What is the most garbage fantasy ever written and why is it Christopher

>>52196825
Look at thisfucking shit:

*Ardwen - Arwen
*Isenstar - Isengard
*Mithrim - Mithrim or mithril
*Angrenost - Angrenost
*Morgothal - Morgoth
*Elessari - Elessar
*Furnost - Fornost
*Hadarac Desert - Harad Desert
*Melian - Melian
*Vanilor - Valinor
*Eridor - Eriador
*Imiladris - Imladris
*Undin - Fundin/Udun
*Gil'ead - Gil'Galad
*Ceranthor - Caranthir
*Isidar - Isiludir
*Eragon - Aragorn

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Ha ha ha no.

I don't know what I was expecting with a name like that.

>>52196891
>wit'ch fire
Is there a fucking apostrophe in the word witch? What the literal fuck?

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>>52196825
That's a funny way of spelling Idhún.

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>>52196825
We have such sights to show you.

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>>52196966
"Big Dog"

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>>52196865
How is this allowed?

If you enjoy life.

Don't read anything Frank Herbert's kid did to Dune.

>>52196865
>mr plinkett reads lotr aloud

Because it's John Wick's Wicked Fantasy.

>>52196865
>>52196998
A boy of foggy origins lives with his uncle in a remote place of a vast empire headed by an evil Emperor and his right hand man, who was once prominent in an ancient order of guardians with mystical powers.
Through fate or luck, depending on your point of view, this boy comes into the possession of an object vital to a rebellion against the Empire; this object was inadvertently sent to him by a princess in the rebellion, who had attempted to send said object to an old man who once belonged to the same order of guardians as the Emperor’s right-hand man.
This boy seeks the old man to learn of the ways of this ancient order, but eventually has to return to his uncle’s farm, which, the boy finds, has been destroyed by fire, and his uncle killed. The boy then sets off with the old hermit, who also gives him a sword which belonged to his father. As they travel, they train. The boy meets up with a rogue who is full of surprises, but turns out to be fiercely loyal, for all his proclaimed selfishness. The boy also begins "seeing" a beautiful woman imprisoned and in need of help.
The boy decides that he needs to rescue her, even though he doesn't know her; further, he thinks of her only as beautiful (Luke's first words are, "Who is she? She's beautiful?" Eragon can't stop thinking about her beauty). Long story short, the old hermit dies to protect the boy, the boy and the rogue help the beautiful damsel escape.
They then set off to the rebellion to give important information and return the object which the princess had sent the boy. They were followed by the Empire, and prepare for a giant battle that will either save the rebellion or annihilate them.

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>>52196825
Another masterpiece from a teenage prodigy

>>52197079
The boy proves his worth with heroics during the battle, but his crowning achievement is his destruction of a noun of much power that has the ability to destroy lots of things. The boy is aided in this by one of his friends, who arrives at precisely the right moment.
The boy is lauded a hero.
The boy has a hallucination of a powerful master who can teach him more of the ancient order. The boy travels to the powerful master to learn the ways of the ancient order's mystical power. While there, he grows very powerful. While he is away, the Rebellion regroups in a new area.
Just when the boy is on a roll with his training, and has grown very powerful, he has a vision of his friends in great danger. He decides he must go to help them. His master warns him not to go. The boy promises that he will return. He leaves.
He finds his friends just in time and is able to distract the enemy so that his friends will remain safe. He finds out that his father was the right-hand man of the Emperor--his father was the one who betrayed the ancient order and helped kill them.
The boy is shocked and ultimately defeated, but not killed. He finds out that someone dear to him has been taken by evil people, and promises to find this person.
Now, is that the plot of Inheritance, or Star Wars?
http://web.archive.org/web/20070501183115/www.anti-shurtugal.com/starwars.htm

>>52197031
I managed to read Butlerian Jihad and Machine Crusade without immediately setting fire to them.

Can't say the same for certain Ian Watson novels.

>>52196891
>>52196929
>>52196966
These novels are all trash I'm sure but are they international bestsellers? Are they derivative to the point of plagiarism? Were the authors made out to be geniuses as part of a phony marketing ploy? Do the authors BELIEVE they are geniuses on level with Seanus Heaney and "Tolkien at his best?"

Galbatorix did nothing wrong. The elves needed genociding.

>>52197106
In my example, the author felt entitled to give himself a nickname on the front cover.

So probably "yes" to a few of those.

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>>52197079
>>52197096

Oh and FYI, Tortellini wasn't 15 when he wrote his fanfiction literary abortions. He was 15 when he "imagined" the story and 18 when he started writing it. He finished it at 19, at which point his wealthy and doting parents self-published their spoiled, autistic progeny's """""book""""" instead of letting it languish on fanfiction.net where it belongs.

My aunt wrote a really fucking bad fantasy book.

The entirety of it is on google books for some reason.

She drew the cover herself.

https://books.google.com/books/about/The_Golden_Moon_of_Alantriock.html?id=oYsBAZNPeTEC&printsec=frontcover&source=kp_read_button#v=onepage&q&f=false

There was supposed to be a sequel but she died before she finished it ;_;

>>52197257
At least she is a creative woman.

>>52197096
>anti-shurtugal

Well met, brother!

Fate has bought us together again on /tg/.

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>>52196825
Hi guys, what's going on in this thread?

>>52197257
I'm sure her novel is one of the least offensive ones ITT, anon.

>>52196825
Honestly it's no worse that most fanfics. The only difference is most fanfics don't get published.

>>52196825

I didn't read the books, because I knew what to expect, but I did see the movie, and I gotta say I can kinda remember two characters from it, the protagonist and his dragon.

That's more than I remember from all three of the big ass Terry Brooks novels I read combined -- there I only remember the name of Garet Jax, and that only because some guy used to use that name on a BBS I visited in the 90s. Beyond that, I can't recall a damned thing about any of those lifeless cardboard cutouts Brooks called characters.
For another thing, Brooks's Shannara novels (he insists it's pronounced SHUH-nuh-ruh) were so financially successful that they spawned a glut of cookie cutter Tolkien knockoffs that continue to flood the fantasy lit shelves to this very day. Fantasy prior to Sword of Shannara was a wide, wild frontier with all sorts of bizarre things, but afterwards it was all elves and dwarves and dark lords and magic macguffins that have to be wanged with the doodle to stop the prophecy of canoodle, forever.
Also, Brooks claims he was not channeling Tolkien at all for his ridiculous claptrap about a band of unlikely heroes facing down the return of agreat evil with spunk and a macguffin, no! He was doing a pastiche on old WIlliam Faulkner!

Paolini is but a pale imitation of the crapmonger that is Terry Brooks.

>>52197185
It gets better. Are you willing to look at reddit?
>https://www.reddit.com/r/Fantasy/comments/2bscok/could_yall_please_explain_to_me_why_the/
Scroll down a bit and you’ll see a big post from TryeElf. Read that.

>>52197257
Rest in peace, auntie.

>>52196825
Probably Discworld or Elric.

>>52197371
It skips over the prologue, but her main character is an empath that lives in a house with other psychics, whose eyes change color with her mood, drives a panel van, and is a functioning alcoholic. The last two are what make the main character a self-insert.

The plot involves her somehow traveling through time/dimensions to the past/future/alternate timeline (it's never clearly established) fantasy world where mages are persecuted by evil peasants even though they dindu nuffin. Early on she meets her "spirit sister" who is a magically attuned child wise beyond her years and honestly that's all I remember because it was a blur after that.

>>52196825
Thats not The Sword of Truth series

>>52197458
Is that the one by the Ayn Rand fanboy?

>>52197520
Yep

And the protagonist cuts down some unarmed anti-war protestor strawmen

Looking back I have no idea why I read it

I still like how the fuckhuge not-communist army was beaten by basically causing a football/soccer riot inside it

>>52197418
I hate reddit but I hate Tortellini more. Would one of you be a dear and add the list of words he stole from Tolkien to that thread?

>>52197115
They really were such assholes, though. Tolkien codified the whole "elven superiority" thing, but his asshole elves were recognized as assholes in-story. This Tortilla fellow really unironically portrayed his elves as perfect morally-upright goody two shoes who were always smarter and always stronger and always better than Man.

