Meanwhile on Dragon /tg/... (Thread was good last time, Making

>>53515399
It's a new strategy mortal adventurers use. See, mortals don't actually need a lot of gold. They just need enough.

And with limited teleportation scrolls getting cheaper and easier to make, dashing in and grabbing pocket change means they can make a living just stealing clawfuls of gold and dashing.

Of course, what this boils down to is GET SOME TELEPORTATION BLOCKERS, YOU DOUBLE WYVERN!

Its not even the fact that these mortals dare steal our gold but, trying to disorganize your horde? I hope they get their comeuppance OP

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>>53515399
Stupidest thing? Easy.

>Be all-powerful red dragon
>Demand tribute from puny human gold-mining town
>Tell them to build a giant statue in my honor in one month's time or else
>Return one month later to check on statue
>It's bronze

And that's why that land is a charred hellscape.

>>53516104
>wanting a giant statue out of gold

Draken, you know pure gold is too soft to make even a 1:1 scale statue of even a young adult dragon, right? Also, did you actually specify gold?

>>53515399
>year of the frozen Dingbat
>still having hoards of shit you can't use
>still living in caves like animals, doing nothing but eating, sleeping, shitting, and fucking.
>not building up followers and organizing under your rule
>not building them up into a powerful and efficient kingdom under your rule
>not creating an religious institution where you are also the head, making you the leader of both secular and religious matters
>not sitting comfy and occasionally micromanaging your well oilers machine of a state while making occasional public appearances to your adoring populace and waiting for your conquering parties that you sent out for God, Emperor, and Country to come back with loot.

Small minded lizards the lot of you.

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>>53515399
Sup my dragon bros.

>So there I was carving out a nes...lair near the road.
>Suddenly a horse rounds the corner, pulling one of those cart-things.
>Horse gets one look at me, in my glory, and is naturally terrified.
>Runs off.
>Cart tips over and two pudgy humans fall out.
>Sweet, free lunch.
>One runs away while I charge the other, he draws his blade and we go at it.
>Manage to gouge him pretty good, then he cranks me in the head...yeah it hurt, but no bigs...
>Soon after he keels over

Was totally going to devour him and stuff, but y'know, I had a big breakfast and all...

>>53516382
Look, I know that's the trendy thing to do these days, but I wanted to start my horde the old fashioned way. And I have. It's not huge, but it's respectable, and I earned it by the heat of my flames, the swiftness of my wings, and the power of my claws. If we forget these labors of our ancestors, we stand to become less than dragons.

That said, I am ruling a tribe of kinds who are industrious and bright if lacking in common sense and practicality (why in tiamat's name would anyone want a sword that turns wounds into functional vaginas?), I have employees on payroll to help guide the fortification of my lair and another to investigate new treasures for my horde, and I am conspiring with a princess, her sister, and her mother to install my line as the blood rulers of a nearby kingdom and giving me almost total influence.

I'm also thinking of starting a business as a security consultant for other dragons,

>>53516209
>Not wanting you glory displayed in the most opulent fashion

I told them to make it golden and red.

>>53516104
It's your own fault for not specifying. You demanded a giant statue and got one.

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>>53515399
Better undead than dead, am I right?

>>53516382
Hey, I was only 800 at the time! I have a sweet gig going on with a puppet nation down below, and when I need to relax I go on a few night raids of their enemies.

>>53515399
I have to say, choosing to live with the lesser races has proven to be an interesting and fruitful experiment. I currently am living in a small city of humans who see me as some kind of protector and offer me plenty of food and gold for basically nothing. Sure, I torched a bunch of stupid orcs that were gathering around outside the city walls, but that was more for fun than anything else. These creatures idolize me and often times come to me for advice and blessing. I tell them I'm not a god, but they keep on doing this stuff anyway. They're certainly better than kobolds, and it's neat to see all the different types of humans that come and go. You have your tinheads, your book boys, dog handlers, shooty men, a dude with a stick, some guy who only owns clothes and shaved his head, a musclebound freak with a big axe, the pope, the OTHER pope, some idiot who uses two oversized swords, a midget, a kid, a magic kid, a peasant, and even a dog-man. Lots of people seem to take up this "adventuring" business and come to me for a job when they're starting out. I've started just telling them to go kill some wolves and I give them a few pieces of gold just to encourage them to listen to me more.

That, and I've taken to buying off old magic gear they come across. I then sell it to other adventurers for huge profit. Seriously, living here has been great. The only thing that bothers me is this doofus clad in black plate carrying an oversized spear keeps insisting I let him ride me. I do not know what to do with him, and I'm running out of ways for him to "prove his worth" that should have gotten him killed. I've sent him to the far corners of the earth, had him battle powerful monsters and even slay one of my enemies and yet he still returns every damn time. What do I do with him?

>>53518405
Sounds like an interesting way to live. Maybe I should try it... Got any advice for starting out?

>>53518405
Tell him you'll let him ride you if he lets you ride him. Either you'll crush him to death or he'll somehow manage a cross-country run while carrying you on his back. Either way should be moderately entertaining.

>>53518437
Start out near a small village. Meet some stupid idiot child wandering around the woods and go on an adventure. Wind up protecting the village from the sealed ancient evil you two will inevitably unleash (bonus points if you make your own). Feign a terrible wound from the fight. Let the people be won over by the child, and then they take you in out of sympathy. A day or two later and you're fine, back on your feet, and ready to start mingling among them, earning their trust and eventually securing your spot in their society. Word spreads of your renown, they believe you are benevolent, and then you can work your way up to a bigger city. Careful not to draw the suspicion of local "heroes" while you do this - they may rat you out. If you get caught, play the victim card and call them monsters for not letting you into their society, belittle them and make them feel terrible for their viewpoints. Lesser creatures such as humans have very weak egos and are very manipulable, exploiting their insecurities in themselves to twist them into thinking what you want them to think. If all else fails, burn down the village but leave the child alive. You will become his nemesis and you will gain power as he grows in power just because the "final confrontation" between you and him has to be fair. Either way, it's a win for you.

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>>53515399
Craziest? Sure, sure.

>be a black of relatively noble standing, about 1500 years old
>swoop into a village during a wedding
>kidnap the husband
>take him back to my swamp, relishing in his pained screams as my acidic breath eats away his legs
>ahh, sweet joy.
>keep this up for a few days, feeding him rotted fish and making him drink the swamp water to stay alive
>his wife breaks in in a suit of armor
>she says, and I quote "Hello, thank you for the help back there. I need another favor, however."
>She presents a jar
>smells of magic
>"What trickery is this jar formed of?"
>"No trickery great dragon, just enchanted to not melt. Please fill it to the brim."
>All the while her husband is screaming his head off at her to either save him or run and come back with more soldiers
>Decide to oblige her request.
>After filling the jar, she presents a magical necklace and leaves me be.
>What an odd woman.
>Some two months later, magically keeping the husband alive, bit off one of his pickled legs. Has not stopped screaming yet. I've begun to make him eat human meat, it's pretty funny.
>Apparently the king of a neighboring kingdom has been slain, I hear one of the humans I'm about to capture to feed to the husband says before he knows of my presence.
>Grasp him and ask what's happened
>"A-a-a-a-a woman oh great one, she fired an arrow soaked acid, melted the king into a puddle she did!"
>Hah, no fucking way.
>immediately fly to the kingdom to question her
>greeted with a "Hello great dragon! I was just about to search for you."
>the king was her father
>he killed her mother, then forcibly married her off
>this was her revenge game

Ah, I miss that crazy girl. At least her kingdom still pays me a tithe of treasures.

>>53518604
... I don't think my pride will allow for that.

>>53518662
Nice! The little bolds in my lair started as one upon hearing the booming sounds of my laughter.

>>53518597
Upon telling him this, he became very excited. He took off his rings, gloves and amulet and put on a different set, each piece seemed to increase his strength. Then he began drinking bottle after bottle of elixir, pausing momentarily to drink. After that, he lifted me up and carried me out of the room, around the courtyard and brought me back. Now he's sitting on the cushions across the room watching me with his legs crossed and his hands clasped in his lap, waiting, staring at me through that dark visor of his. Wat do?

