>Friday Night Magic >Go to cut your opponent's deck

Kill them with fire. Your opponent too.

>>51853004
Hand it to him and say "My good sir i think your deck might have a problem"

>>51853004
Call a judge, ask them to evaluate the situation.

>>51853004

holy shit im suddenly so happy i don't have this shit in my house

>>51853004
If it is not monogreen then he is to swap decks with you, if it is monogreen then you must walk a circle counter-clockwise three times, say "pass in peace, player" and you start the game with three damage.

>>51853004
That is a fucking huge thumb

Back the fuck off.

>>51853004
Report them to the store owner as a hygiene problem. That shit is not cool. I played a guy that had fleas (from the abnormal amount of cats at his place apparently) and couldn't figure out what those little specks flying around the table were for the longest time. You are not obligated to tolerate that.

he can have the win, fuck being any where near that noise

>>51853128
holy shit.

>>51853004
What >>51853128
said. Bedbugs will fuck everyone's day up and everyone there probably should check to make sure they don't get infested.

>>51853004
Briefly reminisce of my childhood spent in socialist poverty and suppress urge to start burning them with lighter or crushing them with coins like we used to.
Then play the game, win, and make sure I don't take any of the little shits home. Besides that it's not my problem.

>>51853004
>go "yo dude what the FUCK is your problem"
>people look over
>point at the bedbugs
>people freak out

Proper etiquette goes out the window when it's a serious hygiene issue

Jesus, I didn't think bedbugs were that big.
That's creepy.

>>51853076
They're fucking awful. I live in the city so I eventually got them in my apartment and it's fucking torture. You can't sleep in your own bed because they'll just bite into you all night and even days later you'll still itch. Any patches of skin that weren't covered by my clothing at night were absolutely covered in their bite marks. Like, my fucking arms and feet were just huge swathes of red, itchy bug bites. And to top it all off, it took three fucking visits from an exterminator and $450 to get rid of the bastards. All because I work with absolutely disgusting people.

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>>51853284

>Adults grow to 4–5 mm (0.16–0.20 in) long and 1.5–3 mm (0.059–0.118 in) wide.

>>51853004
Alert store owner immediately, subtlety optional.

>>51853314
They also swell with blood a bit like ticks if I'm not mistaken.

Probably best not to cause a panic right?

>>51853338
Nah, fuck that. Alert the store owner immediately so the guy can get banned before he infests everyone in the store. Those little shits spread like wildfire and if he's got them on his cards and his person then he needs to get that shit fixed ASAP.

>>51853314
Well, at least I know I don't have bed bugs.

>>51853313
Diatomaceous Earth. Seriously, for $10 at Home depot, you can get rid of bedbugs. What you do is sprinkle this stuff in a layer across all the areas that bedbugs might nest or be near their nest, wait a couple weeks to a month at most, and they will die out. I've been using that stuff for nearly a year in a very badly infested apartment complex and have been able to keep them dead and gone for months at a time before the inevitable reinfestation.

Most insecticides are also pretty much useless now on most bedbugs, and they are getting resistant to even the few ones left. But diatomaceous earth works by absorbing the wax layer on the shells, and also scratching them, causing death by dehydration and failing exoskeleton.

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>>51853004

>>51853432
I'll have to look into that if the fuckers ever come back. My bigger plan is obviously to make the fuck out of the city before I ever have to deal with them again though. Cities are fucking disgusting. Literal giant petri dishes and pest breeding grounds..

>>51853004

You fling the deck, light your hands on fire (for just a little), and burn the place to the ground.

Purge it with flame, all the flame you can get.


That is fucking disgusting and there is no reason for ANYONE to have fleas or bedbugs.

>>51853653

Might just have to keep up a weekly dusting schedule to keep re-infestations from happening. If they keep coming back, you'll probably just have to make it a regular thing.

>>51853004

I absolutely hate the lack of hygiene and tidiness that seem to hand in hand with this hobby.

>>51853056
FPBP

Bedbugs must be cleansed by flame

>>51853004
>your literally playing with a greater daemon of nurgle
>wat do
anon plz, you kill it then cleanse the building with fire to remove the chaos taint.

>>51853004
I'm disturbed. Really disturbed. Thanks OP, I'm going to have a 4 hour hot shower and burn all the bed sheets, because now I'm paranoid as fuck. God dammit Op, you fucking suck.

wash your hands, arm with really fucking hot water, burn your playmat, wash if too valuable, replace sleeves and potentially deck.

