An alien Champion says his race will invade Earth unless someone

>>52974053

Let's GO.

>>52974100
the Asian game?

>>52974053
Russian Roulette with 1 spin of the chamber allowed each.

Now it's not pure chance.

High element of chance affords me a decent chance at winning, and if I fail I won't have to bear the shame of defeat.

>>52974183
its pretty much as much chance as Candyland

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Can I challenge him to a match to see who will be the first to figure out what sort of mental contest he would lose at?

If he wins, I'll let the next person issue that challenge.

>>52974195
Candyland is a spectator game. Players are only required to move pieces and draw cards.

Russian Roulette with cylinder spins becomes a game of risk management.

Simple I just have to play the game

>>52974222
this is probably the best option

100-disc Tower of Hanoi.

It won't technically STOP him, but it will slow him down for a few quintillion years.

>>52974249
its random either way, candyland just has an illusion of predetermination because the cards are literally there.

from the player's point of view either is equally random
>>52974258
truly the greatest of mental feats

>>52974053
What do I have in my pocket?

Challenge him to NIM.

He can go first.

>>52974349
yeah but like, you got no idea what senses he has

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Challenge him to a game of war!

>>52974557
as in, an actual war between us and his alien race? that seems like a bad idea

Calvinball

Yu gi oh.
I have a deck that basically says fuck you, i have cannon fodder, spell blockers, trap detonators and a 1-hit KO monster

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>>52974578
Fuck it, lets do it. Bring on the Aliens.

>>52974176
That would be a bad choice anyway. AI are better than world champions at Go.

Given that the alien pictured learned and mastered chess the second they learned the rules I'd recommend something where they don't have perfect information like Starcraft or Magic/Netrunner/yourchoiceofcardgame.

Of course on the other hand he could just be cheating with telepathy or some shit which means anything that outmaneuvering your opponent will be impossible. At that point you would want the challenge to be the execution of something with absolute precision such as a mario world speedrun.

Twister

(I'm hoping the alien's race doesn't have arms or legs)

>>52974659
The correct solution would be to challenge him to a solved game and have him take the losing initial state.
Of course, that assumes he'd be unable to instantly solve the game and reject the losing initial state.

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>>52974659
for what its worth, he also beat humans at "animal training"
does this change your strategy?

I challenge him to a game of hide and seek with Death, and then make like I'm gonna blow my own brains out.

Then we show them his corpse when they come looking and explain that he did it to himself after being hooked up to our internet.

>>52974732
what?

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>>52974659
he showed like, Kim Jong Il levels of precision when he played Golf. again, for what its worth

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Freestyle rap competition, he goes first. Either he loses due to not having a background and understanding of Earths music and subcultures, or we get some of the sickest rhymes ever recorded.

It's a win-win!

If rap's not your thing, a fiddle contest would also suffice. And there's even historical precedent for that one.

>>52974053
>Chimera Ant King.png

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Challenge him to a game of 'who can kill the most of their own side'

>>52974968
can someone spoonfeed me this reference?

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https://www.reddit.com/r/respectthreads/comments/5e24i8/respect_the_alien_champion_strange_tales_98/

They beat him by tricking him into sleeping for two million years.

>>52974053
This is actually solved.
Manual "Towers of Babylon" 22 discs high, 3 posts wide.
Correctly completing the game will take several million years.

>>52974995
Sorry, it's from Hunter X Hunter.
One of the major villains sets something up where he, a non-human, plays games against the champions of as many games as he can in the country he's taken over, learning and mastering them within a short period of time.

>>52974053
Let's play the Quiet Game.

>>52975028
you mean Hanoi?

>>52975028
I was thinking of Towers of Hanoi. and the formula for Tower of Hanoi game duration is
(2^n-1) / 31,536,000 = time (in years).

So, to stall, 40 discs is 34,000 years. Let's have fun!

>>52975028
>>52975115

I imagine there's probably a "time wasting bullshit" clause. He's instantly going to know you're stalling if you pick a game with a duration longer than a human lifespan.

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>>52975243
Surprisingly, no

>>52975288
Smelly dumb xeno scum.

>>52975361
I wonder what happens in 3800-odd years when some Terran citizen finds his cave...

Why not just play d&d and let the alien bring some friends ?
Sure they could learn all the rules within a day but you at least have the chance to tell the greatest story ever told elaborating on human culture and it's value.
Or after a few hours say aaaaannnddd the god of this land reigns down letters on the party. I'll need dex saves from every one.

>>52975487
Meteors*

>>52974053
You have a source? I assume its part of a series and the comic actually looks pretty cool.

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>>52975487
>let the alien bring some friends

Uh...