HELLO MY FELLOW- uh, hello my fellow "dragons".

May I ask, how do you protect your weaknesses? I am having some uh - difficulty, and i need to make sure that I have covered all the bases as far as weak points on a dragon go. What kind of things can actually kill a dragon? I need to know this so i can make sure I dont have this happen to me. o_o;

>>53518662
>Black
>Proceeds ro regail us all with his torture methods.
Look, your hobbies are great and all, but this is a crazy Human Thread, Torture General is still up, Right by the 3000th Houses and People 5e thread and above the "Best Kobold Minion" Thread

>>53518882
I may be torturous, but at least I have manners.
With such blatant rudeness, you must be a Red.

Shouldn't you be burning something down, Volcanus?

>>53518717
If you have a Human THAT resourceful, honestly just wear him on your head for a while, and tell him he's "Riding You".

Seriously, a Minion that useful is EXTREMELY rare, and a Human no less. Just parade him around for a while and let him think he's actually riding rather than being shown off by you.

>>53518940
Shouldn't you be scrying Acid Burning Pornography?

>>53518783
This isn't suspicious at all.

>>53518976
t. Volcanus Inferno, Flaming One, Great Hothead of Red Dragons

>>53518947
Great. Now he won't get down and he's insisting we go out for a flight. He keeps raving on about "no-misses" and "getting all the multipliers," while thrusting his spear around at the air. He keeps asking me if I have any bombs. Is this normal?

>>53518783
Giving them gold and/or treasures tends to work, as does carrying (but not using) valuable artifacts preferably ones that are in excellent condition.

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>>53519226
A name you shan't soon forget

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>>53517545
indeed my "friend"

>>53519244
Zog.
No wonder he's so efficient.
We have observed, on occasion, a particular type of human. The "Meta-Gamer". The name comes from a term their party members occasionally refer to them as, and we believe it has to do with Them treating life as a statistical game.
This Human sees nothing but boosts and ways to make himself stronger.


Go for a flight and show him the world, but make sure you make it clear that each time he wants to "Ride", he needs to do something to earn your favor again. These Meta-Gamers love having a constant Rule they can refer to, and it guarentees he'll do yoir bidding more often.

>>53519244
Tell him you still have a duty to protect the city and he needs to arrange for like a backup guardian before you can leave. That should keep him busy for a few hours at least.

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HEY YOU GUY'S WHATS GOING ON IN THIS THREAD?!

>>53521662
>tarafat

Get out.

>>53521662
Dude this isn't Womble /tg/

>>53521662

who invited the fatass?

>>53515399
Prismatics are gay!
Force dragon Master Race here.
White dragons are glorified Ice kobolds

>>53521662
Anguirus?

>>53521932
>White dragons are glorified Ice kobolds

I mean you're not wrong.

>>53521932
>Prismatics are gay!
Yeah, fuck those damn Imperials and their blue-haired space princess! Bi-Weaves or nothing!

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>>53515399
(It was aeons/eternities/dreams ago, but we/I/mine/ remember it well)

>Floating in the ceaseless sea of eternity/*pretty colors*/oblivion/dissolution
>a dozen lights emerge to disturb the wonder/*fun*/*joy*/madness
>Ruin everything by creating/weaving/mending/*breaking* the spaces

(We have been annoyed/*crumbled*/barred/banned/*S!@#$* ever since).

>>53522311
We need to build a wall to keep these void dragons out.

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>>53522953

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>>53522953
(You cannot contain/bind/bar/remove us little spawnling). (The spawn of Tiamat/whore of the lowest depths/forgotten one/old queen are powerless before our/mine might).

>>53522953
I'm pretty sure it would be easy to filter them out, their speech pattern is very distinctive. I don't know why the mods don't, this nobody likes void dragons anyway.

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>>53523847
hey arn't you the guy that wanted to come over to my lair and spy on (and laugh at) mortals?

>>53523847
What the fuck did you just say about me you little wyrmling? I'll have you know I graduated top of my clutch, and have been involved in numerous raids on Celestial compounds, and I have over 300,000 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I am the top flyer in the entire Fiendish armed forces.You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which have never been seen before on any world, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the interway? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the realms and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your heartfire. You're fucking dead, wyrmling. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven thousand ways, and that's just with my bare claws. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, I have full access to the entire arsenal of the Underworld Armed Corps and I will use it to it's full extent to wipe your miserable scales off the surface of the realm, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, wyrmling.

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>>53524727
(Indeed). (Do you have any keys/doors/gateways/portals/breaches that we may use to better access the *below*)? (We wish to commune/*party*/*play*/invite our kin over).

>>53524941
theres a gate to the shadowfel.... not sure if that would work for your purposes. hmmmm if you intend to invite others I need to stock up on vittles

>all this /soc/
I know the mods are lazy, but at least try.
Recently picked up the human game of chess. Simple enough I've noticed some of my bolds playing with each other, complex enough I haven't solved it yet. The human-centric piece names kind of irk me, though - it's silly, but does anyone know of alternate names for the units? Or alternate units to spice up opening gambits?

>>53525279
what do you guys eat and drink anways? souls, energy, despair ,cheese?

>>53524941
Fuck you Orz, juffo-wup is truest god.

>>53525279
(Small it may be, but it shall do). (You shall be greatly rewarded/welcomed when we truly arrive, *little starling*).

>>53525312
(The light of your stars, the sweet source of your cosmos, the delectable despair of the *silly ones*, all of this we can derive *sustenance*/*satisfaction*/*enjoyment*/*joy* from.

>>53525596
not entirely sure you wont accidentally destroy the world when you show up but eh, I have back plans for that and it will be an interesting experience

>>53525596
Alright, who wants to form up a posse to hunt this voidnigger down?

>>53525885
I'll join, I think I have a few potions that will severely harm and/or banish that motherfucker.

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>>53525885
>>53525938
(The spawn of the five headed whore/Fallen One/Wretched Cur seek to harm us)? (How funny). (We do implore/encourage/*desire*/want you to try). (It shall be a most interesting scenario/experiment/test/*game*).

>>53526825
Arrogant little shit, aren't you? Time to clean out the alien trash.

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>be trained Hoardstealer
>devote life to stealing shit from dumbass lizards
>gotten so good at it I bring a painter to capture my moments of plunder

Eat shit you winged rats

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>>53526887
(Perhaps you will make good *dessert*/*sauce*/*snacks*)? (It matters not really). (You cannot harm/inconvenience/annoy/slight us, for you are but a mere wyrmling compared to our vastness/*length*).

>>53525312
Got a sweet deal where the local town Sends me their criminals, and sometimes they send up "Sacrifices." It's free food, and they started spicing up a few, absolutely delicious.

>>53527215
Being fat is not something to brag about, voidnigger. Stop eating.

>>53519799
It didn't take long. He pulled in a long list of favors owed to him by all manner of rough, tough, and dangerous looking person.

>>53519542
We went for a ride, and he took it upon himself to ask to fly into a rather dangerous mountain range filled with ice giant, cloud serpent and other dangerous beast. When we left, I was a challenge rating 20 creature. When we returned, I am now challenge rating 22. I am exhausted, a bit wounded, and he is eager to do this again tomorrow.

Help. What do I do about this?

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>>53515958
>Double Wyvern

Chronepsis will come for you foul dracolich!

>>53527717

Chronepsis is a weak/frail/*bitch*/tasty creature, and I welcome/*desire*/*hunger* for his attempts.

>>53527611
Send him on a quest that takes a few days so you can heal, then, let him do it again. If nothing else you'll get stronger.

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>>53527808
(This cousin agrees/approves/enjoys).

>>53527717
On second thought, does he even care to come? Does he have end hour glass for undead dragon?
>>53527808
He does not need to try because you are already dead. Therefore are under his domain.

>>53527611
>Human lackey is helping you to get more powerfull by munching ony stronger monsters.
>This is somehow bad.

By Tiamat and Bahamut USE THE LITTLE SHIT.
Just treat him like a talking hat.

At least you should allready own sapient magic items anyway so no big difference.

