Share your stories of the most retarded role players you've

>using systems with alignment
Ugh

>>52874288
What did you say to him?

>>52874288
>guardian of the balance
What the shit. What's wrong with 'too impulsive for lawful, too orderly for chaotic, too selfish to be good and too kind to be evil'

True neutral is the only reasonable alignment for a human being

>>52874368
I don't remember exactly but a more polite form of just saying "Yeah whatever." It was the first time I ever met this guy - it was a pick up game at a local gaming store.

>>52874404
That's not what lawful and chaotic mean, for one.

>>52874573
Except that's what it does mean.

Chaotic doesn't mean that you're spiritually aligned with the forces of chaos- it means that you're reckless and don't give a shit about what the law or what common rules of society means.

Lawful means that you obey and adhere to some kind of code- be it the law itself, a personal code, a paladin's oath, etc.

>>52874288
Is it possible that he may have been making a joke? I know /tg/ doesn't exactly have a great track record with these types of things.

>>52874288

Funnily enough I played with a guy that actually did that. Frustratingly I was the only one at the table that was angry about that, the DM and the players were all "don't rock the boat" people and refused to confront this. I ended up killing him in his sleep which got me an alignment shift but it was worth it.

I had a retarded role play moment but it was due to the DM not explaining things me.

> "The guard hits the light switch, and motions you into the warehouse."
> Okay once I'm in I don't want to attract any undue attention so I'll sneak around
> "What? Your going to sneak in a room lit up by flood lights and the guard watching you from the big glass window?"
> Glass window? Flood lights? Wha?

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>>52874600
You are one stupid fucker.

>>52874288
Doesn't FATAL just use d10s for everything?

>>52874724
uh..........

>>52874573
Let's not start this again.

>>52874672
no u

Seriously though, read the goddamn entry for Law Vs. Chaos in the PHB. Page 104, if you don't want to leaf through. It basically proves you wrong entirely.

>>52874751
The definitions of law and chaos have changed between editions and are often open-ended. Your views are going to be shaped by the edition with which you're most familiar. Arguments about the "one true meaning" of alignments just makes everyone involved look dumb and self-important. Don't fall into this trap again, I beg of you.

>>52874751
>cites 3e
Jesus christ.

>>52874827
>>52874751
>>52874747
>>52874672
>>52874600
>>52874573
>The definition of Law and Chaos:
Debating the definitions of Alignments.

>>52874288
>party pursues a criminal into a swamp
>party comes upon a lonely cottage in the middle of the swamp.
>outside the cottage is a lovely white picket fence and vegetable garden
>inside the cottage are three hags, a criminal-sized cauldron and the criminal the party is looking for
>half the party goes inside to negotiate with the hags and the other half stays outside as back up
>negotiations are going okay, the hags want a token of innocence and the paladin is trying to find a way to get them that without kidnapping a child
>one of the outside guys 'I pull up a vegetable and throw it through the window'

>>52874526

Hardly.

>Hm, should I call the cops on this rape I'm witnessing? Maybe... but then again, there's been a very long reign of goodness and order here, perhaps it's time for some rape.
>Let's ponder...

>>52874361
There is nothing wrong with alignment as originally conceived.

>>52875398
Depends on the edition/DM/setting. True neutral can just mean "neutral on both the good/evil and the law/chaos axis."

Which means if you saw a rape you'd probably report it if it wouldn't inconvenience you too badly.

>>52875473
My favorite TN is "tied to concerns that are not inherently good, evil, lawful, or chaotic." Like "I'd do anything, ANYTHING to protect my family."

>>52875098
That's why they are shit and should be avoided like the plague. Nothing useful comes from alignments

>>52875442
>implying the original intent have anything to do with the shitfest aligment is today
>implying alignment was something good to begin with

>>52875442
Yes, there's nothing wrong with how Morcock wrote the conflicts of law and chaos.

There's everything wrong with how Gygax interpreted those stories into gameplay mechanics.

>>52875578
>implying alignment was something good to begin with
I like the "it literally just means whether you're allied with the forces of Law, those of Chaos, or neither" interpretation.

>>52875595
Forcing it makes it a mediocre design choice at best.

>>52874361
Alignments just act as guides for you to roleplay and shouldn't really impact anything. Any DM trying to do otherwise is just a shitty storyteller.

>>52875618
Sure. I ignore it in 99% of settings. I think it really works well if it's set up right in the setting, though.

>>52875398
More like:
>There is someone being raped. I do not condone such actions and normally would act against them. But there are 10 rapists and they are armed, also we just so happen to be in their territory. I value my own life above the victim so sadly I'm going to walk away and pretend I don't see anything. I silently pray for the victim.

>>52875627
Unfortunately, a lot of previous editions of D&D have written in alignment as having effects on the rule mechanics, rather than just being a roleplay descriptor.

>>52875759
True, but how important it plays in the story depends on the DM. Other than giving a vague personality description it really just makes you the target of some spells, which in my opinion is alright.
At least that is how my group plays it (we only play 3.5e and most often neutral/low-evil group). A character losing his class (becoming ex-something) should only happen if the character does something extreme (like a Paladin going all "lel kill all the orphans cuz I no like 'em" not because the Paladin didn't give a beggar some coins.

>>52874724
Short answer: No

Long answer
It uses a d10 curve (if I remember it's 3d10) for the core resolution mechanic (having one of these makes it instantly better than a number of other games) but uses a variety of dice for determining damage (functioning mostly like DnD except characters have HP for each major body part).
The game's fame comes from its charts, which use a variety of crazy dice, includung a 1d1000000 roll during character creation... that only does anything if you roll a 1, which lets you roll on the entirely uninteresting "freak of nature" chart (eleven fingers? Nice.) Or my favorite, the 1d2000 random magic effects chart that you roll when a spell fails.

The game plays like a heavily houseruled 3rd edition DnD, and is honestly not as bad of a game as people make it out to be.
It's by no strech good, or even half decent, but I'd play it again if I had a group of willing victims.

I'm playing in Faerun. My character literally doesn't care about gud or ebil or baylans and pursues his own goals, which are fuck up the dragon cultists and whoever sides with them in the most painful way possible, get filthy rich in the process by blatantly sucking money out of various factions and organizations that think he's their pawn, and spend the rest of his life in a bitching mansion on a bitching island as a high-profile security advisor.
He gets wasted beyond any recognition on a regular basis, just to test what can punch through his retardedly high celestial resistance, often starts brawls just for fun, fucks whores and abuses his divine STD immunity.
He makes sure people he kills are armed, awake, and are facing him. Unless they are dragon cultists, in which case he prefers being efficient to being honorable.
He always offers a chance to surrender. Only twice, though.
He makes fun of his beta bitch boy wizard companion and humiliates him in front of the wizard's """""girlfriend""""" AND parents. OOC too.
And the cleric.
And the sorcerer.
And even the dwarf pugilist.
He won't let
He gives whatever he can't carry and doesn't need, which is literally everything other than his immediate gear and some money, to charity.
He doesn't trust churches.
He follows his oath (which is "fuck up dragon cultists and fix whatever shit they cause") to the letter. Other than that, he does what he thinks is right without regard for anyrhing, including local laws and his well-being.
The "right thing" includes assassinating and creating sleeper cells, lying through his teeth and bribing the authorities to enlist their help, staging revolutions, manipulating evidence, organizing prison breaks and spiking a whole city's water suplly with drugs.

If you tell me that isn't Lawful Good I'll bash your fucking skull in.

>>52876182
You are autism defined.

>>52876182
I skimmed through the rulebook once upon a time. What I do remember is that it is exactly as bad as people make it out to be.

>>52876234
Seems more like Neutral Good

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Image should tell all you need to know.

>>52875759
>Unfortunately, a lot of previous editions of D&D have written in alignment as having effects on the rule mechanics,

Because it's not some vague 'guideline'. There are rules and mechanics. And it's not unfortunate. It's necessary.

the solution to the debate on alignments, isn't free-form free for all's.........

It's going back to 2nd edition's take on them.

There are class restrictions involving them. Pally's are lawful good, this dictates a certain type of behavior. Don't want to follow those dictates? then you're not cut out for a pally. Play something else that fits you better.

Taking out class/level/racial restrictions made the game more clunky and leads to more nonsense.

tldr: Alignments are a good thing.

>>52876468
Seems chaotic neutral.

That's not the actions of a 'good' pc.

>>52875627
A hundred times this.
Alignment is just a guideline for how you character generally is. He can at any time deviate from this and behave differently.

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This is how CNs are supposed to be played.

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>>52874288
>In 7th grade
>Playing 3rd edition
>Retarded kid who would grow up to be a communist stoner is playing with us
>He either wants to kill everything in sight or have sex with everything in sight
>Rapes my other friend in character
>One time he had a three-way with the queen
>I couldn't stop it but he was retarded
>Always argued about the rules
>At one point he wanted to buy a house
>I pointed out that was retarded because we were playing as nomads
>Basically he thought the game was like oblivion on paper
>He even said quote "Dude, I can do what I want. It's and open world RPG."
>Basically at most we only got one quest done per two session.

>>52876534
OR we can just chuck the nonsense entirely and play actual characters instead of trying to shove them into little boxes and get mad when what one person thinks that little box means and another person thinks that little box means aren't 100% the same thing.

>>52878505
>At one point he wanted to buy a house
>I pointed out that was retarded because we were playing as nomads
What?
Nomads did use, horses a lot horses in fact.

>>52877796
Yes, but not in the way you mean.

Chaotic shouldn't mean Chaotic, it should mean Improvisational.

>>52878573
HOUSE

>>52878573
You might want to learn how to read there, pal.

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>doing a dungeon
>get to boss
>is a little girl
>she wants to play a game
>is D&D
>play D&D within D&D
>it's just Final Fantasy 1 in Pen and Paper format
>about to beat it
>the fighter stabs the kid
>she ded
>don't finish mini D&D quest
>can't finish dungeon
>world is fucked because finishing the dungeon would've allowed us to prevent the apocalypse pretty easily
>he justifies it by saying it's what his character would do because he hates sorcerers
>kid didn't even do magic ever
>there was never any sign of this character trait earlier in the campaign

>>52878846
That's more shitty GMing, than just a shitty player.

>>52876234
That is not lawful good.
Neutral at best.

>>52878874
The girl did mention that not playing the game would make things a lot more difficult for us.

>>52878902
That's not what I mean.

The players control their characters, sure, and it's a shitty GM that tries to take away player agency but outright telling them they can't do something. But the GM also controls time. He can slice it as finely as he wants to.

As soon as the fighter says he attacks the kid, the GM could have said "You see the super edgy fighter sigh, roll his eyes, and reach for his sword", and give everyone else a chance to react and stop him.

>>52876534
Fuck off
Removing racial and alignment restrictions made the game smoother.

>>52874288
I find really funny that the "mother" is entering the room with some snacks from the kitchen, but they are playing already in the kitchen. Dem inconsistence...

>>52878965
I see your point.
It's still frustrating as fuck.

