You are dropped into a post apocalyptic ultra violence campaign

>>53869677
What kind of apocalypse are we talking here? Nuclear, zombie, ecological, other kind?
I doubt I'll be able to survive any violent apocalypse well enough with pharmacognozy textbook, big tea mug and awesome office chair, but it's still important

>>53869713
A post-nuclear apocalypse akin to Fallout.

>>53869677
My handy, a piece of paper and a scissor. Well, I think aslong as I not cut myself on the paper, im fine.

>>53869677
A tiny Katana, some sandpaper, and some balsa wood
I don't think I'll survive unless I can catch someone in the neck and take their shit before they notice me.

>>53869677
There is nothing to my right, just a wall.

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>>53869677
A PLAYSTATION 4!?
A PEN!?
GLASSES?!

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Two pillows and a cactus, which would presumably be mutated.

>>53869677
My journal, a pair of chopsticks, and a bag of dice. Lay out caltrops with d4s, engage in close combat with chopsticks, update my journal.

>>53869677
*was lazy and instead of putting away body armor from training is now propped against my desk*

Shit all i need now is a weapon. Like a pipe or something.

>>53869677
a backpack filled with some snacks but mostly dnd materials (books, pencils, pens, paper, etc.)
my 2nd laptop
a painting

i think id do okay until the battery on my laptop died since i wouldnt have a way to charge it for a few weeks
i'd be like the weak but nerdy guy, like a tech-y support character

>>53869677
Empty moonshine bottle, a dog rope toy that's for large dogs, and does an animal count as an item, because if so my rottie-shepard cross is with me Skully is almost ten years and personally, while he can still crush pig hooves in a single bite, I would rather have him as company. Get lonely out there with no friends

>>53869677
Son, I'm fucked even if I had a superweapon, ammo, and a decades worth of food supplies with in reach. So are we all. This is /tg/ not /k/ or /out/.

>>53869677
Two swords and a walking stick.
One's a dress sword so fighting with it's a write-off, but the other one's solid and well sharpened and it's a good stick. I guess it could be worse.

A landline phone handset, and two steel-toe boots.
I don't think curbstomping is an effective combat method, but what else am I to do?

>backup power supply about the power of my torso
>an old lamp
>the cardboard that holds new socks together with the brand name and on it
I guess I at least have a weapon and a source of power?

>>53870252
>power of my torso
size
fuckin brain

>>53869677
--A notebook 90% filled with stuff for my Sims game.
--A bowl of instant oatmeal, half finished.
--A ceramic vase 1/3 full of spare change.

My coffee's still in the other room. Yeah, I'm dead.

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>>53870140
It depends on how hard you can stomp anon.

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Sledgehammer, shoes, suit of lamellar armor.

I'm fucked, but not as fucked as the rest of you lot.

I don't understand how everbody's first two answers aren't mouse and mousepad tbhfam

>>53869677
a plate
my head phones
and one kick ass printer
guess im gonnna beat people up with a printer

>>53870348
Why the fuck is your mouse to your right and not forward on a desk?

>>53869677
A bar of soap and two disposable razors
>this is how I start my merchant empire

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Large knife, rosary necklace , motorbike helmet.

>>53869677
Pillow, 1/4 full bottle of water, and a protein bar. Could've been way worse. Still probably gonna die from radiation.

>>53869677
An apple, a laptop and an old iPad. Unironically the apple may be the most useful thing for longterm survival.

>>53870377
I'm on a labtop using a trackpad.

Since no one else has counted the mouse that their hand is seated on:
>My glasses (helpful but not totally necessary. My vision's not terrible and I can start fires with them)
>A laptop power cord (cord is always useful)
>Survival knife (contains compass, matches, fishing gear, and is a knife)

I'm gonna be dealing with a lot of hiding until I scavenge some proper weaponry but I'm not exactly proper fucked right off the bat.

>>53870577
>I'm on a labtop
gross, get a desktop like real men do

>>53870662
But I'm in bed.
>Not them

>>53869677
Erm a dinosaur book with stickers
A cooking book which is in russian
A little Disney "Jungle Book" Book
Well I think I can Blugeon someone to death with a cooking book, that thing is quite big and heavy, dunno what to do with two other books though

>>53870688
>is them
So am I, as it happens.