Fuck you OP I feel like bugs are crawling on me while I'm on the treadmill.

>>51853004
It's a Golgari deck, right?

>>51857761
>not taking infect to the next level

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>>51853004
>inb4 nofunallowed

Bedbugs, literally live around beds. Human beds, animal beds, etc. They are completely nocturnal, and only come out at night to feed on the blood of warmblooded sleeping creatures. They will not infest decks of cards because decks of cards do not have warmblooded creatures on top of them all night long for them to feed off of. So this scenario would never happen.

That said, hygienic issues do happen quite frequently at gaming stores. It's always best to speak with the store owner to ensure a safe and pleasant gaming atmosphere for everyone.

>>51857831
>he doesn't sleep on his magic cards

>>51853004
Bed bug etiquette overrides all other forms of etiquette in any given situation, without exception. And bed bug etiquette is always "when encountered, apply fire."

>>51857831
Bedbugs are nocturnal, but they don't just sleep where they feed. People with infestations wake up covered in bites, not bugs. The bugs have specific locations they return to each day to rest, usually in nearby drawers and under the bed. A deck of cards left on a nightstand could get bedbugs sleeping in it for the day.

>>51853432
As someone who's been fogging and spraying bedbugs for half a YEAR without results, I hope this freaking works.

>>51857951
it works on almost all insects

exsanguinate and suffocate those motherfuckers

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This thread is making me itchy as fuck

>>51857831
>bedbugs are totally cool, guys
>frankly you're over reacting
>it's your fault for being warmblooded!

I WONDER WHO COULD BE BEHIND THIS POST?

>>51858324
>zero reading comprehension
>literally inferring the opposite of what was written

People like you make me worry about the future of humanity.

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>>51855072

It's pretty fucking startling.

When I was young I had really bad allergies to dust, mold, pollen and pet dander. I went to a few specialists and got my tolerance built up to very high levels. I once went to this one place for FNM where after fifteen minutes or so of being there I started feeling really shitty. Nose starting running, dizzy, headache, eyes itching, breaking out in hives, shortness of breath... it was so severe I had almost forgotten it ever getting that bad. I went to the neighboring store, washed my hands and face and the symptoms went away.

Fucking place was so filthy and poorly ventilated it managed to punch through over twenty years of allergy conditioning in no time at all. Even a flea market that used to exist around here couldn't do that.

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>>51857951
Make sure you've also covered your bed in a bedbug cover so any inside it can't get out and more won't infest it from outside. Leave it on for at least a year and half, the length of time they can hibernate before starving. If the bed is elevated, put it all around the base of the bed, on any supports, and pretty much every nook and cranny you can find. Same goes for all of your other furniture. Leave a layer on your carpet or floor, and check it for paths after a night or two, or after a week depending on severity of infestation. That will tell you roughly where they like to nest the most. Hit those areas hard. Make sure to vacuum it up at regular intervals as the powder loses effectiveness after a few weeks, especially in humid environments.

What i've learned is that they really don't like leaving the immediate area of where their food is, except when too many are alive, and thus send off groups to colonise. They also work in roughly weekly schedules, laying eggs that hatch after a week to week and a half. Newborns die the fastest to powder, but you have to wait at least 2 weeks after your last bites before vacuuming the powder.

For laying it down, I recommend one of those condiment squirters you see at diners and such. Allows you to spray it into nooks and crannies, while also putting enough to really make sure they get covered. Also wear a mouth covering, the powder will do some bad stuff to your lungs due to its fine quality and its absorbent properties.

>>51857831
I laugh at your inexperience. Ive literally seen them falling off homeless people from the streets when I visited the local homeless shelter for some stuff. They nest in any area that has humans near it. They are extremely portable and that is how they spread, hitching rides on whoever happens to be near. They've been found on buses, theatres, and all kinds of places where humans congregate for any period. A magic deck would actually be a fairly good place for them to hide.

They're evil. They're stealthy. They feast on blood, and are hard to get rid of.

Oh god. Vampires are among us. Now you know why you fear the night.

>>51858345
You seem to have missed the point that I was taking your post out of context for humorous effect.

>>51857831
Tell that to the multiple paperbacks stored on a shelf in the living room on the opposite side of the house from the bedroom I had to chuck when my apartment got the little fuckers last year.
>>51857942 gets it. The little nurglettes were actually living in the corners of the wall where it meets the roof.

I have the urge to clean everything now.

