>I threaten the guard captain! >I point and laugh at the

>>51823999
> I offer a witch a dead, corrupted body as a bribe

>I light the inn on fire!

>>51824273
I've had that one happen before. The same player also pulled
>I set the prince on fire
in a different campaign.

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>Every time the party walks into a town
>"Do I see anyone carrying coinpurses..."

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>I sneak up on the dragon!

> I threaten the merchant prince!

> I steal the airship!

> I break out of prison!

>I jack off in front of the queen
>are you sure?
>I jack off onto the queen

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>>51823999

>As we start our adventure, I walk behind my companions ...and I slit their throats.
>...
>Do we roll initiative first or do they roll perception first?

>I convince the warlord to give up his horde to me!
>You're level 3.

>Party bought passage to a merchants city
>One party member is a wererat
>Starts sneaking around the boat at night in rat form biting people
>Says "Oh yeah, this guy would make a great rat" every fucking time
>Party Barbarian finds out and strangles him to death
>Thatsthat.jpg

>I threaten the Dragon of the entirety of the Triads
This happened three times on different occasions, by different players, during the same campaign.

>>51824324
>I set the pillow fort on fire

This was after a pair of assassins leapt into it, thinking I was inside. I initially made it to sleep in, but then my PC remembered he was a literal hobo and slept behind it.

The king's palace almost burned down because I didn't feel like putting it out afterwards, and neither did any of the king's guard after I informed them multiple times that the guest wing was on fire.

This thread is triggering me. For a long time I had to deal with a group of players that simply did not understand that concept that not everything they encountered is a challenge to overcome nor the possibility that some things were simply out of their current capabilities. It didn't matter how many party wipes they forced me to dish out, in their eyes their level 5 party should be able to kill the good aligned demi-god dragon whose trying to help them along with their quest.

"Alright guys, you in the middle of a Rakdos district, you need to pass on there to get to the sewer. As you walk, a women secures into your arm and asks if you want a good time."

>I push her into a wall and announce that nobody touches a boros legion guard!

>>51823999
One of the first campaigns I ever ran started with something like that.
They were going to go on a quest for the king to track down a theif who had somehow made off with the entire treasury (using magic no doubt). They were talking to the king in his throne room, getting the details, etc.
>I stab the king.
He even moved his miniature next to the king and made a stabbing motion, so I decided that he wasn't joking and that he just killed the king. The player was rather distraught about this, but I reminded him that he said it in character and made the motion so it happened. The campaign then became a wild ride of running from the law and eventually starting a peasant revolution just so that the stupid character could go home in peace.

Turned out pretty well.

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>>51824046

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>>51824331
I've been there. I know the horror.

>>51824331
>>51825353
>everybody in the party is either CN or acts like one
>rampant kleptomania and sociopathy
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

>>51824407
stealing an airship is a perfectly viable first-session strategy. Especially if the party just broke out of jail.

>>51824331
I would like to do that often, but never actually act on it. My own version of the DM rolling pointless dice to keep people on the edge.

>>51823999

>" I smash the barmaid over the head with a bottle"
You have been thrown out of the pub and ordered to leave town
>"How dare they! Fucking peasants. I'll show them. I take a shit in the town well."
There is now a mob of angry peasants coming after you with pitchforks and torches. Would you like to run away?
>"Stupid peasants. I can take them"
[one fight later] the peasants surrounded you and ripped you apart because this WFRP, not Pathfinder, and you cannot take on a whole village by yourself.
>"Stop railroading us, GM. Don't you know about player agency?"

>>51825577
I make it a point to throw any shit that mentions player agency out of my group at this stage.

I have never once seen it used in any context other than players trying to justify being chaotic fuckheads. Not once.

>>51824533
>you can roll your ass outta here.

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>>51824771
>starts sneaking around the boat at night in rat form biting people
>Says "Oh yeah, this guy would make a great rat" every fucking time
Fucking lost.

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>>51825425
>For backstory reasons, I don't have understandings of social norms
>i.e. I know how to rent a room in a tavern, buy things from a shopkeep, and how money is valuable, but I'm not going to consider stealing wrong because 'I don't understand!'

I realize this isn't common, but I've seen it a couple of times and I hate it.

>>51825564
I wouldn't mind it so much if it was the party rogue going off to do some idle pickpocketing during party downtime, decided by a roll.

But this was literally every time we stepped into a city, every time we went out onto a street and there were people walking around. And he always phrased it as checking to see if anyone had gold first before doing anything, so there'd be a perception check and then a stealth check.

>>51824771
>Starts sneaking around the boat at night in rat form biting people
>Says "Oh yeah, this guy would make a great rat" every fucking time
Mother fucker I'm trying to take a shit here but I can't stop laughing

>>51823999
You know the rules

>>51823999
>"I am visibly tempted to turn the barmaid into a golden statue, but do not act on this."

How do you react, DM's?

>>51826279
I wonder why he felt the need to bring it up, continue the game, and scrap any form of inanimate transformation that might have been planned.

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>>51824771
>>Says "Oh yeah, this guy would make a great rat" every fucking time

>>51824771
Is there some reference or implication I'm missing?

>>51826279
Transform him into a statue and say >>51826317
what a coincidence
Thats also my fetish

Invite him for a private rp later

>>51825820
Funny thing is, even they know it's bullshit. You notice you never get anything about player agency if you keep the other characters from killing theirs for being a fuckhead.

>>51826436
No, it's just certain people on /tg/ or 4chan as a whole try to turn every thread into an "epic thread!!!!" They're normally characterised by daft, unrelated reaction images and /b/ idiom. Basically the guy was sneaking around and had a catch phrase which is a little bit funny but as soon as multiple people feel the need to reply to the comment with little more than. Proverbial "lol" it loses a lot of its comedy unless it's actually remarkably witty etc.

>>51825577

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YcW7ttZfZ8c

Well that escalated quickly.

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>>51825882

>i cast ballistic missile

>>51825577
you clearly know nothing anon
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDc5jnrBD1A

>>51824331
In Forgotten Realms, people sometimes carry around a secondary coin purse just for thieves.

It's a religious thing, like fucking everything else in that fucking setting.

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>>51827258

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>>51824771
>>Says "Oh yeah, this guy would make a great rat" every fucking time

>Party successfully negotiates truce with minor BBEG in his base, through skillful RP and much self control.
>As we're leaving, the party munchkin walks up to the BBEG and asks "Mind if I have a go at one of your Elite Guards?"
>We all immediately know its because he wants to see what the Guard might drop.

>>51826279
How does one be "visibly tempted" to turn someone into a golden statue? What kind of face would one make?

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>>51824414
I did something similar.
I was a pirate. Whipped out my dick in front of the ice queen/goddess during a conference with the leaders of the world's nations.

They all cheered, except for the ice queen.