Sometimes people complain about dwarfags on this board, but man, I think they're forgetting how bad Elves can be in the hands of a nincompoop. At least people usually have a sense of humour about dwarfs.

>>52196825
Wasn't the guy like 14 when he wrote Eragon?

>>52196966
That looks bad but also like it would be really funny.

>>52197627
>his Tortilla fellow really unironically portrayed his elves as perfect morally-upright goody two shoes who were always smarter and always stronger and always better than Man.
Yeah, except that they were horrible murderous pricks

>>52197644
And rapists. Didn't stop Tortilla tho.

>>52197643

>Wasn't the guy like 14 when he wrote Eragon?

Nah he conceptualized it in his mid-teens but didn't actually sit down to write it until he neared his twenties.

I'll give Chinchilla some credit: he basically did what your average high school neckbeard only dreams of doing. How many of us had some spergy, derivative fantasy book idea in high school which we thought would be awesome and then did nothing with it? At least Paolini stuck with it through four books. That's a laborious process no matter how much you steal from Star Wars.

>>52197084
Eye of Argon doesn't count, it was and still is a masterpiece beyond compare

>>52197766
Sorry Lord Double Dubs, it is just that most of us outgrew are chuuni phase, realized we were being cringey, and locked away or forgot our shitty fantasy novel. Pappardelle had parents who totally subscribed to the Church of Self-Esteem and encouraged him despite sucking ass.

>>52197106
>Tolkien
>genius

Haha, no. Autismal linguist whose stories are hackneyed pastiches of Norse myth. They're full of scared old white guy concerns too - orcs as the unwashed working class, the idea that only great men of noble blood can rule, the pastoral Shire vs the evil industrial powers of Isengard and Mordor, the scary brown-skinned people who sided with the Devil.

The thread compels me. I must confess: I read all of inheritance and enjoyed it, except for the part where the kid and the elf girl didn't fuck. My excuse is I started reading it when I was eight, and the last book came out when I was fifteen. I was unfamiliar with LOTR, and dismissed the Star Wars rip off cause I was a kid, and liked dragons at the time

I had no idea how much of a hack Paolini was, and I could tell even as a kid the settings magic system was bullshit, but I was pretty hype for all the books. Forgive me for my shit taste

>>52197766

Not quite accurate. He came up for it when he was 14, couldn't figure out where to go with it, and dropped it for a while, instead reading books on writing. Then he plotted out the four book series and started writing for real. He finished the final version of the first book by the time he was 17, and his parents self-published it in 2001 when he was about 18 years old.

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>>52197967

>>52198000
nice trips, and we were ignoring him

>>52197973

Sounds like you were just a normal kid. Taste is something you have to develop over time, and if 8 year olds didn't love all kinds of dumb shit they wouldn't be 8 year olds. Same for 15 year olds, actually -- they're quite similar, except 8 year olds don't think they've figured it all out and know everything yey.

>>52197942

> it is just that most of us outgrew are chuuni phase, realized we were being cringey, and locked away or forgot our shitty fantasy novel

You say that but worldbuilding and setting threads suggest otherwise.

>>52196825
Well World is the worst.

I know it's sci-fi, but it's legitimately the only series which I just had to straight up stop out of disgust, and I was like 12 and had read basically everything Dragonlance. (And dragonlance was decent for about two books)

Like the main character is this Han Solo esque woman who travels the galaxy, and then the inner working of a biological labotary the size of a planet (The Well World). Which basically serves to compare various species of sapient life by placing them in pens the size of countries, but to keep things fair technological levels are strictly enforced. (Very strong species don't get to have guns, very weak ones get lasers. Except one place where the strong species conquered the weak one, forced the weak one to switch biomes, and then had both tech and strength)
Anyway.
So this sounds just like schlock, and I was enjoying it as shlock.

But then the main character is turned into a donkey centaur ting without real functional limbs and used as a cocksleeve by the villains, described in fairly vivid detail and at great length.

>>52198000
>>52198015

I know you won't believe me, but it's not b8. Google Michael Moorcock's article 'Epic Pooh' for a more in-depth analysis (his article on Starship Troopers is A-class too). It's fine if you don't reply, I'm not after (you)s, but do read the article, ESPECIALLY if you're a diehard Tolkien (or Heinlein) fanboy.

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>>52196998
his parents owned the publishing company

>>52198063
Actually I say Main Character, she was technically a side kick. But it's a Han Solo/Luke Skywalker situation, except Luke isn't present for like half the book at times.

>>52198063

That premise sounded really cool and I couldn't understand your issue until I got to
>But then the main character is turned into a donkey centaur ting without real functional limbs and used as a cocksleeve by the villains, described in fairly vivid detail and at great length.

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>>52197967
>"The treatment of colour nearly always horrifies anyone going out from Britain, & not only in South Africa. Unfort[unately], not many retain that generous sentiment for long." ― Letter 61 — Written to Christopher Tolkien who was stationed in South Africa during World War II

>"I have the hatred of apartheid in my bones; and most of all I detest the segregation or separation of Language and Literature. I do not care which of them you think White." ― From a Valedictory Address to the University of Oxford in 1959

>"I must say that the enclosed letter from Rutten & Loening is a bit stiff. Do I suffer this impertinence because of the possession of a German name, or do their lunatic laws require a certificate of arisch origin from all persons of all countries? ... Personally I should be inclined to refuse to give any Bestätigung (although it happens that I can), and let a German translation go hang. In any case I should object strongly to any such declaration appearing in print. I do not regard the (probable) absence of all Jewish blood as necessarily honourable; and I have many Jewish friends, and should regret giving any colour to the notion that I subscribed to the wholly pernicious and unscientific race-doctrine." ― Letter 29 — Tolkien's German publishers had asked whether he was of Aryan origin

>"It was Sam's first view of a battle of Men against Men, and he did not like it much. He was glad that he could not see the dead face. He wondered what the man's name was and where he came from; and if he was really evil at heart, or what lies or threats had led him on the long march from his home; and if he would not really rather have stayed there in peace." ― The Two Towers, "Of Herbs and Stewed Rabbit"

Tolkien was not racist. And as far as politics go he actually leaned towards anarchism.

>>52198127
So did Chesterton. All the best English authors back in the day had a streak of it.

>>52198069
not immediately related, but when you watched Paul Joseph's "Zeitgeist" did you find it revelatory?

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>>52198111
Here's the author by the way.

And what's worse is that the cock sleeve things happens right the fuck out of nowhere, and I've been told that the author realized that he'd completely fucked over a principal character and then gave her functional limbs again later.
Which sort of just made the whole ordeal pointless.

I wouldn't know, I stopped on the second page of her sexual assault being described.

>>52198063

Oh hey, I've read those and I remember him being turned into a donkey-centaur thing, but not the bit you're talking about. I guess I didn't notice it? Just forgot it in favor of the good bits? Weird.
I suppose all I can say is, it was the 70s, and shock value was big in genre fiction at the time. I suppose I wouldn't be fazed by that -- I read Dangerous Visions and its sequel like a decade before I picked up Well World, and just about anything published is pretty tame in comparison to some of that stuff, especially in Again, Dangerous Visions.

>>52197257
This is pretty charming, actually.
RIP Aunt Dawn.

It's probably not a good book, but it seems like a rather innocent passion project.

>>52197425
Motherfucker did you just talk shit about Discworld?

>>52198069
This More-Cock faggot should have actually learned something about Tolkien before making him out to be an an elitist authoritarian racist snob.

Arguing that Orcs are supposed to be the working classes? Please. Tolkien was raised in poverty by a single mother who couldn't even count on her family for support after her conversion to Catholocism. These accusations are baseless. It's name calling, they're not valid criticisms in the least. Get fucked.

>>52198243
>>52198259
At least one of you is samefagging, but I can't tell which.

>>52198192
underrated post

>>52198243
I mean you can talk a LOT of shit about discworld, and I fucking love it.