>>53522953
The material planes, elemental planes and astral plane and even the hells and feywild are allready keeping them out.

They can not enter areas that can support proper existence.

They are called VOID dragons for a reason because they have to live in the void.

If one of them were to enter one of the listed planes they'd start to mutate immediately and split of into a dozen or so different propper dragons each with their own personality and ego.

Meaning they get effectively destroyed if they enter while their spawn takes on the forms dictated by the planes they enter.
In the material plane they wouldn't even turn into proper dragons nor drakes.

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Daily reminder that Racemixing is morally wrong. We must secure the existence of our kin and a future for our eggs.

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WE
WAS
KANGZ

>>53529852
>Pic clearly depicts your ancestors being ridden
Born to be slaves, stop kidding yourself

>>53529811
Tell that to the voidnigger trying to enter our plane and steal our hoards.

>>53529924
Easy to explain to them

>IO was the first void dragon to enter
>Split of into his children but managed to keep his spirit alive by turining into the dragon god.
>His kids degrade over generations until we have the propper dragons (metalics, chromatics and lungs) and demi-dragons (drakes, elemental wyrms, wyverns, kobolds and dragonborn).
>The roles of Dragon Gods are allready taken so any other void dragon who enters is split up and ceases to be forever.
>Their descendants won't even qualify as proper dragons immediately degrading into demi-dragons.
>They are destined to end up as nothing but mounts for Fey, Devils, the Giant races and so on.

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>>53515399
Okay Draganons, I have a... weird sitaution.
So, Occasionally, Humans from the nearby nation will come up to my Mountain, and look for me. Few know where I am, and I like it that way.
Now, this is fine, I usuallgy let them enter, play a few psychological games with them (They are so easy to Trick or scare) whatnot, and they do one of three things: They run off like cowards, and I get a free laugh, they Fight me and I get a free snack AND laugh, or they try to "negotiate" (Or the male bards make a laughable attempt at seduction). And I usually get a free snack.

But A few days ago, this happens:
>Chilling in my mountain, big storm outside, love it.
>Suddenly Human walks in, Younger, unarmed and armored, so Of course I assume caster.
>I set up a few silent wards and Stroll out, give my usual "Well little mortal" speech, etc... but He doesn't respond.
>This is odd, but I step it up, and pick him up, loose enough for him to slip out if he though he could "fight," but no. Ha just asks me to "End it quick"
>Turns out, Human was trying to commit Suicide by dragon.
>Now, the nearby town he's from is small, but pretty important to my Collection (I steal their livestock), so I don't immediately want to kill him unless I have to.
>He passed out and I have this guy here under one of my wings at the moment in case it's a trick to steal my stuff.

tl; DR, depressed human tried Suicide by dragon, don't wamt to kill unless I have to because he could be useful,
What do I do?

>>53531134
Hire a psycho-terapeut and have him work in the local town with cooperation of the clergy and city guard.

>>53531371
That may work, but it will take time for hiring, and I want to keep my eye on him in case it's some kind of trick... What do I do with him for, say, the next week? Can't send him back, he'll jump off the cliff or something. Grown to find humans very useful, actually feel bad for the guy (A bit like humans have found a bond with their lesser species, like Pet mice, or dogs).

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>>53531134
Give him a scale and name him your "chosen." Send him back to town and have them perform tasks in your name. You gain some loyal followers, some tributes, and he continues being useful. It rarely fails.

I currently have multiple towns under my control using this gambit. Many mortals, most especially humans, will do almost anything to feel special.

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>>53526825
Hey are you coming or what? I made my famous 666-layers of the abyss cheese dip

>>53528045
>Sent him to go find me a naturally occuring flying pie
>Figure I won't see him for a long time
>Wake up this morning
>There's a fucking pie floating around the chamber now
>And there's a very angry pie romancer shouting for his wife to come back

>>53529750
The human is working me hard enough to get XP. ME, AT MY AGE? STILL GETTING EXPERIENCE? Do you realize what kind of effort that takes? And to top it all off, now he's wanting me to open a gate to a divine realm so we can go "grind" in there for a while. I told him it's dangerous to do battle with divine creatures, and gods, and I swear he winked behind that visor when he replied
>"it's all good. God's got a hitpoint score, right?"

I made the mistake of asking him last night if he ever thought he could take me on. He reassured me that he'd save me for "at least optional boss territory."

>this thread is finally dead
Thank god. This furfag shit belongs in /trash/

>>53531459
Lie to him.
Say you put him under a curse for offending you for trying to kill him self via using you.
Tell him that if he wishes to day he has to complete a number of tasks for you.

As soon as he gets a taste of advenutre he's going to cheer up.
Infuse him with a bit of your blood to turn him into a sorcerrer to make sure he has a chance to survive.

If all goes well you shall have a extremely loyal minion.

Do make sure that you tell him that the curse was a lie after he gets over it.

>>53533593
Open a gate towards the void and pretend someone messed with your casting if he manages to come back.

>>53536181
or the shadowfel

>>53531134
That picture you? Looks cute.

>>53536111
This, I did it myself once. Trips don't lie.

>>53533593
Sounds like one hell of a personal trainer. Just tell him you need more levels before you're ready to take on a god. He'll understand.

>>53533593
Optional boss? But he already takes orders from you. Is there something I'm missing?

>>53531673
Might Try this method, Seems Like it could help the guy out. Might magically infuse the scale with something to observe him with so I make sure he doesn't off himself on the way back.
>>53537104
Are you... trying to hit on me via runes on IVchan?

>>53537998
If you're that worried why not just carry him back?

>>53538151
See, I mentioned earlier that not many people know I'm here. I'm okay with Rumor, but to directly reveal myself? I'd have to come out of the shadows, even if only for that town. Do NOT want to risk it. (Also, Other dragons may hear confirmed reports rather than mere rumor, and may decide to raid me.

>>53538382
It's your call, but if suicidal teenagers can track you down you're probably not as well hidden as you think.

>>53538446
Funny enough I did ask how he found me during my intimidation bit, and supposedly he'd been a lorekeeper's apprentice for a while. When I asked how he knew I was here, he disturbingly said he didn't for sure, and that seemed to imply to me that he would have lept from my mountain had the rumors been false. Good news is, I'm obscured by myth enough still, but bad news is, you're right, it only took a human a few years of research to hear of me. (though I've been told years seem long in Human lifetimes).

>>53536181
Depending on the type of metagamer, that's very, very dangerous. If he hasn't put all his efforts into combat, there's a good chance he can see through any lie.

>>53537998
Of course I am. Cute gal, has a nice little pet,cares for it... what's not to love...?

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>>53539288
>I share a board with dragons like this

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>>53539288
>The maddrake Made the comment in the first place
>She clearly seems offput by the oddity
>He responds
>And tries HARDER to flirt with her
>Over an anonymous interdimentional Tapestry board.

>>53539288
Thanks, but it's enough trouble taking care of ONE small creature.

>>53515399
Oh others who love the dragons from neverwinter nights? Fucking sweet dawg.

I wish our world becomes a fantasy one, ima become greatest dragon shifter evah

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Guys, these weird humans keep trying to flirt with me. They don't try to take my hoard or anything. They just want me. I'm mildly flattered, but moreso creeped out.


What do I do? I don't want unnecessary blood on my claws, and they haven't done anything harmful in any shape or form.

>>53540114
Well then stop being sexy as fuck then dracopai

Blue dragons are worst dragons

>>53540142
Depends on your dimensional plane

>>53540114
Do you have any kobolds?

>>53540114
>>53540174
This, post your kobalds if you got them

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>>53533409
(Indeed, we shall arrive/*germinate*/*spread*/appear in your realm soon). (How many *eyes*/*sight vessels* do you have on hand)?

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Greetings dragon brothers!
Do you have a moment to hear the glorious teachings of our lord Io?

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>>53540670
>year of the frozen otter + 7
>humans still celebrate a guy who killed a hatchling
It's almost adorable, really.