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>>51826279
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD FINGER
HE'S A MAN
A MAN WITH MIDAS TOUCH

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>>51829489
>its not his face

>>51824771
>not Thatsrat

>"I shake the jar a little. Does it sound like something is in there?"
"Uh. It sounds like sloshing, and maybe something bobbing around inside."
>"Like a ding against the glass? Is it a hard something, or like, soft?"
"Soft"
>"This is so exciting!"
>"The professor explicitly said not to open, unwrap, break, make direct eye contact with, or refer to the jar as if it were sentient, on pain of excruciating, mind-numbingly painful death"
>"Yeah but it's got something IN it!"
>"Please do not shake the jar full of unspeakable evil"

>>51828971
>All those long pointy things to stab him with
>just bum rush him one at a time instead

See shit like this is why we invented guns. Peasants are too stupid for melee combat.

>>51825348
So what did happen anyway?

SM presses it and Marvel does a continuity reboot or did Galactus get punk'd... again?

>"Alright, do any of you guys have bombs or gunpowder left? We need to clear this building and I can cast one more Animate Dead before I'm out of juice."

>*while infiltrating a guard tower* "I shoot a frag grenade from my gauntlet launcher to take out this patrol!"

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>>51826265
not OP but i am still bound to comply

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>>51830138
>mfw me and my friends watched this last night
>it was their first time and I had brought it up
>by the end worrying if I had just alienated the few friends I had

They sort of liked it, at least we knew not to take it seriously.

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>>51829489

Thanks god there is a team mom in the group that cuff the others characters on the head whenever they want to do stupid shit like this.

>>51830239
If they didn't like it, they're not people you want as friends anon. That movie is gold.

>>51830549
I guess when he hold peestol like this, he DID shoot the inaccurate.

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>>51824771
>Says "Oh yeah, this guy would make a great rat" every fucking time

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>>51830549
Jesus why

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>>51830549
What the fuck did he expect to happen.

>>51830664
>>51830599

So as the guy who posted it I'll give you the explanation I was given:

Fella with the gun had one of those lasers underneath the barrel, but couldn't see the dot. Put his palm in front of the barrel to see if it was on, and shot himself in the hand like the retard he is.

>>51830702
I fucking hope he was never allowed back in there.

>>51830702
Was it, at the very least, the first time that person has ever held a gun?

>>51830726
>>51830743
I hope to god, and no idea, respectively.

>>51828971
Quite possibly the stupidest shit I've ever seen. And I've seen The Gingerdead Man.

>>51830549
>>51830599
He's looking at the laser sight.

>>51823999
>playing with normies
>"oh, this blacksmith is a cool guy, can we convince him to go with us?"
>"Why is that black knight trying to kill us? Next time we see him we should ask."
>"I don't care, i'm taking this red dragon baby as a pet and i'm gonna raise him to be good."

>playing with neckbeards
>"I pickpocket this peasant lmao"
>"I spit into guards' face"
>"This quirky sympathetic antagonist who actually helped the party this time? KILL HIM, LOOT THE BODY"

Explain yourselves, /tg/.

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>>51829703
They play baseball.

>>51825577
Holy shit consequences that actually make sense. I wish I could play in your game.

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>>51825577

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>>51830822
The normie group pretty much sounds like mine. I guess we're just all normies.

>she said no man can beat her?
>I run to the back room and dress up in full drag beneath my armor
>are you wearing panties?
>the whitest and laciest
>I also glamour my face
>let's see the bitches face when I take off my armor

>>51830822
Sure, if only because your last example is interesting. The "normie" example is a compassionate player that forms emotional bonds to the characters and tries to play out those interactions in game. The "neckbeard" example is a player who desires to play out actions in-game that would be impossible or at least frowned upon in real life. They purposefully distance themselves from relating to characters because doing so would make it harder to play the game the way they want to.

Your last example is interesting though because both player types are likely to consider it. Players who have been hurt, mislead, betrayed by, or struggled to overcome a villain are likely to hold a grudge that is more real to them than the character itself. For them to forgive, or even temporarily work alongside that villain, they need to first overcome that grudge. It is that requirement to put aside such emotional baggage that makes those story moments powerful but also difficult to reproduce in a game.

>>51830827

They fucking what? I want to see the scan of SM dunking on fucking Galactus now!

>>51825485

Had that happen in an Exalted campaign.

turns out no one knew how to fly an airship.

It was... a kinda short campaign.

>PC: "I attack the king!"
>Me: "Why?"
>PC: "It's what my character would do."
>Me: "Why?"
>PC: "What?"
>Me: "Why would your character do that?"
>PC: "..."
>Me: "Well?"
>PC: "He hates Kings."
>Me: "So he's going to attack them in their own castle surrounded by guards?"
>PC: "Yes"
>Me: "Why is your character an idiot?"
>PC: "He's not."
>Me: "Would you attack the President in the White House?"
>PC: "Yea I got a question. Why are you such a railroading faggot?"
>Me: "My response question: Why are you even here?"

Basically my advice is: every time a PC says "it's what my character would do" ask them why.

>>51832075
http://readcomiconline.to/Comic/Marvel-Adventures-The-Avengers/Issue-26?id=91089

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> in-character "Have you heard about [thing that doesn't exist in the game world, and only exists OOC?]. I'm going to insist on talking about it because I find it funny."

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>>51825228
for the guard

>>51824771
Lmao.

>>51824771
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6gbN7azsb8

>>51832075
>>51832075
Not that anon, but this is fucking brilliant.

Can't remember the last time I read a comic.

>>51826087
I dunno, I've got a character who steals shit pretty regularly because he intrinsically values his race over the ones he's stealing from. Also, they're a very collectivist culture, so he naively believes they'd userstand that "he needs it more than they do". What you're probably thinking of is the character using their backstory as a get-out-of-jail-free card for jumping every coin purse in his reach.

>>51830138
OP here, thanks for complying in my absence.
>>51830526
You're goddamn right. If someone doesn't like it, well, you don't need that kind of negativity in your life. My GF is about to endure the acid test.
Steve Oedekerk's Thumb Wars and Bat Thumb are also fairly funny/quotable though not on the same level as Kung Pow.

>>51830897
I'd say yes but we most likely live several thousand miles apart. Pity, that, I'd welcome the players. Irreconcilable political differences is making my current group increasingly difficult to keep on track without being drawn into the left half of the table ranting about "killing the capitalist bourgeoisie who own all the capital and oppress the poor worker" while the other half of the table argue back that they actually belong to the class of people whom the others are talking about killing.
A moderate exaggeration but many sessions do become severely side-tracked by communist-vs.-capitalist ravings

>>51830549
I don't see anything wrong with this.

>>51834047
Put them all into the gulags of an unidentifiable government organization. When they break out reveal to them it was all an illusion caused because they wouldn't shut the fuck up and get over themselves and it provided 0 XP and they will continue to get that until they all drop that shit the moment they get to the table.

>>51832761
>fucking brilliant
>lol now we can beat galacticus

I hate capeshit so much. So much potential, yet so much shit.