>>52974053
>'challenge' him to a game of D&D
>proceed to play out the most epic campaign ever with your friends and the alien champion
>keeps asking when the next session is
>and when the game ends...
>turns out he's just been having so much fun he just wants things to keep going
>tell him the campaigns can go on for years with a successful adventuring party
>celebrate with an epic weekend of gaming!
>time passes, campaigning continues
>alien Champion begins to display more and more That Guy behavior
>get forced to kick him from the group
>two days later Earth is glassed from orbit by an alien fleet

>>52975636
http://readcomiconline.to/Comic/Strange-Tales-1951/Issue-98?id=33401

>>52974053
Trivial Pursuit. Guarantee this space nigger doesn't know what team Larry Bird played for and who performed the 1999 R'n'B hit "No Scrubs" if he just blew in from interstellar space.

>>52975888
>spambots on 4chan
Is this 2009 again

I challenge him to a game of "Doctor Ass Marbles"

Winner takes all.

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>>52976060
>Winner takes all.

What happens for a tie-break?

>>52974053
Russian Roulette.

At least then I'll have a 50% chance of beating him. If I fail I'm dead anyway because he invades Earth.

>>52976345
Request more lube?

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How's about a rousing game of I win ?

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>>52974053
I challenge him to a game of 40k;

I play Tau.

>>52976899
OP said you have to challenge him to a game of skill.

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>>52976969

POKER

BATTLE ROYALE

>>52977026
but what if he just met her

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>>52974611
I came here to post this

>>52974053
I challenge him to a game called "Race for city council in (insert small American town here)." Whichever one of us wins the election wins.

>>52974258
I just lost The Game

>>52974053
Warhammer 40k, I bring a tau army with Riptide cheese

>>52974611
Should have been the first answer.

You disappoint me, /tg/.

>>52974053
...they are chess grand masters playing with checker pieces on GO boards.

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>>52974732
Wat

>>52974896
Decent. Respectable. I like it.

>>52977234
make it challenging as possible

I invite several other aliens and DM a game for DnD for them, and then I initiate a scenario that leads to a TPK.

>>52975025
>inb4 fuck Reddit
That's a useful subreddit though

>>52975025
What if his race exiled him by challenging him to go challenge everyone on earth?

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>>52975288
>And, when he awakens two million years from now, mankind will be advanced enough to know how to handle him!

>he awakens 2,000,000 years later and still kicks Earth's transhumanist ass

Earth status:
[X] BTFO
[ ] Not BTFO

>>52974269
I like the way you think.

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>>52978298
can't kill humanity if humanity's already wiped itself out

competitive suicide

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>>52978348
Drownball

>>52974053
If he's strait then I'd challenge him to a mental endurance game called "who can be more gay"

He'd have to do gay sex stuff, it would get really awkward and he'd probably decide that Earth really isn't worth invading.

Suicide contest
If I lose, he's dead and we don't have to worry about him.
If I win, I am immortalized as the hero that saved earth.

>>52978298
Just tell him someone is still asleep who was asleep back then. His record is already beaten and he'd better restart.

>>52978615
the sleep of death is eternal. He lost.

>>52974053

If a tie means a rematch, then tic-tac-toe. Repeat ad nauseam.

>>52978751
Damn you beat me to it

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Self-Loathing contest.

The rules are simple, hate yourself more than I hate myself.

Any game based on cultural knowledge.Trivial Pursuit or Twenty Questions would end him.

Challenge him to a game of ' life of genuine Christianity'
Includes missionary service, Alien must travel back and convert his race. Race will no longer invade.
Unfortunately we must now share heaven with filthy xenos.

Or


Challenge him to a game of HFY. He kills his race and all hostile races before the competition is complete. He returns to earth to proclaim himself winner but we nuke our own city to kill him.

>>52978896
why does a Galaxy Class Starship have a cloak?

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>>52979203

>Challenge him to a game of ' life of genuine Christianity'

This is the single most laugh-inducing thing I have read in the entire month of April 2017.

Bravo.

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>>52974764
There is only one way left to stop him.

Challenge him to a children's card game.

>>52979204
Because le sad fat anime man xD

>>52979548

For all it's worth, playing Yugioh with him could actually work. Have both build a deck from proxies and intentionally create a one-turn win deck packed with things like Exodia parts and that one spirit board set, and a contingency in the form of that deck-emptying combo someone invented.

Then just flip a coin to decide who goes first and either hope you go first or he decided to build a fair deck and wasn't prepared for your munchkinry.

>>52974053
Shitposting on /pol/.

If I win, Earth wins.

If he wins, he'll have to live with that shame, or lie and give me the victory to save his pride.

>>52975288
Kinda thought they were going to Ben Grimm this.

>>52979548
>a game of *skill*

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>>52974053
Guess the weight.

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>>52981460
Implying "the heart of the cards" is not a master level cheating skill. Which takes years of hard training so you can pull the exact card you want from your deck with nobody noticing under the scrutiny of an international televised competition.