> get trapped in a pocket plane by evil magic user
> evil magician lures people in and tortures them to death, sets them against each other etc.
> think the murder house quest in oblivion
> hes had some people (inc. children) trapped there for years
> we defeat him and he surrenders, says he will let us out if we promise not to kill him
> PALADIN says yeah thats fine, we will let you go and you can 'continue doing whatever it is you do here'
> magician gets him (and rest of party) to say it again in zone of truth
> magician doesnt realise that the paladin can still lie (saves)
> paladin still promises to let him go
> magician releases the pocket plane
> rest of the party promptly beats him to death
> paladin tries to defend the magician, inc. attacking other party members

>Had maybe 3-4 sessions, level 2 chars
>A gnome mage has moved into town, gave us a few quests.
>During one quest we find a necromancer pissing himself inside the gnomes family tomb.
>Take him with us.
>Contradicting stories.
>Confront mage, my throat-singing half-orc bard kicks down the door.
>Starting to figure something out.
>Dwarf rogue gets triggered at something, crossbow bolts the fucker between the eyes.
>He conjured up some fake elementals and fled.
>We tracked him with our dog for a week only to lose him at a port.
>Howtocreateyourownvillains.jpg

Played a few more times, but then the campaign died down.

>>52874288
>all-girl party
>none of them obese or acne-encrusted
I'd rather believe that people play FATAL outside of North Korean prison camps.

>>52880843
They're just drawn that way.

>>52874637
>I played with a guy that actually did that.
>I ended up killing him in his sleep which got me an alignment shift but it was worth it.
the way you went seamlessly from talking about the guy you played with to killing his character without actually mentioning the character makes it sound like you actually killed the player, and now I'm picturing a lunatic rocking back and forth in a padded cell muttering "I took an alignment shift but it was worth it"

>>52876338
>is asked a question
>answers question well
>omg autism

Fuck off you dumbcunt.

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>>52880843

Say what you will about Pathfinder attracting filthy casuals, but young people entering the hobby are becoming shockingly normal.

>Be at a convention
>Playing at a table with some high school boys
>Out of nowhere a squad of perky, healthy looking teen girls rushes the table
"OMG! Chris! Joey! Hows your con?! Are you coming to our Vampire LARP tonight?!"
>Boys are focused on finding optimal flanking positions for their figs
"Yeah yeah, we'll text you later."
>My face

>>52884111
It wasn't the length of the response, it was the contents. I know that's hard for a autist like you to understand.

>>52875234
I mean, the delivery was dumb but i dont think he was wrong.

>>52879142
> paladin tries to defend the magician, inc. attacking other party members
W-wait....WHAT? Here i was thinking it'd be about the paladin lying like a mofo (which i dont mind them doing.) but here you go with the dude outright defending him? Why? How did that player justify this???

>>52876234
Sounds chaotic neutral to me

>>52880843
Not everyone's group has disgusting nerds in it anon

>>52874288
>Trying out that (in hindsight, horrible) Wheel of Time 3.X clone
>Have a decent campaign going on, in spite of the shit system.
>New guy joins the group.
>Wants to play a Wolfbrother, a rare type of person who can tap into a wolf group mind thing that exists in setting.
>All right, seems okay, nothing brilliant, but okay.
>As the campaign had been going on for a while, trying to get him integrated in with the rest of the party.
>At the moment, they're in this little town near a big mage's organization, and I decide to have the local guards hassle a group of !not-gypsies, and let the players get involved if they wish; at the very least, it would let this new guy bounce off the PCs.
>Wolf-dude gets there first.
>Instead of trying to talk with the guards, or anything, he heads over to their leader and tries to bite the guy's neck out. Simultaneously shouts for the nearby populace to rise up against the evil guards
>Other party, not knowing this guy in character, decide to do nothing. Townsfolk have similar reactions, not wanting to attack their own police/army on the basis of a crazy yellow-eyed guy who bites people.
>Guards quickly subdue the crazy wolf dude.
>Note that he has yellow eyes, wrongly, but not unreasonably think that there's something wrong with him, and decide to take him away to the nearby mage tower for magical healing.
>Was trying to loop them in to lassoing the PCs into doing it.
>Meanwhile, wolf-dude manages to surreptitiously slip his bonds, and then tries to pickpocket the guard leader for his knife, and fatally stabs one of the guards.
>They turn around and chop him to pieces.
>Idiot bitches at me for not giving him a "badass" introduction.

The worst part is that in books, these wolfbrothers try to keep a low profile, and I'm sure he's read the books, nobody plays that game without being a WoT fan.

>>52878573
And this would be the mistake that made anon stop posting forever

>During one of my "dry spells"
>I couldn't find anyone to play any tabletop RPGs with, so I literally had to play with some of the worst dudes ever
>One guy in particular was cringeworthy af
Don't get me wrong. I like neckbeards and grognards. They are my people. I identify with them. But this guy was something else.
>Was a juggalo. Listened to "twisted" and "underground" music exclusively. You were "a homo" if you listened to anything else
>Only played edgelord characters in-game and may have been literally been autistic, because he couldn't tone it down at all
>Whenever we would have any sort of encounter, he would "roll a d6 to determine whether he would go crazy"
>Did self imposed shit like this all the time, just to draw attention to himself
>Whenever a fight was over, he couldn't just leave it. He always had to describe doing shit to dead bodies and performing borderline necrophilia.

That was years ago. Last time I heard about him, he was barefoot in winter, huffing paint behind Taco Bell.

>>52874404
>too impulsive for lawful, too orderly for chaotic, too selfish to be good and too kind to be evil'
Literally me

I hate anyone who plays a kleptomaniac rogue the basically tries to steal anything not nailed down. Even from other party members.

>>52879019
>his house doesn't have minimum three kitchens

>>52885773
the fuck

>>52885994
Literally 95% of humanity.

Is it worth it to attempt to get a copy of F.A.T.A.L.'s rulebook for lulz and vile fascination?

>>52890655
No. Reading/playing it quickly ends up as fun as bashing your fingers with a hammer.

>>52878573
what did he mean by this?

>>52890655

At least is not Racial Holy War.

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>playing Dark Heresy
>we finally find the cavern a chaos cult was hiding in
>they pay us no mind because of some great bluff rolls
>Assassin fucktard screams "THIS IS THE INQUISITION! PREPARE TO DIE HERETICS!"
>5 v 30 battle begins
>3 of us die, 2 escaped very maimed, game's fucked

>>52892654
>playing 40k with 40k players
top tet

>>52875756
You're describing a lawful good coward. True neutral is more like
>There's a girl being raped by sandniggers. I do not condone such actions, but then again, a girl turned me down yesterday for a sandnigger. So I say, let them bitches get what they deserve

>>52874288

>Fire giants

>"I cast fireball!"

>>52874288
>Member of the party is sneaking ahead through a valley.
>Sees some robots in the valley wall, rigged to activate if someone passes by and makes sound.
>Quietly signals to the rest of the party to slow down and be quiet
>Player at the back of the party, despite understanding the signal, and having been warned that the valley is trapped, decides to respond very loudly with "YEAH NO SHIT!"

>>52879019
I keep all my snacks in the garage fridge. It's not that odd; I do all my meal prep out there because the fridge is right next to the counter and there's a TV on the wall I can watch WLIIA while prepping.

>>52892954
No, its like.
>There's a girl being rape. I don't gonna save her by myself. I call police. Because you never know that this is not a LARP and if you kick that rapist you can go to jail, but if you dont call cops you gonna blame yourself for not helping.

Most retarded in a bad or in a funny way?

>>52893131
Why not both?

>>52893131
Share both kinds of stories!

I use alignments for the smite-opposite abilities (extra damage if the opponent has opposite alignment to you, even more if its doubly so, like lawful evil to chaotic good and vice-versa)

>>52889748
Even when the haracter hates doing it, wishes they could stop, and always gives the stolen thing back unasked with a heartfelt apology or leaves it where it can be very easily found?

>>52874288
sorry for my eng
>DnD 3.5 1st lvl adventure, almost 1st or 2nd our game in life
>Spoopy house, every closed door open another random room
>paladin tired of exploring the unknown and run through the hallway
>Door close behind Pal, party open door there is nothing but darkness
>Pal sees weird looking crazy old man, who gibberish nonsense
>Pal have like 7 diplomacy
>Throw his oil lamp at old man and run to hit him with his sword
>Old man kick his butt because he is 3lvl monk
>Pal run away and lost in some rooms
>But he cant find nothing because he lost his source of light
>And then angry monk find and almost kill the rest of us

>>52884329
But... The content was just the answer to a question

>>52881109
Oh this sounds like a much more interesting thread. This man honestly and fully believes he lives in a DnD game, though in a very weird setting. Discuss.

>>52893151
>>52893154
In a bad way is not a fun or very interesting story:
>new player to rpgs
>as a master figure out I should just ask him what he wants to play and I'll make the character sheet for him
Sounds fucking easy, huh? By the end I wanted to kill myself
>system is Dungeons the dragoning
>this is bad because there a fuckton of options for character creation
>pass him a list of playable races
>for every time he said "I don't know" i would have been given a yuro I would be a millionaire
>took 3 hours to set on a drow
>ask him what does he want to do, as in be shooty, choppy, sneaky, etc.
>billionaire by this point
>after one hour he says he wants to play a dark angel that flies and really weird shit that I cant understand
>"okay maybe we should go for the exaltation first"
>pass him a list of the exaltations with a brief description of what each of them do
>"oh, interesting?"
>"which one?"
>"its cool that I have all these powers"
>he thinks his character would have all the exaltation powers at the same time
I quit

Upcoming the funny retard

>>52893151
>>52893154
>>52893492

The funny retard is more likely a ghost that possesses my players at random intervals and produces in them the syndrome of what I call "PC retardation":
>breaking into a drug lab
>on good terms with the guys working there, there was no reason to fight
>drug boss appears
>"who the fuck are these
guys?"
>"DEA"
>"(sigh)roll initiative..."

>"you are at lake and you see a unicorn, what do you do?"
>two hundred attempts of approaching the unicorn, all of them ended in "the unicorn impales you with its horn"
>"I know! The unicorn can't impale things with holes and we gotta be resistant to piercing, so we just have to become fakir made of gruyere cheese and levitate towards the unicorn"
>wat

>"as a barbarian is drawing my weapon a free action?"
>"yes"
>"I sheathe and unsheathe my axe 378 times in front of the orc!"

>dark heresy campaign
>medieval world composed of a dozen tribes
>"you gotta prevent the spread of a khorne cult"
>nah fuck that
>a player decided that the best thing to do would be to visit each tribe and insult them to provoke a war because all people dead=nobody there to commit heresy
>"your swords are so soft that your women use them to please their assholes"
>"I came from the neighbor village to tell you that when we come to kill and burn your tribe we are going to rape your cattle because the cows certainly look more attractive than your women"
>1.5 hendersons
>that player was me

>>52876534
What if I want to play a paladin of a neutral god?

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>>52893641
>>"I came from the neighbor village to tell you that when we come to kill and burn your tribe we are going to rape your cattle because the cows certainly look more attractive than your women"

Holy shit I have to remember this insult for my own games

>>52876534
5e's specific Oaths for paladins is infinitely better than alignment restriction.
Reminder that Gygax was a glorified wargamer who hated roleplay and any good writing or roleplay integration that has happened in D&D since is thanks only to him as a vague negative inspiration and obstacle, as in "How do we make this work with the old constraints"

>>52875512
That's more chaotic neutral.

