>'tis I! The Great Frog of the Southern Pond of the Western

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I've come for you.

Spread 'em.

>>53223128
I heard you make a wicked potato salad. Is that true?

>>53223128
Actually, I'm just here for experience points. You see, there's not many clerics that can cast Greater Restoration in this setting, beside me - and I'm not even strong enough to cast it yet. If I don't level up in a few days, I'm gonna be devoured by a particularily nasty curse.
So, do you have a quest I could take? Do you happen to need twenty bear asses, for example?

>>53223158
>Ha! A simple request indeed! A sandwich from mine own personal kitchens! Spread with only the finest of jams!

>>53223161
>Indeed I can, brave hero! My potato salads are reserved for but the greatest of celebrations amongst all the kingdoms, such as the birthdays of one of my many daughters!

>>53223234
>Hohoho! A curse you say? I could remove it from you myself, but for you I shall grant your request and give you a map to the fabled Well of Healing, therein you shall find a great evil dirtying it's power! Defeat it, and your curse shall be lifted, brave hero!

>>53223128
Just postie, nothing t' 'fret about. Just here t' deliver the mail guv, some letters and that delivery for that ah... potion you ordered guv, y'know, that one. Eheh...

Oh! Reminds me, there's been a bit of a punch-up by the border, there's talk in redrawing the borderlines! You might end up being the... 'ang on.. Great Frog of the Southern Pond of the Eastern Woods of the Central Kingdom of the North. I think.
Thought I'd give you a heads up in case it all goes tits up. Hope it doesn't mess up my route. Oh well, much to do! Got to deliver to the Northern Pond now! Ta-ra!

>>53223128
Oh Great Frog of the Southern Pond of the Western Woods of the Eastern Kingdom of the North The Elven Queen of the North-Eastern Meadow of the Southern Forests of the Northern Mountains of the East had bid me marry her daughter so as to complete a pact that forefathers made with them centuries past. I beseech thee on Wise One, grant this humble man advise as to bring ruin upon our houses once the vows have been made.

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>>53223128

oh my god a talking frog

>>53223350
>Ah, my wife's magazines are here! Wait, what? The CENTRAL KINGDOM!? I will personally ensure that there will be no border changes on my watch! For a thousand years I have kept the kingdoms stable and a thousand years more shall I! I thank you, mailman for this news!

>>53223410
>What? You wish to bring ruin upon both of your houses? For what purpose? Oh well! A request is a request, and I shall grant it! You must bed a Dwarven woman in her kingdom, as to dishonor your house for being an oathbreaker and to insult her house for to imply her daughter is unworthy to be wed!

>>53223423
>Yes! Are you not amazed by the majesty of I, the Great Frog of the Southern Pond of the Western Woods of the Eastern Kingdom to the North!?

>>53223513
I lost my ball can you help me find it?

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Praise Kek

>>53223535
>Your ball is in your backyard, behind the large bush next to the tree, brave hero!

Oh great and wise frog! My continent has been besieged by an unstoppable army of goblinoids! How shall I defeat the hobgoblin Lich that controls this mighty and infinite force?

>>53223128
Oh great frog, you look well. I am weary for i have come far and still have farther to go. I am but a humble man, i only ask that we enjoy each others comraderie over some fishing, libation, and tales of our past exploits.

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>>53223128
Give me all your intelligences or I'll put you to permanent hibernation, froggy.

>>53223689
>Ahhhh, a hobgoblin lich, you say? Take this potion, and drink it alongside three of your most trusted companions! It shall grant you the strength to fight your way to the lich himself and duel him in fair combat, for the potion shall nullify his faul magics! Go forth, brave hero!

>>53223722
>You are a humble and wise one. May we spend a day together in joyous friendship!

>>53223774
>Ah, a request for more intelligence, young maiden? Very well then! Drink this, and your mind shall become like that of a learned one!

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I have come as a knight on a quest oh wise one, babtise me with your holy tree dew and bless me with the strength of a 100 bullfrogs

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Do you have any advice on how I can be a better hero, Great Frog?

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>>53223553
>Sorry, but it seems that your dank meme is experiencing technical difficulties. Please try shitposting again another time.