Like the fact that any main character who survives more than one book is a Mary Sue.
All of them, especially fucking Weatherwax. (But also, the Guard. All of it)

Like the fact that keeping a somewhat consistent characterization of the characters went out the windows after Guards Guards.

Like the fact that half the books were based on whatever social cause made him Pratchett angry at the moment.

That being said of course, I fucking love Discworld.

>>52198314
How did you come to that conclusion?

>>52198069

Epic Pooh amuses me. Though not so much for 'look at it eviscerate Tolkien/CS Lewis' as 'aww, who's being provocative. You're being provocative Moorcock'. It's kinda adorable.

that and I strongly disagree that CS Lewis never tried to provoke with his work. If you DO recognize the Strong Christian Overtones you also have to recognize that his take on Christianity is only normal by a modern perspective. For the time it was written themes like 'Religion in the face of the probability that there is no god' and 'Good people of other faiths going to heaven more easily than asshole Christian's was a serious challenge to what was taught children and society in general in his time.

>>52197425
>Probably Discworld or Elric.
Fucker, i will cut you and offer your blood to the Lords of Chaos while i bury your bones in Death's corn field.

>>52198224
I read it when I was 12, and my only experience with Sci-fi and Fantasy was TV shows, Dragonlance, Harry Potter, and Tolkien.

>>52198363
Also, the Screwtape letters is a scathing condemnation of mainstream Christianity and Christians.
Moorcock couldn't do more deft criticism of a philosophical movement if he had a team of university lecturers at his beck and call.

>>52198345
Poster count. I realize, only too late, that it was quite possibly a mistake on my part.

>>52198363
>Epic Pooh amuses me. Though not so much for 'look at it eviscerate Tolkien/CS Lewis' as 'aww, who's being provocative. You're being provocative Moorcock'. It's kinda adorable.

Just read it now, and yeah, it's got that late 70s punk rock ethos of sneering at the stuffy old farts going on, which I guess makes sense since it was written in '78. It's an entertaining read, and more nuanced than the guy upthread is letting on.
Entertaining, but mostly in the way of listening to the Sex Pistols. "Gather together all the aging hippies and boring old farts, and set light to them!"

>>52198163
>So did Chesterton. All the best English authors back in the day had a streak of it.
I wouldn't say that, exactly. He certainly thought government shouldn't get in the way of people, but he hjad a great respect for laws rightly made.
Somewhat related to the topic of anarchism is The Man Who Was Thursday- which is a very odd mystery, in that you know what the twist is for most of the book, but you still don't expect it when it actually appears, and then you realize you never knew the twist at all.
It's like going to watch a magician. I wanted to step into a time machine, go back to shake his hand and then sock him a good one after reading it.

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>>52197425
>Probably Discworld or Elric.

>>52198402

Yeah. The Silver Chair is the one that really stuck with me. The whole 'if there is no heaven and no reward we'll MAKE a world worthy of being called heaven without a God to help' blew my tiny little child mind and really got me thinking in terms of morality and WHY I do things rather than 'follow the list, receive reward'. It's a challenging and adult idea to share with kids, the idea of morality in the face of no rewards for it.

>>52198472
The Man Who Was Thursday annoys me because its definition of Anarchism is so fucking wrong. Like it's clear that this is written by a conservative guy who has never, EVER, talked to an anarchist.

Of course part of my issue may be that I didn't find it as nice as everyone else, because I got the whole thing spoiled.

>>52198518
I always understood it as that he wasn't talking about anarchism in the political sense which is hilarious to me because none of the Council are actually anarchist or have any idea what the true purpose of the organization is, but about the idea that there should be no laws, philosophical, moral, etc. at all.

>>52197973

The magic system as top tier, but alas, it was another hack, he stole it from Le Guin (which, instead of Tortellini's "le grammar error xD", made the discovery of a SINGLE fucking word the focus of a whole book, and a damn good book at it)

>>52198508
That's a very good summary of it yeah.

I think the fact that he was able to talk about such subjects, discuss the idea of morality, the notion of religion, and what it all means, and convey that to children, in a way that engaged and still engages them, is pure fucking genius.

And I honestly think it's sad we don't get more of that.
Like we don't really have a lot of current writers who write about adult concepts to children in that way, and I'm not talking about death, and sex, and violence, and loss, because that we have. It's the idea of questioning and finding out what you actually believe and why you believe it that's lacking.

>>52198597

I think a lot of why he doesn't get as much respect these days is well...yeah he's talking about concepts that make basic sense to adults these days but how you broach the concept to children is complex if you want to get them thinking rather than regurgitating it. Teaching critical thinking is hard but it looks simple to people who already do it.

>>52198560
It feels like he believes that's what anarchism is. That's what I get from the text, and given his political leanings and his other works I don't see much evidence of it being otherwise.

Especially because he takes time out to deal with other philosophies more fairly, and they aren't the focus of the whole work.

>>52198683
Fair enough. It's sort of an oddball work in the first place, IIRC Chesterton said it was supposed to all be a dream and the quote
>They say we are a lot of jolly gentlemen who pretend they are anarchists.
appears in it, so I wasn't sure how seriously to take it.

>>52198674

On the topic of various moralities and the silver chair: the giants feast. Showing three protagonists with three separate moral views of the same situation. That of eating an Animal (not an animal)

>>52198069
>moorcock

People still take him seriously?

>>52198739
It's explicitly said to be a dream, in the title and at the end of the book. Chesterton was very exasperated in life by the letters people sent him enquiring upon this point.

>>52196825
Well I don't really have a reTORT for that.

>>52198564
The Earthsea books were a masterpiece of economical storytelling, especially since we are now in the age where every fantasy series has to be 10 books long each with 800 pages.

Tombs of Atuan in particular showcased just how strong a tight and focused book can be. There is one major location, four major characters including the protagonist and long stretches with no dialogue; yet it all works to place the focus squarely on Tenar and her growth in such an isolated existence.

The worldbuilding, sense of wonder about the magic and the strong characters in general make the series a treat but way you never felt there was a word wasted always impressed me on a technical level.

>>52198814
You can do better, Carlos.

Not one mention of Mercedes Lackey? Don't get me wrong, her five gorillion books should languish in Hell for eternity, but fuck me if she doesn't deserve a place among the worst fantasy authors ever.

>>52198805
Yeah, the first time I read it I thought the subtitle was metaphorical, until I got to the very end, and even then I had to double-check. It explains a lot about the book, really.
>>52198860
Mind giving an example? I've literally never heard of her until today.

>>52198860

I dunno, I've heard folks say her early books were pretty good, but then she had health problems and started writing outlines and letting her talentless husband write the actual books based on the outlines, and it was all a quick roll down shit hill from there on out.

>>52198846
But I don't have a CAR to get there...los...

>>52198911
>not "But I don't have a CAR, los!"
Shame on you.

>>52198930
I'm just having a WHALE of a problem making the jokes

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>>52196825
Just look at this map. It's hideous, disgusting, criminal. This is a decent looking fan map, but the construction and geography is despicable.

>>52198976

Talk about a STICKY SITUATION!

>>52198978
how can someone do rain shadow so wrong

>>52198978
not really an expert on maps or earth science- what is wrong with it apart from being very clichéd?

>>52198760
I mean he invented a fuckton of fantasy tropes.

But he did come out and say that what is truly important is the themes and so in writing, not the thrills and escapism.
And then he writes...
Well everything he's ever written.

>>52198978
This pains me to look at, but the only thing I can really put my finger on is
>Mountains on the coast?
>What the fuck is the desert doing in the center of the landmass surrounded by plains and a forest a day's travel north
>How the fuck do those rivers even exist
Can a cartographyfag take over here?

Daily reminder that even though Tortaloodle's books aren't good. Roan is /ourguy/

>>52199044

Yeah, I respect him as a fiction writer, but a lot of his nonfiction just feels like he's just taking the piss.

>>52199042
The two things that stick out to me are 1) the totally out of place desert, seriously that is not how deserts work and 2) a river that starts to the right of a mountain range, but then turns left through the mountains, somehow, and into the sea

>>52199044
Even Marxists have to put food on the table, Anon.