>>52893277
For some reason, I find the broken English makes this story charming. Thanks anon.

>>52884271
Reminds me of the "no way fag" meme.
>Hey Chris, Joey, why don't we skip this con and head over to my place and fuck?
>We have vampire cosplays ready
No way fag!

>>52894110
Cons cost good money. There's plenty of free hours in the hotel room after panels are through

>>52877796
not in a party they arnt

Something I did that was retarded last session.

>be little goblin with a heart gold
>point buy system so I have the most hit points of the group
>campaign is set in a cult uprising of the local not-elves
>spend most of campaign stabbing myself and others any time there's an altar, and canon balling through doors because fuck it
>our group's agency that we work for has been ransacked and closed down
>decide to split from group before session ends to investigate the place and take all the files and information I can
>end up finding explosive mushrooms locked up in the back
>afraid that I've already left a sent and the agency will be mad with my looting
>using goblin logic attempt to burn down the building
>realizing I have explosives and a very expensive armored bag of holding that I can fit in
>set the explosive fungus all one pillar in the room
>get inside bag with one arm out holding a torch because fuck fuses I have fire resistance and a bag
>blows up
>get sent flying going from 30 hit points to 8
>explosion takes out literally one tenth of the city out
>I am become meteorite destroyer of worlds
>crash in the building with the rest of the group destroying the store
>I've freed some sort of king fire elemental and most likely ruined our relationship with the shop keeper who was making wears for us and teaching another member higher alchemy
>session ends with everyone yelling at me

>>52877020
No it's not, it's a statistic that measures how you're playing. It has never been a guideline, it's a literal cosmic force that even the GODS are bound to.

>>52878527
You know that your alignment doesn't dictate your actions, right? A Lawful Good can rape and murder people if he wants to, but he wont stay LG for long.

>>52874288
Who is this artist and do they draw lewds?

>>52893968
>Reminder that Gygax was a glorified wargamer who hated roleplay and any good writing

But he wrote a story book!

>>52895225
>>No it's not, it's a statistic that measures how you're playing. It has never been a guideline, it's a literal cosmic force that even the GODS are bound to.

Fluff response: For outsiders (and that includes gods) alignment is a fundamental part of their being. Barring exceptional circumstances, they literally cannot act against their nature. For mortals, they have 'free will' and can act how they please. Alignment for mortals is more of a "this is how I typically act."

Rules response: There isn't a goddamn thing that says that anywhere, in fact it explicitly says the opposite.

>>Alignment is a tool for developing your character’s identity. It is not a straitjacket for restricting your character. Each alignment represents a broad range of personality types or personal philosophies, so two characters of the same alignment can still be quite different from each other. In addition, few people are completely consistent.

Straight from the damn SRD. It's part of the reason creatures that aren't clerics/undead/outsiders barely detect as evil.

>>52895316
Reverse image search comes up with hentai, so most likely.

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>>52895199

>>52875543
If nobody in your group has autism, completely unlike this board, they're a fun little tool players can use to describe their characters and the DM can use for running minor less complicated NPCs. I always tell newbies that motivations and actions define your alignment, never the other way around.

The only time it's an issue is when raging autists can't grasp that sapient creature are really complicated beings with nuanced motivations and reasoning. What happens instead some people treat alignments like flavors of soda.

>A paladin cannot do a root beer thing because he is lemon lime. Don't you know what lemon lime tastes like retard?

But like I said, these people aren't at my table so it's nbd.

>>52874288
>deep into a campaign
>Collecting another macguffin to fuck the BBEG with
>in small town surrounded by evil
>town is untouched
>no darkness
>no raining blood
>sounds exactly like previous macguffin parallel party fucked up
>finally are brought to macguffin in church
>head priest won't let us near it without promising we won't move it
>I promise on behalf of the party that we will not touch it or move it in any way
>learn from studying it that it is in fact a holy battery
>powers the anti-evil field around town
>could be modified to be super-weapon against the BBEG
>talk to priest about possibility of evacuating the tiny village in order to safely remove the artifact
>I tell him that the artifact won't stop the evil forever, stopping the source is the only hope for their future
>he hesitates, but agrees if we can convince the town/mayor first
>now we have a plan, the party starts to move out to convince the mayor
>as we reach the bottom of the stairs, we hear a massive boom
>fucktard chaotic neutral rogue had taken the artifact out and was marching past us with it
>"everyone to the way out or you die!"
>waves of evil immediately charging the town, a bunch of random shit reaches us
>carve our way through, town's dead
>get back to base
>yet another blunder that makes our guild look even shittier, yet we're somehow still the 'the best options'
>his excuse after the game:
>"The DM looked like he wanted us to hurry it up, so I just did what I felt was the fastest way"

I honestly hate this player with a passion. I was very tempted to kill yet another one of his characters (first one turned on us "'cus evil reasons" during a minor boss fight, so we blasted that one to kingdom come, then stated how we were destroying the artifact that did it, which was later retconned for some stupid reason or another), but it's one of those large group rotating parties setups and stomping all over the retard felt like it would be in bad taste due to it being a college-group.

I've found my games have become far better since I all but did away with alignment. It's amazing how rarely it comes up when you're not trying to force it on things, and how easy it is to do on the fly.

>>52896270

Talk to the DM and other players about that. If I were DMing for that group, I wouldn't object at all to in-character retaliation for a fuckup that massive. People died, the rep of the guild got hurt more, they had better have a damn good reason why their character shouldn't be fired and sent packing by the others.

>>52896365
The campaign was 3 weeks from done, and since there was a rotation of like 3-4 GMs running in the same story at once, it was easier to just avoid joining the game he was in until the end of the semester.
Honestly, the GM was only a tad bit better, what with the town supposedly being a peaceful place of like 400, yet finding a way to get 50 guards to come for us after the twat mayor was being uncooperative and I mass suggested away all 8 of the guards the first time. And the fact that it only took 5 seconds for the magic to fail and a rush of demons to reach the town, a town I must add that wasn't pivotal to the plot at all, and start slaughtering. But that's just because he focuses on the combat and sucks at it.
The player's characters are all randumb at best or entirely evil and counter-productive at worst, and he has been confronted by a few players about the stupid shit he has done in the past (the betrayal I talked about earlier) and he doesn't take it well and just becomes a simpering mess.

>>52896546
Shiiiiit, I used to deal with groups closer to that. Well, I say groups, but in my case it was a That Guy player who would That Guy every situation, regardless of if he was a player or GM, into boring combat, regardless of if the party was built for direct combat / whether the DM had built the encounter to be resolved through / approachable via direct combat / had any interest in direct combat / could survive combat.

IMO, find a better group if you can, what you're dealing with sounds rough.

>>52876534
>thinking any rpg has 'mandatory' rules and mechanics
>thinking a GM can't override this and restructure the mechanics and game to fit his group / desires.

Pleabeian.

This just happened to my group the other day

>Playing Dark Heresy
>Dark Eldar have been jamming soul stones into cats
>We need to get the soul stones out of the cats at some point
>Have managed to collect several hundred of said cats in a large warehouse
>Spend over one real hour discussing the most efficient way to kill the 500 or so cats in the warehouse.
>psyker wants to set the cats on fire and use her powers to keep the building from burning
>Other player wants to pour pesticide onto the cats
>Tech priest suggests drowning the cats
>other tech priest actually spends 5 minutes calculating how much water it would take to fill up the warehouse enough to even do that.
>In this time we completely ignore the fact the head of the admech onworld is missing and that there are dark eldar on the loose.

>>52885520

>(in hindsight, horrible) Wheel of Time 3.X clone

Its armsman class is superior to the basic fighter, to be fair. And replacing wizards with Aes Sedai, sorcerers with wilders, and adding nobles to the lineup of classes would be far more interesting than vanilla DnD.

>>52876534
Taking out class/level/racial restrictions brought the game to modernity and got rid of the stupidest parts of the old editions. What, is it too clunky that Elves don't have a hard limit on how many character levels they can advance? Does moral ambiguity and not having cheap and easy access to a moral barometer make things more nonsensical?

Please make an argument for the case of hard alignments and alignment restrictions existing. I'd honestly be thrilled to see if you can come up with any points beyond some blend of nostalgia and preferring what you know.

Frankly, the idea that every paladin you meet is inherently a pure and blameless individual is just really boring. Those kinds of sweeping restrictions and regulations make settings feel fake and two-dimensional. Alignment isn't even internally consistent. Someone can be lawful while following their own personal code of ethics / rules, one Lawful individual's conduct will be different from another Lawful individual's conduct from a different culture, but both still read as lawful through the right detect spell. The same isn't true at all for the good-evil axis though! What's that, a rebellion is going on? Well, clearly the freedom fighters are good guys, fighting back against the big evil state that has been crushing their national culture ever since the invasion! Though wait a minute, those rebels are disrupting supply lines that feed civilians of the empire as well as their soldiers. The rebels are clearly the bad guys, their own petty agenda is causing them to inflict suffering and starvation on citizens who aren't harming them.

But hey, alignment isn't some vague guideline! It's got rules and mechanics! So you tell me, who loses their class abilities, the Paladin fighting to free his home from invaders, or the Paladin fighting to defend the innocent against local insurrectionist forces?

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>>52878573

>>52899093

every gaming session ever with my group.
"we shouldn't fight the BBEG, he's too powerfull and scary
-come on dude we should definitely doing it , I'm sure we can win.
-Even if we could win, what would guarantee it would be an efficient way of saving our country ? Why not just trying to reform the BBEG government?
-Hey guys, I think i'm out of silver arrows, isn't the BBEG a demon?
-Silver arrows are for werewolves, dude, wait, I might have cold iron ones in my bag.
-What were we talking about already? Ha yeah, the BBEG. Maybe we could have a plan where we kill his daughter so he stops being evil because he would understand what death means."

These people are my friend but godamn aren't they the most indecisive and dense people at times.

>>52895316
Was also curious: Samasan aka Sparrow appears to be the artist and it appears they only really make porn lol

>>52890655
Not really. It's bad but it's not the funny kind of bad

>>52875398

Wouldn't True Neutral simply be:

> "Ah well, sucks to be her I guess. Not my problem."

>>52898687
The sad thing is that half the group is pretty good to decent, there's just about 2 or 3 I severely disapprove of, and 5 or so I find mildly irritating due to being the embodiment of shitty memes.

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>>52885994
>>52874404
>>52890620
Do you play characters that are reflective of who you are irl? I find i tend to play characters who's strengths are my irl flaws.
>irl struggle with impulsivity and self control (& adhd)
>in game, at least when playing DnD, play paladins like 80% of the time

>>52874526

Humanity would die out in short order if it was majority true neutral. TNs are parasitic to characters on the G spectrum because of the paradox that they are only willing to help their friends yet unwilling to lift a finger for strangers. True Neutral is the alignment for non-sapient animals whose inability to be altruistic is why they never made a civilization.

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>>52900091
>Humanity would die out in short order if it was majority true neutral. TNs are parasitic to characters on the G spectrum because of the paradox that they are only willing to help their friends yet unwilling to lift a finger for strangers. True Neutral is the alignment for non-sapient animals whose inability to be altruistic is why they never made a civilization.