>>53540156
The one with cool dragons

>>53540142
SAY THAT TO MY FACE AND NOT ONSCRY AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS, WYRM

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>>53540670

>>53540546
if your trying to ask how many eyes I have its none. If your asking how many scrying devices ive got 2638 set up across the 5 nations actually worth watching

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>>53541616
(Very nice/interesting). (Is there anything of note/importance/intrigue going on in the lands as of this moment/interval)?

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This thread appears ..tasty

>>53540114
Dude you can fly. Just fly away. Have your kobolds move your hoard.

>>53540114
Send them to do a bunch of menial tasks to earn your favor.

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>>53540114
It is best not to have anything to do with those creatures. It always starts all fun and games. Pillaging, collecting tribute and toying with foolish wannabe heroes but always turns into creepy human fetishist mechanical realm shit. Before you know it you will be carrying away virgin maidens or polymorphing into a prince or something

>>53540114
Any slave using civs near you? If so you can turn those annoyances into some extra gold.

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>>53541849
Your face appears Tasty.

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>>53541922

It is a slippery slope. Before you know it you are creating half-humans or some other similar fetish fuel skinny shit.

>>53541811
well one kingdom got invades by a bunch of vampires, like a massive amount, but then some god created a second sun,. Now theres a ton of dead vampires and a whole lotta paladins arguing over which god did it. Other then that not really unless watching people in courts backstab each other is your flagon of mead

Metallic dragons are the master race. Chromatic dragons are heathens.

>>53542021
Why are you advocating that I not have 'relations' with lesser races, /tg/? Those sexy, sexy, lesser races...

>>53541462
Gotta say, that's a pretty bad ass image.

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>>53542389
See?
This here is why our hatchrate is falling and our population is failing. We are becoming endangered in our own territories. Soon those filthy soft-skinned hybrids and wyverns are all that remains

>>53536181
This was probably the worst idea possible. He went in and was gone for a few hours, and he came back with some kind of radiating glowing aura, an extra set of arms, and the ability to blink short distances. I asked him what the hell happened and then he tossed me a fleshy ball covered in thousands of blinking eyes and wriggling tentacles, then said "Whew, that worked up a sweat! I almost had to use two fingers!"

>>53537218
We talked. He said that it's fine, because he wanted to max out my "EVs," whatever the hell that means.

>>53537256
I asked him what he meant by this, and all I could gather is that at some point he's going to reach a plateau where there won't be anything worth fighting and he would like to spar with me. I rose to strike him with my tail but he raised a finger and shouted "Not yet! You are not ready!" before strolling off to go do whatever the hell it is he does when he's not out doing a mission. Am I going to die?

>>53542499
>Am I going to die?
Probably not. I've met a couple of his type, and unless you're concocting some sort of world-ending plan that he has to put a stop to, he really will treat it as a sparring match, nonlethal.
It'll probably hurt like hell if he wins, though.

>>53541868

It's a logistical nightmare to move out. Not only do I need to make sure the next area I move to doesn't have other dragons in the area (it'll only attract more of those weird adventurers), but the kobolds risk getting mugged or killed while moving my gold.

I lose around 3-5% of my net hoard each time I move due to acts beyond my control. Even when I DO move, it's not too long until the humans do that cheap trick where they scry and find me.

I don't want to waste my spell slots on casting Nondetection for the rest of my life either; it's not even guaranteed to keep me hidden either. Also, what if I actually encounter adventurers that want me dead?

This sucks.

>>53542475
>A world populated by EXTRA sexy hybrids draco-kind made by knocking up sexy lesser races
>pretending this is a problem
Fuck wyverns though if you all weren't arrogant assholes and would listen to MY final solution we'd be done with the goat-nappers

>>53542879
Atleast those goat-nappers don't think with their cloacas or stick them where they don't belong.
Ever heard of a wyvern half-mammalian? Thought not

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>tfw dragonlet
>tfw the common term everyone refers to you as literally translates to "fake dragon"
>tfw no other dragon takes you seriously
The only time I feel important is when some mortal finds me. Even though they call me a fake dragon as well at least they think I'm interesting. I can even play along and pretend that I really am.

What is my life?

>>53543228
Wyverns are OK in my book. I met one once, it was having trouble getting food from a lake, so I taught it how to use its tail to go fishing. We wound up hanging out for a while just talking and drinking beer, I'd occasionally toss it a fish when I caught one. I'd come back every other day to hang out with it and I'd bring back different kinds of snacks each time. It was particularly fond of cheese puffs. Then one day, I found out that some local adventurers ran into it and killed it while they were out trying to save a unicorn from some kobolds. I then decided I'd become the anti-hero, so I changed my alignment to chaotic neutral, chose to be a rogue and became That Guy.

>>53538382
>I'm okay with Rumor, but to directly reveal myself?
Wouldn't that happen anyway if he's parading around with a scale?

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So I have this tiny problem, crazy human general. Every now and then this necromancer comes to my layer with a few skeletons and puts on a show for me. At first I thought the fool was trying fight me with a band of mere toothpicks, but then they pulled out some musical instruments and started playing and dancing for me. They preform pretty well, except for the necromancer himself, the gangly rat has no rhythm.

I like having the free entertainment and all, but I feel guilty that I'm getting from a necromancer of all things. I mean he's a necromancer, and that means he's a big 'ol nerd!

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>>53543106
If my scrying orb is tuned correctly it's not for their lack of trying, its just that with their inferior biology that aren't compatible with anything but other shit-eating dragon-wanabes! More proof that we need to get on with it and cleanse the shitters. I have a gods-given right, nay, a UNIVERSE-BESTOWED DUTY to spread my superior draco-genes and fuck anything that moves.

It just so happens it makes the most sense to casually commence coitus with the come-hither creatures that cruise upright on two legs.

Did I mention mortals are sexy?

>>53544117
he does have a point in that if we breed with mortals frequently enough the half will out number the non halfs and then we can use the half to elminate the mortals and be left with a superior( to mortals) species that will serve us

>>53544117

What's wrong with other dragons? The sheer amount of magic we can use allows for... very creative reproductive sequences.

>>53544272
considering no dragon mates for life I dont see why these options should be mutaly exclusive

>>53515958
>double wyvern
Well I didn't know this was a YLYL

>>53544191
How many half-breeds do you currently have under your command? They are just as unruly as the mortals from whence they sprang.

>>53544117
You very clearly have some attachment issues. What history do you have with mortals that could cause this? When did your base carnal desires overtake your mind to such a degree?

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Youthful degenerates. I find this place as amusing as it is disturbing.

>>53525308
Well obviously the King would be replaced by either a dragon or perhaps Tiamat himself if your feeling more agrandizing (or your just a filthy red dragon) and the pawns would be kobolds.

>>53544621

Go back to your hoard, grandpa.

How would one seduce an elf? Asking for a friend.

>>53541849
GTFO you arent even a real dragon! I can barely call you a puppet.

>>53544032
Could be worse. Atleast he's not a lich.

>>53544684
I would travel a fair distance and still be surrounded by my hoard, wyrmling.

Do not heed my presence. Pray, continue your interactions unabated. I merely wish to observe from hence forth.

>>53542499
Wow, that human managed to defeat void creatures and come back with goodies to boot?

Say... does he have a banner or flag he carries with him or on his spear and if so, is there a symbol of a cockatrice? If so, you are dealing with a Cavalier of the Order of the Cockatrice. He'll do ANYTHING to make himself look like the best martial man around and have the best mount possible.

He considers you as the top of the ladder companion right now and he wants you to become even more powerful than you already are because he wants you and him to be on equal, earth shattering grounds

Also money is something he will do anything for.

>>53544704
Talk about trees

>>53544469
im afraid you misunderstand me I said he had a point not that I agreed. As for controlling half breed, it has been done I remember (though faintly) the age when we dragons were an empire and not a mass of squabbling individuals, half breeds filled the positions dragons could or would not if I remember correctly. It was a very long time ago and was very young and still had flesh

>>53544469
>playing lounging-hoard psychologist

>>53544798
Not a cockatrice, no, but his symbol is some kind of hybrid of a backwards F and a square-shaped C. Speaking of which, he's currently preparing some kind of abhorrent concoction for "dinner." I don't know the specifics, but I saw him dumping in at least four or five potent elixirs of some unknown aspect into that pot, as well as throwing in what looked like a large jar filled with a strange white powder. I asked him what he was making and he jokingly replied "genetics" with a chuckle. He reassures me it's going to be very good for me though.