>>51832192
This. Continued questioning will turn That Guy into a sputtering mess as he tries to explain his metagaming or stupid antics as being in character.

>>51824771
>oh yeah, this guy would make a great rat
I'm not even mad. I kek'd. Hell I would've ran with the idea of the sudden influx of wererats in the new merchant city
>skavenuprisingnow.jpg

>>51834475
>PC: My response answer: Because you invited me over and when you explained how the game was going to work you said we'd be able to do whatever we wanted to. So answer the question, why are you such a railroading faggot?

>>51832725

She turned Albanian.

>>51832302
>http://readcomiconline.to/Comic/Marvel-Adventures-The-Avengers/Issue-26?id=91089

Jesus Christ this is glorious.

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>>51830822
>Quirky sympathetic antagonist
>Not killing them off

>>51830818
Then he could have pointed it at literally anything other than his own body with the same results. The guy is a moron, has no business around firearms, and his buddy watching him do it should get a bullet for letting it happen.

>>51823999
>I threaten the guard captain!
This one is retarded.
>I point and laugh at the witch's hat!
>I steal the king's scepter while he isn't looking!
These two are just cheeky.

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>Pathfinder
>Player makes a Mwangi human gunslinger
>Calls him Germain, aka "Tenacious G"
>Plays him as a weed smoking gangster nigger
>Derails the campaing by going off on his own, and inserting stereotypical nigger commentary into everything
>wanders off down the beach in search of chicken, gets eaten by a pterodactyl.
I was this player, I'm not even sorry.

>>51830549
That instructor needs to be fucking fired.

>>51836510

Or given a raise

"See I would have stopped you but then you wouldn't have learned anything"

>>51835823
>I also explained that I expected actions to make sense in-character. Please explain why your character would logically do this. If you don't like my style of GMing you're always free to leave.

>>51824331
I can actually sympathize with this one.
You're playing a thief, you want to do thief stuff. It just doesn't work in a game setting, and you're frustrating everyone around you.

>>51836543
No, a range instructor's job isn't to teach good habits that last a lifetime, they gte paid to teach people well enough to not allow the range to be sued. Over, say, some idiot shooting his own hand.

>>51832192
>>Me: "Why is your character an idiot?"
>>PC: "He's not."
Clearly he has demonstrated evidence to the contrary. He's either acting out of character or he needs to change his WIS or equivalent stat to like, 4.

>>51832075
It's one of my favourite issues.

>>51836393
Survival of the smartest, faggot. Let idiots operate firearms.

>>51836564
I agree, it's important to build challenges around the party, so everyone can contribute. I'm normal GM, and one of my players is running right now, and has continually shot down another players attempts at hacking and engineering, despite 2 sessions straight of him building his character in that direction.

It's frustrating to watch.

>You guys got to break into this noble's manor and retrieve items from the safe.
>Everyone in town is busy at this performance show, except for the guards.
>A Player proceeds to walk away from the manor/quest and go to the show while the other players attempt to break in using stealth.
>Player who went to the show convinced NPC they worked there and got their hands on a catapult the show had.
>Players are navigating their way through the house and get caught by guards. They are forced to retreat.
>Player at the show proceeds to light giant rock on fire in the catapult, aim at the noble's manor, and launch it.
>Ball of fire comes crashing through the noble's house. Guards try to put out fire.
>Other players get the safe and run through fire and flames.
>Other player is running away as the flames spread and burns half the town down.

>>51830822
See, I don't really have issues with that last one anymore. I'm mediocre at worldbuilding, game balance, even storytelling, but I write good characters.

I used that to bludgeon my group with the emotion bat over and over, and made my players feel constantly guilty and sad enough that they very nearly had their characters become outright pacifists. These days, they tend to avoid killing mooks, and only actually kill named characters as a very last resort, and even then they melodramatically swan around about it for sometimes hours of real-life time.

As a DM who loves melodrama, I deeply enjoy it, but I recognise that I have pretty much conditioned them in such a way that a lot of DMs would hate to play with them.

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>>51830818
Fookin laser sights

>>51830822
Because if neckbeards could act logically, work in a social situation, and form emotional bonds, they wouldn't be neckbeards.

Neckbeards can't create, they can only corrupt and destroy.

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>>51823999
Some of the best/worst I've seen over the years.
>I grab the [Ancient Red Wyrm BBEG]'s boob and roll to seduce!
>Now that I'm alone with the princess I cast Hold Person and begin harvesting her [royal, virginal, pure] organs.
>What do I have to roll to rape this town guard and make him eat his mustache?
>I piss on his holy symbol! WHAT? What do you mean he gets an attack of opportunity against me, I can stay on guard and piss!
>I kick the prince in the dick and rape his mom!
>I make a lore check to see if I can remember the words in the Ancient Language to call her an Urgal-fucking harlot.

>>51823999
> "I cast charm person on the king!"
> "What do you mean there's a 'court wizard?' Why would a king have a wizard?"

>DM: You guys see three kobolds ahead
>PC: I shoot at them with my bow!
>DM: Okay, you shoot and the kobold snatches it out of the air with his bare hands. He rushes over to you and performs a flurried dervish leaping tiger aerial assault for 471 damage.
>PC: I had a diamond ruby so it's okay. I counter attack with hyper drill megastorm
>DM: You kill one of the kobolds but get struck with a destructo disk, save vs death?
>PC: uhh *rolls* does a 117 beat it?
>DM: Nope. You get hit and die.
>PC: Damn. Okay, I respawn and collect my souls and attack with Thor's Lightning.
>DM: Your thors lightning hits, but he made his reflex saved and dodged the damage. He loses 18 points of Metabolism though.
>PC: Cool. Oh, hey since I died what did I get for my killstreak bonus?
>DM: *rolls* Mounted machine gun on a red dragon, 10 rounds.
>PC: Okay, I put a brick on the dragon and let it rush off to make a distraction while I flip down heads below and shoot the kobolds with the turret.
>DM: You manage to inflict 31.6% HP damage to one of the kobolds but the other was wearing neo ceramium vibroforce armor and reflected 91 of the bullets back at you.
>PC: I activate my silver sapphire stance and absorb the bullets.
>DM: You absorb it. Make a save to not throw up.
>PC: *rolls* 94.
>DM: Not high en-
>PC: I elect to use my Force of Destiny ability and reverse the effect!
>Table: *GASPS*
dm gets mad and starts bitching about how he's munchkining and is obviously cheating and how bards are overpowered

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>>51830822
I play with tumblrs instead
If nothing else they're easier to reign than Grogs because they don't think they know the game better than me. And they know how to make characters and rp...ish. Kind of a drawback because they don't mind dying since they have so many OCs they just can't WAIT t use and never learn to play well.

>>51836743
>Neckbeards can't create
Uh... What?

