̉̇́̐i̇͂̍̊̏ͩr̊ͭ̿͒͑ͤ̓ebͧͩ̈́a̚seͧͦ̈̑ͤ aͤ̌̃ͣǹ̽ͤ̋̀̃d̔ ̄͛̃̎t͊͐ͫͭhͪ̆͑͊ȅͨ͂n̈́ ̍̂̎͛̎̾̋I͒ͪ ͛ͪ̆̔̿wͧͧ̇̈ͩ̀̓ä̐n̑͆̿̎͗ͦt̿ͫ́̂̍̄̏ ̀ͣ̎̉̈som͑e

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>>54112536
That giant lobster. I have just gotten reports of a titanic creature rising out of the pacific. It utterly dwarfs anything encountered thus far. Everyone, prepare for combat.

>>54112634
Ȋ̍͂̊̀̃ ̑͋̆k̂nͬe͊̉w͌ ̃ͦͧͮͦͧth̿͊̔͒̂ͩo̓sͯ̉̆͆ͫeͮ̋ͯ͛̾̿ͯ ͮ̂ͭ̾̈ĝ̋̔̉̊od̂͂̊da͑͛̓͊m̾̏̏ͭ̃͂n̓ ́c̓o͌̎m̋̎͊̓̒m̈͆̚î̀ë̏̎̈́̏̾s͛͊ ͦ̉̾w͐ͫ̔̎ͧ̊̑h̓̓̃̔͆͆er̆̑̓̈́̆̄e̎ͤ̇̒ͬ͊̚ ̏̉̿̈́͂ͫup̿̌̄ ̌̏̈͂͂to͒ ̊̓̏̉sͬoͬ̈̈́ͦͭ͊m̈́e̊́̃ͫt̂ͤͮ̈̂ͮ̂hͣ̇͆̇i̾͛ͨ̚ng̽̋̊͋ͤͭ i̓̇t̏̉ͤ͋̋͑ ̀ͬͤ̍̀͑wa͂̓͌͌s͌̂͗ͯ ͑͒̊ͨͫ̋ť̒̈́͗̂͂̚oͫôͩ́͋̓ ͂ͫ͊ͩ̿q̏̐̐̋̓u̇͆ͯͮ̿ͧ̈́í̋͆͑̌͂t̎̂ͤ̊ͯeͮͦͮ͛.̊ͭ̊̿ͭͩ ͨ̈́͗̀̉I̿̄'ͭ̈ͮͤͨ̏l͛ͫ̒̎l g͐̈eͭ̒́̇̉tͩ̑ͧ̿ͨ ͂͒ͧ͆̃ͧͣṫ̂͑̒̈͛ĥ̾ͬͫ͋̍e̊͒ ̍̃h̆͊ͮ͛̄uͭ̂ͮͭ̾̽ë́y̿̈́͂͂̿ͪͯ

>>54112626
W-what's your name, Soldier?

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>>54112574
Even if it is utterly insane soldier, it will still be of use in the coming conflict. Now get moving soldier. The big one is already on the move.

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>>54112660
Cͫ̂́̑ͮoͮ͌ͮṙp̔ͧ̐ͪͦ̂o͑́͂̒r̃̇̓̐̈̈́e͆̏a̾̐̒lͫͣͬͨͨͮ ͪ̒̽͐͊̎M̏̄̋́͐̚i͊̒̎ͫ̋̎͌lͣ̿͗l̈́̿̃ë́͌r̒͑̎̓ ͆ͦ̈̎̉́n͂̂̆ͬ̍ͨ̿oͩ͒ͬ̉ͫwͪ̓ ̄q̀̉̆̾̓̋̚ůi̋͑c͌ͫk̇̈́̓ͧ̏ geͧ̄̇̚ẗͦ̓ ͆̇̐̍̾͌ḯ̽͑̚n͋̈́ͣͬ̐̏̌ ̽̈̊ͣth͒ͧͩ͗e͐̄̾̈̈̉ ̏ͫ̒͊c̎̄̾͆͐h̏ͭ͗ō̿͛pͧ̿̊̾pͨͣ̌e̎̑r͛ͯ̾͗̈̆

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>>54112677
Oscar-Mike, Command. I'll be in the AO shortly

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>>54112726
I'd get on that quick soldier. Damn thing is taking everything we've thrown at it in stride.

>>54112796
EAͫ̐Tͮ̎̈́̇ ͧ̄̓ͫN̏̂̿ͦ͆ͪAͮͤͦ͛ͨ̑̚P̓̂͋ͬ̉A͒̒̔͋ͫ̚̚L̎̏̑ͭ̉͌̈Mͩ̀ͩ̎̏͗ Y͋̄̌OͫUͨ̒ͤͮ ͒̈C̋O̐͌͛̊͂Mͭ̆̒ͨMI̊E̐̇͊ ̽̑͋̌̊͆C̐̃̑R͗ͪ͂À͆͒ͣ̒̿B̍̃͋͗̽ ̆̾ͤͭͪ͊̓B͌ͤͪ̃͗ẨͭSͣ͛̎̇͒͐T͂̈̇͆ȀRͫD̀̃

>>54112796
Just out of curiosity, Command, but have you tried hitting it with melted butter? Either way, I'm in the AO now. Christ that thing is big.