>>52199157
Can't they just eat the rich?
Sorry I had to.

>>52198904
In the Black Gryphon, a main character, Amberdrake, who is a dude who essentially looks like Fabio, is a kestra'chern, which is essentially profession combining the roles of massage therapist, counsellor, geisha and fuccboi. He melts the heart of an icy, frigid commander of gryphon troops in the war against Evil Wizard #147 through massage and boipucci and she learns to not treat gryphons like animals and yeah

It's basically just very bog standard hack fantasy but with a huge soppy vagina

>>52199168
you're alright for a boot-licker

>>52199075
cartographyfags are unable to reply as they are currently suffering seizures

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>>52199170
If I didn't believe you, I'd totally say I don't believe you. Sadly, I believe you.

>>52199044

Yeah. He draws VERY heavily from the punk movement. Writing exists to challenge, writing for other purposes is badwrong. Rebellion for the sake of rebellion.

>>52198984
No need to be so COLD about my jokes, bro

>>52198345
>any main character who survives more than one book is a Mary Sue
even Rincewind?

>>52198978
Is it just me, or does this look like FFVI's first continent turned 90 degrees to the right? Like, Narshe is just off to the East.

>>52199302
Actually, he gets into that territory at the end of the series, but he was honestly the one who escaped it the longest.
Which I guess is apropos.

Speaking of Rincewizard
The reason his hat says Wizzard is because he can't SPELL.
I literally got this like a week ago and I have to share it with someone.

>>52196825
Eragon's shit, but I guarantee you there is worse.

>>52199355
Read the thread anon, we've been over worse.

>>52197079
So... does that mean the dragon is R2D2?

>>52198203

Fuck me, who needs 1.5 litres of coffee?

>>52199373
There's another, even bigger, cup behind him...

>>52199373
I don't think that's 1.5 litres of coffee dude guy.
I think it's closer to half that.

>>52199387
Are you guys fucking with me?

Like neither of those cups look all that large.

Why is everyone calling Paolini by Torellini?

>>52197096
Then it turns out Obi-wan was actually his father. His cousin becomes Sigmar. the elves are full of shit (all the elves are athiests, but Eragon meets something that could only be a dwarven god) and the orcs weren't so bad after all.

>>52199452
All Italian last names are the same, anyways, what does it matter

>>52199452
Right? It's pronounced Tortilla!

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>>52197425

>>52199042
>>52199075
There is one of everything. One ocean, one major forest, one desert, one large island, one island change, one empire, one dwarf kingdom, one elf kingdom, one independent kingdom etc.

As mentioned, the mountains on the cost are complete trash. Why is the coastland so stony? Many coasts should be fertile. Tradewinds are nonexistent in this setting. Why is there a desert in the center of the map? Is there a reason whey a few large cities are in the middle of nowhere, away from water? Why are there only a few villages and small towns noted? Could it be that these are only noted because the characters go there and not because they have any relevance to the geography of the map?

And the rivers, the damn rivers. How do they work? The topography of this whole place is a nightmare. There are weird rivers in the world. They go through mountain ranges which are obviously high ground from areas that should be low ground.

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>>52197425

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>>52197257
>There was supposed to be a sequel but she died before she finished it

>Dawn A Dyer

>>52199338
Huh I had never noticed that. Like I had never noticed that Jeremy Clockson from Theif of Time was referencing Jeremy Clarkson until a couple of weeks ago.

>>52198243
Discworld is boring and incredibly overrated. Not really the worst thing ever, just pretty bad and over glorified. I don't understand why people pretend the books are funny. At least it does a decent job of parodying fantasy occasionally.

>>52198382
And Elric has literally zero redeemable factors. The setting is shit, all the characters suck, the writing is atrocious, and the rpgs are unplayable.

>>52199771
I blame the fact that I read that book before I discovered Top Gear to just finding that one out now.

Okay how about this one.

You the seamstresses right?
You notice how they always "They're seamstresses, hem hem".
HEM
FUCKING
HEM.

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>>52199862
>HEM
>FUCKING
>HEM.
God fucking damn it

>>52199489
>Eragon meets something that could only be a dwarven god
I don't remember this.

Really?

>>52200115
At the crowning of the Dwarf King, falling petals take the shape of an enormous dwarf, and Aragorn and Shasta feel the presence of something unimaginably older and more powerful than them. Aragorn thinks it's the Dwarf God, but Shizuki Takamura thinks they hallucinated it because she's an athiest. It never comes up again, and Aragorn continues to be much smarter and more euphoric than the brainwashed non-elf characters.

>>52200177
Oh.

That.

Anyway, anybody remember that fantasy trilogy that was posted in the Galbatorix tax thread and lauded as really good? It had the three creatures on the covers, all of them with smug shiteating grins. I want to read it.

Tried to find the thread in various archives, but failed.

>>52197103
Erasmus was interesting in concept. Shame he was wasted on garbage novels.

>>52200209
Bartimaeus, by Jonathon Stroud? The first book was "The Amulet of Samarkand."

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>>52196825

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>Dune

>>52197115
>>52197627
I've always been of the opinion that the Eragon elves were actually a "subtle" fantasy version of how a weeaboo sees the Japanese.

It's been a long while since I read Eragon, I remember liking it though, but I barely remember anything from it.

I know this is a meme but can someone give me a quick rundown on why it's bad?

>>52200259
That's the one. Thanks, anon.

>>52200379
Yw. They're probably too young for you, though. I've never read them, but I know how nostalgia can affect your perception of old favorites.

>>52200361
HE NEVER FUCKS THE ELF.

THOUGHT SOMETHING WOULD HAPPEN WHEN THEY GOT HIGH TOGETHER BUT NOPE.

Really though Eragon is alright for kiddies, but looking back on it it has a lot of flaws. Unoriginal, heavy handed, nonsensical and HE NEVER FUCKS THE ELF.

>>52200409
I'm honestly in the mood for some kid stuff.

That sounds kind of bad but you get what I mean.

>>52196825
What's that one book series with the character named "Goodsomething"? I remember it because I saw an MSpaint joke edit where it was all edited to "evilsomething".

>>52200436
Wait, I thought he did.

>>52199302
You can't actually be a mary sue of a book you were originally created in. Mary Sue specifically refers to a self-insert into another work of fiction, something still prevalent in the seediest of fanfiction sites. Rincewind is just a regular old self-insert wish-fulfillment device.

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>>52196825
>used to love the Eragon books back in middle school
>re-read the Eragon series for the first time since then after seeing the rant about why it's shit.
>get to the part of the second book with the sorcerer chick before the memories of what happens next starts to flow in.
>mfw can't go further after realizing that it's all true, it really is shit.
The first book and the first third of the second are still pretty good to me, but after that, it just goes downhill.

Saphira is still top tier dragon waifu
Also fuck that "movie"

>>52200644
Nope.

I liked the Roran parts.

>>52200696
Their dragons did though, right? Also I thought it was unbelievably stupid how the elf chick got the dragon.

>>52200644
Nope. The CLOSEST he gets is right at the ending where they kiss while both sober, then Eragon is like "Okay I gotta go fuck off and train baby dragons" and Elfy is like "Well okay I gotta go fuck off and be Elf queen" and they supposedly don't even meet again for ages, if at all.

Funny story though, Elfy gets a male dragon that winds up fucking Saphira. Which is even more hilarious because the dragon is forced through magic to be of mating age, but he has the mind of a 2 year-old, and Saphira has been around a while. So it's basically dragon /ss/.

>>52200708
Yeah the dragon fucking is in there to justify the part of Angela's prophecy where she says there's an epic romance in Eragon's future, with somebody of great wisdom and noble birth or whatever.

>>52200772
This thread is making me remember all the stupid little side stuff that goes nowhere.

>>52196825
Eragon should have fucked the Dwarf lady

>>52200791
Wait, what happened to those ladies Angela was helping? Were they part of anything, or was that just a detail to (falsely) imply that the world existed beyond the protagonist?

>>52200850
The dwarves were one of the redeeming features of the whole series. Not wholly original but executed very well.