Neckbeards make shit all the time. Whether it's models or homebrews or deck builds or larp costumes or whatever, many neckbeards *compulsively* create, even to the detriment of other things in their lives.

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>>51836854
>>I make a lore check to see if I can remember the words in the Ancient Language to call her an Urgal-fucking harlot.
that one's actually pretty good

>>51836998
>that one's actually pretty good
Now when you're talking to an emotionally unstable queen whose husband just died and you're trying to negotiate your way out of getting executed.

>>51832302
thank you, this brings closure to part of my life.

>>51837013
That would definitely complicate the situation

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>>51837013
Some people just lose their survival instinct when it comes to their characters.

>>51824771
I too want aboard this bandwagon, anon! Your post brought me laughter.

>>51825210
>in their eyes their level 5 party should be able to kill the good aligned demi-god dragon whose trying to help them along with their quest.
I know that pain. Had a group a while back who kept trying to (at low level, when they're basically just normal dudes who would likely take casualties if they tried to fight a lone soldier) rob a nature demigod because they didn't like that she kept warning them not to enter her forest.

>>51837078
> rob a nature demigod
What the hell were they planning on stealing? Bark?

>>51823999
>GM awards players like that
While
>"I do this well thought and planed action that in any logical universe shouldn't backfire"
>GM punishes you

>>51829662
>>51830777
Are you heathens trying to imply that GYMKATA is not a completely accurate depiction of pommel-horse-based martial arts?

>>51824533
>DM: They roll insight to determine that you're a backstabbing bastard and retroactively never team up with you in the first place.

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>>51836854
Why would a lizard have boobs? I thought they laid eggs and would have no need for mammalian organs like that. Or was she in human form or something?

>>51837112
I... I don't even know how that word got in there. It should be kill.

>>51837203
Whoops, meant to refer to >>51824533

>>51837209
She was in human form. It's easier to fuck with someone's head if you're in a form whose social cues they can recognize. The pic was supposed to clue in on that one.

>>51832192
You aren't addressing the root cause of the problem though. Your player and you have wildly different expectations.
The player is looking for a video gamey experience where he can have fun dicking around, and you want an actual story in a world where consequences are meaningful. And both are fine.
You just need to take him aside for a moment and tell him this isn't a video game, pissing off powerful people or doing shit on a whim will get his character killed, and both will take the story in directions you and the other players aren't interested in.
If he can stop doing this shit and still have fun then he should, otherwise he'll have to leave. This will solve the problem (unlike being passive aggressive).

>>51836901
>throwing up in reverse
Now there's a pretty mental image.

>>51825228
If it's a Rakdos district she'd probably pay to be roughed up by a Boros DESU

Also police brutality is totally within their rights. What, you think the fucking Azorius are gonna care?

The same Azorius that will kill every living thing left in a district that's been marked for cleansing? When the only way to know when it will happen is by reading the sky-runes above it? Even on a cloudy day?

Yeah. Good luck with that.

Ravnica is a dystopian hellhole where life is cheaper than almost any other plane in existence. At least individual lives matter on Innistrad due to scarcity, on Ravnica being collateral damage in a fuckhead Izzet experiment or tripping and getting eaten by a Golgari street sweeper are things people will just shrug and be like "well what are you gonna do"

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>i use planeshift to go to a timeless realm, forcing you to focus on my story and game-breaking adventures in the akashic records of fate until i see fit to prepare planeshift again.
>you are not allowed to remember anything you did there, in that case.
>this is fine, i was wondering how i would rationalize doing it more than once.

>>51836564
This is what D&D gets for letting players play sociopathic criminals that prey on the innocent in a nominally Good party.

>>51832679
Note that he was only a boros legionary and not a Wojek.

>>51836608
I don't want fucking retards like this pointing guns at me.

>>51823999
> I snort the delicious-looking unidentified orange powder we just found in the dungeon!

>>51837766
It's Tang!

>>51837522
>Only happens in D&D

>>51838012
Pf is DnD

>>51838029
Yes, we know. That's not news.
I repeat:
>Only happens in D&D.

>>51837766
WTF why did I die from dehydration? You're a shit GM and I refuse your arguments of "stop fucking snorting random coloured powders you find in a dungeon."

>>51824407
It's funnier if you imagine these happening in sequence, in reverse order.

>>51838118
That was some thread all right.

>>51838062
I assure you it happens in World of Darkness, too. Both versions.

>>51837203

>I don't like an outcome so i'm going to deus ex machina time travel to undo everything

If they ever did this they deserve to have their throats slit.

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>>51827258

>I remove one of the swords chaining the dark god, and ask him another question!

>>51838182
Exactly, thus the implying.

>>51832302
I can see the usual quality of Marvel writing is in action here.

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>>51837032
Wow you're easily impressed.

And have quite a sad life if it brings closure.

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>>51836712
Well, that's a plan B.

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>>51829591
>>51829591
>"Please do not shake the jar full of unspeakable evil"

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>>51838364
That particular series is aimed at little kids, so of course it's silly. I'm not saying it's a masterpiece, but at least it's not all Bendis-speak/[Unsolicited Opinions on Israel?!] tier.

>>51838423
This screencap >>51825348 has been circling the board for ages. I think the comic is stupid too, but the dude's probably been wondering what happened next for a while now. Nothing wrong with that.

>>51838213
I remember that thread.

>>51837013
>>51837013
>trying to negotiate your way out of getting executed.
That does tend to put a damper on the relationship

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>>51836854
>Ancient Language to call her an Urgal-fucking harlot.
>an emotionally unstable queen whose husband just died
Jesus fucking christ anon, please tell me you were in highschool (or younger) for that game.

No one has EVER played an RPG in that setting.

HOW DID MAGIC WORK?! HOW DID RACE BALANCE WORK?! WHY DO YOU HATE YOURSELF?!

>>51836608
Every idiot that does dumb shit like this gives political ammunition to gun-grabbers.

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>>51836901
What the fuck kind of system was this?

>>51839353
The nonexistent kind.

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>>51837209
>ECmajor

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>>51823999
>I use mage hand to bounce a ball off the actor's face!

>me and the wizard play dungeons and dragons
>pulls out deck
the wizard cast haste to let us make the game last one turn

>>51839398
i meant to say magic the gathering.
im drunk, and i have work in 2 hours.

>>51824273
I had a player light a house on fire because the actor who owned it was trying to drug an actress. She was a paladin.

>>51839395
That's actually pretty clever, kinda funny, and only slightly disruptive

>>51832302
I was very disappointed with spiderman. Why is he so lolsrandom?

>>51838893
>Jesus fucking christ anon, please tell me you were in highschool (or younger) for that game.
11th grade.

>No one has EVER played an RPG in that setting.
This is probably true.

>HOW DID MAGIC WORK?!
Generally speaking we stuck to spells that were used in the books, although player creativity was encouraged, with the caveat that you can only use things that your character in game would know, because if you start looking into modern physics you can pretty quickly figure out how to literally end the universe with a three word spell.