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>>54112843
>>54112849
We've tried everything soldier, the butter plan was Dr Draer's idea in fact. But no matter what we do, it's not slowing down.

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>>54113032
C̒́h̐͑ͪ̚o͗pͬp̾̏ȇ̒͆͒̊͛r͋̈ ͒d͊̏͛o͐w̿̾͆̋ͯ̌n̑͆ͦ͒͛͑́ ͑ͨͭ͛̿͗c͊ͮ̈́͒͐̋hͬ̆̏ȧ̒̑̾̈ͯrͮg̐̈̌ͣi͑nͨ͒͌̔g̊͋ wiͬ̆tͧ̑̊h ̉̊̈́̽aͤͤn̽ti̔̽̓ͫ͐̃ ͐͋̿̔c̄̐̽͆̇r̈́̉̎͊ab͆̇̔ͧ͗ ̏͊wͫ͑ͩ͌ͤeͣ̾ͮͦāͣ̾͗ͦ̓̄p̓o̊̊̇̃nͬͯŕ̔ÿ́̾̄̄̌͆

>>54113032
Well... shit. Do we have any artifacts that might be of use?

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>>54113111
We have what are effectively nukes that harness raw leyline energy over-time and then unleash it in an explosive burst, but we haven't used them because them because there might be a good chance they could cause mutations to spread through half the continent. But it seems like we may need to make a decision soon, it's heading for the mainland.

>>54113525
T̢̡h̀͞i̕͜n͠ķ̵͜.̴̨̀͘.̛.̀͘ ̵̢̢I̡͘͝ ̧́͜v̴͟͝e̷͞͝͡ ͡d͜͝e̴̡̕a̷̵͘l̶̢̧͞t̀͠ ̴͟a̷̧͟͝ ̵̀͡.̸̛͜͞.̶̡̧̀.̨͡.̀͠.̀͘͠ ̵̛̀́M̸̵̢o̵̴r̀t́̀̕͟͢a̶̵͢l̡̀̕͢͜ ̢b̸̧͟͞͠l̵͢͞͝o̡͡ẁ̶͞.̵̷̛.̸͠ ̨͘͜
̧̧T̵̡̧̕h͠i̷̡̡͜n̢̢͜͞͞k̵̛͞ ̵̷͡h̸͘͞͞ę͝ ̸̸̕͜͞g̕͠o̧̢̢t̢͡.̴̸͞.̷̨͘͡.̷̸͘͞.̷̀m̧e̡͠ ̵͘b̶͢a͘͞c̢̨k̛͞.̷͘.̷̴̛͟.̢̡́͘͞.̵.̵̢͢͜.̴̶̛̀͠.̵̧̧̀͞.̶̧s͘͞h̛́̕͢ơ͘u̶̢̡͠l̵͞d̢̛͞͠ ̶̛h̵̕͟͡a̴v̷̡̨è̵̸̕.̴̴̀͞.̶̢͘͘.̛.̴͟.̴͞k̷̀͝n̵̨͟͠ǫ͠ẁ̴̸ǹ̶̸̢͡ ́͝.̷͠͡.͢͝.̶̴̧͞͝.̡̛Ì̧͘ ̢̡͝w̛͝ą̷̕͝ś̨ ̸̧̕͢.́͢.͘͜.̵̨.̨̛́͠.̶̷̀ ́͘N̕͞e̛͜͝͠v̸ȩ̸̛́͝r̷͜͠ ̀͟͞͠g̴̶͟͞o̷ņn̷̴̢̨á ̢́.̶̀͘͟͞.́͝͝͡͞.̶̧̛́͡.̴͘͞.͘͡ ̸G̀é͟͞t̵̢́͞ ̴͢o̸̴͝u͠͝t̴̡̧͠ ͢͡ǫ̨͘f̵̀͝͠ ̵̨̧̀.̶̧́͜.́͠.̶̨͟͝.̸̸̛͟.̵͘͝͡.̶̨̢̢́ ̢̡͘͞T̵̡h̴̡͜͞į́s̸̡ ͢͞p̷̧͜͞͝ĺ̶̨̛̕a̷͢͝c̛͝è̵̢

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>>54114038
Corporal, No! Dammit, launch the nukes! we can deal with the repercussions later!

Sir, should we try and capture any subject alive/dead in one piece for study? Maybe we could learn something

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Bump by the Military.