This is no longer within my control, is it?

>>53545062
Not in the slightest. I'm pretty sure some of them can literally toe-to-toe with pretty decent deities.
Do your best to try to set boundaries and make sure he knows them. Stay dragon-looking, at the very least.

>>53545062
i've seen those kinds of mortals summon avatars of both bahamut and tiamat simultaneously for the sole purpose of fighting both of them at once. Prepare for a long wild ride that will never end. Also prepare to become very powerful in a very uncomfortable manner

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Sup, ocean-dweller here.

I'm sure anyone else here who grew up in the sea knows what their parents told them: don't swim too deep. The Cold Depths are the territory of leviathans, no trespassing. If you find trouble down there, you deserve it. Any wyrmling can tell you that.

Here's the thing. The local leviathan and his mate were killed recently by some merfolk raiding party, and their territory has been conspicuously vacant for a few months. Some of the other young dragons and I started using the space for parties. I know, bad idea. There are some creepy statues lining the border between the cold and the black depths, though, so we stay clear.

Not long ago we had been drinking, and one of my friends decided to go deeper. He'd heard there was treasure in the Black Depths below, and went off on his own. We didn't see him for the better part of a month.

Last week he came back gurgling and gibbering in some language I've never heard before. I don't think he recognizes any of us, either. His scales turned dull and gray, and he won't stop looking down to the ocean floor. He reeks of foreign magic, but nobody seems to know what kind and he seems really sick. The worst part, his eyes are all sunken and black. Sometimes he randomly starts screaming. Anyone here know anything about this?

>>53545308
there are...... holes in prime material plane that leaks to someplace ... other. Not really super descriptive I know by its not feywild or shadowfel not postive or hells or the abyss. Its just "other". Kill him, kill him now he his tainted and the infection will only spread if left alive. Moreover the dragon you knew is dead its just abomination wearing his skin as a suit. Purge and then never ever ever every go near the this place ever again

>>53545359
Whoa, really? I've heard stories about foul magic in the black depths but nothing like that. Are you sure killing him is necessary? He's not hurting anyone, just acting strangely. He hasn't eaten or gone up for air since he got back. He didn't even bring anything back with him. If he came back with a bunch of cursed jewels or something we'd toss them but I had always assumed there was nothing down there.

Our elder is off on campaign, honoring some oath or another or else I'd ask him. As I'm posting my friend's just sort of curled into a ball and muttering to himself.

>>53545516
at best hes a helpless prisoner in his own body. at worst he's a gate way for monster from beyond our realities to break through and fuck everything up. Im sure hed be begging for death if was still in control of his own flesh and blood. Put him down, like a good friend would do

Lvl 9 Human barbarian from a previous thread here.
Thanks for the heads up about my dragon girlfriend, whichever draganon pointed out that bronze dragons are usually the ones who enjoy fishing. I thought she was a copper. You may have saved me from a social gaff.

>worshipping tiamat
>not Io
Shibbly Dibble

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>>53545062
(No it is not *little starling*/tiny one/soon to be great one). (Enjoy yourself in your last moments as a small one/wyrmling/*scared light*).

>>53545637
Well that escalated quickly.

I want to believe you're being sincere but I'd want a second opinion before I go trying to murder my friends at the behest of anons on the internet. That, and he's way bigger than me. I don't think I could take him even when he's sick.

Uh, hold on, he's starting to vomit black stuff. Must have eaten a rotten octopus or something.

>>53545690
you still havent shown up for the party.

>>53545062
Not even a little bit.
What even happens to a creature when it transcends even the power of a Divine? Does it become pure energy?

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>>53545308
(He has been hollowed out from gazing upon those beyond/*Progenitors*/*Ageless Ones*/*Alpha And Omega*/*Beginning And End*). (His *light* has been consumed and replaced by *void*/*oblivion*/*Dissolution*). (It would be wise to spare/end/annihilate him to save us all from annihilation).

>>53545713
>Uh, hold on, he's starting to vomit black stuff.
By Io.
Ok i need to activate my failsafes, for the end of reality. Nice knowing you prime material plane.

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>>53545730
(Or perhaps we have *little starlight*). (Have you checked on your hoards/trove/*gold place*/storage area yet)? (You might be in for a *surprise*).

Okay, now I'm starting to freak out. I've got him restrained but for a minute he was just bashing his head against a rock, crazy bastard broke off one of his horns.

Now he's staring at me and muttering what sounds like
>hlirgh 'fhalma, fm'latgh. fm'latgh. fm'latgh.
If I'm spelling it right.

I really don't like this.

>>53545797
>>53545787
Holy shit what. If you're joking it isn't funny. You better not be Hior pulling one of her elaborate pranks again. This is going too far.

>>53545787
please tell me that the "party" we're holding will not just end reality via you instead of by those ....things. actually you know what I dont care, id take you guys over those things anyday.

>>53545713
We need the 'Metagamer' pointed at this, he will either doom us to certain torment or save us from certain destruction.

>>53545840
>>53545833
AHHHHHHHH. ok panic is bad and not helpful
>>53545840 KILL IT KILL IT NOW NOW NOW AHHHHHH.


>>53545833
everything seems to be in order to me, except the cheese dip is gone

>>53545840
listen not of these others fellow dragon your friend is of being the health do not disturb it

>>53545840
>>53545908
shit. shit. shit.

The whole colony is empty. It's just me and him now. I don't know where everyone else went. They all disappeared while I was trying to give him some medicine. Now he's just sort of vibrating and the chains I've got him in are rattling so fucking loud it hurts.

Unless someone calls off this joke I'm going to get that anti-material blade from the elder's hoard and cut his heart out. I'm not kidding. Please, give me a reason to stop. This better be a prank you fuckers.

>>53545855
Seconding this. Let these two destroy eachother.
It would be very interesting to watch at least.

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>>53545887
>except the cheese dip is gone

(it was very delicious). (You might want to lower the amount of spices though). (Of course it probably won't matter since we are all at risk of being destroyed/erased/*distilled*/rendered unto nothing).

>>53545936
WE WARNED YOU! BY IO IF YOU DONT KILL THAT THING NOT ONLY WILL YOU DIE BUT EVERYTHING WILL END.

>>53545962
if I lowered the spices it wouldn't be the 666 layers of the abyss cheese dip. It would just be an excessive amount of cheese in 666 different variations

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>>53545842
(Even we of the void fear the *Ones Beyond*/The *Timeless Ones*/*The Eternal*). (Tiamat/*Fallen One Bearing A Million Heads Singing The Hymns Of Ruin* herself once counted herself amongst their number as a *Timeless Eternal* greater than even the eldest of the gods/*Starlight Ones*). (If *The Great Ones* arrive we will all most assuredly die/*dissolve into nothingness*).

>>53545969
Fuck this, fuck this so much. I can barely lift this thing. I'm gonna do it. Shit. Fuck.

I'm sorry J'thur, but

ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn
ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn
ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn
ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

>>53546074
right, time to activate the fail safe. Im sorry every single living thing in the ocean but its time for pure necrotic force it kill you. Just to be sure

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The severe lack of Bahamut x Tiamat smut out there is disturbing. You'd think the 2 dieties of dragons wouldn't get more hatefuck related lewds.

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>>53546143
the world might end any second now and you want to talk about smut? Power word: kill

>>53546125
this will take so much eneryg. Im certinly going to hibernation , I might not ever wake up. If i dont remember dracolichanon who died to kill everything that might make everything die

>>53545855
Oh shit! He got on the computer to look up something and he saw this thread and what's going on. He started to gather his belongings and when I tried to stop him he put a hand on my snout, began to pet me, and told me "Relax. I got this." before he blinked away. How the hell will he even know where to go? And what is this uneasy feeling I have right now?

I don't want to lose him. Should I go after him?

>>53546236
Do it. Don't ask, just do it.