>HOW DID RACE BALANCE WORK?!
By and large it didn't. You could only play as the 3 younger races, and received according bonuses; clan backup for dwarves (start with more money and better equipment), physical bonuses for urgals, slightly faster learning for humans and you started with an extra language.

In one situation we briefly played alongside an elf which made combat encounters boring and short.

>WHY DO YOU HATE YOURSELF?!
I was young and stupid?

>>51838893

That series was actually what helped to get me into reading fantasy novels. I was in like fifth grade when it came out, sue me.

>>51838893
>>51839786
>>51839883
What series are you fuckers talking about!?

>>51840087
Sounds like Eragon to me.

>>51840160
this >>51840087


>>51839883
Yeah, ditto. Loved them when I was a kid. Been considering reading through them again, but I'm worried my love for them was based purely in nostalgia and they'll turn out to be terrible.

>>51840199

They're not completely terrible. But they do have a scent of fanfic about them.

>>51840160
Isn't that the series that's just fantasy Star Wars

>>51839883
>>51840286
It was passable when it came out and had a couple of neat concepts. The third book sort of turned me off of it (This was 2008, so I was at the end of middle school), then I got the fourth as a gift three years later and didn't enjoy it.
>>51840548
Star Wars had better characters.

>>51840548
In terms of overall plot details, yes, it's startlingly similar to star wars. It has probably the most comprehensive magic system in all of fiction, and it takes a lot of inspiration from classic scandenavian style elves (IE they're not just tree hugging panises), but other than that, yeah, it's basically star wars without the ships.

>>51840548
Starwars is fantasy dude.

>>51840706
You know what I mean you ass

>>51840822
But I'm not sure you know what I mean.

I mean that starwars belongs in the following list: Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, WHFB. Not just that it's fiction, that it's literally fantasy.

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>Guys I found this huge table for chaos magic effects! It's so random!

>>51827258
Oh yeah, this guy will make a great autist!

>>51841174
*skitters behind u*
nothin perssonnel,kid
*bites*

>>51840606

The third and fourth book are kind of shit. But the first two are worth rereading.

If nothing else you can laugh at your younger self.

>>51840692

It's the Monomyth.

>>51841188
Cheese it!
*skitters away*

>>51841197
>It's the Monomyth.
No... I mean that you can take the script for starwars New Hope through Return, and change the names, and it's almost exactly the same. Even down to the timing of changing swords, the circumstances of training under new teachers, everything. It's EXACTLY the same. Even one of the characters are just a name blend of characters in the same archetype in Lord of the Rings and Starwars, and the main character almost literally gets a blue lightsaber. If the writer had been just a *bit* more heavy handed, it almost would have been parody.

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>>51825228
Which system?

>>51841233

No, I get you.

>>51832302
Fantastic. I give it 10/10 hostess fruit pies.

>>51826087
>played the same can't into social norm character and It made me say things I never thought I would have to say
>Why cook meat when eat raw, gives strength and no need for makings fire when wind cold
>Why give gold to sleep in room?
>What is fork?
>What do you mean I can't shit in front of king?
>You see all problems can be solved with axe, if it do not have axe fists also work
>Civilization is nice, when take man's sword they drag you into warm cave.
>Why do you want gold? Gold is weak, Iron Strong.

>>51841602
>>Why do you want gold? Gold is weak, Iron Strong
But flesh is stronger than both

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>>51841629
IRON WITHIN, IRON WITHOUT

>>51839353

ANIMA beyond fantasy.

>>51823999
>Being a Tech-Priest (Not even a Magus) a dull Pyromancer Psyker and a filthy scum that only tortured prisoners for his entire life and nothing else in a Space Hulk
>A Necron Overlord is teleporting right near you, along with other 4 Necron Warriors and a Cryptek, it doesn't seem to be willing to engage combat, the Cryptek is unusually coming forward peacefully saying that he wants to bargain with you on the Overlord behalf.
>all going DIE XENO SCUM without even thinking a second

>>51823999

The People's Eyebrow is the most important ability a DM can possess. Anytime a player says something that stupid, you adopt an attitude and expression that says "I am intrigued. Exactly how do you want your ass handed to you?"

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>>51823999

>Meeting with two of the most important women in the entire world
>One of the girls at the table: "I want to make a Cleavage check."
>entire table laughs, throws dice
>I describe in loving detail the appearance, shape, relative health, perkiness, and finally, the look on these womens' faces as the party realizes they've been gazing slack-jawed at their tits for a solid minute and a half

The meeting did not start well.

They were able to recover though, so they probably were not chastened even in the slightest.

>>51841840
I dunno m8, that sounds smart to me

Not even HERESY memeing. Xenos in 40k are legit nasty

>>51827258
Dude chill.

>>51823999

Oh boy a "bitch about stupid players" thread!

>5e
>Part consists of
>Tabaxi Gunslinger
Played more like a Kender except marginally tolerable
>Gnome Warlock of Undying Light
His entire backstory consists of "I REALLY don't like the dark" and repeatedly casts light at the most inappropriate times, like when running away from an army at night. So much so that we now knock him out like Mr. T whenever we think we have to sneak
>Fire Genasi some weird homebrew barbarian that hurts himself to give fire damage to his weapon
Serial Arsonist and proud of it
>I actually have no idea what her race is Necromancer
Asks the DM what she should do at every action. Has no grasp of the rules or tabletop in general. My group tolerates her because every one is a thirsty fuck and she's the DMs roomate.
>Human Fighter
Me.

As if this grab bag of awfulness wasn't bad enough, it can take 2 weeks just to put together a single 3 hour session because everyone is noncommittal fuckwads and they have a fatal case of party splitting, bogging down every session with the DM having to juggle everyone's separate shit.

I mean they're my friends, but I sometimes hate them.

>>51840692
>comprehensive magic system

Eh, not really. It's just magic words m8. Replace the magic words with weaves and better writing and you've got wheel of time.

>*giggling intensely*
>"I eat the magical blood clot item!"
>"Hur hur no PLAYERNAME you should inject it directly into your bloodstream!"
>"GENIUS IDEA FELLOW PLAYER, I DO THAT!"

He died. It was warhammer fantasy, they were in a daemon infested city, and he was a sorcerer. It was an item designed for killing sorcerers. He proceeded to go sulk.

Later the second player talked the remaining party into agreeing to the baby's first Faustian Bargain a daemon offered. The price was unspecified, the reward unspecified, and the daemon threatened to kill them (being weaker than the other daemons they had already beaten) unless they accepted and drank from a cauldron with soup made from a plague bearer. Because it was somehow funny. I was so flabbergasted I only took one fate point (their last) and made them roll to avoid Nurgle's Rot. The game died next session.

I am still so fucking salty over that.

>>51824273
in my current game, we have visited 3 towns and I have lit buildings on fire in two of them.