>>54114293
Yes! Good! Burn the world Arnalius

Now onto how we will deal with the people shitting in public

>>54114293
W̶̸̶͘h̸̵̡́a͠t̢ ̸̸j̷͠u͢s̛͜͞t̛̕̕͟ ̸͘͘h̸̴a̵̢͡͠ṕ͝ṕ̢e̡n̶e̸d̷́͡͡ ̶͝t̴̛̕͡h̸̨̡͟͡a̴͘͡t̕͝͡ ̸͢͞ẃ̴̡̧a̴̡͠͡s̡̛͘̕͞ ̷̴͞a̷̡ ̷̴̨̀͡n̵̕u̷̢̨͡k̶̕͢͝e̷̢̕͜
̴͠Ì͟͡t̴͝ ̶́͜i̸͡s̨͢ ̷̷̸d̨͡ęá̷̕d̸̸̸͘͜
̸͠͠I̵ ͜͞sho̡̕̕͞u̷̴̴̧ĺ̵̛͡d͡ ̧̡͠b̷ȩ̷̢̕͠ ͢͡d̷̵͞é͠a̴̵̡͡d̶̸
̀̕͢͞W̕͘H̷̡͞Y̷ ͠A̶̵͟R̨̢̀͢É̸Ņ̡͜͢'̡̢̀̕T̵̨̢͡ ̴I̴̴̷̸͞ ̴̕͡Ḑ̶̡́͞E͘͜͜Á̡̛D̨͞
̸̷̨̕Ẁ̸̛̕H̢̡͞Y̶͡ ̶̴̨͠Á̵̛R͢͠E̶͜N̢͞'̶̧͘͟T̸̸̀̕ ̛̕Į̷ ̕D̡̛͟͞E̷͘͢͟A̢̨̨͟͡D̨̛͢?̴̸̨͟

>>54115634
Our women will eat the poop

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>>54115863
DEPLOY THE CRABBONATOR

>>54114954
Of course you should! Doctor Draer has said that she wants to personally study one of these Specimens.

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>>54116501
Alright, someone get this imposter out of here.

>>54115634
And as for you Dr Hitler, shouldn't you be back working with Dr Draer with her experiments? What are you doing here?

>>54120710
I̸̮͔̗͉̹t's̩ ̬̩̜̫͙d̥̦̗̰̬̻ea͍̹͚͇̯̪̫d͔̬̩̜̻̰ͅ
I̛̪̱͍̹̪̣m̹̫̥̞ ͕̦̹͔͖͉no̸̥t͇̙̘͚͘
̢͕̤͈̮I̢̮̰͇ ̧͚̯̭͓͇͚̩s̗̪̣͇̼̟u͖̞͖̼̩r̶̰v͙̞̙į̘̭͍͖͉̠v̼͓̣͔̖ed̷̮ ̕a̮̜ ̩̠n̰̥̘̼͡u̜̩͔̳k̸͉e̮
͇̪͢W͇H̟̫̠͕͍̻ͅY͙̭͎̜͚ ̠̤̕AR̷͔E̤Ņ͚̯͚̮̤'͓͙̤ͅT͘ ̟͖̜͠I͈̼ ͖̮̣͕͎D̸͉E̩͓A̟D̹̦

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>>54120800
Because it's magic my dear boy. Now, can you fully confirm the target's death? I don't want it spontaneously reanimating and devouring the retrieval team.

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Bump for vigilance against crustacean horrors.

>>54121329
I͈t̫̮̥̫̣ ͍w̹̳͉͈̥͉̖a̫͓͚̬̣s͎͓͍ ̱̖͇p̹̱̝̮͈̟̙u͉l͔̮͓v͈̜̠͓̙̹e̫͍̜ṟͅḭ͚̹̳͉̯z̭͍͕̥͉e͔̦̰̘̣d͈ ̤̪i̩̺̫n͎̝̞t̮͇̫͎̪̱o̠̜ b̭͉̟͉̙l̪̮a̘ck ̱g͚o͚̮o̳͇̯̱p͙̗ ̩̟̳̤ͅa̹̤n͈̖̹d̫͇̼͉̺̱̻ ͎͉̹̳͚t̯̯̩̝͈̬h̪̺̺͉̳e͍̱͔̞̠̻n ̹̖̣̝goo̘̜̟̟̙̮̫p s̱̞̱̣̺̘p̪a̭̞̺r͕̯͕k̝̮̩͚̘͓le̜̻d̰̣̣̝ a͇̞̤͙n̟̗̗̙̻ͅd͖͎ ͔͚va̱͇̺̮ni̙̗̪̬̳͉s̜̥̖͎͖̮͍h̭̠̮͙͚e̥̹͖̺d̙
̣P̥͉̘͖r͓̪̗ͅe͚͈͇t̟ty̱̖ s̥͇̯̘̬̖͔u͔̰̯͉̺r̞̖̠̰̠̮̭e̥̯͔͎ ̺͔̱̣i̫̝̹͉̤͉̞t͙̫s̘̥͎ ̹̪͕̱d̜͖e̱̜a̯̯̰̖͕d̩̟͚͙

>>54120710
Understood, I shall meet up with Doctor Draer as soon as possible. Im sure will figure out how to deal with this crustaceans like we dealt with "Pigly"