>A scout arrives with news >The enemy country is forming

>>53767625
ask the scout what is so pleasant about it?

Nothing, it can't be that bad.

>>53767625
Doesn't look pleasant at all.

>sage goes in all fields

>>53767625
>pleasant
I admire the craftsmanship before burning it all to the ground.

>>53767625
>Pleasant railgun
>My kingdom is built on misery and fear
>Sand and anxiety are our major exports
>There have been 43 heirs to the throne and they have all killed and exiled each other.

I let it fire.

Laugh at them for trying. They won't get past the second or third person before they fumble and kill the next one in line.

File: 1464192165946.jpg (3KB, 120x120px) Image search: [Google]

3KB, 120x120px

>>53768319
But Anon, it's a free action to smile.

>>53768319
But anon, they can pass it down the line without having to roll any dice. It succeeds 100% of the time.

>>53768593
I'd say it's only fair to call for a roll when you're trying to pass an object at the speed of light, free action or no.

It travels down the line at the speed of light rules as written.

Then rules as written the last peasant makes an attack roll and throws the rod like 20 feet.

>>53768670
That's a peasant railgun.
We're talking about a pleasant railgun.

>>53768294
>I am the 44th heir to the throne of the kingdom of misery
>On the day of my ascension, two of my guards attempt to assassinate me
>Over the next 5 years, I have survived hundreds of attempts, each time gaining a new scar or disfigurement
>The days drag on and I am terribly miserable by this point
>Finally, war is declared against us
>I personally volunteer to lead the army, hoping I am killed in glorious battle somewhere other than the shithole I reign over
>Get killed by a drunkard moving at the speed of light before we even fully muster

>>53767625
Clarification:

Is it a railgun that fires the concept of pleasantness? If so, I commend my neighboring kingdom and send gifts.

Or is it an aesthetically pleasing railgun? If so, then I must have it for myself, and plan an attack to steal this master-crafted railgun!

>Scuse me ma'am
>If'n it ain't no bovver
>Could I leave a sonic boom as I pass by?

>>53767625
Send a congratulatory letter regarding their new high speed mail network, along with a copy of the Player's Handbook.

>>53767625

Complain on /tg/ about how OP conscripts are.
(*^_^)

>>53767625
What sort of ammunition does it fire? What would be appropriate for a pleasant railgun?

>Rolled up sunset landscape drawings
>Bundles of fresh laundry
>new pillows

>>53770410
I imagine it's those tiny mint chocolates hotels leave on your pillow

>>53770455
But what if you find those horrific? Are you immune to the Pleasant Railgun then?

>>53770925
No. You are atomized by the unpleasant projectile moving at light speed.

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>>53767625
>pleasant

>>53768670
and the rapid deceleration destroys the last peasant in a flash of logic

>>53770410
Bob Ross Paintings

>>53767625
The peasant railgun is probably the most flawed "Hack" of 3.x as it requires selective application of physics and game rules whereas most of the others (like the Locate City Bomb or Pun-Pun) just apply Game Rules in a hideously warped but at least consistent manner.
It does mean Bucket Brigades in D&D-verse are pretty awesome, though.

>>53767625
>pleasant railgun
A gun that goes choo choo and vents steam and then goes chugga chugga which elicits a feeling of nostalgia and implants memories of taking long train journeys to the countryside.

>>53767625
>pleasant railgun
>a wave of niceness so powerful everyone in your nation actually feels better and becomes more productive
I'd repay the favor.

>>53769760
Wow I didn't know IG players were so ass devastated that they would bring this up in unrelated threads. At this rate everyone will probably refuse to play against conscripts just because the people defending them, whether they're OP or not, are so fucking obnoxious about it.

>>53767625
Laugh and wonder who managed to talk that many peasants into trying something that has been proven not to work so many times it's an in-joke among even trainee sages.

I like that the OP spelling error has created more discussion than the actual 3rd ed hack.

>>53767625
>pleasant railgun

go American, commission 3 times as many