ITT: Magic cards where you don't know what the fuck is happening

>inb4 Stasis

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>>52264983
Really, anything by Tucker applies, because it's usually just "vague blob of watercolor"

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>>52264992
Damnit! But seriously, what is going on here?

>>52264983
>can't see the fork
>>52265031
>can't see the jackal

You niggers blind or just stupid?

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>>52264983
Welcome to the meat blender.

>>52264992
>>52265042
>not posting the alter
you know the one

>>52265105
This. They even made the Fork look like Lightning which, you know, forks all the damn time, that's some multi-level symbolism there. Now what the hell the two circles on the tines of the fork are, your guess is as good as mine.

>>52265042
Stasis is easy too. The dude on the left side of the teeter toter is a Prodigal Sorcerer (not that it says "fire" on Tim's sleeve which is where the 1 damage comes from) and the figure on the left is Hurr Jackal that has had Earthbind cast on it for some reason and is tapped (thus it is kneeling). The palate has all five colors of magic with yellow representing colorless and artifacts. The teeter totter is tilted in Tim's favor as he can ping the Hurr Jackal and kill it instantly. The moon is there because they are playing late over at Steve's house.

Pure Pottery.

>>52265105
I can see the fork, I'm more confused about why it's going through a cookie,

>>52265105
HOLY SHIT THAT IS A JACKAL IN THE ART
ALL THESE YEARS
HOLY SHIT

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Where the fuck are her organs, in the tits?

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It's a mess.

>>52265127
That perfectly describes a living wall

>>52265539
>Blue palette on red card
I hope somebody got shot for this.

>>52265463
Elves don't have organs.

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>>52265539
>>52265722
nuMagic art direction in a nutshell. Kaladesh is horrible to look at with few exceptions.
>mfw Masterpieces Plat Angel

>>52265722
Almost as bad as judge snapcaster.

>>52265031
You take that back you son of a bitch. Drew Tucker is amazing.

ITT: Millennials with shit taste

>>52265549
its a magic beam being blocked by a wall of doves. That circle is a bundle of wings and theres an azorius building in the background.

>>52265722
Probably thought it was a blue-sounding card name, which it is.

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>>52265549
>>52266162

>>52266162
Is the beam being blocked by the doves? I was under the impression that the beam and the doves were on the same side, since the beam is white and blue and the card uses white/blue mana.

>>52266203
>eight hundred birds form an anus and shit out toothpaste over an unsuspecting city.

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>when artists can't into action poses

>>52266235
The physical doves arent, but the enchantment is manifesting as a stained glass looking space of doves.

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>>52265948
thicc

>>52265105
I'm used to jackals having more than 2 legs. Does "Hurr" stand for "Crippled and retarded?

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>>52266485
It has four legs. The hind legs aren't even obscured, they are highly expressed in the contours of the subject.

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how about this

>>52267325
I actually like bizarre stuff like that on instants and sorceries though.

>>52264983
I thought it was replicating a meteor. The lightning iconography is weird, but it works with red.

>>52265042
that's clearly a picture of stasis. are you an idiot?

>>52265361
it,, isn't,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

>>52265463
lol landwhales

>>52266270
looks fine, get your eyes checked

>>52266518
nah it has two faggot lmao

>>52267492
Two cookies, I mean.

>>52267801
no cookies

>>52267816
What are they then?

>>52267867
blind or retarded?

>>52267883
Rude.

>>52267903
so both

>>52267917
Bully, pls go back to /pol/ or /v/ or whatever.

>>52265031
huuuuurrr

>>52265285
Meatballs. Lightnings will always fork when there's two meatballs is what the card is saying.

>>52265042
The equilibrium. Both side can't move or they will fall off. The palette with colors shows that the equilibrium of stasis encompass all.

>>52264983
One cookie is becoming two cookiez

>>52268438
I don't even need to google it to know that this is one of Nielsen's 'i'm high' arts. Those are her best arts though.

>>52265722
>not liking contrasting color pallets against frames

It looks good, same with FoW's red on blue frame.

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>>52267946
>this whole post
Please leave 4chan you massive faggot.

On topic: I dont know why its a map.

>>52268145


Imagine four balls on the edge of a cliff

>>52268145
This is really simple, its the Sun/Moon going across the sky ala timelapse, you cans see the field of stars in the background doing the same.

>>52268827
I understood that reference.

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>>52265031
>>52266138

>>52264983
>a lightning bolt forks to strike two cookies

>>52267507
There's a fine difference between being a landwhale and being a sentient tube. Look at the artwork, her ribcage is sticking out.

>>52268460

Terese Nielsen has two final forms:

>I'm so fucking high I don't know what I'm painting

and

>I'm going to paint the hottest guy/girl I possibly can

Bless her bisexual heart.

>>52269117
Drew Tucker is too good an artists for Magic

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>>52270201
>paints herself
>paints her daughter

>>52267325
It's a picture of foxfires with some unnecessary tiling and fox silhouette.

>>52267378

well, the topic of this thread isn't "shit art that you hate" it's "art where you don't know what the fuck is going on"

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Chandra Ablaze is a good one.

>>52267636
shes in the air, pushing the spear into a demon but her arms aren't extended

>>52268438
This looks like a shirt design.

>>52272561
she is "falling" into it. that is her arms bracing the spear.
go jump off a building/rise feet first with a broomstick as your spear. you are gonna hold the middle/butt end of the spear naturally.

>>52268145
Standard timelapse, taken at Urborg (thus, the phyrexian corpses).
Except instead of it being all one speed, it speeds up because temporal bullshit.

>>52268609
Hydra heads are typically represented as counters.
That art of Doubling Season is a wood carving of the effect of the enchantment on a hydra. Said wood carving may or may not be the focal point of said enchantment.