>>53223864
>Hoho! The strength of a hundred of my finest warriors shall be yours, O brave knight! Go to the great tree in the center of town, and it shall grant thee a magic blessing! Go forth, O brave knight!

>>53223903
>Aye, this knowledge I grant thee, child of Frog Power! Know that the weak must be protected, know that kindnesses must be repayed with kindness, and know that no hero, great or small, wise or foolish, is too grand for to ask for help!

I have come in search of a cure for baldness. I was cursed by a vain sorceress and my hair has left my head and weaved its way into her insidious locks.

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[RED TEXT]: I've come to put a stop to the farce of a little green frog using [GREEN TEXT].

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>>53223128
Er, Okay, Great Frog, the Moon Frog wants to sire my offspring, but, eh, i just literally met the girl, and i don't think we have anything in common? Advice on either getting this relationship to slow down, or to help me deal with being raped by an eldritch goddess?

>>53223128
Ohoho! Mister Frog, Crusty the Druid, at yar service. I've hard rumors from round the swamp that yar skin secretions, they have certain... unusual properties, they do. In short, I'd like ta lick ye.

>>53224116
>Ah, a most malicious malady indeed! Behold my power, brave hero, and see that your head now has the most luscious locks in all the kingdom!

>>53224188
>Hohoho! You wish to challenge me, brave hero? I'm afraid that a mortal is no match for one such as I. I shall instead grant you your hidden desire! A chetland pony from the finest of breeders! Go forth upon your new steed and companion!

>>53224198
>Ahaha! She be of my eldest daughters! I shall merely tell her to wait a year and a day, is that not acceptable? She is rather touched, unlike the rest of my many daughters, and so my power shall aid both you and her.

>>53224217
>A rather odd request, but I shall honor it!

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>>53224354
A year? So, i've got one year to feel this out?

Yeah, that's much better. thank you Great Frog. I'll, uh, keep you posted.

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>>53224354
Ohhhhhhhhh... Oh yeahhhh. That's it....

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>>53224354
[BLUE TEXT]: I-I didn't want a pony...

>>53223128

Oh Great Frog of the Southern Pond of the Western Woods of the Eastern Kingdom of the North! I stand before you as a man looking for your knowledge in a matter of utmost importance to me!

I ask you, oh Great Frog of the Southern Pond of the Western Woods of the Eastern Kingdom of the North! For the answer too true happiness in one's life!

If that is too much to ask, than I ask you too tell me a good recipe for cooking turkey.

>>53224431
>You're welcome, future son-in-law!

>>53224441
>Indeed it is! Now begone, back to your dwelling!

>>53224489
>But you did, young one! I had searched thy deepest desire within your heart, and a pony was what you had wished for!

>>53224581
>Ah, yes, true happiness. For this, you must go find the Great-but-not-as-great-as-Me Dragon of the Southern Mountains of the Western Desert of the North Kingdom to the East! There you shall find the answer to thy question, for the answer to the question if true happiness is one that cannot be given lightly, and requires an undertaking of considerable measure. Fortunately it is far easier to travel there than it is here! Do you accept this quest, O brave hero?

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O Great Frog, I am but a simple wizard, able to master any kind of magic, and yet there is one thing that truly escapes my reach: Lady Astrid, a lamia, is the subject of my love and yet I can't find the words nor the courage to tell her of my true feelings! Aid me in my time of need, if you please.

>>53224666
>Ah, a matter of the heart! O brave wizard, the courage and words to woo her and win her heart are within you! Did you not brave the many trials to find myself? Did you not become a learned man for to become a most grand wizard? I shall open your mind and touch your heart, and you shall know the answer to your own question! Go forth, and may your love blossom with my blessing, O lovestruck one!

>>53223128
I want to be a girl. I heard frogs and fish can do stuff like that, spill the beans.

>>53223128
O Great Frog, I come to thee asking for the hand of one of your most lovely daughters! But there is a problem, O Frog! I had a picture of her, but I have lost it, and I cannot remember it's location! She was busty, and wearing rather immodest garb, with hair brunette and fine! Pleasing to the eye she was, and I cannot find the picture with which to point her out!