>>52200878
I think it was a worldbuilding type thing, there were a lot of those around Angela.

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>>52196929
The author is spanish? Tell me more about it? Why is it bad?

>>52200361
see
>>52196865
and
>>52197079
>>52197096

>>52200656
>that spoiler

Top taste, anon

>CTRL + F "Gor"

>0 Results

I can't tell if I'm disappointed you didn't think of that as the worst, or happy that the world might have completely forgotten about that shit. It's literally the FATAL of fantasy fiction.

>>52200878
Wasn't she loaded to the brim with Dr. Who references, and based off his sister?

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>>52201004

>>52197685

But anon, it's not rape if its an elf.

>>52201043
Ur-Mother, I wouldn't doubt it.

>>52201090
I wouldn't have any objections if it was the elves getting raped. But it's them doing the raping.

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>>52198192

>>52201070
I don't understand.

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>>52201070
Every goddamned time, this just kills me.

>>52201070

Is this some kind of 'I give you a hamburger' thing?

>>52201070
I never read Gor but every time this gets posted I feel like I understand it intimately.

>>52201179

I think it's literal swapping in of plants and watering instead of women and sex, and otherwise left intact from the books it was pulled from.

>>52200717
>>52200436
>Never fucks the Elf

WHY DOES NO ONE FUCK THE ELF? I'M GLAD I NEVER READ THE THIRD BOOK BACK IN MIDDLE SCHOOL

>>52200878
>>52200888
>>52201043
That would explain why she is easily the worst character in the book, and that is saying something.

>>52201289
He had to make expand the series into four books because three just wasn't enough room for all the not any elf fucking he had planned.

>>52201289
Nobody ever fucks the elf.

I mean really, Linguine even put in a bit about how Durza tried to get his guards to rape her but she was able to telepathically give them limp dick syndrome, despite being drugged out of her fucking mind.

I mean really, why even go there if you aren't gonna go there?

>>52201070
Eh, I've been in too many relationships as the Dom to really be bothered by this. I'm actually a sub.

>>52201382
>i mean really twice
whoops

>>52201385
>mfw want to sub sometimes but can't ever find a girl that wants to dom sometimes
>mfw forever dom
>mfw i have no face

>>52201364
>for all the not any elf fucking he had planned
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

ELVES ARE MADE FOR FUCKING GODDAMNIT

>ctrl+f Xanth

>0 results

Really, guys?

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My girlfriend back in high school had me read this absolute fucking garbage. It is exactly as edgy as it appears.

>>52201651
.......I liked it.

>>52201651
Oh god I thought that was Wraethu from the cover until I zoomed in.

Speaking of, Wraethu.

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>>52197425

>>52201651
>SHADOWS
>SHADOWS
>SHADOWS

>>52201651
It was beyond edgy, but in a hilarious way until the last book. His second series sucked right out of the gate. The protagonist was a pathetic sadsack, the good guys were all secretly evil, the bad guys were all secretly the actual literal Devil, Magic the Gathering was an essential plot point and the list goes on and on. I don't think I finished the second book of that second series.

>>52201734
Same here.

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Not garbage, but it gets pretty fucking weird at times.

Also Saturday best girl. Deserved better.

>>52199170
Isn't that basically just a romance novel for weirdos?

>>52199370
Only if Luke wants to fuck R2

>>52196825
>most garbage fantasy
>not zero-effort terry goodkind t r a s h

are you retarded, OP?

>>52201814
What's weird about it?

I'm just here to shout that the Sword of Truth series is the biggest pile of shit to ever be printed. I would use it as toliet paper, but doing so would make my ass more covered with shit.

Fuck Terry Fucking Goodkind you horrible Ayn Rand cuck fuckboi

>>52200360
I was a week around that time and o never picked up on them being japanesey. Of course that might be the lack of actual katanas and me being dumb.

>>52202288
>lack of actual katanas
Isn't Arya described as using an elegantly curved sword?

>>52202350
Oh my God, it's worse than I thought.

>>52202248
I didn't read the whole series but it wasn't weird at all, just imaginative. Doesn't belong in this thread.

>>52202288
>>52202350
>>52202360

Let me help paint a picture for you from my fading memory of what I read.

>Village lies in a forest to the East
>They revere many spirits and are big on their religious practices
>They hold honor and tradition high above all other things in their social interactions, to a point where they have to prep newbies for years before even daring to let them show face to their nobles and royalties, and a noble could reasonably be offended by your actions even if they KNOW you can't even speak Elvish
>Each elf, when of age, will essentially pick one thing, and one thing only, and spend ALL of their time practicing and improving that one thing over a long, long time
>This includes specializations into the arts, especially on pottery and calligraphy and story telling
>But they are all badasses who train for years and years under a master in the art of swordsmanship
>Yet though they practice this, they are taught the ways of peace and harmony with oneself and of nature
>Because of all of the devotion, the honor, the tradition, the timeless patience, and the reverence to the spirits of nature, they are leagues above and beyond anyone else at their spirituality, specifically magic. Magic which the West has largely abandoned in pursuit of their filthy "technology" like walls, and catapults.
>Which is why the Elves will always and forever be the best and perfect.

Need I say more?

>>52202236
He saw a bunch of threads about Eragon recently and even though he's never read it he now knows it's a safe thing to hate, so he's going to try to make these threads a thing because he's hopelessly insecure and beats up on easy targets in order to fit in

>>52202422
>East
Isn't it the northernmost part of the map?
>religious practices
But they're fedoras.
>revere spirits
It's explicitly stated that they worship nothing, especially not spirits, which are weird in the setting and one of the things I liked.
>Magic which the West has largely abandoned in pursuit of their filthy "technology" like walls, and catapults.
But the humans LOVE magic, they just aren't as good at it. Galbatorix's entire regime is based off of the enslavement of dragon souls and the magic they contain. They are also just naturally great at magic due to their use of the language and the power they wield due to their pact with the dragons.
>Each elf, when of age, will essentially pick one thing, and one thing only, and spend ALL of their time practicing and improving that one thing
Is that true? I know Rhunon or whatever was really, really into forging stuff but I never thought they only did one thing. They seemed to have some varied interests, but liked to have hobbies.

>>52202422
That forest is actually in the north, they're atheists and just revere nature, not spirits, they aren't really big on tradition (Eragon is shocked when Arya tells him she could just fuck off and do whatever and somebody else would take the throne, no problem), they master so many arts and practices and martial arts because they live forever and need shit to do, and they aren't spiritual at all. Also the "west" in this case hasn't abandoned magic so much as they just aren't able to use it as well because they have less members capable of it and literally cannot do as much because magic is fueled primarily by physical strength and they aren't all Superman like elves are. Remember that drawing energy from other sources is a secret technique.

But yeah elves are still obnoxious and arrogant as fuck.

>>52199170

I recognize that novel!

Though as I remember, the whatshisname guy, one of the camp healers/prostitutes is actually pretty chill towards gryphons, and I still remember the chapter where the girl gryphon comes into his tent with a payment chit from a big battle and she has no idea how to sex, tackles him, scares him, scares herself, and he calms her down by fondling gryphon-pussy to orgasm.

>>52202516
>Isn't it the northernmost part of the map?
To the north, but still east of a majority of the beginning of the book and half of the empire.
>But they're fedoras.
Spirits being a catch-all term for "nature magically stuff". Aka a reference that they have a heavy respect for nature and the magic in the soil. One example being that they teach you that you can literally draw magic out of the earth from around you to power spells, but don't do that because it hurts earth!
>But the humans LOVE magic
Which is why like 1 out of every 1000 humans was a magician of any significance, right? And why a huge majority of them spent a lot of time working on walls and catapults?
>Is that true?
That part I do remember, cause I think it was mentioned when the smith guy was "on screen" so to speak.

>>52199687

I'm glad I'm not the first one to notice.

>>52201814
these were highly enjoyable for me as a "youth". the ending left me salty, wishing MC could've been happy/not have to remake reality

>>52202519
The part where the elves live is to the east. See my above post about spirits. You're ignoring the part about prepping to interact with the nobles and all of their OTHER traditions in favor of pointing out that Elfy could just walk away. I also said "largely abandoned", not totally. And choosing not to practice it because it's hard and you're weak fits well within the definition of "abandoning it".