I like how these threads often turn into cooperative roleplaying
In a future one, would a hammerspace dragon be too outlandish?

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>>53546236
(No). (You will simply be a detriment/interference to him). (Allow him to proceed with what he has planned).

>>53546264
Right. Wish me well, and should I not return, Stay the fuck away from my goddamn hoard.

>>53546290
I can't. He needs me. And I need him.

>>53546302
I'll stay away, brother. Don't worry. I don't even know where it is

>>53546302
Would you ask if you should step between two deities as they battle? What manner of fool are you?

>>53546290
Go away voidnigger, nobody cares about your incorrect opinion.

>>53516429
underratted fence post

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GREETINGS FELLOW DRAGONS. THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY COMPANION. HE WAS ILL FROM EATING A ROTTEN OCTOPUS. WE ARE IN NO DANGER. THERE IS NO CAUSE FOR ALARM. CONTINUE AS YOU WERE. THERE IS NO THREAT FROM THE VOID. THERE IS NO THREAT FROM THE VOID. THERE IS NO THREAT FROM THE VOID. THERE IS NO THREAT FROM THE VOID. THERE IS NO THREAT FROM THE VOID. THERE IS NO THREAT FROM THE VOID. THERE IS NO THREAT FROM THE VOID. THERE IS NO THREAT FROM THE VOID. THERE IS NO THREAT FROM THE VOID. THERE IS NO THREAT FROM THE VOID. THERE IS NO THREAT FROM THE VOID. THERE IS NO THREAT FROM THE VOID. THERE IS NO THREAT FROM THE VOID. THERE IS NO THREAT FROM THE VOID. THERE IS NO THREAT FROM THE VOID. THERE IS NO THREAT FROM THE VOID. THERE IS NO THREAT FROM THE VOID. THERE IS NO THREAT FROM THE VOID. THERE IS NO THREAT FROM THE VOID. THERE IS NO THREAT FROM THE VOID. THERE IS NO THREAT FROM THE VOID. THERE IS NO THREAT FROM THE VOID.

>>53546365
That doesn't seem suspicious at all!

>>53546365
Glad that's over. Anyway, about that elf thing?

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>>53546340
(We are on the very cusp of oblivion and yet you still wish to continue with this inane/*silly*/childish behavior that will not bene- oh).

>>53546365
(We are, to use a more 'normal' phrase of speech "beyond fucked").

>>53546466
That's what you think, voidnigger! While there's fire in my belly, >>53546365 will not consume all!

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>>53546496>>53546466
NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.NO THREAT. NO THREAT.

>>53546555
Fuck off of our plane. We don't need void coons blowing up our lairs.

>>53546593
ţ̠̟͖̖͉̳͇͎̻̕h̸̶̝̖͓̞͍͓̭̀͢e̵̞͇̼̱̹̣̜̟͎̣̜͖͟͡ͅr̵̛͇̖̻̰͜e̜͎̠̹̺̻̼͓͓̼̙̫̪͉͉̱͈͕͞͠ ̧̬̰̮̠̹̦͔̕͞i̢̛̛͔̦̤̠̖̩̱̪͙͖̖̤͔̖s̶̷̟͉̥̟̟͖̀͘ ̸̡̪͇̖͓͉̼͖̙̩̙̘͚̠̩͓͖̼n̷̴̢̛̥̮͓̣̬̗͙̘̟̬̳͍̺ͅǫ̣̬̥̦̘͍̞̤͠͞ ̝̜̺͇̯͕̪̻̺͇̝͙͢͝t̸̙̟̥̮͚̭̗̝͎͈͚͎͜͞h̩̼͚̱̳̘̥̪́ͅͅr̴̸̡̨͇̰̫͎͎e̶̷̟̩̮̖̝̭̳͈͉̳̫̙̞̮̪̻̰͞͠a̸̵̶̻͕͇̗t̶̴̸͔͍̻͖̬͜ ̺͇͍̙̗̠̝͚͈̘̪͘f̶̵̗͎̟̩͎̪̮͓͓̬̞r̛͖̤̙͉͎̬̫͘̕ơ̷̛͚͓͙̭̺͇̥͙̻̼͈̜m̸̨̧̹͓̦͚̠̭̣̠̣͡ͅͅ ̸̸̧͕̬͎͚̞̙͕̭́t̠̻͚͈̝̟͕̙̳̥͓͕͔̭̯̜̣̕͟h̹̮͕̘̬̦̮͓̬͖͠͞e̴̘̱͓̫̪̻̬̺̜ ̪̮̺̞̞̥̹͢͢͡v̷̵̸̵͉͖̮̟̤̫̭͎̼̳̳̕ơ͇̱̠̯̼̦͓͈͜i̵̴͎̗͍͍̺̺̥̤̮̭̝͔͉͇͕͚d̸̤͇̙̕ͅ

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>>53546496
(A young wyrmling/*little star*, claiming that it can stand against the *Progenitors*/*Ruin Made Manifest*, beings greater than the greatest of gods/Starlight Ones* when his compatriot had his own mind utterly subsumed/devoured/erased/re-modeled by them)? (Riiiiiight). (We shall begin making preparations to evacuate this local multiversal cluster before it is eaten). (Good luck/*greatest regards* to all those who will stay behind to fight/*struggle uselessly*). (You will need it).

>>53546627
Cowards like you can't understand bravery, and demean those who would fight! We're better off without you, you little sparkheart.

I've been preparing for the end times for twelve centuries now, I'm ready. I was hatched for this.

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This thread started pretty cool, but then people decided it needed a world-eating storyline.
Though I kind of like the implication that this is honestly a day-to-day thing that dragons go through.

On a different note, I have a rulebook for pathfinder involving Player Character dragons, would anyone be interested in it?

>>53546691
Yes, absolutely. Are they balanced to other races, or just set up so you can have a dragon campaign?

>>53546676
I try to kick off a different plot thread each time and see where it goes. It's good writing practice. Looks like people's first reaction this thread was to escalate to the end of reality. In any case I don't plan on continuing this one.

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>>53546831
Not a bad idea, I guess I'm more upset at how this one turned out. And I have a bad taste in my mouth from the "let's have multi-thread interactions and fucktons of lore" of /vp/'s "pokemon are Real" threads. Are you voiddragon or metagamer?

>>53546873
I made the first post about an ocean-dweller and played along with everyone's responses from there. Void dragon kicked my ass in terms of committing to the bit though. 10/10 performance.

>>53546903
Thanks, I guess.

>>53546873
Metagamer here. I was going to stop posting for the night and just leave it open to speculation as to what happened.

>>53546174
...is there a better time?

We're still here which means I'm still stuck with all of you. Everything must be fine, relatively speaking.

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wyvern can possible make loev to dragon femal yes or no y/n pls respond

>>53547214
no

>>53547221
thank you

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>>53546794
I'm not actually sure.
I've actually never played a tabletop besides FATE, and a friend who offered to dm a campaign said "Hey, did you know you can be a dragon?" and I think he's bullshitting me and then he links me the race on d20pfsrd. So I go to try and find the rulebook online, but can't find a torrent of it anywhere so I ended up having to buy it. The group ended up falling apart after, and I still have my character sheet for him. He did seem pretty busted from the one session we did though.

>>53547214
Fucking brazillian """"dragons"""" don't you have a mayonnaise pizza to eat?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-e5gTx1fVU4

>>53547310
Humans be say
>local delicatsy, very tasty
but wyvern knows they are full of the shit. it is trap to give you the die of dragobetes and every body knows the truht all of the times, no slippery human lie tricks work on the smartical ones like me ever ever no

>>53547478
>hue hue hue hiss hraagh schaaash
Shouldn't you be falling for a blatantly obvious bait-based trap?

>>53547521
wyverns are not oblivious to bait traps
use them to catch drakes many times for good laughs all the time fuck the drake they are shrinking penises and smell like elf poops >hue

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>>53547221
>>53547242
okay but i am asking the questions on thanks for a friend who needs some help, we want to fug the dragons but need help badly i cannot stop him he will fuck her so tell me if wyvern can get dragon pragnant pls it is emergency

>>53548053
We don't get pregnant, we lay eggs you retard,

Is there anything we can do to aid this "Metagamer"?