Bouns points if the card you pull was never in your deck to start with, while wearing short sleeves.

>>52974053
It's time to play...

The price!
Is!
Right!

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>>52975288
>>52978298
>implying humans will even exist for another 1 million years
I love the boundless optimism of old comics

>>52974053
The only correct answer in this thread

What would happen if you challenged him to a cooperative game like Pandemic?

Challenge him to dropball

>>52979204
for stealth, duh

>>52974053
Well, let's play a nice game of Pathfinder, the most balanced game of skill that has ever been skilfully balanced. I am a wizard, my friend here is a cleric, I guess that leave you with either a fighter or a rogue...

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>>52974053
I invite him and his top lieutenants to play a game of pic related.

Regardless of the winner, his forces will collapse into mutiny and civil war within four hours.

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>>52975288
This is the most fifties comic frame I have ever seen.

>>52985882
>This is the most fifties comic frame I have ever seen.
It's actually the most sixties comic frame you've ever seen, but your perception of what's "the sixties" has been clouded by the late-60s Woodstock era, which doesn't accurately represent the majority of the 1960s. "Women's Lib" wasn't even a punchline until the 1970s.

>>52978477
I would dearly love to see a drawfag take this on, with Alien Conqueror dressed as a fabulous early-1960s gay stereotype, standing triumphantly in the center of a bunch of unconscious stereotypical 1960s gay men

>Alien Conqueror: Puny earthlings! I have already mastered your sashays and lisping, do you really think your catty backbiting is beyond me?
>Man in crowd: Impossible! I've never seen anything like it!
>Alien Conqueror (waving finger): Honey, that's why you're still single!
>Onlookers: Ooooooooooh!

I just have to beat him once? I'll do it at chess even. Have two concurrent games and mimic his moves in either game, so that in truth he's actually playing against himself. One of those games I'll win, and have beaten him at chess.

>>52986584
C'mon Anon, you're seriously this stupid?

>>52975961
Yeah, pretty sure you win.

>>52975961
>Trivial Pursuit. Guarantee this space nigger doesn't know what team Larry Bird played for and who performed the 1999 R'n'B hit "No Scrubs" if he just blew in from interstellar space.

>explain the rules to him
>he demands one Earth day to learn about our pop culture
>binges on the Internet like Leeloo Dallas Multipass
>decides it's not worth it and he feels a little gross being on the same planet as us
>tells us he's leaving but he'll totally be right back he swears
>never hear from him again

>>52974053
>Hey alien guy, I bet you can't count every grain of sand on this beach faster than me

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>>52974053
World in Flames. There's no way you can overcome the ENORMOUS learning curve shortly, no matter how smart you are.

Does the alien Catan?

How about the game of "I shoot your xeno-ass face until you're dead"? No cheating.

What? You never said it had to be a symmetric game...

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>>52989557
>he tanks the bullets to the face, even when you bring out the artillery

Humanity BTFO.

>>52989598

But he can't win, his side has no win-state. Asymmetric game.

>>52974622
And then he plays Magical Scientist and your pants are filled with chocolate

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I challenge him to a game of "who can kill themself faster than the other," and then eat some unhealthy shit and say that I'm gonna die in forty years. Either he blows himself away with whatever weaponry he brought, or he loses.

>>52974053
The skill which he lacks is "being a human." The game we will play is Turing Test. We each are asked questions by observers who cannot see us. The winner is the one the most of the observers decide is the human. I figure that if the alien is capable of both completely simulating humanness and outperforming us mentally, then we aren't going to contribute much to galactic society anyway.

>>52974053
challenge him to mario kart 64, show him how the game works in a fair way so he can learn the rules as seems to be how it works in these comics, then when its time for our game, i pick rainbow road and do short cuts and beat him.

>>52989719
If he murders you it wasn't suicide and earth btfo again

>>52989866
Checked.
I'd watch that anime

Let's play "peace". First one to engage in hostilities against the other loses. You get bonus points for fair, mutually beneficial relations.

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>>52974053
Speedrunning.
He doesn't know any of the glitches, while I do. The best he can hope for is the best possible non-glitch time, while my time will be much shorter as I sequence break.

>>52974053
Why, the ultimate human game of course: Full scale war.

>>52978298
Tell him he lost at the 'not getting tricked into sleeping for two million years' game.

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dick comparison

>>52987926
This is the true ending.

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>>52974053
Identifying Rob Zombie songs in 3 seconds.

>>52974053
Call the Flash and then inform the alien that he will be playing a game about creatures not dissimilar to himself: Starcraft Brood War.

>>52974053
Bridge. It's a game played with a partner, and we only have one alien champion, so he has to pair with a human. That human is fallible (let's assume the alien won't allow us to put up someone trying to lose on purpose on its team) so even if the alien plays perfectly there's a chance a world-class bridge pairing may be able to beat the alien plus its human bridge partner.