>>51842877
Perhaps I should have said versatile. It's a magic system in which anything you can describe or reach through metaphor can be done with appropriate mental discipline, and the language can be adjusted on the fly. It's literally a case of if you can think it you can do it, and you don't even really need to understand how to do something to do it.

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>>51841693
You have much left to learn of the Riddle of Steel, boy.

Contemplate this on the Tree of Woe.

Crucify him.

When did rampant stealing and generally acting like a CN asshole become bad in D&D? It's like you motherfuckers haven't read Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser.

The group had just finished a fight and we all fell asleep for the night

>My character wakes up
>I get this funny idea to go shit on my sleeping friend
>"DM can I shit on anon?"
>"Roll after every tile you move on"
>Halfway there
>Rolls 1
>Wakes up friend I was trying to shit on
>Shits pants out of fear
>NotwhatIintended.jpeg

>>51836901
>>PC: Okay, I put a brick on the dragon and let it rush off to make a distraction while (...)
Fuck that part got me

>>51837261

>The player is looking for a video gamey experience where he can have fun dicking around,

That doesn't seem like something tabletop RPG's assit with very well outside of like super beer and pretzels games.

Furthermore if that was his desire from the beginning why would he say "it's what my character would do" to justify his actions when actions by his expectations should have no justification outside of "lol it's just a game bro".

Isn't that more than a bit dishonest?

>>51824771
My sides are gone. I'm not sure where they are.

>>51838208
Yeah, but do we roll for that?

>>51823999
>>51824210
>>51824273
>>51824324
>>51824331
>>51824386
>>51824407
>>51825425
>>51831060
>>51836712
These all seem fine.

>Have no complaints about my players
>They're all great people
>Our games are fun and we all get along

Lmaoing at your lives, desu.

>>51842868
>Human Fighter
And you think that's a good thing, don't you.
Being bland as fuck to counterbalance special snowflakes doesn't make it better.

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>>51842968
ARRRRAAGHHHHfuckthisbird

>>51843491

Fine, you got me.

>My race defines me and not my backstory or character actions!

Eat a dick.

>>51843527
Well, that's your fault for posting nothing about your character other than race and class, while having all these negative notes on other characters.

Perhaps it is you who should eat benis.

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>>51843527
>My race defines me and not my backstory or character actions!
>Posts no character tendencies or backstory info

>>51843545
>>51843542

>Implying I'm that dude

>>51843564
You know, you probably shouldn't get involved if all you can add to a discussion is shit-stirring.

>>51843579

Fine. You want discussion?

How does >>51843491 add to a collective dialog? How does he justify pointing out a race and character selection with literally no backstory or justification as to why it was a bad choice?

Yes, the poster he was responding to did not give it out, but who is he to dish out blanket statements?

>Human Fighter? He must Jimbob McFarmer from the country. What a useless addition to this cast of wacky characters.

See I can do it too.

>>51843634
Pointing out flaws in others while saying as little as possible about yourself tends to come off as dishonest.

>>51825228
I hate to say this, but

It IS Boros. That's actually restraint. Boros are supposed to be crazy zealous policemen that use fire and brimstone to judge things.

>>51826087
Kender, you are talking about kenders.

>>51842931
>admitting to being That Guy

>>51829505
Was the ice queen just that much of a asshole or is your dick particurally stupendous.

>>51837261
In a videogame you either CANT kill the king or immediatly are killed attempting it.

>>51845473
>he never murdered Lord British in his life
:^)

>>51845473
Now that's not necessarily true, as long as we're not talking about modern games exclusively. Older open-world RPGs were sometimes pretty good about letting you do whatever your want if your character was a bad enough dude to get away with it. Your actions might fuck the game world into an unwinnable state, but whatever.

>>51845508
Lord british is a exception because that was explicetly done through bugs.

>>51845548
Morrowind ftw, and that one's not even old.

>>51825228
Which system?

>>51845628
Morrowind was 15 years ago anon.

>>51824771
I don't even understand why I'm laughing

>>51845628
There are literally people on this board younger than morrowind.

>>51843491

Actually I'm the guy who posted the story, and I intentionally left out my own character description, since it would be inherently biased toward me.

If you really want to know, I chose Human Fighter in order to show that race and class gimmicks don't have to be present for a good character, and have worked very hard to make a believable functional character with a core personality. He's a pragmatic mercenary type, who would rather not be killing other intelligent creatures if possible, but will if the job requires it. He's got a moral code, but one which might not fit the definition of "good." He wouldn't take a job to rob a poor farmer, but might take a job to rob a merchant who could afford it, even if the merchant were a good guy.
I've ended up being the defacto party face (despite have 10 charisma) and the driving force of the campaign because I'm the only one who can stop dicking around for 5 minutes to figure out what the NPC wants us to do.

>>51845726
>>51845801
FUCK.

>>51845821
Honestly, my primary issue with your original post was that the descriptions being so short and exclusively negative, combined with the lack of descriptions of your own character, made it seem even more biased in the end - and seemed to carry the implication your PC was better simply by the virtue of not having a gimmick rather than despite it. And by extensions, that theirs are bad at least partially because of their gimmicks.

But just as such aren't necessary to make a good character, they do not automatically amount to a worse character. The argument would have been made just as well without mention of the race and class at all, as their behaviour seems aggravating enough and would be aggravating enough even if they were all humans with bog standard classes.

tl;dr autism. But I get your point, though, and having been in the same situation (read: driving the party forward by sheer necessity and ability to not fuck about), I feel for you.

>>51825210
>>51837078
I understand this pain, but you should adjust to the party. Go high power, start at high level, don't ever mention anything you don't want them to be able to succeed at raping. It's a different feel for sure, but whatever the mood, if everybody's in sync fun is gonna get had.

>>51846127
I genuinely worry that if I did this they'd just rape every single female who attacks them. When they're just gutter punks running around with equally ugly gutter trash, that's one thing, but god help the first elven sorceress who tries to stop them.

>>51846271
Look up RapeX. Have all females in your setting wearing that. If the players don't roll perception before raping them, they get their dick cut to ribbons.

>>51824771
>>51824771
>Master bought passage to New York City
>Armored ninja douche kills his master
>Starts sneaking around the sewer at night, finds ooze, mutates into giant rat dude form
>Says "Oh yeah, this turtle would make a great ninja" every fucking time
>Pushes ninja douche off building into garbage truck, crushes him to death
>Thatsthat.jpg

>>51846345
Turning rape into murder.

>>51846429
I highly doubt they would have left them alive when they were done anyway. Way I figure, best the chicks could hope for is a life of sex slavery. Might as well piss them off enough to murder you instead.

>>51830138
>hey I haven't seen that in a while maybe I should watch it again
What a great movie, that stick beating scene is outstanding.