Nonsense. Look at Africa.

Wait...

>>52874361
>Using systems

Ugh

>>52874288
Holy fuck do I have a story.

>started playing rpgs in rules-lite systems
>Get approached by someone to run a sci-fi game
>agree, spend all night coming up with a pretty good one-shot story
>Party has to infiltrate an interstellar cruise liner and assassinate the Vampire captain who preys on beautiful young women he draws into his quarters

The day of the game
>Only two other people show
>One edgy furry kid who made a murder fem-bot
>One autistic kid who made a random smuggler, not so bad
>The players get on board
>Go to infirmary
>hack robot at desk
>steal medical supplies and try to make something to put the captain guy to sleep
>try to flood the cabin air systems with 'morphine' to knock everyone out
>explain to them a cruise ship wouldn't have morphine on it
>They keep getting 'stumped' because they come up with the most convoluted plans to get this guy
>They see him out in the open talking up some girl
>Go over and try to sell him something to distract him
>Heavily suggest to them several times that they're thinking too much
>still trying to craft really complex poisons and use ridiculous methods to get him
>eventually ram their smaller ship into the hull of the cruise liner, kill half the staff and fire the captain out of a torpedo tube

Great ending, but it was like pulling teeth to get them to use common sense instead of a 14 step convoluted plan to take a piss.

>>52900409
>Great ending, but it was like pulling teeth to get them to use common sense instead of a 14 step convoluted plan to take a piss.

I've known far too many roleplayers like that. Sometimes I think they're just trying to come up with the "smartest" plan possible to prove to everyone else at the table how intelligent they are. Or else they're Star Trek fans who think convoluted solutions are the only solutions.

Sometimes I want to invite people like these to watch a good crime drama or something, where a "problem" is usually handled pretty god damn directly.

>>52900409

Gee must be tough having a creative group trying to find unique solutions to resolve their goals.

I wish I could find a group whose solution to everything wasn't 'lets kill it with hammers' or if they're feeling creative ' let's torture it with hammers then kill it with fire.'

>>52895268
So what you're saying is, it's completely meaningless?

A Lawful Good Paladin can rape and murder.

So why did he have to be Lawful Good to become a Paladin?

One of the biggest issues with alignment as a mechanic is it's entirely metagamey, but is still looked at as something to be aware of in-character. There are chaotic good gods, and characters know this.

It either needs to be a mechanic that is completely separate from the in-game, or it needs to be fluff that means nothing and can be safely ignored.

I vote for the latter, because alignment restrictions on classes are fucking stupid (Asmodeus has Clerics, they're just evil, and Paladins too, they're just evil, but someone decided there needs to be a different word for an evil Paladin, and that players can't be that).

>>52900762
I honestly make it sound a lot better than what it really was. And I wouldn't exactly call it creativity.

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Oh, great. I got some stories about one of my players. Prepare for the continuing adventures of Nanion Jakuzurai, bard extraordinaire.

>Be first time DM
>Start out 3rd level in 5e
>Adventure has just started, my party is signed onto a sailing ship in a mostly-aquatic setting.
>They roll their characters, all of them are original creations
>All except Nanion
>Nanion is Nonon Jakuzure from Kill la Kill.
>A half-elven bard with pink hair, a bubbly/bratty attitude, and (specifically mentioned) small and slender.
>For some reason I allowed this
>I shouldn't have
>First session, *Nanion Jakuzurai* only uses Shatter on the monsters I send to fuck 'em up
>No bardic inspiration
>No Cutting Words
>Shatter, repeatedly, before she gets dunked on by an orc and downed.
>When the massive, muscly dragonborn Paladin gets her up, she thanks him
>And promptly asks him if dragonborn have two cocks.
>The captain of the ship orders Nanion Jakuzurai to be tied to the ship's mast for the day
>Gagged.

(part 1.)

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(Part 2)
>Second or third session
>Land at a mining town
>Questgiver/captain of the ship needs to pick up a shipment of magical crystal to sell later
>Bring the gang and Nanion onto land for shore leave and security detail
>Next morning
>Old woman comes in, tells the group that two young children have been abducted by trolls living in the mine
>Party sets off to investigate
>Rogue enters the mine
>Starts scouting
>I tell him he hears a noise, like someone moaning or crying
>Doesn't sound human, but my intention was to have the girl that was kidnapped crying out for help because she had her tongue ripped out by the trolls
>Party rounds the corner
>Nanion Jakuzurai hears the noise
>"I CAST SHATTER ON IT"
>mfw
>Can't stop him from doing it, that's not the DM way
>He hits the spot where the sound is coming from with the force of a grenade
>Rest of party gets torches up
>See girl that Nanion Jakuzurai just bisected with a thunderclap of fuckmagic
>The first, but not the last time that Nanion Jakuzurai would kill an innocent woman.

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(Part 3.5)

>Many sessions later
>Lot of crazy shit has happened
>I'm taking off the training wheels since basically everyone was a new player and letting them romp around a hub town
>They decide to hire themselves out as security to an inn
>Meet the innkeeper
>Nice middle-aged lady
>All of them like her immediately
>They have a bunch of random encounters throughout the day based on what they'd find during a security tenure, like belligerent drunks and whatnot
>Get to night, have the innkeeper's daughter come out and lead them in a bar song
>Good feels all around, happy music
>I have three hatchet men from the local crime boss enter the room
>Demand that the innkeep pay protection, the usual sort of thing
>The party takes exception to this
>They drive off the assassins
>The assassins promise they'll be back
>Nanion does some good stuff like inspiring
>But mostly relies on Shatter
>Group waits for the assassins to return, brings in their crew for a bar siege.

>>52876234
Chaotic Asshole

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(Part 4)
>Assassins return
>I blatantly steal from Assault on Precinct 13 by having them mark the building with a bowl of blood
>Gang gets ready
>I unbox a stone golem for them to fight
>Golem rocks up on them, going to kill their barkeep boss by ten tons of stone to the face
>They get to fighting it
>They nearly whittle it down to zero
>I figure the crime boss would do anything to have his objective accomplished, so I BS something about the elemental forces in a golem being able to detonate like a bomb
>Barbarian triggers the detonation before it can build up too much
>Still KO's most of the party
>Barbarian is the only one who isn't knocked out
>Rolls a 20 on his Medicine roll, I have him pick up the Paladin with 1 HP
>They get to healing the others and the crew
>They don't notice that the assassin has dragged Helgi, the barkeep, to the door and has a crossbow pointed at her head
>He tells them not to move or he'll shoot her
>I begin making him rant at these crazy bastards who managed to survive a jihad golem
>"Nanion is typing"
>ohno
>Imagine, if you will, an anime scene. The kind of anime scene where the protagonist slowly gets to his feet, making a big ol' speech about the power of righteousness.
>Nanion clambers to her feet, does that exact same sort of speech, starts jabbing her fingers at the hardened criminal telling him that he can't keep her down and that goodness will always prevai-
>TWANG
>Helgi sprouts a crossbow bolt in her temple
>"I told you not to move."
>Said the assassin and I.

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>>52874361

>>52899120

Yes

>>52901635
Go fuck yourself.

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(Part 5)

>A few sessions later
>Have their new questgiver, a wealthy noblewoman, hold gladiatorial games
>First day is all monster fights, stuff like beholders and Fomorians and whatnot
>The gang does a great job taking them all down
>Except Nanion, whose only spell seems to be Shatter
>Give them their final fight
>Vampire and spawn
>Make the vampire fit the bestial predator description, looks like Max Schreck fucked a fruit bat
>They get to fighting
>Enter Til Hardknuckle
>Til Hardknuckle is a Champion fighter, everyman and drunk miner
>Til Hardknuckle, by his own request, has been made into a werewolf
>He's given me shit about not being able to fully control his transformations in previous sessions
>I throw him a bone and tell him that he'll be able to wolf out if he wants because it's nearly a full moon
>But it's a bad idea to do in front of hundreds of arenagoers
>So he probably shouldn't try to wolf out for a combat buff
>He agrees with me
>Til Hardknuckle and Nanion Jakuzurai are in an in-game relationship
>The kind that never gets any screentime and seems to be there for no reason other than to be in a relationship, came from nowhere and was going nowhere.
>Vampire attacks Nanion
>Does some damage
>Have it pin her up against the wall for some drama, about to jam a claw into her and rearrange her guts a bit
>She's screaming for help in-character
>But so is Nanion's player.
>Repeatedly shrieks to Til's character to "save your waifu"
>Mfw
>He keeps saying it
>It's still Til's turn
>I'm waiting to see what he'll do
>Because I know what should happen if he turns into an accursed beast of darkness in front of a crowd of normies
>Nanion's still going at it, telling him to save his waifu, save his waifu, save his waifu-
>Til turns into a werewolf, half-man form.
>The party collectively disembowels the vampire and kill it dead.
>Arena's dead silent.
>He's standing there all furred out, big ol' manbeast
>Their questgiver comes down
>Draws her gun
>Bang

>>52875627
>guides for you to roleplay
>>52877020
>a guideline for how you character generally is

And this is the cancer that is alignments. It's not a fucking guideline on how to act, it's how your character acts the sets an alignment. Play a fucking character, not an alignment you leperous cunt scabs.

>>52901507
>I blatantly steal from Assault on Precinct 13 by having them mark the building with a bowl of blood

Many props to you. That is an underrated movie.

>>52878573
desu I read it as horses the first time too

>>52874288
Would wife the mother

>>52900837
Nice backpedal.

>>52900035

One of my characters is basically myself, with magical powers (bard)

Another character is an attempt to characterize my twin sister, who died early on.

The other is a joke character, and I'm about to make another joke character.

>>52899727
Samasan seems to a different person, at least I can stomach their art.

>>52902064
Go fuck yourself. What you call "interesting creative solutions" is nothing more than shit that sounds like it came out of a bad episode of Star Trek. It only amounts to one big nonsensical ass-pull.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwhAq3F8NCE

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inb4 not using greentext right
>Playing First 3.5/Pathfinder game
>Roll up a tiefling bard with a random group found on r20
>Hit it off pretty good with the majority of the group
>One guy rolls up a rogue
>Seems a bit off as a person but I ignore him for the first couple of sessions
>Get to a part where we enter this orc cave that has kidnapped people
>Cursed items everywhere
>Rogue puts on a ring without even trying to identify it
>Tries to take it off and fails, then gets a "brilliant" idea
>Cuts his finger off where the ring was
>Ring is off, but now he's perma-cursed with negatives to his attacks and is now blind
>"Why did you think that was a good idea?"
>"Seemed like the best way to get off the cursed item."
>Bewildered, we move on and find an elven woman about to be raped
>Save the woman, rogue turns to her and asks "Hey so, do you want to have sex now?"

>>52874288
>Semi new to RPGs.
>Playing 5e
>Player joins right before raid on castle
>Friend of the party face
>Refuses to give a name, or any background information because 2 mysterious.
>We sneak past the gate, but are caught by the kings chief mage.
>He literally runs and hides behind a small rock.
>The moment her body hits the ground he says "I use my full movement to run to the body."
>By time we walk over to the corpse he's looted every item on her body.
>After dm goes over all the things he grabbed, the party face tries to RP and ask what he got.
>"I make a deception roll to convince them I got nothing."
>Has 24 charisma at level 9 or something, so obviously we got nothing.