>>53869677
A plastic carnifex scything talon, a hooked sculpting tool and a teaspoon.

>>53870746
>Dinosaur book with stickers
Wow, you win. Like, straight up. You just win the setting

>>53869677
A folding pocket manicure-thingy, a cup of coffee and a box of snus.
It could be worse, but probably not by much.

>>53869677
Are Warhammer Minis a weapon?

>>53871604
They CAAAAAAN be a weapon.

Glock 19 with a full 15-rnd mag of Gold Dots
table lamp
empty coffee cup

I'll do alright against the first half-dozen masked raiders. After that I'll take up the Buddhist street beggar shtick with my mug.

>>53870140
>>53870338
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnxgQMSsc8c

>steel folding chair
>giant glass beer mug
>second giant glass beer mug
I think I'm good

>High quality microphone
>Portable labtop
>Headset
THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

>Almost empty can of pringles
>Almost empty bottle of water
>Mouse with almost no battery life left

Glass bottle with water.
Plastic shoehorn.
Multi-head screwdriver kit.

Pretty fucked.

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>>53869677
>Iphone 7
>Prescription aviator sunglasses
>An empty jar

Can protect my eyes, and shank a bitch with the jar if I break it. Phone's useless.

>Bottle of Vodka
>Bottle of rum
>Kilt I can't be arsed to put away

Well, at least I die drunk and kilted.

>domestos
>soap
>toilet paper
I'M GOING DOWN CLEAN

>>53871604
Standing on them might hurt.

>>53869677
Ar15, s&w m&p2.0 and my chest rig that contains six(6) 30rnd mags and one(1) 40rnd mag for my at and three(3) 17rnd mags for my m&p so I'm fairly certain I'm well off. Feels good to be posting after a range trip

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>>53869677
>vibrating dildo
>inflatable buttplug
>unloaded SLR-104

>Galaxy S6, playing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ML4Jx76vSTk
>Aspire E15 E5-521-81GK
>earphones
...well. Do I really have to die with my awful laptop? Are the mutants and me opposite sides of the same coin?
>>53871604
Yes, if you pray to the Emperor REALLY hard.

bump

>>53874834
Why do you have those specific things near you?

>>53874985
That depends. Maybe you ARE a mutant as well, I'd allow such a thing.

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Aviator glasses, watch, 3'x5' flag of Kazakhstan

Blanket, shoes, and an electric guitar. I didn't choose the bard life, it apparently chose me

>>53877109
I was fingerfucking the AK just earlier so obviously I unloaded it, and the buttplug and dildo were in a bag along with 200 feet of rope and some lube, which I was using yesterday night. I keep my desk mostly clear so unless you count shit like my PC tower or headset then those were the three closest things to my right.

Well, it isn't all bad, I have coffee.

>>53869677

Peanut butter cups, a pen, and a plush Gengar. At least I'll have some snacks and Gengar to keep me company.

>>53877355
You could use the pen as a weapon.

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Could be worse.

>>53877437
A gun, knife, and dildo are pretty good items.

>>53869677
Bedpost, curtain, curtain pole.

At least I can make some decent makeshift weapons and clothing.

>>53869677

> ITT: Plebs that don't wear plate armor, a blade, and shield while shitposting.

>>53869677
Half a bottle of water.
Pair of toenail clippers
And a pair of limited edition Dr pepper underpants

Sounds like an fanstaic story

>>53877437
Yeah man, a pistol, a knife, and 24 cents? You're pretty well off!

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>>53870252
> unlimited power torso

>>53869677
Two guns and a beer... I'll be fine

>>53872143
I'm really upset this game doesn't work on Windows 10

>>53879539
78 cents

>>53877437
What are you gonna do with a table and two pennies though? Even discounting the table, those coins will eat up your item limit.

>>53869677
A cup, a coaster and a coffee-stained business plan.

At least I can break the glass and cut my wrists.

A massive fucking animal cage, a computer and gun. Well then I guess ill just run around smashing people with a cage.

>>53879601
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikuA6WfgTO8

a plate of toast, a glass of orange juice and a pillow
Unless my enemies feel like breakfast in bed I'm fucked.

>>53869677
>You are dropped into a post apocalyptic ultra violence campaign and the nearest three items to your right are all you have to defend yourself.
An empty Pepsi can.
A really comfy Vietnamese dressing gown.
A nearly-full notebook full of to-do and shopping lists and a record of how I ruined five years of my life.