>Wizard: Hey Cleric I have an Idea
>Cleric: No anon I'm not going to help you score with the tavern wench
>Wizard: What no, no, no. I have an even better one
>Cleric: Alright what is it.
>Wizard: Okay you know how we can use magic to reattach limbs right?
>Cleric: Yeah what about it
>Wizard: Okay, What if we cut off the arm of the strongest man we can find and cut off his arms and switch it with mine
>Cleric: That's not how it work, you can't stitch up an arm then heal it
>DM: Going to have to go with the cleric on this one
>Wizard player: Fine

>>A few levels in necromancy later

>Wizard player: I cut off the arms [Generic Human warrior midboss]
>DM: Why?
>Wizard player: Arm switcheroo, I'm Trying for it again this time I'll use Necromancy
>DM: It could work
>Cleric Player: I am not reattaching your arms back to your body if this doesn't work
>Wizard Player: For a dude playing a faith based character you have very little

>>One attempt at arm attachment surgery

>DM: Okay you successfully reattach the orc arm to yours
>Wizard Player: HA suck it cleric
>DM: You also get the equivalent of aids and your intelligent has been lowered by 5 but you have orc arms now
>Wizard player: I reattach my arm onto my back so I can have a third arm
>DM: you now have a useless third arm on your back
>Wizard player:....Shit

>>51841729
Wow that is a frickin' convoluted system. Interesting lore, but mechanics are a handful. Props for grokking that shit, man.

>>51828971
I... I had actually managed to excise the terribleness of this movie from my mind. I had. Why did I click "embed"? Why?

>>51826279
>... Visibly tempted requires movement on your part, and if you feel strongly enough to start moving on it then you will need to roll willpower to restrain yourself. Don't worry, it's not a high DC, I just want to see how much you move, how obvious it is.
>Also, could everyone else roll me a perception please?

>You lean in and shift forward slightly, and you [reach for your gold causing weapon/start moving as to prepare magic]. You stop yourself, and your movements aren't overt, but [you two other PCs] notice, because you're close. Also, while the barmaid doesn't recognize your actions for your intentions, she does feel momentarily threatened, much like when a drunk might grow violent, or a casanova's deciding he doesn't need her compliance. After a moment, she is going to hastily apologise and excuse herself, retreating to the back area of the bar.
>[The two who noticed before] have a grasp of what happened, while [other remaining PC] knows that something seems to have spooked the barmaid somewhat, and you're not sure what.

>a few minutes pass.
>If they remain in the bar and are civil:

>The barmaid does not return, rather a burly, older male bartender is going to walk out. he appears to be in good spirits, and is going to start taking up the serving the barmaid left behind. He's going to apologise to one of the other patrons who makes a remark about the cute missus vanishing, saying that she had some business to go take care off, so being the gracious bar owner he is he's taking over for the night. The bartender is going to serve the group as well.
>Could you all roll perception again, please?

>[you two] notice that while he's pleasant enough, you feel a bit like he's doing something between staring you down and getting a feel for you. This doesn't interrupt his demeanor though, and you'll all catch an offhand comment he makes about hoping the night remains peaceful.

>>51832670
"NO, for the last time, the Shrek franchise doesn't exist in this setting."

>>51830239
you've got some weird friends

>>51846699
Because the knowledge was lost to you and thus, you were once again blind to its horrors.

>>51846591
I'm going to guess that wisdom was his dump stat.

>>51846973
Truly the ignorance granted to me by time and distance (and alcohol abuse) was unknowingly bliss.

>>51846710
I WANT A SEAT AT YOUR TABLE

>>51824771

It's gotten to the point where the amount of quotes is funnier than the post itself.

Have to infiltrate a heavily guarded warehouse in DND, party thinking of different ways to get in.
Wizard starts getting bored, decides to see what the response time of the guards is like.
Makes a paper airplane and cast explosive runes on it and throws it towards a patrol.
That poor guard.

>>51832792
This is fine. And if you were at my table the first time your character pulls that shit and gets caught he's losing a hand. Hope you didn't invest heavily in dual wielding feats.

>>51846591
>not saying the newly attached and necromanced arms have a mind of their own and try to strange him
wasted opportunity desu

>>51846591
That's not how biology works. At fucking all.
Hell, it doesn't even make sense from a fantasy perspective- the arms would have to shrink to fit.

>>51829591
>"The professor explicitly said not to open, unwrap, break, make direct eye contact with, or refer to the jar as if it were sentient, on pain of excruciating, mind-numbingly painful death"

SCP Foundation, is that you?

I have two players in my group that live off of these ideas.

One of them plays wizards and tries to tame the most dangerous creatures we come across including giant wasps and neothelids (which are giant worms). He also makes pacts with pretty much anything that will have even the slightest chance of giving him power.

Our paladin has switched oaths three times because he was getting bored with them, and now has given himself up to becoming a warlock in order to get an extra level above us after I specialized my character to better assist his tanky-ness.

They both enjoy casting mind-altering magic on team-members.

So now, my 16 AC ranger is going to have to take hits for not one but two mages that are probably going to screw around with him mentally.

>>51846591
I'don't have his back and core get utterly destroyed the first time he tries to attempt a feat of strength. It's not like he has increased the strength of any other part of his body. The first time he tries to swing agreat sword he throws his fuckin back out.

>>51836901
>diamond ruby
what the fuck is a yellow dragon

>>51846710
See, participating in /tg/ threads like these can give a person a greater grasp on completely wack situations like these and how to react appropiately to them.

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>player is a decent enough dude
>can draw him off on various conversations away from the table, no casanova but can obviously talk
>at the game table, he stutters, stumbles, and grows quiet
>never brings out his phone or anything, but always seems surprised when its his turn
>his characters rarely have any obvious personality or character to them, and seem to just vaguely tag along with the party
>even stuff that would normally be a red flag - like drug use - isn't a risk with this guy's characters, because they're so unattached and quiet
>helpful enough at times, but also requires a little help to remember things like spells or story-important stuff
>always says he has a fun time after the game and goes back to speaking like normal

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>>51824771
>Says "Oh yeah, this guy would make a great rat" every fucking time
>kek

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>>51851426
He probably has some anxiety problem. This sounds a bit like myself. I don't really stutter or anything, but it's super hard for me to get in character because it's not "normal" social interaction. I've practiced being socially competent in normal day-to-day situations, but shit like acting or anything besides being the "character of myself" in front of others makes me uncomfortable.

>>51842564
'crons (well, more like newcrons to be honest) have cooperated witht the imperium at least once or twice

>>51852732
Is there anything I can or should do to help him out about it, or should I let him figure things out at his own pace?

>>51854324
Not that anon, but why not talk about it one-on-one at a time well apart from the session?

>>51837822
My dad saw this happen while he was stationed in Germany. Fucking cav scouts, dude. They're crazy as shit.

>>51856857
You don't have to be stationed in Germany to see Tang, dude.

>>51854280
So fucking what. Two times in three millions.

>>51857242
No, I mean they snorted it. They kept trying to find new ways to get high, even though Germany has always been chock full of weird shit. Not very bright guys.