>>52991857
a classic human game we all love and enjoy

>>52979204

Vinyl is a hell of a drug.

>>52974053
Monopoly.

Ok im thinking about a number between 1-3 you get it right in 2 tries you win

>>52993853
2

I challenge him to a 500pt game of Warhammer 40k 7th edition
then I field two squads of Cultists and a Daemon Prince of Nurgle Alpha Legion Drakescale Plate and run Vector Strikes over his ass while he desperately tries to kill it

>>52985848
Monopoly is fine. The only bad thing is that it takes forever.

>>52990959
What will you do if his Xeno perception allows him to play like a Xeno TAS?

>>52993860
Oh shit. Well I sorta fucked it didn't I?

>>52979204
The strip references the Treaty of Algeron, the focus of the TNG episode "The Pegasus", which centers on the Federation secretly developing a phase-shifting cloak in violation of the treaty.

>>52994088
He still has to discover the sequence breaks and other various glitches on his own, during the run.
There's also the fact that physical input doesn't allow for TAS feats no matter how fast your fingers are

>>52986441
>acktualleee

>>52994088
>Monopoly is fine. The only bad thing is that it takes forever.
Monopoly successfully encapsulates all the fun of paying your bills. To be a truly great game, however, it would have to also simulate the excitement of filing your taxes.

>>52990132
>If you kill your enemies, they win

>>52974053
>Mornington Crescent
specificity ancient and modern rules, with nothing outside of Jessop’s Loop.

>>52981649
Wow, I think this thought line went the wrong way. Ever play the game? In an 'no ban list' scenario and several fully legal scenario's, combinations of card effects as written can win the game before your opponent can even take a turn. This is in reality, not just 'heart of the cards' bs.
Problem actually comes from how effective is the Alien. If he want's sport, he may not play an instant win deck like that and thus we win. If he wants a win and to demoralize the subjugated populous, he could work out the same deck and it's a coin flip. Thus the question, is he here to win a planet or style all over us?

>>52994831
Considering how he played every grand chess master simultaneously and wanted to DOUBLE the sleeping record instead of beating it by sleeping for one million and one years
he's probably a showboat

>>52989866
You're an autist on 4chan. If you could pass a turing test you wouldn't be here.

>>52974053
Time for a DICK SUCKING CONTEST

>>52974053
Isthisthe alien in question? Like, him physically? He said skill, not mental skill. If he isn't too physically superior, or even if he is, send him into the grinder. Make him challenge Mt. Midoriyama. We have winners already, If he screws up a human has beaten him already.

Alternately, call up some 'ladies of the night' and race to her finish. As long as they aren't Furries (screen for this), uncanny valley gives me an enormous edge.

>>52974053
The biscuit game

Tic Tac Toe

I will sacrifice the rest of my life for the sake of the world

>>52976035
Habeeb it

>>52996452
>"I challenge you to tic tac toe"
>"I accept your challenge"
>"I refuse to play, I win"
>"Wat"
>"The only winning move is not to play, by accepting to play, you lose"
>"That's cheating..."

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>>52994957
quite physically superior

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>>52981436
>Ben Grimm vs The Champion
I like you.

>>52989311
he beat several chess grandmasters instants after learning about chess
He'd shit on you easily regardless of whatever learning curve

>>52996634
By issuing the challenge you implicently agreed to play. Nice try tho

>>52996931
Sure, but he's still lost to all the people who said no.

>>52974896
He'd have to at least know what the general idea of the genre is. I feel like picking just plain "music" would be the best game for him to try to beat us at. Humanity would probably pick some dumb meme shit, but for the joke to keep on working he would have to play something that would be so worth the experience that we as a species could actually collectively agree was worth dying for just to hear.

>>52989626
Humans have finite lifespans. Humans are only created in finite numbers. Thus there must be a finite span of human lifetime in the universe.

He just has to keep taking shots until all the humans are dead of some cause outside of himself.

Since the comic has him not minding blatant time-wasting game mechanics, this probably passes his baffling rules for valid games.

>>52974053
a game of hide and seek against every single human on earth. You hide, we seek. If we find you, we win. You cannot leave earth, and you cannot harm anyone or anything for the duration of the game.

I challenge him to complete dwarf fortress.

>>52974578
They're clearly retards if they're leaving their battle plans up to some random boardgame.
I reckon we'd stand a chance.

A nice, relaxing game of FATAL. With any luck he'll decide his race doesn't want to own Earth after all, and leave. Or he'll nuke us from orbit, but whatevs.

>>52974732
that's a good one, although a bit cartoonish

>>52974053
blue whale challenge

>>53000300
how, specifically?