Later

>Big climatic fight in the throne room.
>DM makes a comment about how many wounds the king had sustained.
>He immediately run into the back room.
>Here we go again.
>After the battle, we walk into the room to see him taking the last of the gold from the treasury.
>I ask him what he did with all the treasure.
>"I put it all in my bag of holding. I'm keeping it."
>In character tell him how hard we worked for it.
>"Sucks for you. I got here first."
>I drop into a fighting stance.
>"No. You cant fight me because you're alignment is neutral good and halflings try to avoid fighting. I'm not evil, I just take what I want."
>Out of character tell the dude hes being a huge ass.
>"I'm just playing my character."
>Say that he's making the game worse for everyone else by playing his character.
>Party face says unfortunately those are the breaks.

We did not get loot from that day forward until the group broke up. In the middle of a battle? He looted the surrounding buildings then mad dashed for as many bodies as he could. 'Turning in' quests? He would push his way past the rest of us and take the reward from the owner. He would even loot things he knew we wanted, sell them back to us, and use his high charisma stat to barter the price up. Best part was he wasn't even the worst player.

>>52874404
Ran an admittedly somewhat edgy character in a supers game once who's whole bit was "I be a villain because i know i'm no hero." Now he was a pretty good dude who wanted to help people and grew up admiring great heroes, but fully accepted that he wasn't noble, selfless, pure, and had no qualms about hitting someone from behind or poisoning the evil crimelord, so he cast himself as the villain who did the things the heroes can't do and still be heroes, because the world needed heroes to look up to like he did.
His logic was something along the lines of the whole batman/joker dynamic, sooner or later the Big Hero and Big Bad are going to end up with one killing the other, but that would ruin the hero so i'll just go ahead and do it because i'm already a "bad guy" and they can go on being big shiny hero

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>>52903057
Cont.

Fast forward a bit
>Rogue is still blind
>Uncovered statues from orc cave, cursed obviously.
>Whatever the statues depict, literally affect the user as shown.
>Human paladin in the party despises orcs
>Orc statue was in the belongings
>Get to a railroaded BBEG event where everyone is put to sleep
>Rogue succeeds the save, however.
>Statues in my character's bag but supercharged because of BBEG magic
>Rogue finds my bag through a luck roll
>Chucks the bag and GM makes a few rolls
>Orc statue smacks the Paladin in his sleep, changing him into an Orc (OOC getting angrier as time passes)
>Another statue hits the rogue, depicting a Tree
>Rogue changes into an actual tree (Not an ent) and attempts to stop the BBEG
>"You're literally a tree."
>"But I'm a spellcaster! I should be able to cast spells!"
>"You're a rogue."
>"I took a level in Sorcerer!"
>"You're both blind, and a tree, just reroll already."
>"No, I can do this!"

>>52900035
Meanwhile, my characters are based off memes. Still making a baneposting one.

>he hunts the masked man
>he's the leader of a band of mercenaries
>his subordinates are Smee, Maimen, Dr. Paveleer, Button-lee, and Juan Avyu
>the guy who keeps track of his weapons, jobs and supplies (idk the word) is Agent C
>he interrogates people by threatening to through them off cliffs
>hates pyromancers (they're hotheads)
>is obsessed with people's sizes relative to himself

>>52878965
>The austists that roll without asking the DM, and then will throw a bitchfit if they roll high and the DM tries to roll it back.

Not retarded, but just enjoyably stupid:

>Low level party
>Fighter is also the party face
>Has been given a magic sword that he loves
>Party is going through dungeon
>Encounters a wraith
>Try to negotiate with it
>Rogue pisses it off by being a dickass thief
>It attacks
>Party figures out non-magical attacks won't work after rogue stabs right through it
>Fighter shouts out, "I HAVE AN IDEA"
>Looks to his special favourite MAGIC sword, apologises to it, and throws it to the ground
>Pulls out a bunch of silver goblets and candles the party had previously looted
>"WE NEED TO USE SILVER"
>Proceeds to beat the wraith to death with a candlestick

It was hilarious, but at the time I couldn't help but think my party had brain problems.

>>52878846
If i may, not to be meta but I hate "i hate"
Anytime a jackhole player uses the idea that their character has a great dislike of a race or class or such to be a fucknut pisses me off.
Lots of people hate lots of things, some deeply, unless that person is an uncontrollable savage lunatic it doesn't mean "i auto attack the thing"
Even the most dyed in the wool racest klansman doesn't just foam at the mouth and retard-charge a black guy he just happened to see walking down the street, so unless your setting is some fucked up barbarous hellhole you don't get to just have Ragnar Elf-Hater loose his shit and paint the walls red because an elf happened to be sitting at the other end of the bar having a beer and minding his own business

>>52892954
>a girl turned me down yesterday for a sandnigger. So I say, let them bitches get what they deserve
That thought process is pretty evil, in and of itself. While someone with the alignment could make that decision, it's definitely not the example of the "Lawful Neutral" way of dealing with the situation.

>>52903463
>"Lawful Neutral"
Meant to say true neutral.

>>52903429
Same here.

My pet theory is that this is a carry-over from earlier games that rewarded PCs with EXP for killing things - anything. So players would cook up the lamest excuses to kill as much stuff as possible.

>>52878846
>she wants to play a game
>is D&D
>play D&D within D&D
This is the point where you should have yelled "NO METAGAMING" and flipped the table.

>>52874672
>yo i wrote the art of war so you better get your guns out
>these white boys gettin burned cuz guess what
>now the sun's out
straight fire

>>52893337
You're arguing with an autist here. They sorta have a hard time comprehending what they read Anon.

>>52874288
>>"True neutral"
>>"Ah, a guardian of 'The Balance'."

Wasn't this a plot point in some old DnD based RPG like Baldur's Gate or Planescape? This is exactly the sort of thing Planescape would do.

Basically, there was a distinction in 2e between neutral and True neutral. Neutral was the absence of an alignment. True neutral was the embrace of ALL FOUR alignments. Hence guardian of the balance.

In my teenage (2nd edition) years, this was actually a plot point for one of my campaigns. The protagonist macguffin added 2d6 damage for each alignment you held, for a total of 2d6+8d6 if you could represent all alignments simultaneously. But it required walking a very fine balance- a paladin of ordered chaos and cruel mercy.

I'm not saying it was a brilliant game or anything, but it was a relevant distinction- and I was DMing for older grognards for the first time. The people who taught me how to play and what these terms meant in the lore in teh first place.

The protagonist was the BBEG, herald of an elder god that wanted to kill logic and truth itself, thus destroying the identity relation so that everything and its opposite was simultaneously true, and therefore everything shared an identity relation with everything. The literal mathematical result of dividing by zero. Absent distinction, the protagonist could finally be what he always wanted- someone other than himself.

Hokay... here we go...

>Invite some new players to a game
>Most have never played 5e, half the party are Dire Elder Fags and played 1st Edition
>Decide to run Curse of Strahd
>Pitch it however as an Ebberon game
>"I'm a Drow who's actually the daughter of a DEMON!"
>OwTheEdge.Sonic
>"I'm a Warforged covered in blades!"
>GonnaNeedLessEdge.jpg
>"I'm a Dragonborn Paladin"
>Finally, some good sense!
>Party does a few small things
>Catches a train afterwards
>Blah blah blah
>Train crashes, party wander through a foggy pine forest, find way to gate.
>Too long spent asking about the trees
>"Can we pull that dead guy off that tree and loot his pockets?"
>Eventually, party moves on and enters the actual region
>Make their way to Barovia
>Wander from building to building, asking each time if there's a questgiver inside
>Keep knocking on doors described as boarded up from the outside
>Eventually find the Inn
>Go inside, find the one dude not being a depressed sack of shit
"Hi I'm Ismark and I need help."
>Bard gives hard side-eye
>"Love to help you but we don't do shit for free."
"Oh no, you'd be compensated, and I'm just asking you to help me."
>Bard challenged Ismark to a duel
>AS DM, I'm rubbing my temples
>Bard: "I'm not here to babysit..."
>Barbarian: "I NEED TO KILL!!"
>Bard: "Shut up and sit down, no stop it."
>Bard and Ismark go outside
>Quickly roll him as a Whip Ranger because Simon Belmont
>Ismark proceeds to keep just out of reach while the bard runs up and stops, not doing anything except occasionally casting an illusion spell
>"FIGHT ME YOU BITCH!"
>This nickle-and-diming goes on for an actual half hour with the Bard refusing to give up
>"I run forwards, cast Thunderwave by Pelvic thrusting."
>Table guffaws
>At this point, I've half given up on the party
>The fight ends after that, they go and head to the manor
"You see a dude in a coffin, and it looks like-"
>Bard and Paladin
>F R E A K
>O U T

>>52904762
>Start getting really damn accusatory
>Sorc actually calms shit down by actually roleplaying instead of verbally shitposting
>Find out no one will help bury the body, and can't advance the story until the body gets moved
>Party decides to help
>Show signs of forgetting the other objective they had
>Get up to the chapel
Anyone who's ran Curse of Strahd knows how this goes...
>Party obviously freaked, proceed to talk to the priest
"Oh yes, my poor, poor son..."
>Party proceed to go from wanting to free the Son and give him a snack, to trying to run head-over-heels to kill him.
>Sorc only one being logical about this
>Barbarian and Paladin have gone full murder Hobo
>I now realize my mistake:
>I had hope.
>AFTER the party beats the shit out of the priest because he tried to stop them by blocking the door, almost kill the dude, they tie him up
>Find door, it's hard to open and locked with a heavy, rusty chain
>They ignore ALL warnings and proceed to break open the door

>>52885459
He made a promise. A promise is a promise right?
This could be great roleplaying, or fucking retarded.
>>52885520
Doesn't seem like a wolfbrother would bite someone like that. They always seemed pretty stoic to me. A loose cannon wouldn't get along with doggos.

>>52904782
>Decide that the best bet is to send down JUST the Paladin and Barbarian
>After they make it down, Bard comes back, closes the door, and slides a dagger in the latch
>Did not tell the other characters
At this point I was having to find something to drink that could actually mend my aching head
>Paladin and Barbarian chase down, corner, and start getting their shit wrecked by the Vampire Spawn down there
>After the Paladin gets his life sucked out of him, he starts laughing
>What's so funny?
>"Barb you are so fucking dead!"
>wtf
>He knew all along he was going to get himself and the other dude killed
>Barb proceeds to try to keep fighting
>MEANWHILE
>Bard metagames, says he's going to run and join the fight
>The Killer Migrant is Strong
>After calling bullshit, compromise and have him toss perception
>Lands a 20, so I shrug and let it happen
>He blows a hole in the floor
>With Thunderwave
>Doesn't unbar the door
>Doesn't calmly USE the door
>Bust open a hole, drops 12 feet down, and the Bard immediately starts using a different attack every turn
>Uses two different illusion spells, soaks his bolts in his crossbow in holy water, then only uses a single shot before using another illusion spell
>Sorc casts a searing ray after the Barbarian finally dies
>Barbarian's player is cursing me out, telling me a vampire shouldn't be able to suck the life out of a Warforged
>Vamp runs at the sorc because attacked
>kills in a single round of combat because Sorc with Con as a dump stat...
>Bard runs for the door
>Forgot he locked it from the outside
>Didn't secure a way to climb out of the hole after asking if he can jump
>"Well, Honestly DM, I'm wondering why you would throw such a high level encounter at us."