The apocalypse is unnecessary.

>>53869677
my AR-15, my .40 pistol and my guitar...

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A crucifix, a little bell and a toy shield.

The shittiest cleric ever, I'll be dead as soon as I ring the bell (to make it quick at least)

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>>53880695
KEK!

>>53880695
I am stealing this idea, thankyou very much

>>53869677
>Mug
Probably not great
>Teapot
Useful for survival, not so much for fighting
>Hand and a half sword
Not a very good sword, more a display piece than anything else seeing as it is currently mounted to the wall, but it would probably be a fairly serviceable weapon under the circumstances.

>pansy of a dog
>coffee mug
>nail clippers

Yeah I'm pretty fucked, my dog doesn't have a shred of hostility in him, has filed teeth and is scared of the sky unless someone is outside with him, I could smack someone with my mug but wouldn't last long even got in a one on one fight and while could use the nail clippers in a fight they won't stand up against an actual weapon

>>53880695
If the apocalypse is of a religious nature though so that beasties of the new world respect your crucifix, though, it's a fairly powerful survival tool. Cultivate a fiery and passionate method of public speaking and you might be able to attract a couple goons to protect you, at least as long as you're not a total ass about it.

>>53869677
>my glasses
>a copy of the coming of Conan the Cimmerian
>a copy of the art of war

At least I'll be able to see.

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>phone
>guitar
>amplifier

Loaded colt revolver, my guitar, and warhammer minis

Knife, Stuffed Dolphin, Mousepad

>>53881046
This

>>53881090
>Having a copy of the Art of War
>Thinking you can't use that knowledge to survive better

>>53869677
>Rifle
>machete
>snek in his enclosure
We ranger now I guess. I wish I'd left something more powerful than my .22 out.

>>53869677
Empty bottle of Guinness Extra Stout, the head of a donkey pinata and a phone. I guess I'm gonna be the next "Wild Wasteland" encounter

Three different pillows.
I'm fucked.

>>53869677
>the nearest three items to your right are all you have to defend yourself
God bless America

We have prepared for this day

>>53869677
>Phone.
>Headset.
>Glass of Pills.

Best case scenario i get a shirt-clad black guy to follow me out of the promise of medication.

>>53869677

I've got two expensive pillows and a sofa.

Gonna nap till something kills me in my sleep.

>>53869677
A cellphone, a globe, and a glass of water.

I suppose at best I could sort of wing it into being some sort of navigator/cartographer or something. Unfortunately a globe is not particularly helpful for low-tech short distance navigation.

>>53869677
>Half a can of mountain dew
>Water bottle
>Nail clippers I found on the ground one day

I will master the clippers and be so well hydrated that no one can stop me from clipping them.

A keyboard, a mouse, and an empty gatorade bottle

I have everything I need

>>53870348
Jokes on you I'm left handed. On computer, anyway.

>>53869677
Aside from my computer, theres my phone, a 100 trillion zimbabwe dollar bill, and about 15 mini chocolate easter eggs left from April. P bad, but the phone might be good.

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>>53869677
>PC, Glasses, and an iPod

R.I.P.

>>53869677
A .38 revolver with 6 bullets, a thermos full of iced tea, and George Berkeley's Treatise on Human Knowledge.

Eh, could be worse. It's enough firepower and potable water to keep me alive a couple hours until I hopefully find somewhere safe or more weapons/water.

>>53869677
>half jar of pizza sauce
>pad of maroon post its
>generic acetaminophen

Spitroasted.

>>53882346
Why are those to your right? I'm just curious.

>>53869677
I'm pretty fucked, because the next three items at my right are a quotation, a stapler and a calculator.

>cheap-ass electric guitar
>bottle of wine
>my cat
gonna get drunk and badly play smoke on the water with my catbro before I am torn to shreds

>>53882984
>Why are those to your right? I'm just curious.

the post it notes are for a reminder - "note to self: remember to take acetaminophen to dull the pain of inserting jar of pizza sauce into anal cavity"

3 random molecules in the atmosphere to my right.

>>53869677
A folder full of chemicals datasheet and parcel receipts, a mug with a vampire cat and an anti-noise helmet.