Please, will not someone aid me?

>>53223128
O great frog I bow before thee. I am the most powerful warrior of the Western Kingdom south of the North Sea. I have slain every type of beast and I have taken every item that calls out to the pleasure of my eye, but yet I am left unsatisfied. Without another soul by my side to share the fruits of being with I am empty. But no mere creature of this Earth is sufficient for a warrior of my title. Searched I have, on the highest peak, in the lowest cave - she does not exist. I have here a statue of the perfect being, carved with my instruction by the stone masters of the Fifth Lake east of the Eastern Mountains of the Southern Kingdom of the Southern Plains. I ask of you the secret to turn her stone into flesh.

>>53225109 #
>Very well then! When there are little to no females in an area, some males turn female! I shall now turn you female as well!

>>53225421 #
>You search for a specific daughter of mine, O brave hero? I am afraid that I cannot wed you to her without knowledge of which of my many daughters it is you seek.

>>53225435 #
>O grand warrior, I shall turn her from stone to flesh, and aid thee in matters of the heart! Your tale has moved me so, and in doing so I shall make you a wife from stone! Go forth and be happy!

>>53224658
I would, had I not already visited the dragon that dwells there, before coming here. They told me that I should come to see you for the answer to either of my questions.

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>>53223128
Oh ho. It is good to see you once again, O Great Frog of the Southern Pond of the Western Woods of the Eastern Kingdom to the North. Tis I, the majestic lizard of the Northern Oasis of the Eastern Desert of the Western Empire of the South. How goes your wisdom sharing?

>>53223128

Oh Great Frog

I ask for a blessing to be able to breath water and air!

I need it for my quest to slay the horrors of the deep

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>>53223806
O wise amphibian, I humbly thank you for the insight you have imparted on me through this miraculous liquid. I see it is possible for even the dullest of dimwits to become a genius comparable to the brain of the moon. Alas, my arrival was all too late, for I have lived my life through violence and murder. Had I only sought you out sooner, many of your race would have evaded a cold death.

>>53223128
O Great Frog of the Southern Pond of the Western Woods of the Eastern Kingdom of the North!
I have heard news that your second brother's sixth cousin's sister-in-law's great-great grandfather's seventh son, The Very Wise Frog, was slain by Prince Kassardis in a flash of despair.

Well, the Very Wise Frog owes me about three fiddy. Could you set free his debt to me?

>>53225671
>Hmmm, troubling indeed! Very well then. The secret to true happiness is the thing that which you cherish most.

>>53225962
>Hohoho! 'Tis great to see you again, old friend! My wisdom sharing goes well!

>>53226049
>Your request is granted, O brave hero! Go forth and slay the horrors of the deep!

>>53226155
>Haha! 'Tis of no grand importance, child! You are to change your ways and become a kind-hearted and intelligent maiden!

>>53226203
>Of course, brave hero! A meagre sum such as that can easily be remedied for one who has sought myself out!

>>53223128
I have been sent from the Kingdom of God in the name of Jesus Christ with a decree from Moses

They're issuing a formal apology for the Second Plague!
We won the battle sir!

>>53226203
my heaven-reaching violent brother

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Mmph Grpmh Frhm, mphh mmph mphhp mpph mhmpmpm!

>>53224198
>The great frog demands that you provide him sauce!
>Er, to better understand the nature of your query, of course.

Oh Great Frog of the Southern Pond of the Western Woods of the Eastern Kingdom of the North, The Ambitious Beaver of the Eastern River of the Northern Plain of the Western Kingdom of the North demands tribute or else he will build the Northern Dam of the Eastern River of the Northern Plain of the Western Kingdom of the North, denying water to all. What shall we do?

>>53231130
>We shall call upon our allies, the Honorable Dogs of the Southern Caves of the Eastern Plains of the Eastern Kingdom of the south to deal with The Ambitious Beaver of the Eastern River of the Northern Plain of the Western Kingdom of the North. So advice I the lustful vizier of the Great Frog of the Southern Pond of the Western Woods of the Eastern Kingdom of the North
> I'm creeksburg.