They got better after that session, but it took some work...

>>52875398
>>52875756
>>52875473
>>52892954
>>52893095
Ahhh, rape analogies. The only way tha/tg/uy can understand the finer points of philosophy.

If a trolley was about to roll over 5 females being raped by 5 marauders, would you flip the track switch that would divert the trolley if it meant you had to rape the girl manning the track switch?

Hard Mode: the track switch operator is a 15 year old girl who was orphaned during the last Great War. She survives in the streets by banding with other orphans left homeless when their orphanage closed due to lack of funding. Her passions are music and books, with a special fondness for stories about maidens rescued by handsome princes and whisked
off to enchanted lands far, far away. To help support her fellow street urchins, she earns what money she can by working at the rail station at night, despite the dangers due to the increasing number of transients wandering the rail system who've come to the city from their war-torn countrysides looking for any opportunity the can find. With her next payday, she hopes to buy a dress she's been eying on display in the window of the secondhand store she passes on her way to work every day. She also has herpes.

>>52905141
>She also has herpes.
Joke's on you, rape by the legal definition doesn't necessitate mucous membrane contact.
You thought you were clever, you sack of shit, but all you managed was getting a railway track switch jammed up a hypothetical 15 year old.

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>>52874288
>falling
>"I roll to dodge the ground!"
have fun flying off into space asshole

>>52901124
>shatter
>repeatedly
>level 3
Nigga, he has 2 casts of it.

>>52903071
>5e
>24 in a stat
Gotta love when people just make shit up.

>>52905888
I think he meant he only lasted two rounds before the orc downed him, and on those two rounds he only cast Shatter.

>>52893641
>"as a barbarian is drawing my weapon a free action?"
>"yes"
>"I sheathe and unsheathe my axe 378 times in front of the orc!"

>The orc barbarian is slightly impressed by your show of skill and does the same. 379 times.

>>52899120
The big limits to a paladin isn't actually the alignment- a lawful character can do minor chaotic things like lying, breaking promises, escaping the long arm of the law, etc. as long as they don't do it too much (And do lawful actions more) and they won't change alignments. Same with a Good character. They can do Lesser Evils to do Greater Goods.

But (in 3.5 at least), paladins are limited to their Code of Conduct. Those are set more in stone. No poisons, breaking a promise made in your honor/status as a paladin, obeying legitimate authority, etc. As long as it doesn't further the ambitions of evil, a paladin must obey their code. And even in those situations, breaking promises or poisoning others is pretty damn bad.

>>52900035
I tend not to play characters who are very reflective of who I am. Mostly because that wouldn't make a good character for an RPG- I'm the kind who would prefer to sit at home and farm turnips rather than have dangerous adventures.

>>52905947
I mean, ya, Shatter is kind of ass for attacking, but if it was only 2 rounds of combat, i can entirely see not wanting to use both your level 2 spells AND your uses of Bardic Inspiration all in the first encounter.

>>52900409
>flood the air systems with morphine

Why not just change the oxygen/nitrogen balance so that people don't have enough oxygen to stay conscious?

>>52893641
The sword insult killed me

>>52905926
What, you've never read the Tome of Leadership and Influence twice before? It's only a hundred years between readings.

>>52874288
>Be me
>Dming a version of the Bloodborne /tg/ Homebrew
>Party's composed of three mercenaries
>new players joins in, he plays a 16 years old with an evil amulet who doesn't quite understand the shit he's in
>the players know that the amulet is made of pure cancer at this point and experienced it when they used it to weaken a monster
>they decide to go after a necromancer
>midway into his lair, I threw an "enigma" of sorts to see how they'd react
>it's basically a stone bowl filled with poisoned water, I planned for them to find a way to empty it in order to pass, any way could've worked (breaking it, pumping the water, pushing the bowl...)
>However, I knew that players often do stupid shit, so I wanted to keep an open eye out for alternative solutions
>players arrive in the room
>every last one of them fail the test to understand the strange markings which contained a clue
>players start to test shit and put the medallion of eeeeevuuuuuul into the water
>at first I think it's kinda stupid, but then I realise that they could "overflow" the bowl with the powers of darkness
>interesting
>players start dumping more evil shit into the bowl, including mutated blood and more stuff like that
>I describe the water as having turned to black and making bubbles
>one players panic, and decides to throw uber purification salts that he got to purify the necromancer's body
>All the other players stare at him
>I ask him if he's sure
>"Yeah, if corrupting the water doesn't work, we should obviously purify it !"
>note that they still had ways to corrupt the water & that I described the increase in corruption along with the shit they dumped in it
>I rule that the uber salts being dumped violently react and the bowl explodes, blasting all the players to the walls, opening the path
>next comes roughly 30 minutes of IC & OOC arguing while new player facepalms because the explosion robbed them of precious hp before a boss

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>playing 5e campaign
>part of backstory is that the orc tribes got buttfucked by a coalition of "holy" crusaders 50 years in the past in a brutal and bloody war
>orcs didn't even start shit, they were minding their own business for the most part
>what is essentially the pope/god-king of the enemy country still condemned them
>play a half orc with a deep resentment for said religion and all associated with it
>doesn't take that long to get him riled up if someone of said faith is being aggressive about it
>set precedent at lvl 1 when we come across a town where a regiment of paladins are burning people at the stake for even the slightest cases of heresy
>we come across the princess of the "holy" nation there with her royal guard
>my character is understandably not fucking okay with just playing nice with this demigod
>end up in a duel with her after getting interrogated by her and dealing with her (seemingly) faux-pas bullshit friendliness at a tavern afterwards
>get fucked obv, but character wanted to make a point more than anything
>princess rolls really high on damage with a holy pistol, actually oneshots him
>damn, but w/e, only level 1
>she revives him and basically tells him that she hoped he learned a lesson
>only pisses him off more bc orc culture is basically to die in battle honorably, no honorable death given
>I start planning to unite the orc tribes against this bitch and wage war, feelin' good about future prospects
>fast forward some time, we get to a noble's house and he employs us
>while staying there a friend introduces a new character who just so happens to be a paladin from this order who is "investigating reports of heresy"
>orc is obviously not pleased
>paladin's arrogance pisses him off after a lengthy discussion
>paladin wants to take my character out for questioning
>orc is understandably not about to do so, makes it known
>orc makes it known that he doesn't want to fight but will if he has to
>paladin presses the issue
>orc ends up fighting

>>52906623
cont.
>miss my first attack
>get nuked by a maximum crit roll warhammer hit + divine smite
>fucking dead again
>baka
>rest of party steps in and decimates paladin
>player bitches about "unnecessary violence"
>"I just wanted to introduce some conflict to the party and make an interesting character dynamic"
>not sure what he expected when he witnessed the headstrong and not particularly intelligent half orc duel a demigoddess just to make a point
>still maintains that he did nothing wrong
>singlehandedly got two PCs killed and the rest of the party wanted for murder in a single session
who's in the wrong here? I feel like he should've seen that coming, but at the same time I probably could have been a little less aggressive ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

>Dark Heresy
>Guy has seen picture of a Vindicare
>Roll a ghighly taines elite sniper
>Misses every shot
>Charges them over open ground soaking bullets like no tomorrow
>pulls the pins on all his grenades to "go arab on them"
>Complains he can't use a fate point to survive 8 point blank frag grenades

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>>52876182
>not as bad a game as people make it out to be.

The character sheet is 11 pages long, there's a spitting, pissing and shoemaking skill (among others) and it was somewhere between me rolling to see how long my character's arms were in relation to their torso and rolling to see if he had a third nipple that I gave up on even rolling a gag character for that simulationist nightmare

>>52874404
almos tall of my characters picked something somehting neutral.

I hate it. Its just another excuse for them not to be thorough with their characters personality.

i want someone to roll lawfull good for once and be a damn moralfag.

>>52876234
sounds like a retarded wish fulfillment character of someone that isnt interresting ont he party having group dynamics.

>>52900762
"Creative" can turn either way.
I sometimes get pissed off at one guy in my group thinking hes got everything figured out when he doesnt.
"There is an evil cult obsessed with war, also there is an old fortress from the great war, i bet the evil cult is in the druid church"

look the story isnt exactly amazing but it was a bit on the nose.
That beeing said it opened up for some nice roleplay with the Monk that actually cozied up with the druid church.

>>52900810
I dont know if im a shitty DM for doing that but occasionally i just say "no" when a player discribes something.

mostly if its compleltey out of character or clearly just there to disrupt the flow of the game.
primarily cause we got a player that enjoys PvPing in retarded situations, such as trying to roll to intimidate other players randomly.

Which is where i mostly tell him that hes getting a minus ten on his roll because nobody is afraid of him.

It gets tedious and sure you can accuse me of railroading but i am sick and tired of edgelords trying to stop the group from becoming a team.

Thats the problem with my players, i tried to force them to have their characters know each other but they still ended up with a bunch of fucking lone wolfs working together for no reason in particular.

i think i should just punish them for everything they try to be edgy about

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>>52904811
>>52904782
>>52904762
Jesus

>>52904398
OP here:

Thanks for mentioning that. The guy who mentioned that bullshit about 'The Balance' (tm) was indeed an old grognard with grey hair. That's probably where he got that idea from. I was just surprised that he couldn't grasp that my character wasn't inclined towards any end of the alignment spectrum.

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>>52893641
>The unicorn can't impale things with holes and we gotta be resistant to piercing, so we just have to become fakir made of gruyere cheese and levitate towards the unicorn"
That's so utterly retarded that it loops round to brilliance

>>52878584
but what about chaotic characters that can't improvise?

>>52905968
That is great.

Honest question, what is the different between a chaotic neutral and a true neutral character? In these threads these kind of characters often seem to be described the same to me.

>>52908368
You can detect choas on one but not the other.

I have a player who's absolutely dedicated to getting all of characters killed stupidly.
First, he made a Barbarian and would charge absolutely anything that made him slightly mad, this ended with him getting in way over his head and dying. This was his most sensible death.
Second, he made a Sorcerer and played him exactly like the barbarian, this ended quickly for him after trying to cast spells while standing right next to an ogre.
Third, he made an Alchemist, and this character was absolutely obsessed with explosives. OOC he was always coming up to me and asking if he could make special types of bombs and stuff, I mostly let him because he seemed to really like this character. At one point he even bought a entire wagon just so whenever the party went travelling he could take the twenty or so barrels of black-powder he made with him. What ended up killing him was he split up from the party while in some catacombs, and came across a bunch of stone coffins, that began opening, containing ghasts. He decided not to run away, but to run up to a coffin, throw a bomb inside, and try to hold the lid shut. This didn't work out so well because the ghast was physically stronger than him and just pushed him off, meaning they both took damage from the explosion, and then the remaining ghasts tore him apart.
Fourth, he made a Paladin, which I actually think he killed on propose because he disliked him. Anyway he decided to jump in a chasm which had raging rapids at the bottom, this didn't kill him, but left him at single digit hp, which he never healed or asked others to heal him. They later found a room with a bunch of portals leading to the different elemental planes, and he heard a monstrous scream from the Plane of Fire portal, which he decided to immediately run into and burn to death. The players later said he thought it may have been someone in danger and was just roleplaying a paladin.
He's now playing some sort of gish, and it seems to be working out for him so far.