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>>52270743
>shit art that you hate

While we're on the subject though: I dare anyone to find art shittier than polarity reversal.

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i love all the people art by Susan Van Camp
theyre all triple compositions of a close up, like a full body shot and then animals for some reason

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best one

>>52266467
>not knowing Escher when you see it

>>52272407
I literally don't even look at red card art anymore.

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>>52272561
i think they're trying to evoke the graceful aspect of like renaissance-style heraldic imagery

or some st. george-like stuff

>>52264983
Can you fork a counterspell and have the forked spell counter the original counterspell?

Can you fork a fork for twice the fork action?

>>52266203
It's actually the process of a gigantic spell going from the 'idea' of a simple bird shape into actual living doves, as a huge swarm of them. Look at the innards of the circle or ring of 'concept'. The big blue energy is just the raw magical input of mana (hence blue white)... the basic dove shapes are child-like and become real tangible things

>>52268609
>Twin hydras killing eachother so they mutually gain heads/power, stylized.

Yeah that art is actually cool.

Everyone is ironically pretending they don't understand the images right? You motherfuckers can't be this dense.

>>52279775
The counterspell idea would work.

Forking a fork would leave the second fork as still just a fork waiting for you to choose a target. No snowballing here.

That said, forking a fireball or lightning bolt that you cast is a pretty good strategy.

>>52269070
It's a basin with handles placed in a pond. There's a zombie coming up through it, presumably because said basin is a portal from the underworld. Perfectly clear.

>>52279985
It's a chalice being dipped into a cursed swamp/mire. The size of the singular grass blades indicates it's a cup, not a basin. Also the thing wouldn't be made of solid metal if it were that large.

But you've got the right idea. I think the image of the zombie is more of an idea or image than a real zombie.

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>>52266270
get an education, faggot

>>52266270
>>52280065
To be fair, the anon probably didn't consider that all murders made by angels are graceful.

That's the entire point of the picture you posted in reply, anyways. Angels never need make an effort to do anything, even when 'physical exertion' would be required by mortals.

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>>52280043
>Also the thing wouldn't be made of solid metal if it were that large.

Sizable bronze vessels were absolutely a thing in ancient Greece. You're probably right about the grass indicating scale, though.

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I see legs...of something

>>52280117
That's what I was trying to say. Had he an education, he would have known that the effortless and weightless stance was an attempt to evoke the way angels were portrayed in classical art.Which is incidentally why I really like that particular Avacyn artwork.

>>52280199
That bitch has a swiveling dedicated handle though. Even so, jesus christ. Why?! Clay jars are lighter you fucks.

>>52264983
Without a fork, you can only eat one cookie, but with a fork, you can eat two at once!

>>52280346
Its so your slaves can lift a shiny thing into the ritual party room.

>>52265549
>>52266203
>You were a dove once; a dove!

>>52280646
I understood that reference.

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>>52280282
It's one of those Mardu cannons like in this.

>>52268827
holy shit that was my first thought as well

>>52268609
A hydra, a commonly green creature that likes counters and even in the real world was legendary for it's multiplying heads.
Shown here in the style reflecting the set with the hydra mirrioring it's self.
This fits perfectly man

>>52265127
TETSUOOOOOOOOOO!!!

>>52265031
You go fuck yourself, god how happy I would be if all magic art was at least half as good as Drew Tucker.

>>52269070
I've always known what it is but it still looks like a goat screaming between two rings.

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>>52276358
Pic very much related

>>52264983

That one's not even that confusing. The spell's called "fork" and it's clearly a bolt of lighting that forked into two bolts to hit two things.

>>52265463

She's too perfect for your crass, ugly organs Anon. They would diminish her beauty.

>>52282516
Well damn, those Mardu cannons have very sexy legs then

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¿?¿?¿?

>>52289167
There's a goblin and it's being controlled by the machine around it. Come on now.

>>52289167

It is literally "the icy maniplator"

>>52265031
So what does the Durr Jackal do?

>>52291687
Why don't you read the text on the card and find out?

>>52291851
Anon, how are you this dense

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>>52266468
Holy shit it's even uglier close up. I regret pulling this piece of shit, no one will even buy it off me.

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I understand what's going, I just don't understand why.

>>52265539
Not sure why this is getting shat on. It's gorgeous.

>>52265151
You mean the one where they're fucking?

>>52265539
This card is beautiful. I bet you've never seen a foil of it.

>>52292479
I like that platinum angel more than the original.

>>52277299
That one is made of the actual substance of heavy metal

>>52288831
KANEDAAAAAA!

>>52289167
>Amy Weber does torture machines

What's not to like?

>>52292518
http://www.randyasplund.com/pages/fantpg/darkJudge.html

>>52295773
This artist sounds like a total bro

>>52289167
Lol it looks like the tube is going into his anus.

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>>52264983
Some guy got ass damaged when I couldn't restrain a "holy shit" when I cracked this at a pre-release. This is one of the worst numagic art pieces I've seen since coming out of torpor from Lorwyn-block

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>>52295773
Huh. Well there you go.

>>52265042
I like to think old MTG cards that have fucked up art like this are so potent and unknowable by mortals even their card art is uninterpretable.

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>>52264983
>this whole thread

WTF is going on in here?? I DON'T GET IT

>>52299771
There's nothing wrong with the art anon, it's just an elf being happy that his/her fantasies of tentacle bondage are coming true.

>>52292749
>>52293221

I think it's less about it being ugly, but what's happening in the damn picture.

>>52299965

Great, now not only can't I unsee it now they look like Grant Imahara. I didn't need this shit tonight.

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>>52299953