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>Co-DMing a Campaign in Ravenholdt
>Party arrives at a town's gate
>Guards ask why they're there
>"We heard you guys have a blessed weapon. We want it so we can kill Strahd!"

>>51830822
>tfw just wanna play in a friendly game where beating someone up doesn't mean you straight up murder them

>First session DMing for a group I've played with
>New characters, everyone got super into their backstories and introductions
>Transition into actual gameplay
>A gaurdsman is nervous about a Ranger's bear
>"I threaten them"
>SECOND ONE of player agency
>Devolves into damage control from other players and a Calm Emotions spell

>>51824533
In the...second session? Third session? of my game, 2 PCs antagonized the swole rural knight with no sense of humor. He beat them into the gutter with his bare hands.

>>51825425
One game I was with had a couple of thieves like this.
The DMs solution was to let them roll one check and if they passed they got an amount of gold proportionate to the town we were in.

>>51841840
Sounds about right. Millenia of brainwashing is one hell of a drug.

>I rolled a nat20 on intimidate, this NPC has to do X and Y!
>What do you mean you didn't allow this check? What do you mean I have to portray it? Railroad! Player agency!

>>51859524
I got players out of that habit by having someone use diplomacy to make them eschew a reward.

"My character wouldn't do that!"
"Neither would the character you previously diplomanced."

>>51823999
I mean, if you're strong enough, you can totally do that shit. In D&D settings that are not the Forgotten Realms, you could quite easily be the most powerful individuals in the country as low as level 8.

>Playing with my group of friends who wanted to play D&D
>we played other games together like MTG and video games but they had never played D&D
>7 of us in total, 3 have played before and 4 haven't.
> M says he want to be DM.
>that's fine, I don't really like being DM and he already has the books and a story line.
>M has never DMed before and keeps putting us into situations with way over powered enemies
>he does this just so he can swoop in with his superpowered Demi god DM character and save the day.
>it happens nearly every fight in every session
>M gives almost no EXP because he had to save the group but gives OP items to try and make up for our poor stats.
>M then notices that the items are making some of us too strong and he wouldn't need to save us. So he nerfs them mid-fight/session
I mean all sorts of shit; gave me a hammer that dealt like 3 D10s worth of damage but knocked it down to 1 D10. Another time he gave our Mage(one of the ones who had never played) a magic missile wand that shot 9 MMs at once and reduced it to 2 mid-fight.
>me and a couple other players talk to him outside the game to correct this.
>he says we should "be more creative and get better rolls" and "we should be thankful he's making the game so fun"
>one player takes this to heart and during the next session he tries to use an un breakable rope to hang an adult cave dragon.
>DM has a minor hissy at this outside the box thinking and , rightly, explains that his character can't jump high enough to get the rope around the dragons neck and there's no way to secure the rope to the ceiling.
>I ask our Mage if she would use multi fireball spell that M gave her last session
>it's a homebrew spell that allows you to roll a D10 to determine how many copies you cast
>M blurts out "it's a fire breathing cave dragon so it's immune to fire damage"
>"that's ok." "Aim it at the ceiling"
>our Mage does it and rolls a 10
>does it collapse the ceiling and kill the dragon?

>>51860092
>M "no! The ceiling doesn't break and the dragons still alive"
>why doesn't the ceiling break? That was ten fireballs exploding against it.
> it's made of granite
>earlier you said it had huge stalactites, did they break off and fall on the dragon?
>M " yes, fine, whatever you killed the dragon. You happy?"
>the whole fuckin table is looking at him like he's nuts.
>yes, that was the job we took. That's the whole reason we are in this cave.
>the elf archer asks how much EXP we should be adding
>M "like 100 EXP"
>archer " that doesn't seem like a lot considering we killed an adult dragon"
>M" fine, everyone gets enough EXP to level up"
>we are now level 3.
>some players ask about looting the room
>M says all the treasure is buried under the rubble and so is the dragon, so we can't loot the dragon parts like skin, claws, organs and sell them.
>we get back to the king for the reward and M says we need to provide proof of the dead dragon but we can't because it was buried so we miss out on the kings reward.
>the rewards were either land, gold or a weapon forged by his master magic blacksmith for each character.
This group lasts about 3 more game sessions before 4 of us simply refuse to play and I get pestered into DMing, I refuse and find us a new DM. It's a friends dad who played for like 20 years and really knew his stuff.

>>51860092
>>51860435
What a cock.

>>51854324
>>51854428
This is simply a type of player. They fall under the passive or audience member category. Trying to force one type of player to be a different type of player is usually an exercise in futility. Audience members are not even that uncommon.

Pushing them any harder than, what do you think, or what does 'your character' think about this situation, will usually just cause them great discomfort.

Of course it sucks to GMing and feeling like these folks aren't participating or invested in your game. If you talk to them, and they insist they're having fun, and you believe them, then everything is good.

The only problem is if you have too many of these at your table. Nobody can run a game without a few active players.

>>51860092
>>51860435
Obviously, not everyone is cut out to be a GM.

>defeated bandit surrenders
>"Please don't kill me!"
>"I kill him"

>>51824331
In defense of this if the character is a thief (a actual thief not some faggot with 2 levels of slight of hand) it's kind of his whole point to steal shit. If he can do it reliably without getting caught then all the better.

Though I can see this getting annoying as fuck if he does it every single time the group enters a populated zone

>this setting takes place in the dark ages?
>haha dude i'm gonna invent google

>>51823999
nice trips

>i pickpocket the farmer

>don't wants to pass throug forest because there will be an ambush
>set forest on fire and wait a week

>>51864800
>>51864800
Holy fuck I did this!
Kinda.
>Log in road in forest. Knew this meant bandits.
>Thinking quickly I lit the area on fire.
>Being the only veteran player in the group every one quickly assisted me in causing a massive fire.

>Que dwarf bandit leader finally showing up after all his men ran.
>The party makes quick work of him.
>New problem: I wanna loot him but the forest is a blaze.
>Ask if the dead dwarfs legs are armored.
>They are not.
>Hack legs off so I can transport him easily.
>party swears the burning of the forest to secrecy

Avoided the ambush tho

>>51861604
Can be shitty but it happens IRL so it's not 100% 'that guy'

>>51824771
>Next full moon
>The entire boat becomes wererats
>More people in merchant city get bitten
>Entire merchant city is now wererats
>Merchants spread out, spreading more wererats
>Nothing can ever get done due to everyone trying to cure it

>>51824771
Did anyone make a great rat?

>>51832670
This. This shit right here.

>Character lies to an NPC who has no reason to believe him
Bluff/Deceptioon only goes so far.
On the same line of thought
>Players get confused when enemies use basic logic or strategy, set up actual traps the PCs don't immediately notice, or have things like communication and coordination

>>51836727
The more crutches you 'ave
The more it 'urts when they're kick owt from under ya