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>>52874361
>Ugh

Hey Tumblr, ugh, could you like, not?

>>52900360
>Ugh

Ugh

>>52905141
No, if you do nothing 5 rapists die. Clearly the moral option is to do nothing at all.

>>52893641
Is that last one because you were secretly a worshiper of Khorne? Nothing says 'Blood for the Blood God' like making people slaughter each other for no good reason.

>>52909613
We hated savages and though it was funny
later in the campaign my character became possessed by a demon of tzneetch, so make your conclusions

>>52906638
You made a point and they ignored it, you were fine.

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>>52904762
>>52904782
>>52904811
>All that edge
>Refusing to give up
>Ignores all warnings
>Blames DM for bard's mistake
A Just TPK, for all of our sakes.

>>52903463
What do you expect? A true neutral character is supposed to be equally good and evil. There needs to be an "evil" side to his arguments.

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>>52905995
Sounds like a great character.
>even to this day I struggle with the sense that I could have stayed on my farm.
>but now here I am...slaying dragons.
>>52903210
>hates pyromancers (they're hotheads)
Top kek

>>52905351
Fucking leaf-posting™

>>52907379
Shutting it down before it gets too out of hand seems pretty reasonable. Just give them a looser leash every now and again. It doesn't sound like you're railroading desu

>>52901751
I know somebody like that in my group. Playing with idiots is the worse.

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>>52908368
Neutral chars are just your average person, a bit good, a bit bad, a bit lawful, a bit chaotic, often leaning a bit towards good. Chaotic neutral is often a lolrandumb lookathowcrazyiamguys.png self insert anime and Tumblr inspired edgelord.

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>>52903122
I'm back to tell more tales of this dreadful player (and his character)

Fastforward a bit further, we've been carrying around this tree dude for a while, after we found an apple and a pear statue and cursed him with them, giving us free food and take him with us into places because GM says that it's fine. That was his greatest mistake for this next place.

>Find our ways to an ancient library full of riddles and ancient texts that would be greatly beneficial to the party
>Paladin loses a finger or two due to walls of lava because of a failed riddle by the Tree Rogue
>I take over for the rest of the riddles and solve each of them carefully
>Make it to where the badguys are in the back
>TreeRogue gets idea
>Sets the library on fire
>Through the smoke and ash, the enemies escape
>"I can fix this!" he exclaims
>Pulls out an orb
Oh god no
>Infinite water orb
>Sprays down the entire library
>Doesn't stop shooting water
>Library floods
>All the books are ruined, and texts are lost

>>52878965
>The players control their characters, sure, and it's a shitty GM that tries to take away player agency but outright telling them they can't do something. But the GM also controls time. He can slice it as finely as he wants to.

>As soon as the fighter says he attacks the kid, the GM could have said "You see the super edgy fighter sigh, roll his eyes, and reach for his sword", and give everyone else a chance to react and stop him.

This is the right way to deal with this sort of stuff.

>>52878965
Hi Matt

>>52899093
> Dark Eldar have been jamming soul stones in cats. We need to get those soul stones out of those cats at some point.

This may be my favorite plot hook I've ever read

>>52892654
>5v30 Fight
>3 die, 2 escape maimed.
Sounds like you came out pretty fucking well there.

>>52903429
Coincidentally, I've played in a game where we had a barbarian in our party who would uncontrollably enrage at the sight of the color green (we were regularly encountering orcs and goblinoids), but we also had a caster who would regularly cast prestidigitation on other party members and cause the barbarian to attack them (lethally, btw). It got pretty tiresome after a while.

>>52899093
Have you tried skinning them? Or would that create the same discussionary problem?

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>>52915259
The issue is that there are several hundred, and we have to go through all of them in a short period of time with just the 5 of us

Here's a diagram someone in the group made, seems like cremation might be the best deal.

>>52876338
Sure is summer in here.

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Behold, the Dumpster Orgy Horror.

>>52899093
You can't just use a bomb of some sort?

>Playing Pathfinder, which I'm new at
>Exploring a haunted house as a wizard with some other people
>Run into a demon in the cellar of the haunted house
>Demon has the ability to cast at-will darkness.
>Because the basement is already dark, this is now supernatural darkness
>Since a wizard needs a target to cast spells, the most I can do is stand there and wait because I am technically unable to see the demon in any way
>Torches won't do shit
>Not a high enough level to use daylight
>No oils of daylight, which wouldn't have helped because at will darkness
>Only one other character has night vision
>Basically sitting there doing absolutely nothing for almost three hours until the demon is finally dead because nobody can hit him

This also happened in another scenario with some wraith. We threw everything we had at him only for the at-will darkness to ruin everything. Then we retreated, returned with a bunch of oils of daylight, only for it to not matter after a few rounds because at-will darkness.

>>52875234
>>52903405
That's amazing and kinda clever.

>>52892654
>>52896270
>>52913003
Annnnd that's why I let the rest of the party vote when one of the dumber players wants to do anything overly suicidal, costly and destructive if it'll affect them too.
Sure, >>52878965 sounds like a good idea, but
>Sometimes you can't realistically stop the idiot before he screams PREPARE TO DIE FUCKERS during a secret mission
>If there's a chance the players won't be able to grab the Stone of TPK before the asshole can use it, and TPK is unwanted, then why make them roll for it, just fucking say no
>When you're negotiating peace with the enemy king and the edgy lolrandumb PC draws his sword in front of him, even if the other party members subdue him, it's already too late
Letting the other players go "fuck no" and retcon it always works though.

>>52918212
>Letting the other players go "fuck no" and retcon it always works though.

THIS!

SO MUCH FUCKING THIS!!!

>>52874288
>one guy is playing the evil rogue in an all-good/neutral party
>he sells us out to the bbeg, but is really bad at keeping this secret
>rest of us more or less find out, but don't do anything about it because we don't want in-party fighting
>rogue leads one player character into a fatal trap and tries to kill off the other ones as well
>min-maxed ranger murders the fuck out of rogue
>rogue player throws a fit and refuses to show up anymore
It's been years, and I'll never forget how angry that guy got when someone dared to harm his precious evil snowflake. Also the last time I played a game with alignments.

>>52878846
Of all the things in the thread, this makes me the most angry.
I think the player was probably jealous or bored (in addition to being a retard and an asshole).

>>52903071
Jesus dude, you were playing with an asshole retard powergamer, AND his enabler friend, AND an enabler GM, AND there was someone even worse in the group? Was there even a single good player?

>>52918212
>>52918499

I don't know what sort of chucklefucks you play with, but before I even sit down to play a game with anyone we all discuss what sort of game we want to play. If it's casual and gonzo, then there are no issues with people doing random stuff. If it's serious, then there are no issues with running a serious game involving intrigue or whatever.

If 5 out of 6 people want one game, but the sixth wants something else, guess what, that guys gets excused.

Sometimes someone will want to hurry things along, and someone else wants to interrogate a dude for a lot longer then this guy >>52878965 is absolutely right in how to do it. Because it's ok for characters to not agree 100% on how to do things, that makes for interesting roleplaying.

Someone going "haha! you thought this was a secret mission but I'm going to fuck everyone in the ass and shout in the middle of it!", then that isn't a character or a GM problem. It's a player problem that you should have solved before you even sat down to play.

>>52918968
>I don't know what sort of chucklefucks you play with

Randoms from Roll20 or people I've never met before at my local gaming store.

>but before I even sit down to play a game with anyone we all discuss what sort of game we want to play.

This doesn't always work.

>>52919019
>>Randoms from Roll20

Ah, you're a masochist. This explains a lot.

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>>52919019
>roll20 or people I've never met before

>>52919110
>>52919150

I know. But it's the only way I can get players for the short campaigns I run. Believe me, I'm fully aware of the shit that floats around randomly everywhere, and I can confirm that most of the randoms you'll meet on Roll20 or floating around your local gaming store usually can't be part of a steady game for a reason.

That said, if anybody else is as masochistic as I am: Have a VERY HEAVY screening process in place when looking for players. And don't be afraid to just boot players the moment trouble rears its ugly head.

>>52919019

>but before I even sit down to play a game with anyone we all discuss what sort of game we want to play.

>This doesn't always work.

But it does. I've been doing so for about 13 years without fail. I highly recommend it.

>>52919224
>That said, if anybody else is as masochistic as I am: Have a VERY HEAVY screening process in place when looking for players. And don't be afraid to just boot players the moment trouble rears its ugly head.

Adding on to this, if you're a player simply looking for a game to be part of, having a heavy screening process of your own. Read the entire game description. Look at all the posts in the game's forum. Send a message to the DM and ask a few simple questions about the game to get an initial impression of them. Look at the profiles of players already in the game. The moment you smell something bad, pass on that game and look for another.

Yes, it might take a little while to finally find a game you can be comfortable with.

>>52919247
>But it does. I've been doing so for about 13 years without fail. I highly recommend it.

Then you are lucky enough to play with a tight knit group of friends or something like that.

Simply asking everyone what kind of game they want to play helps but doesn't filter out the retards all the time. Because while everybody may be on the same sheet of music for the kind of game they want to play, it has absolutely no bearing on how a player is actually going to act in this world once things start up.

I speak from experience.

>>52919224
>>52919264
If it helps, I also use roll20 to run several games. All of my players I know from outside roll20 though. I can't imagine meeting gamers through the process, but I'm looking to scratch my player's itch so I'm in the process of trying to find a game. Wish me luck fellow anons.

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>>52903071
Wow, this actually made me kinda mad

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>>52919300
GLHF

>>52908368
CN is aligned to Chaos, TN is aligned only to Neutrality.

>>52919294
>same sheet of music
Where's the rest of your analogy?

Why not play a character that can simultaneously in-game and ooc tell off the people who are being dumb?
>when you do x it makes us feel upset

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>>52878965
>>52878965
Matthew Collvile? Hey man

The way true neutral is listed in almost every book I remember it's dealing with situations in ways that keep you and yours out of issues. You may not stop said rape but you don't justify it with a tale of woe just not wanting to get involved. You focus on making sure you're safe.

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This is my story
>First D&D game ever
>Level 6 starting level
>Roll up Hallf-dragon (black dragon for extra edgy) Barbarian/warblade
>Dungeon crawling at level 9
>Entire hallway is booby trapped with explosives and shit
>sick of patently waiting for the rouges to disable traps
>"Everybody stand back"
>Runs down hallway and triggers every trap. eats an empowered flame strike and take 85 damge from entire hallway exploding
>Live with 4 HP

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>>52904027
> tfw precise strikes

>>52919639
im a newfag on tg why would that make him matthew collvile?

>>52920183
>not coming off the necropolis to cause pandemonium
Laughingsocrates.jpg

>>52908368
A chaotic neutral character will break the law if it benefits them in terms of personal gain or power, but won't hurt innocent people out of spite or revenge.
(ex. a thief or rogue who steals or kills for money, but won't purposely harm others unless they prevent him from fulfilling the contract he's hired for.)