>>52202569
No fucking way. I have to read that shit now. Thanks for making me read shitty fantasy novels, asshole.

>>52202594
>they teach you that you can literally draw magic out of the earth from around you to power spells
That is a VERY, VERY SUPER SEKRIT DO NOT SPOIL!!! technique that was only taught as a last resort.
>Which is why like 1 out of every 1000 humans was a magician of any significance, right?
Because not many humans can do magic that well. We're constrained by our biology while the elves are great at it due to their pact with the dragons. People build stuff so that they can compete with magic to some degree. Even the dwarves highly value magic.
>smith guy
That was a woman

>>52202635
>That is a VERY,[...]
Feedback: This is not relevant to anything and doesn't contradict anything I've stated.
>Because not many humans can do magic that well.
Still well within the terms of abandonment.
>That was a woman
Eh. Fading memory.

I'm genuinely surprised you even remembered that much. Are you a closet fan?

>>52202569
I'm gonna have to read this as well. that shitty part of me needs some weird ass sexy times.

>>52199075
>mountains on the coast
Chile says hi

>>52197036
underrated.

>>52200177
>"hurr, I wouldn't be summoned on command and I'm a dragon with an extra chromosome!"
>she'd been to ceremonies that customs demanded she'd there before
>they'd been told the god can just refuse to show up if it doesn't feel like it
That always struck me as absolute bullshit.

>>52202667

Good luck, it's one of the ones "co-written" by her husband Larry Dixon, who's such a hack he makes her early books look like Shakespeare.

>>52202657
The secrecy is relevant because only very few of them know how to do it. Their aversion to it doesn't exactly stem from respect for the Earth, but more from empathy. They know what it is like to be inside the head of what they drain energy from (in fact, that is the exact technique that you have to use to draw out the energy: you have to sort of embrace it with your mind) and so it's like draining your own soul. It's not very pleasant to a race of near-perfect telepaths. It's also the reason as to why they don't eat meat but don't care when others eat it.
>within the terms of abandonment
YOU CAN'T ABANDON WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE. HUMANS ARE NOT AS NATURALLY MAGIC AFFINE, BUT ARE DRAWN TO LEARNING HOW TO CAST SPELLS. FUCKING RORAN THE HAMMER TRIED TO LEARN BUT HE COULDN'T DO IT. HUMANITY WANTS TO BE MAGICAL BUT NOOOOOOO, THE SUPER SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE ELVES HAVE A MAJORITY SHARE ON USING THAT SHIT.
>Are you a closet fan?
First, go fuck yourself. Second, no, I just have a good memory and reread the series a few years back to see why I liked them.

>>52202696
Saphira was just weirdly arrogant and was sort of a bitch. She even scared that enchantress away when she tried coming on to Eragon.

>>52202754
>The secrecy is relevant because only very few of them know how to do it.
It's not relevant because my original point wasn't that the Elves teach you it to begin with, they teach you specifically not to do it, so bringing it up not only doesn't contradict me and is irrelevant to the discussion at hand, but in fact actually even bolsters my argument by the fact that they have such a distaste for "soiling the planet and nature" that they make it a super special secret technique.
>YOU CAN'T ABANDON[...]
1. Autism. Calm the fuck down.
2. Yes, you easily can, by choosing to ignore it. There ARE human magicians in that world, but in general, it's too hard for them to practice, so they abandon it in favor of tech. That's literally what it means to abandon.
>First, go fuck yourself.
Me'thinks the lady doth protest too much.

>>52196865
>Morgothal
The way Morgoth's name works that would literally be translated as "Dark Lord Al".

Man, I really wish I could just bask in my glory days of reading the Inheritance books as a little kid and actually enjoying them. Hell, I went to the midnight release of the final book.

Why is /tg/ such a big fun killer?

>>52202633
>The part where the elves live is to the east
No, it isn't. Their capital is near the middle of the forest. Closer to the west, actually. See >>52198978

>See my above post about spirits
Okay? You're misusing the term "spirit" in the context of the setting though. The elves have a great respect for nature, no doubt, but they don't treat every blade of grass as having sentience. When Eragon asks Oromis what the elves worship, Oromis answers "Nothing". Not "Nature".

>You're ignoring the part about prepping to interact with the nobles and all of their OTHER traditions in favor of pointing out that Elfy could just walk away.
Because social customs aren't traditions? You're right about them being anal about social shit, which is why I didn't say anything.
>And choosing not to practice it because it's hard and you're weak fits well within the definition of "abandoning it"
Humans haven't abandoned magic. Most of them simply cannot fucking use it. As in literally unable to use it. Eragon only got magic because he's a Dragon Rider, and most other human sorcerers are part of magician groups or in the trope of the old hermit. We are literally never, never shown or told about any human that turned their back on magic.

>>52202788
>they teach you specifically not to do it
No they don't, they don't tell anyone about it, especially since most don't even really know about it.
>>52202788
>too hard for them to practice
No, it's literally impossible for many to do. That's like saying humanity has abandoned magic IRL since you don't see people studying how to shoot lightning from their fingertips. Abandoning implies turning away from something that you are able to do rather than not pursuing something that you can't. Human magicians are incredibly valuable, and so if it were possible for others to learn they would have done it. As I said before, you can't abandon what you don't have.

>>52196966
It doesn't look any worse than the stuff I read as kid. What's so special about it?

>>52197096
>A noun
So is he fighting proper grammar?

>>52202834
>No, it isn't. Their capital is near the middle of the forest.
You realize directions are relative, right? The Elves are east of the Human Empire.

>Okay? You're misusing the term "spirit" in the context of the setting though
I am. Intentionally.

>Because social customs aren't traditions?
Yes they literally are?

>Humans haven't abandoned magic. Most of them simply cannot fucking use it.
They CAN use it, but it's really hard, so they choose not to use it. That's abandonment.

>>52202868
>No they don't
Yes they do. They don't teach it, which is barrier one, and then afterwards when they finally break down and DO teach it, they essentially hammer in emotional lessons of "don't actually use it though."

>No, it's literally impossible for many to do. That's like saying humanity has abandoned magic IRL since you don't see people studying how to shoot lightning from their fingertips.
The key difference here being that there has never been a moment in our history where we've performed honest to goodness magic. Humans in Eragon, however, have. And rather than developing ways to more easily draw out the magic power over generations of practice and evolution, they found it more easier to kill each other with swords and spears.
Literal abandonment. You can bring up the fact that it's "too hard" for them, but every time, this still fits in the definition of abandonment.

Anyways you two, I don't have time to be dealing with your split hairs all night, so I'll be going to bed. Feel free to respond, but I won't have time to look at the thread, and frankly, I won't bother to care. You should do the same.

>>52202894
He does actually do that. In the first book, he blesses some child. In the second book, the former baby is now growing rapidly and is a total asshole and seems to have weird powers and shares the pain of others near her. It is revealed that Eragon conjugated a verb wrong and accidentally made her "a shield" rather than "shielded" from misfortune. In doing so, he curses this poor baby to be permanently receptive to the pain of others and only sort of fixes it in book 3, where he unintentionally teaches her how to ignore other peoples' pain.

>>52202948
So in reality this book is just a satirical piece on bad writing, what with the stolen names, bad grammar, and stolen plot.

>>52202921
>You realize directions are relative, right? The Elves are east of the Human Empire.
So are dwarves. Does this make them japaneesy too?

>Yes they literally are?
No they literally aren't. A handshake is not a tradition.

>They CAN use it, but it's really hard, so they choose not to use it. That's abandonment.
They can't. The ability to use magic in humans is crazy rare. What you think that all humans can just pull magic out of their butt, they just choose not to?

You're wrong, and quite frankly I don't see how you could think you know better when you're listing shit from your "fading memory". You know you're wrong too, hence the running away while you've got the last word.

>>52202965
That's giving it way too much credit, but you could piece that together. The combination of subtle meta-narrative, blatant plagiarism, and audience blueballing could make this a secret masterpiece of some sort. Add in the false gimmick the books were sold under, and you have a great baseline.