>>51858793
>>51853004
Also did OP play said bedbugs dude all polite and then post here after.

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>>51858324
>day 284, they still do not know I am a giant spider
>the ruse is successful

excellent

Move to Australia. I live in Brisbane city and have never had any issues with bedbugs. Too.many gekos around for the bedbugs to thrive I think. The only bad thing gekos do is make you walls dirty. Totally worth it for dealing with all of the most annoying insects.

>>51855072
For the longest time I couldn't believe there were people as bad as the stereotypes. I knew tabletop gamers who were socially awkward, who had horrible neckbeards, who had awful taste in clothing, etc. But not people who reeked even on a good day, who were filthy, who so obviously couldn't take care of themselves, who had the most grating personalities and voices imaginable.

Then I picked the wrong places to go to a couple of Magic prereleases and oh my fucking god. How does anyone live like that?

>>51858824
I am presuming it was a hypothetical question.

>>51858999
>tired of bedbugs, move to hell. Flames burn all bugs and never have to pay for heating.
That said, victorian here. Never even had bedbugs, but I live on a mountain. I wonder if that has anything to do with it

>>51853004
Burn it all

When the management questions why you are attempting to set your opponent on fire, point out the bed bugs. He or she will understand and attempt to assist you.

>>51859063
Because chances are they are mentally ill and either haven't been taught to care for themselves or are simply incapable.

I'm wondering why people in this thread think this is a hygiene issue. Bedbugs are stealthy little fuckers that attack anyone. It has nothing to do with how dirty you are. That's not, however, saying that people that allow infestations to go on for years and have just resigned themselves to being fucking plaguebearers aren't retarded little shitstains.

Fuck you Harinath. You and your stupid brown friends from India brought the little vampires into this house twice. TWICE! Didn't say a fucking word until they made it to my room and I found them eating me

Fuck this thread, it's 3am in the morning and I'm changing all of my sheets plus I can't sleep.

>>51860119
It has been enough that I am now grateful for only having to deal with spiders where I live.

Bedbugs sound terrible.

>>51858490
>a year and half, the length of time they can hibernate before starving.
I don't have a reaction image for the wtf I am feeling right now. This post but also this whole thread. All the hair on my body is standing on end.

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Bed bug are cold blooded and die if it below 0C.

>>51860311
They really are the perfect little vampire parasites of humanity.

>>51860606
This is why I want to move to the ass end of Siberia. No bullshit creepy crawlies to deal with because those fuckers will freeze to death.

This thread just reminds me that I really need to look for job opportunities in colder climates.

>>51853314

Huh, they look nothing like beds.

>>51860213
Fucking horrible they are.

I've tried fogging my apartment 5 times. 5 TIMES. I've thrown out my mattress and the bed-frame they were living in, I've vaccumed daily, and I still found one on my fucking shirt yesterday.

I'm going to fog again later this week, but I'm sure as hell trying >>51853432 's suggestion when I have the money for it next month.

I'm convinced that if cockroaches would supposedly survive a nuclear war, then bedbugs would survive a chemical war.

I am so happy to live at such a high altitude that fleas and bedbugs aren't really an issue. And that the game shop I go to for MtG pre-releases is a nice and clean place that has strict hygiene rules.

>>51860606
Instant death, or does it need to regularly hit 0C?

>>51860311
They can also go for a little over a year without air. Had them about two years ago. Luckily I cought them early. Had to toss a lot of shit I had. Worst was I had an army case under my bed with roughly 4k points of empire under my bed. The eggs were actually embedded in the paint on some models. I hit my whole room with a steam gun, rubbing alcohol and some cold spray everyday for two weeks. Also having the klendathu drop theme on loop was amazing for morale.

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>Friday Night Magic
>Go to cut your opponent's deck
>Notice a bunch octopuses crawling on the deck
According to proper etiquette. What must be done?

>>51860951
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

>>51860951

Well, for starters, picking up the highly venomous ones is a bad idea.

>>51860838
I've seen a method of putting your infested clothes in a bag, then a freezer. Even at constant 0 degrees Celsius, you need to keep them inside for four days to kill all of them.

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>>51853004
>live in the middle of shortgrass prairie
>never have to deal with bedbugs or ticks
Sure, we got a ton of wasps, spiders, and snakes. But at least those can be kept at bay most of the time, and I don't have to deal with any bloodsuckers aside from the occasional mosquito

>>51860951
pet the octo and give it a glass bottle to crawl into
Or, if not, then go show him the ones you keep in your pencil case. Or were those snails?