A true neutral character will break the law if it upsets or contradicts the natural order of the world.
(ex. A druid who sabotages logging equipment or a sorcerer that leads a revolution to dethrone a lord who is calling for a genocide of all magic users)

>>52920318
Matt did a video where he said the exact same thing as this guy "Slice time as finely as you can"

>>52919586
>Where's the rest of your analogy?

...what?

>>52874288
> running a Narutoverse DnD 5e bastardisation homebrew hellspawn
> the team of four is running through the Chuunin Exams, basically a graduation test to see if they can reach the next rank of ninja
> there are NPC teams from all over the world competing
> the first section of the Exams is basically a dungeon run, with boss battles with unique effects and modifiers (didn't work as well as I'd hoped, but that's not important here)
> between the second and third encounters, there was a rest room
> the PCs got to meet NPC canon characters from other Hidden Villages
> one team comes and introduces themselves
> one character, Arata, immediately starts talking shit to the leader of the other team for no reason
> calls the other village bad
> calls the other team bad
> insults them
> NPC team are confused as to why he's being a cunt, and the PC team pulls him back into line
> fast forward to after the first half of the Exam, there's a few days rest
> the PC team runs into the same NPC team in a store
> Arata is still being a turbocunt
> talks shit about how good the PC team did in the first exam, and how much harder their exam was than the NPC team
> NPC team is getting pissed off now
> veiled threats are thrown by the NPC team as they walk out
> fast forward to the second half of the exam
> the PC team watch as the NPC team wipe out another team in a team v team battle
> NPC comes over to the PC team afterwards, at a balcony overlooking the arena, like 30ft in the air
> one last overture of peace
> Arata acts like a cunt and asks if they were showing off just for him
> ItsGoTime.jpg
> NPC leader steps forward and uses Iron Sand to blast Arata over the balcony, breaking most of his limbs
> PC team freak the fuck out
> turns out Arata was just acting like a cunt because he secretly liked the leader of the NPC team

>>52920734
>a Narutoverse DnD 5e bastardisation homebrew hellspawn
Why are you playing with such shitty people and shitty DM? Just drop it like I dropped your post.

>>52920767
I actually love my players. It was a once-off, and he actually explained, OOC to me, exactly why he did what he did and why he kept pushing it so hard.

They're a great bunch and we're all having fun, so that's what's important.

>>52895316
>>52899727
>>52902794
I think sillygirl is the artist

>>52899101
Yeah, that game was pretty damned okay for 3.x clone.

I had a friend who ran it as the daily lives of White Tower novices. It only lasted three sessions but it was fucking fun.

>>52904811
>Con as a dump stat on any character ever
Unless you plan on going Undead or some shit I cannot understand why you would kill your character during chargen.
>Every other piece of retardation
You're a saint for training them through it all.

I once knew a guy who thought anybody who was two steps away from his alignment (Being Chaotic when his aligmment was lawful-something, or being evil when his alignment was good) was free license to adopt a "kill on sight" stance. Or, at least, a "kill on Detect Alignment result."

>>52904027
>>52920183
>>52920335
Don't make me go watch it again you fucks
Nietzsche is winner

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Truly the best alignment

>>52905351
The hero we deserve ladies and gents

>>52875398
I think we found the guy OP was talking about.

Why do so many people think the neutral alignment means that you actively try to force balance?

>>52905141
I see a win-win. What alignment is that?

>>52874288
>playing "FATAL"
>no D10 in sight

Psh. Didn't do his/her research.

>>52893820
"I was ordained to CHILL not to KILL."
Proceed to kill everything that does not submit on your way to goal anyway because the natural order is for strong to prevail and accomplish their goals.

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>>52878573
Anon... please get some glasses...

>>52903071
>>52905926
>>52918662

Just clarify a few things:

Stat cap for skills is 20, but they were using enchanted items to raise the maximum. I don't play 5e much, so I have no idea if that's a thing.

Sadly this is the best group I have been in because they actually role played and didn't quit after 3 sessions. The dm and everyone except 2 people were cool. They just were spineless. And the other person was WAY worse.

Short Version:
>Had a woman in early thirties play a 15yo special snowflake monk.
>Power-gamed extremely hard.
Had 3 enchanted items that boosted dex.
No stats below 12.
Actually listened to us complain how broken some feats were and chose those feats immediately.
>Had an in game romance with the party face, constantly derailing story to fall asleep on his shoulder, hug him from behind, and put her head on his lap. This happened constantly.
>Would attack anyone who said anything mean to her.
A boat owner told her to stop playing with fire, so she destroyed all the furniture in his shop.
A band of 30+ vikings called her 'beloved' scrawny, so she jumped over the bar table and began attacking all of them. Etc
>Cheated CONSTANTLY.
Claimed that she could attack while grappled by a werewolf because the magic made her hands stretch really far.
Claimed that although she was downed in a 1v1 and she attacked first, she gets a full round of attacks after being knocked out (got a tie because of that).
Would fudge her hp rolls in the chat. When we were chatting after a session (we used roll20) she would make a roll to increase her hp. If it was bad, she would start spamming the chat with text rp jokes to push her roll out of view then roll again. One time, she left the voice chat post game really quickly after rolling a 1 for hp twice. And she had the nerve to tell me about how lucky she was because she never had rolled below a 7 on hp(max she could get was 8+con).

>>52925500
>Abused game mechanic and had meltdown when we brought it up.
She only used a move called Fangs of the fire snake that lets you spend a ki to increase melee reach and a ki to add 1d10 to a hit. She said that she could use the move and the extra damage on all 4 of her attacks for 1 ki. I told the group that wasn't true and posted multiple forum post that confirmed my claim. All I got was "your're wrong". This made her unstoppable. At level 5 she did +100 damage with high roles and 2 crits to a boss, one-hitting it. The dm actually had to raise the difficulty for her, which made the game hell for the others.

One day after her and the dm left the call, I showed the group she was fudging roll and relinked the forums that proved she was using her move wrong. Everyone agreed with me except the party face who left after seeing everything. I told them we should let the dm know about this sometime in private vs outing her mid session. She then rejoins voice chat.
>She says, "what are you guys talking about?"
>The rogue said "we were talking about how you were using that move incorrectly"
>I facepalm.
>He then has a surprising civil argument with her about how she was using the move wrong.
>After about 3 minutes though, she shouts, "Fine! I'm killing my character!" then leaves the call.
>She rejoins 5 minutes later and says he was right, but she's still killing her character.
>We tell her its just a small change to balance the game.
>"I'll be useless now."
>We say that we have ki potions. We say the dm would make new spells for her (because she was a half dragon that would only use fire).
>"I'm still killing my character."
>I say she has the most hp (more then our paladin), most speed, most damage (more then our sorcerer), and most number of attacks on our team. We would just be balancing the ki spent. We say we could try it this way for 1 session to see if shes useless.
>"If you hate my character this much, then just wait."
>We eventually just leave.

>>52878505
>>He even said quote "Dude, I can do what I want. It's and open world RPG."
But he's right though

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>>52877796
Incorrect. This is true chaotic neutral.

>>52925677
>The dm ended up canceling the session because of 'stress'.
I love dnd, but dealing with some of these people have ruined it for me. Sure, the 4 previous groups had no one this bad, but they had no internist in role play or dming whatsoever. At this point I have been asking if it was my fault. Is normal for groups to rape strangers and make constant dick jokes after saying it was going to be a serious session? Maybe every group has a child. I'm not perfect, but this just seems unacceptable.

>>52925500
In 5e, you can attack while grappled as normal.

That said, why wasn't she punished earlier?

>>52906517
I mean, it's retarded, but that's basically pointNclick logic puzzle games in a nutshell, I kinda like it.
also
>Bloodborne /tg/ homebrew
I want to be one of your players.

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So, there was a guy I played with; always brought the most broken characters which felt like as if he was at least 3-4 levels above the party.

This time, he brought a Summoner/Synthetist archetype. He did as much damage as the rogue, was more tanky than the fighter, and did everything. Except sneaking. So when the rogue tried to do some stealthy shit, it was immediately overruled by him because 'I can't stealth, so let's just charge in'.

The rogue got squished on one occasion, since he couldn't function as a rogue because of that asshole, but the party got him res'd, and after that, That Guy summoner told at least 8 times per session "Remember how the rogue got himself butchered? That was fucking dumb".

Suddenly the party got themselves this magical plotmacguffin twohanded hammer that belonged to a powerful paladin. Everyone looks at the party's fighter, who was using two handed weapons. Then suddenly the summoner, with a shitmunching grin:

>It is fated that it belongs to me! I shall carry on the legacy of X Paladin, whatever his name was, and I will serve a higher cause in the name of -Insert god name here-!

The party is confused. The fighter looks pissed, but grudgingly lets him have it. So naturaly, the Summoner takes paladin levels. Now he can heal, and now has smite as well.

Fast forward to a few sessions later: party defends settlement from a raid, and captures one of the bandits. The group's Slayer/Bounty Hunter ties him to a chair and starts interrogating him. The guy is Lawful Neutral by the way, he roughs him up a bit, but doesn't kill him, only does nonlethal. Then PalaSummonerMcHammer retards into the room, grabs his godhammer and smashes it down on the prisoner's hand, mashing it to a pulp.

>The Bounty hunter looks shocked
>The prisoner looks shocked before realizing he has a stump for a right hand and then screams in pain
>The GM looks shocked.
>PalaFuck von Summoner just grins until the GM asked "What was your alignment again?"

Continue?

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Nobody will ever beat mine, even ignoring the in character shit.
>Five friends BEG for me to learn 5e.
>Randomly 2 of them drop that they invited another person without telling me, session one
>get all the way to in character introductions

>new guy has never played a tabletop game before, it's obvious
>cliche elf ranger, but still kinda solid, no huge pitfalls
>get to the other 5 people

>"Oh, uh... I haven't made a character, but I was thinking like a bard named asshole, who's an asshole"
>"Same, how do you do it, I was gonna make a purple dragonborn"
(Keep in mind, this is AFTER they bought the books, asked me to play, and delayed being able to play by 3 weeks, all the while I'm continually reading the core books/asking them if they'll be ready next week)

>"Oh, uh... He doesn't have any history, he's an amnesiac that only remembers the name *Literally his online handle, unpronounceable shit and all* and he's just in adventuring... because"

>LG paladin of courage and justice
>That's a huge coward and will readily abandon the party
>But also hates taking valuables off bandits to return to their owner/keep depending because it's "grave robbing" or some shit.

>Forget what last friend made, because he never actually did anything

>Game collapses week 2 after 4/6 people fail to show up consistently without being able to adequately explain why they couldn't come, or why they couldn't explain over the 4 methods I have to contact anyone as a group to say they can't make it
>get mad at me when I say fuck off week 4
>only two who make it are the blatant self insert who can't/won't roleplay for some retarded reason, despite being the person introducing me to tabletop, and the newbie
>Newbie is completely into it, makes it every week, have a ton of fun playing with him even in just combat as he's unfamiliar with every cliche

>Fast forward 2 years
>"hey we should play pathfinder"
>"Have you ever played pathfinder? Or have time this go round?"
No
Fuck off