>>52198978
>Random peak
>In the middle of a fucking prairie
>Lake
>That drains to another lake
>Coastal mountain chain
>That juts into the sea thus ruling out a plate collision
I guess this planet is wracked by geological catastrophes because none of this should exist.

>>52202948
>>52202965
That part was actually unintentional.

Fettuccine discovered that he, not Eragon, made the grammatical error while hammering out the details of the Ancient Language. Instead of just retroactively fixing it or ignoring it he decided to keep it in and run with it.

Could have been cool if he did it well.

>>52203010
Buccatini must have gained a few extra levels of Hack Writer in between books. Seriously, what the hell? Why would he do that?

>>52203010
I always felt the asshole loli was one of the better characters of the book, actually.

>>52201651

Got halfway through the first, got the impression shit was going to go downhill. Suddenly the castle is getting attacked and people are getting their throat cut and there's blood everywhere and I don't even know whats going on.

I gave the second a legitimate attempt (the books came in a 3 pack) and just couldn't do it. I don't remember a single thing from the 2nd except the part I left out on-- PROTAG was monkey-baring across some stalactites in a cave over top of a shogoth or something. Shit was a mess.

>>52203041
She was great for the sole reason that she took Eragon down many notches by being able to poke at his psyche with no repercussions. She was allowed to be as much of an asshole as she wanted to him, which was amazing when almost every other character was kissing deep into his rectum.

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What's worse than your favorite fantasy author dying without completing his opus?

When he lives on til senility, and starts writing add-ons to his opus, but now he's a dirty old fuck and it's full of lolicon.

t. Piers Anthony
and sadly, Fritz Lieber.
It angers me that editors and publishers allow this.

>>52196865
>Eragon is just Dragon with the first letter shifted up 1

>>52203073
It's been a long time since I've read it, but didn't Aragorn get blueballed constantly by token elf grill?

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>>52203098

>>52203090

Writers need to die or disappear after finishing their work. When they stick around it just leaves the door open for a "Don't Actually Meet Your Heroes" scenario.

>>52203109
Aragorn was cock-blocked by her dad, who wouldn't allow them to be together til Aragorn was the High King.

>>52198345
It lost some bite when he started liking his creations too much to burn them down and kill them off. Still worthwhile, but a step down.

>>52203109
Yes.

He dies a mostly kissless virgin.

>>52196825
Age of Sigmar novels exist

>>52203109
Yeah, that was constant through the end. I guess she was an OK foil as well, but she was very nice and tolerant to Eragon throughout the series. Elva (I think that's the loli's name) was brutal to him, and for good reason.

>>52203010

One of the more interesting ideas was actually a mistake?

Haha, holy shit.

>>52203144
Becoming a fucking lightning rod of pain and misfortune as a fucking infant will do that to you. She was pretty forgiving considering.

>>52203183
Oh yeah, of course. She let him off pretty easy, though he sort of did give her an out.

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>>52203119
The part that broke my soul was when Fafhrd's tween bastard daughter shows up on Rime Isle and her name is Fingers.
She's named Fingers because she's been serving as a captive cabin girl, she uses her fingers on the crew, her ass for the officers and her vag was reserved for the captain.

I feel at this point the publisher should have held a conference, and had the old fellow's medication upped.
>mfw reading that chapter.

>>52203197
Wait, what book is this?

>>52203192
By teaching her to ignore the suffering of others, in more ways than one.
I guess a propensity for fucking up wasn't limited to the writer.

>>52203197
Damn. Just damn.

>>52200656
This. The early set-up is okay, even if it's lifted from Star Wars, and the dragon is honestly legit, but the rest is garbage.

>>52200624
Terry goodkind?

>>52203230
The Story "The Mouser Goes Below" from the '80s.

>>52203336
Okay.

I was asking for a friend.

>>52202833
We have a wider spectrum of actually good things to compare stuff too, this makes being good a lot harder

>>52203041
She was the best and only actual character in the series

>>52198837
It's what makes her books such a breath of fresh air in this era of doorstopper four part trilogies. The Wizard of Earthsea built a world, established characters, and told a satisfying story in less than 200 pages. I guess nowadays fantasy authors get paid by the pound?

>>52200409
>>52200464
Just started reading it.

Shit is neat.

>>52203353
The Rime Island stories written late in Lieber's career are where he's gotten old and pervy.
A senile old Odin and Loki wash up there after their pantheon fades from lack of belief, and Mouser's girlfriend keeps Odin "entertained" by having two of her pre-pubescent cousins with him at all times.
There's a point where she ponders whether it makes her a monster or not. (The answer is YES).

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>>52199634
>the mountains on the cost are complete trash

>>52202252

When I was young and fucking stupid I read the entire series - I even bought the hardover version of Naked Empire on release day.

At first i liked the protagonist and cheeerd for him. And then I liked the protagonist, but wanted to have a debaate with him about things like "public schools" and "using charity/taxation to provide for people who are fucked over by dumb luck" and "at what point does it go from necessary pragmatism to actual war crimes".

And then one day, while reading Confessor, or maybe Chainfire - the last few blur together - it hit me. Holy shit this entire thing is literally awful trash and I'm an awful trash person for having liked it. I don't know why I didn't realize before - I'd have thought the mandatory every-book rape scenes, or 'muh pure moral righteousness' or whatever would have tipped me off. But it took "villains retconning mai waifu out of existence in a three part trilogy" for me to snap out of it.

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>>52203462

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I'll be honest, I've always thought Harry Potter was irredeemable trash written by a talent-less hag.

>>52203197
>She's named Fingers because she's been serving as a captive cabin girl, she uses her fingers on the crew, her ass for the officers and her vag was reserved for the captain.
Oh fuck.

>>52203605
I think she actually appears earlier in the Knight and Knave of Swords collection.
But still, wtf.

Piers Anthony had pretty well wrapped up the Incarnations of Immortality, but then revisited it to add the incarnation of Night, who happens to be a well-adjusted child prostitute.

>>52196998

For all its occasional glorious fuckwittery American intellectual property law is actually very good about distinguishing protectable things like complete characters and distinctive titles from unprotectable things like mere names, habits, clothing, plot points, or generic titles.

>>52203583
The series wasn't too bad until she stopped listening to her editors, as most instant success authors tend to do.

>>52203197
What the fuck

Is this a real thing

>>52198978
>>52198978
>>52199150

Cartography fag here.

This map is....wierd, meaning that it COULD work, but then....it doesn't.

Central desert works if we're talking about a HUGE landmass, something like africa or russia (which has an icy desert, but still a desert). However you got a forest of gargantuan proportions right before the fucking desert. This could also work if you state that asshole Elves are diverting lifeforces to the forest, however Tortellini is not that smart.

That jagged coast could be real (south america, or northren europe). Then you look at the southern mountains and it's random shit.

This looks like the author designed this maps with each part having different scales, and then stitches everything together

>>52200464

Read something good for kids, and open up Deltora

>>52197425
People like you will się when day of tge ropę comes

>>52197967
Michael More-cock pls go

>>52201424

If you prefer non-sexual dom, find a boy

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>>52196825
>If linguine can sell his shit book I can as well, right?
>tfw I realize he only got there because his parents literally owned the publishing company, and good marketing
>tfw my shitty books will never get published

>>52197418
You can link to specific comments:
https://www.reddit.com/r/Fantasy/comments/2bscok/could_yall_please_explain_to_me_why_the/cj8il6a/

>>52196825
Name of the Wind is pretty fucking terrible.

>>52197355
What's worse, the Clipart or the pathfinder goblin?

>>52202675
So does Australia. The Great Dividing range is right next to the fucking ocean.

>>52198905
>I've heard folks say her early books were pretty good
They weren't.

>>52198904
Everything about her books is awful. Think of an aspect of literature, it's awful. Characterisation is weak and clunky, foreshadowing ridiculously obvious, morals all over the place depending on her mood that day, plots boring, characters uninteresting Mary Sues with few exceptions, and so on and so on and so on.