>>53548081
so this is no?>

>>53548169
He'll help himself, really. If he swings by, he might be able to make use of strong magical items, but if the dragon who found him is telling the truth about his expedition and plans, chances are most available help would be ingredients or parts for more potent stuff.
I've heard alchemists use shed dragon scales sometimes, and occasionally sell those. You could try that.
Or offer encouragement if the battle gets nearish to you. If he notices, it'll play into his "multipliers and bonuses" mindset and make him do better.

>>53548081
I believe he means fertilization prior to the laying of said eggs, although I doubt this creature could accomplish such a task.

>>53548174
Your dicks are too small to do it.

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>>53542021
>>53542475
Half-dragon hybrids are the future anons. They are the most objectively perfect beings in existence. Besides, trying to maintain perfect genes leads to inbreeding anyways.

>>53548222
Would sexy dragon lewds count as encouragement?

>>53548299
Probably not. If he's not into it, he might view it as hostile. If he is, you might become a conquest and possibly expect some reward for returning your affections.
Really, just cheering or possibly just positive thoughts would work.

>>53548299
Is Metagamer's dragon a lady? Post horns

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I just can't stop fapping to My Little Human doujins.
Humans are T H I C C

>>53518405
Tell him he's your chosen warrior and he's to aid you in battle if any great threats approach the kingdom, honestly he sounds like a useful idiot. He clearly likes you so just keep him around as a high powered pawn.

>the fate of the world rests with one human who's sole existance is to get strong enough to defeat the chaos god
>he is aided and encouraged by dragons in the final battle
He is no longer the Metagamer. He is the Dragon Warrior.

>>53543715
Fair point...
Perhaps I'd convince him to keep it a secret?
I'm just not sure what to do... I think I'll hold on to the little guy for a few days, got a serious squall going on outside anyway.

>>53548548
>>>/mlh/
Back to your pocket plane.

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>>53544621
>An Elder Scrying IVchan

>>53548399

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>>53548680
Forgot pic

>>53548700
shit anon, did you draw that yourself?
That's fuckin' impressive
>actually did it
the absolute maddragon

>>53518405
>You have your tinheads, your book boys, dog handlers, shooty men, a dude with a stick, some guy who only owns clothes and shaved his head, a musclebound freak with a big axe, the pope, the OTHER pope, some idiot who uses two oversized swords, a midget, a kid, a magic kid, a peasant, and even a dog-man

I feel personally targeted by several of these

>>53548700
FUCK. As if I didn't have enough fire in my belly, now I know a beautiful creature such as this dwells on the same plane as me!

brb, going to breath fire until I can think straight

>>53529852
Holy fuck have an oogle at those humie hands

>>53548712
i cant take credit for it, a very close friend of mine drew it. She has also made a plushie of him as well as a decorated mirror and jewellery and many more art. I have my own hoard of gems as well.

>>53516429
underrated post; holy shit am keking

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Hey guys, I found this human skulking around my lair shooting everything that breathed with a bow and arrow, and then acting dissapointed when it died. Eventually he tried to shoot me, but it just bounced off of me, and then I burned him alive. I still have the arrow, but its giving off this weird aura. Any of you know what's up with it?

>>53548801
Looks like it's made of alchemical alloy. You can tell by the transmutation marks on the broadhead.

My guess is some dickbag alchemist told him that it could pierce anything and sold it to him at a premium.

>>53548801
Huh. Never seen that before. You going to add it to your hoard or toss it?

>>53548700
>A bard will never capture your likeness on a parchment
Feels bad drakes.

>>53548854
If it could pierce anything, why would he be running around shooting EVERYTHING with it? And then acting suprised when it dies? I mean I don't think a deer is gonna live very long if you shoot it with an arrow.

>>53548855
I think I might keep it, even if just to keep it out of some other human's hands. No telling what it could do.

>>53548801
Know any priests? It looks like it might be touched by divine magic.

Alright, back from clearing my head. Ladydragon, I'll go help you and the Metagamer against the void invasion, where are you?

>>53548801
Is that what I think it is?

>>53549171
I don't know, tell us what you think it is.

>>53545658
Anytime, little human. Always nice to see your kind bond... I believe some Humans View cats and dogs playing for similar pleasure.
Do remain happy!

>>53545840
>>53545855

Send Metagamer to take this on, He'll do it!

>>53545936
He's got you in a sub-realm. If you can gate, do it now, he may collpase it on himself soon.

>>53546288
I think as long as the thread rolls with it, it'll be fine.

>>53546676
>Filename
>Vorelord.

...Sauce...?

What happened to the cute draganon and Metagamer?
Did anyone see where they went?

>>53549229
An allusion of sorts

>>53548548
Friend, the /mlh/ board is that-a-way.

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On an unrelated note, what do you guys do with underworked kobolds? I can't think of a big overarching project for mine to do while otherwise idle.

>>53549388
VoreLord on FA.
Some is vore, some is just cute dragons.

>>53548633
Just an average day on Dragon /tg/

>>53548700
>Posting hot horns like that outside of /sd/
I feel so scandelous just looking at them...

>>53549229
reverse image search it

>>53549463
Have them make gigantic statues of you.

>>53549463
Unf.

>>53549488
...A weapon?

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>>53549512
It's a reference

>>53549409
If the "Cute Draganon" You are referring to is the one who's trying to take care of this human, I'm still here. He's Half asleep and occasionally ahifting around, But I'm keeping him warm.

>>53548548

Disgusting. At least I hope you're reading the ones where the humans turn into draconic hybrids.

>>53549463
Send them on long distance raids. Worst case scenario they die and now you have fewer under-worked Kobolds. Best case scenario they find something interesting.

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Okay, so I know I'm kinda out of touch living so far north from... Well, everything, but get this shit.

>Hanging out in my lair, waiting for the mammoth to freeze over for dinner.
>Play around with my scrying stone to pass the time.
>Find an adventuring party near my territory - Don't get many of those, but okay.
>Wait why aren't they killing that kobold?
>Wait why is that kobold so well equipped?
>That fucking kobold is part of their party?

A kobold adventurer, I shit you not! He looked like he had magic items and everything!

Is this a thing now? Please tell me this isn't a thing now. I thought those little runty mutants were like, slaves at most! Aren't there like, rules about this? What's this world coming to?

>>53550255
Are you suggesting they give that Kobold the cold shoulder?

>>53550359
Oh ha ha yes cuz I'm a white dragon oh I have never heard ice puns before THIS IS A SERIOUS ISSUE

>>53550394
Dogs become police sometimes. I wouldn't worry about.

>>53550394
Alright, chill out drake. Snow need to be so cold. Should try being ice for once. Blizzard.

I'm sure you can defeat the Kobold.

>>53550255
different white here, can tell you that ones probably one of mine, i was bored, the thought of a kobold actually being something useful was hilarious, and guess what, it was, so now its off collecting stuff to add to my hoard for me.

>>53550255
Social Justice.

>>53550394
Humans managed to tame wolves into their companions.

Kobolds are just a slight step up in inteligence compared to other beasts so it's no wonder they got tamed by humans.

I managed to convince a pair of adult silver dragons to go fight that ancient black that some weird elf has been trying to wake up

Anybody wanna place bets on who will win? I'll throw a sword I took off some pesky paladin in for the black

>>53550740
Shoot, I'll drop a fire ruby and some rare Zap-Apple Jam on the silver.

>current year
>being a chromatic dragon
Poor peasant dragons will never know the greatness of being a primal dragon.

>>53551329
This spell was originally weaved by a chromatic dragon with too much free time. Amusing you should use it now.

>>53540114
Why don't you want to be a humy dragonpai? Watch some humy hypno and you'll be suck lots of human cocks in no time.

>>53551385
"Too much free time"
There's no such thing as too much free time, and you'd have plenty of it if you didn't spend so much time raiding the mortals villages and then having to fend off the adventurers they send after you.