>>51860951

AAAGH! Why is that moron handling one of the most venomous creatures on the planet?

>>51860895
Didn't want to dip your guys in paint stripper in attempt to save them?

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>>51858490
I have always been a suburbanite, and until this thread I had always assumed bed bugs were just a sort of boogeyman.

>>51861181
Hey, man. You might hurt the octopus' feelings. I've touched a couple of Aussies before and they're not that bad.

>>51861199
By that point I was so disgusted and do e with everything I didint think twice about tossing them. At least I had another 2k u painted I was able to save.

>>51861254

I'm a hotelier. You fucking wish. Those horrible little bastards are my bane. SOP for a room with bedbugs is to put it, the room to either side, above, below, and across the hall out of order for a month, minimum. Run the heat so you get them out of every pesky place like fucking electrical junction boxes. Bag the mattress and burn it. Take every bit of linen and upholstery out of the room and burn them, too. Pull the carpet as needed. Dump gallons of industrial poison on every hard surface of the offending room and let it stew for ~90 days. Then sacrifice a goat to Moloch and pray they're gone.

>>51861343
>Then sacrifice a goat to Moloch and pray they're gone.
Pretty sure Moloch returns those to sender. You'll be wanting a small child.
Probably not too hard to come by those in a hotel, they just wander alone.

>>51853004
Wait bedbugs are real? what the fuck

>>51861343
>Then sacrifice a goat to Moloch and pray they're gone
>not acquiring repeating digits and blessings from Kek

>>51861486
They impregnate eachother by stabbing through the female's exoskeleton with knife dicks

I am not kidding

>>51853004
Expose the alien bug invader trying to infest the human population for who he is.
We can't allow goddamn bugs play Magic.

>>51861343
I've heard this from a hotelier friend of mine too. She says it's most often Italians who seem to bring them.

The horror stories I've read --- One was of a couple who had to live in a rental truck on a city street, with all of their belongings in the back of the truck, and some sort of rig pumping heated air into the back of the truck for days to "bake" the bugs out of their stuff.

>go to NYC
>go on subway
>wear shorts
>multiple bedbug bites
Never again, I hate this town

>>51861486
"Don't let the bedbugs bite" is top-tier parental advice

>>51861597
going to NYC is like a shitty early cyberpunk without any of the cool technology.

>>51861536
Fucking nature.

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>>51853056
This, everyone in the place will thank you.

>>51861655
It's dirty, it's crowded, and it smells bad
Nice dino bones tho

If only they'd let us bring DDT back.

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>>51853313
Where in the world are bedbug infestations innevitable in cities?

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>>51863038
Fuck that, we need to start bombarding these fuckers with germ warfare.
Such things have no place in the world of men.

>>51863038
THIS.

While the mass sprayings of DDT going unchecked was rightfully stopped. I now believe it should be a nationwide bi-decade thing where everyone just gets their gas masks and ebola suit on for a year and be able sleep soundly for the next 20yrs -40yrs.

>>51863124
New York

>>51853004
Is he at least playing an insect deck?

>>51861565
>italians
Das racist m8, I'm italian and I've heard of them only on 4chan.
Who is dirty now?

>>51853432
Also good against fleas, ants, and most other hard-shelled pests.

>>51863369
Italian isn't a race, senpai.

Never had a problem with them.
Though I do have to deal with fleas often due to being homeless and having cats. Fuckers are hardy, but some salt and beheading the few who live with nail clippers goes a long way.

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>>51863813
>salting and beheading cats and hobos

>>51863443
fuck you jewspic

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>all these niggas that never lived in a post-Soviet student dormitory
Bed-bugs would be really low on the list of your problems.

>>51864866
>>51864866
>tfw second-year student taught you second name of every cockroach family they encountered
I miss you Cepёги

>Move into new place that some family used to live in
>House used to have roaches, rats, occasional squirrels
>All that shit's fixed
>I have a room in it to myself, and I get bit constantly by something
>Made sure the windows are closed, nothing's really getting in or out
>Turns out that one of my shitty, uncleanly family members used to have this room before I did
The fact that they didn't tell anyone about this shit, which is just localized to this room as far as we know (nobody else in the house has been bitten), just tells me they're even shittier people than I thought they already were.

Gas chamber.

T. Dredge pro

>>51858324
Literally not what he said at all.

>>51859560

Because they are usually paired together. Personally, I've only seen bed bugs in dirty areas.