I'm fucked but at least I won't hear it coming.

Im laying on my right side in bed. Do I get to bring my bed?

>plate
>knife
>fork
>Leonidas.avi

>>53883503
That's a good way to go out.

>>53869713

>he dosent keep a pistol and knife to his left and right just for these threads

Smh nerd.

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>raifu
>bigass maglite
>screwdriver

Rolling power outages prepare you for the future.

>>53869677
a loaded hand gun, whisky and a cellphone
ehhhhhhhhh ill be ok

>>53870816
But I already used those stickers to fill out the dinosaur blanks

>>53869677
>footstool
>lamp
>ceremonial shaman necklace made entirely of beer tops and shoelace

Could do worse than a CHA build in a post apoc campaign.

>>53869677

Haha, I have a loaded .45
B)
...bet you're feeling pretty stupid now, huh?

>>53869677
Microphone, box full of dice, and a mirror.
Time to become the bard I was destined to be.

>>53884258
kill yourself autist

>>53884286
I want to play a post-apocalyptic campaign with all bards.

>>53869677
Crowbar, bolt cutters, machete. I say I'd fare pretty well.

>>53884383

Ha, ME-YOW, someone's box needs to be cleaned, Mr. Man.

A computer mouse
A pen
A data sheet since I'm at work.

Well, I suppose I could John Wick a few before dying horribly.

Large bottle of vodka
Large bottle of whiskey
Roll of electrical tape
Let us begin!

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>>53884662

Bottlechuks. You're set.

>>53869677
>two fuck-off sized kitchen knives
>A diary

I'll be ok

>>53869677
A toolbox, a mug and a pair of scissors
Probably'll still die like a bitch

>Deck box with yugioh deck in it
>Pot of Nuln Oil wash
>Rubbing alcohol

Well, I can only pray the post-apoc future is a world dominated by Yu-Gi-Oh

And even then I would probably die horribly since this deck is pretty jank.

>>53869677
A red pen, another slightly larger red pen, and a notepad. I'm somewhere between screwed and very screwed.

>>53869713
>pharmacognozy textbook
I see a fellow pharmacist... future technician or student working on his masters?

>>53869839
At least you'll be able to see the psycho that's going to kill you.

>>53869918
Specialist stop being a piece of shit

>>53869677
Seems I need to lurk while fully armed for war.
I have an SKS and a can of 750 rounds in the other room.
I am entering battle with a pair of scissors, a 1/4 full Bic lighter, and a pair of sharp tweezers.
At least I''m wearing my Sonic pants so I'll be killed quickly and cleanly with a headshot, by some autist who wants my pants.

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>>53869677
casio f-91w watch
scissors
small box of dice

let's do this

>a spray of Febreeze, a small garbage can and a (albeit large) roll of toilet paper
That'll teach me to browse 4chins on the john

>loaded 1911
>pocket knife
>bottle of water

Well, that's about as good as I could hope for honestly.

>>53886368
>2 rolls of 3-ply and a toilet brush

Count yourself lucky

>>53869677
My bugout bag (stocked)
My phone charger fully charged and still plugged into the wall
An empty tin of sardines

Uhhhh...

Ancient, fat, lazy dog
Gold sharpie
Book about The Beatles

I'll die comfy and possibly high.

>>53886440

And full, from "fat & lazy".

> You think no now, but when you're dying you'll say yes.

>>53869677
Notebook, laser/flashlight and a spoon.

Unless it all magically turns into a data slate, lasgun and a shovel, fug you, I'm not playing your game.

>>53886487
N-n-never! You're wrong anon!

>>53886709
Eat
The
Doggo

>>53884605
a pen is not a pencil

What's with everyone and their loaded guns casually within reach?

I mean, not a bad idea, but the ratio here seems extremely high. Like "Never break into a wargaming MTG playing DM's basement without body armor" high.

>>53888324
desu I couldn't bring a gun in my office even if I really wanted to. There's detectors and people with bigger guns at the gates.

>>53869677
A dressing gown, an office chair and a bottle of lube. Fun times will be had

>>53888455
Well in that instance it sounds like you probably will never need it at least? One would hope not, anyway.

>>53888455
Where do you work? I know america likes their guns and all and I have no issues with that, but I imagine your average run-of-the-mill office is not the kind of operation that warrants armed guards.