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>>53515399
>Be me, weebshit dragon born in lands east of most of the posters in this thread
>Start out making my hoard, carving a name for myself.
>This bulbous, comically overweight human waddles up to my lair one morning
>Starts rambling for close to an hour about his great respect for me
>Ask him if he has brought a gift for my hoard or perhaps wishes to gaze at the beauty of my lair (I've been told not many Western Dragons like to do this but it's fun to see the looks on the mortal's face when they see what they'll never have.)
>Says no, he HASN'T brought anything, and he's been wasting my time because he wants to be a sacrifice to me.
>"From whom?"
>Nobody.
>This fucking lardass just shows up and wants to die.
>"Alright, nice talking to you I guess."
>Raise my claws to kill him
>"Wait! Stop! I wanted to be eaten!"
>Wat.
>It's apparently his biggest desire to be eaten by a dragon. Swallowed whole.
>Debate drooping to Wyvern status by fulfilling the obscene wish of this mortal.
>Smash him to pulp and burn his remains
>Find out after the fact this is a common sexual dream for some circles of mortals

Holy fuck I hope I'm not the first Dragon to encounter this shit. In the moment I just thought he was crazy but it's sad that there are mortals out there so depraved that the only pleasure they can get is thinking about dying. There are plenty of lesser beasts and creatures out there that would love to eat you - why do you think a Dragon would put up with your shit? Imbecilic humans...

Honestly, why do you all obsess about razing human villages so much? They don't go out and slaughter all the felines and canines in the world, so why do you all go out killing humans?

>>53551453
Why does a human swat a fly?

>>53551453
Only the most Wyvern of Dragons do this. It's the Dragon equivalent of a human lord having a peasant executed.

Dipsticks like to feel big and the only way a lot of big-ego chromatic kiddos can feel powerful is by picking on defenseless human villages.

The funny thing is most of them could probably take a shot at razing some of the smaller cities, but they subconsciously doubt themselves so much that they never try it, so scared are they of a fight that could potentially not be completely lopsided.

>>53551473
Humans don't go out hunting down every fly in existence either.
I'm not saying if one shows up in your lair and starts fucking with you and won't go away that you shouldn't smash it, but you shouldn't antagonize them either, because they'll never leave you alone once you do.
Besides, they're smart enough to be useful and are both easily impressed and quick to trust.

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>muh virgins
>muh kobolds
Fucking wingenials. Can't you just appreciate the good ol' elaborate plot that that leads to incest?

So guys
Horns or Wings

>>53551502
You speak as though everyone has nothing better to do than fly around swatting insects. Humans remove unwanted animals and creatures from their lands by force. I do the same. I don't move into their territory, they move into mine. If you desire their presence so much why do you not invite them all to stay around you?

>>53551581
[Spoiler]Tail.[/Spoiler]

>>53551584
Then get them to build shit for you, that's what I do.
I would much rather have humans or even elves around instead of orcs or goblins or trolls.
They're more predictable, and they're so willing to do everything for you with just a little effort on your part.
Roast an ogre or two and suddenly they're falling at your feet bringing you free food and offering up gold for your hoard.

>>53551596
>tail
You degenerate

>>53551630
Domesticate all of the local wildlife? It's not worth my effort.

>>53551630
Speaking of orcs, has anyone ever found a use for them? I've tried using them to build up a small army to take over a town (it was too close to my neighbour's territory to do it myself without starting our feud up again), but they always descend into infighting, even when I make a point of eating any troublemakers.

>>53551861
>he eats orcs
HA
You ate garbage

>>53551861
They're rather amusing entertainment when they get up to their usual bloodsports. Keep a keen Scrying Eye on them if they ever march off to fight something, they always make a show of it.

>>53548801
Stab yourself with it. It's an item of tremendous magical power. Doesn't need to be a big wound
Then, it will cause you to manifest a projection of your will. Stab IT with the arrow, and enjoy your bullshit magical powers.

>>53551439
Next tome just drop them of near a tigers den or into shark infested waters.

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>>53546627
>>53546662
>>53547198
Good news guy, my failsafe worked: everything living in the ocean is dead! Bad news guys, my failsafe worked: everything living in the ocean is dead.

>>53552131
How did you check the entire ocean?

>>53552217
its a very complex ritual, but it involves necrotic energy, scrying devices and the bones of a dragon even older than be, which is saying something

>>53552131

That might explain why my chess partner went silent a while back. Good. That will teach her to not be such a try-hard. I have to send her pictures of my claws each time I lose.

>>53552335
I would wager a portion of my hoard she isn't a dragon.

>>53552361

I don't want to entertain that thought. Also, can anyone else smell dead fish on the wind?

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>>53552403
Worried to find out that you have feelings for a mortal?

>>53552474

No. Worried now that I have to relocate my hoard further inland. That smell is only getting worse. Wait... If the entire ocean is dead, won't the lesser, coastal races move as well?

Draganons, I need help. How can I relocate my hoard without interference? I already have an idea on where I'm moving. It's a bit small, but I can renovate. The size was keeping other dragons from moving in as well.

>>53552568
Hoard gullet is a good spell for that. Just don't try and use it while you have hiccups.

Sorry about doing that but it was the ocean or existence and I never liked fish anyways

>>53552737
You're certain that everything is dead? Will it stay dead? This wasn't all some elaborate ploy to convert the ocean into an undead paradise? Be honest.

>>53544621
>>53544795
A dispassionate watcher of chronepsis I presume
>I merely wish to observe from hence forth.

>>53552885
Everything is dead, any intelligent creature has a 25 precent chance of waking up as a greater form of undead. All the fish are probably skelingtons now. This was not all part of an elaborate plan as I honest expected the effort required to pull this off to kill me

Well, I guess the Metagamer succeeded. We are all still alive. Did he or the dragon he was with survive though?

>>53553157
If they were in the ocean they are probably either vampires wights or lichs now

>>53553185
I bet it's willingly too. They probably figured they could grab more bonuses that way.

>>53553157
We are fine, and no, we're not undead. In the last moments, Metagamer realized that we could not succeed alone, so he had decided we needed to work together to take on the abyssal threat. Using a nearby "soular shockwave" caused by some mass-extinction event in the ocean Metagamer skimmed enough energy to perform some sort of ritual where he imbued a piece of himself into me.

I found out the secret to Metagamer's power. Everything is amazing now. I can see every parameter, every point, every attribute, every aspect, and every stat. It's like being able to see the underlying logic of the universe, and with a bit of careful tinkering, being able to bend it over and fuck it in the ass.

We had six seconds left to live before the darkness would engulf us and snuff out our essences. Metagamer performed a complex series of rules abuse, cheese, and downright overpowered nonsense to buff his parameters to nearly infinite levels, and then with his last action he passed it all to me. I still had all of my action points available.

One hyper combo later, we were left stranded in the void. The rift to our reality was sealing off quickly, and it didn't look like we could make it out. Metagamer did not look worried about this at all, though.

"This is the best part." he told me, petting me on the head. He then grabbed hold of me, and I felt a strange coolness ripple through me, as if all of my energy was leaving my body.

Shedding off our former shells, our souls were expelled from our bodies and shot at light speed toward the dying gate. I heard him shout to me about resetting, and how he's done this many times before, reassuring me that it's safe.

I woke up on a beach some time later, an awful stench in the air. He was already fighting skeletons in nothing but his underwear and helmet, wielding a stick. He gave me a thumbs up and told me to grab a weapon and start grinding.

See you guys in fifteen levels or so.

>>53553747
I see, well glad my mass murder spellthe helped,. If you do desire undeath let me know ill hook you

>>53553747
>grab a weapon and start grinding
>giving up your dragon form
On one paw, good to know things are going well. On the other, shame you're not still a dragon in body. We have by far the sexiest forms around.

>>53554711
I can stand on my hind legs and wield a tree trunk, draganon.

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>>53554796
yeah but if you could have looked like this

>>53554796
Fair enough. I'm more fond of our natural weapons, myself.

Bump of fiery destruction

>>53555490
We're on autosage, hatchling.

Anyone still here on IVchan feel free to say what kind of dragon you a. Dracolich here want to see the variety we have.

>>53555828
A sexy one.