I went through a number of her books after I heard the music produced for them (although even from the music, I felt a sense of grim foreboding), desperately hoping one of them would be good. But no.

>>52199634
>>Mountains on the coast are complete trash
It's like you've never even taken a look at a geographical map of Europe (esp. Mediterranea), or even South America

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Can we talk about good, but underappreciated fantasy?

>>52203796
Well it is a huge landmass.

The mountains in the south are supposed to be totally massive, and so is the forest in the north. The cities that are represented by little dots are also meant to be expansive. Teirm, for example, is meant to be a fairly large city with walls and districts and docks and such. The capitals represented by stars are even bigger. The thin lines are rivers miles across.


The map basically sucks at showing the scale of everything.

>>52196929
These books are pretty bad although I loved them when I was a wee lad, but recently my gf showed me the Guide to Idhun (I dont remember its exact name, its basically a worldbuilding book) and I thought it was pretty fucking amazing. There's a neat level of detail put into it, shame it's gone wasted on such a meh story. The art is wonderful, too.

>>52200950
It's a teen romance story. I'd describe it as Fantasy Twilight, except the vampire is a winged serpent, the werewolf a dragon, and the chick a pretty big spoiler she actually was a unicorn goddess? IIRC. Meh story, but the world was pretty cool.

Also the ending was mind-boggingly terrible. God damn it. REALLY? SHE RUNS OFF WITH THE TWO GUYS AND HAVE A HAPPY MENAGE A TROIS WITH KIDS FOREVER AFTER??? Back then it felt like Mass Effect 3's ending would feel years later.

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>tfw this thread is actually kind of making me want to read eragon again
Damn you, Tortiglioni!

>>52197967
I'd argue that Tolkien was a genius linguist if nothing else.

>>52204312
Make a new thread.

>>52203561
is there a /tg/-approved guide on how to get good with making maps?

>>52199150
>a river that starts to the right of a mountain range, but then turns left through the mountains, somehow, and into the sea
That's actually two rivers with the same name that flow out of that one lake.

>>52200436
i thought that was a good thing if a bit weird because she gets to keep her fucking dragon

>>52196825
Some book called "Space People". I swear it was written by a downy or some shit.

>>52200791
>>52200878
>that weird hermit that eragon meets and knows angela and never gets mentioned again
fucking hell

>>52201152
What did I just read. I feel so conflicted

>>52199860
Mort and Wyrd Sisters are great but the rest fail to live up

>>52205251
I really like Reaperman and Soul Music has some great moments. And I honestly think the watch books are above par.

Hell, most of the books have some redeeming value, and they are generally amusing, if nothing else. The fact that they are consistently not bad is actually pretty amazing for how many there are.

>>>/lit/

>>52201734
>Magic the Gathering was an essential plot point

...Elaborate.

>>52203561
So, why was the Black sea mangled so badly while making this picture?
Missed opportunity to make a rant about "another inland sea? 2 of them? 3?! "

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How would you rate Nick Perumov's books?

>>52205335
Color Magic shit basically. Normal people get one colour, two at best but the main character and his Dad's? are the Prism, someone who gets all of them like a planeswalker. Having read the first two, they're not BAD, they're just on the good side of mediocre. The main character is a boring whiny fat kid, so set your expectations low.

Also the colour prison is really cool and really evil. I think the prisoner is probably my favourite character of the entire series so far. I think, I haven't read them in a while and they're a little forgettable.

>>52205487

The prison was pretty neat. Massive spoilers though; there is no prisoner. Guile's brother is dead, and he is just fucking insane.

>>52205513
Christ, did this happen in the third book, or have I forgotten more than I thought? Also, didn't the second book end with the grandpa turning out to be an insane Red and tossing his son off a boat where he ends up with magical pirates

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>>52199860
>IT'S NOT FUNNY AND OVERRATED
>IT'S ALL BAD

kys

>>52196825
>Tortellini
>not a single mention of the enormous pasta feasts enjoyed by the MP at the home of a generous Baba
DISGUSTING

>>52198203
>her
go on...

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>>52198978
>Lithgow

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>>52196825
>Class, an exciting new book has just been released and is garnering HUNDREDS of gold stickers
>the entire 8th grade will be reading it-

>>52203561
>French
>Exotic
Also where is spain?

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At least Lasagnini was a dumb teenager when he wrote Eragon.

Come on, defend THIS shit.

>>52201651
I used to see this series get praised so much and I could never understand it, it reads like an angsty teens fantasies. Although, if that was his target audience he certainly succeded

>>52197407
Terry Brooks should have been run over by a truck at age 13

>>52199168
Someone did. Good job.

>>52198203
What book is this from?

>>52204043
There's the part between them where basically everyone lives though. If there were mountains like that, every city would be in that narrow corridor between those and the sea.

>>52197257
More like Dawn A Dier, am I right guys?

>>52198518
I guarantee that Chesterton knew more about anarchy than you.

I guarantee he was smarter and more cosmopolitan than you as well.

>>52205454
An absolute mess/10

So many plotlines, most of them dedicated to subverting fantasy tropes, and none of them going anywhere.

>>52197407
>Sword of Shannara
Ahh, the first fantasy book I ever read as a kid. Didn't turn me off the genre, oddly enough, though I can't remember much about it.

I remember the druids slept a lot in it. Is that where Warcraft got the idea for the Emerald Dream, or is it an older concept?

>>52203828
>Deltora
You mean, Saturday cartoon the book? Deltora wasn't terrible by any means (I still remember that one guy getting thrown out the window - hilarious), but calling the series easily digestible is an understatement.

>>52205335
>>52205487
No, actual literal Magic: the Gathering. The protagonist wins his sexy schoolmates from his pervy uncle by challenging him to a game. Later on we learn that Magic cards are real, and can be used to affect the subject of the card in the real world. It's not named MtG in-series, but it's obvious what it is and the author names it in his preface.

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Most of the fantasy books we fondly remember.

>>52206535
I read the Odyssey and Onslaught Cycles when I was a kid, I still remember them fondly but have not since gone back to re-read them.

>>52201551
I would like to thank harry bumfucker from brownwater, Missouri for this post

>>52203936
The thread has enough bait already, fag.

>>52203645
And I thought the Incarnation of Good book having a scat scene was bad

>>52206465
sounds like Yu-Gi-Oh to me

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>>52204845

>>52205389

The guy who made it distorted the map here and there to make it less instantly obvious what he was doing. Notice France and Spain are mushed together, Norway/Finland are stretched, and Iceland is practically next door to England, too.

>>52206721
Weeks explicitly says it's Magic, and dedicates the book to the friend that introduced him to the game.

>>52197766
I'm finish up my second rewrite to send to the publisher.

>>52204845

We have a fucking general on mapbuilding.

Also,, search The Cartographer's Guild

>>52206357

It's perfect for kids though, it has all the elements you can think of, and it's clearly written thinking of kids

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>>52204398
Thst plot sounds awful but what is the lore like?

>>52204312
Damn, I forgot about those. Loved them when I was about 11, they're so insane it's hard to pick holes in. Second Age of Flight a shit, massive ships a best. Heard they was doing more, as well. How's the 10th+ book(s)?

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>>52203462
Ah, I guess I didn't word that correctly. The thing that bothers me about the Spine is that it makes no sense with greenery and wind patterns. The oceanside of the map is barren while the other side is green, much like the northern chunk of S.America. But in S.America, the weather blows in from the east side, smacks the mountains, and rains in the Amazon. Where is all the moisture coming from in Alagaesia. There's a giant desert out there! If the desert was next to the coastal mountains and the west side of Alagaesia (the coastline) was very green it would make more sense. It would be more like Argentina.

Basically, what I meant was that the way he built his geography around coastal mountains is garbage, not the mountains themselves.

>>52203320
Yeah, that's the one.

>>52206312
>An absolute mess/10
>So many plotlines, most of them dedicated to subverting fantasy tropes, and none of them going anywhere.

Funny thing is, that's a good descriptor of real life too.

>>52210182

Yeah, but real life makes for lousy drama, which is why all those "reality" shows force it behind the scenes.