Okay, so necromancers reanimate dead tissue, right? And poop

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>all undead have that weakness anyways
Bony Tony would like a word with you.

That aside, I don't know, it sounds like a great idea, but you'd have to spend a couple months infiltrating the city's sewer system before you could make a golem of any real size.

>>51048719
You could hit up the local pig farm every night. Hell, I bet the farmers would pay you to get rid of their animal shit for them.

>>51048694
>Poop is dead tissue
That's a bit of a stretch, moreso even than a necromancer raising a golem out of hair or clipped nails. Generally speaking in most settings, it seems like most necromancers raise dead by targeting whatever counts as their "corpse", seemingly based on the criteria of what that particular dead creature would consider THEM if they were still alive (IE, what would house their "soul".)

In a non-substance-dualist setting, you could argue that a necromancer could cast raise dead on shit, but a substance-dualist setting is mutually exclusive with magic in general.

>>51048694

I think it could be argued that by the time it goes through digestion and then comes out the other end it wouldn't really be dead tissue anymore. And a lot of poop has to be derived from plants since grains and vegetables are a significant part of peoples diets.

>>51048775
>a lot of poop has to be derived from plants
DRUIDS GONNA ANIMATE ALL THE SHIT

>>51048745
I don't know, I feel like it has to be human shit in order for it to work for my boner.

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It's mostly dead bacteria, not tissue per se.

Seconding the concept of a shit golem.

Though maybe a necromancer could reanimate whatever bits were not too far along in the digestive tract of a cannibal. That could be fun.

>>51048852
>Though maybe a necromancer could reanimate whatever bits were not too far along in the digestive tract of a cannibal.
That could work.

>>51048694
Go to a farm animate shit, spend enternity alone in my stinky fortress of solitude,

Or go the graveyard, animate skellingtions spend eternity inviting sexy goth chicks to see my magical bone.

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>>51048763
>raising a golem out of clipped nails
Hey, if a ship works, why not a golem?

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>>51048694

nail clipping golem vs poop golem
who wins?

>>51049936
Poop golem's got the edge in weight most likely, but clipping golem is immune to poop golem's smell aura.

>>51048763
Hair golem would be fucking terrifying.

>>51050148
Just set it on fire. Same for the shit golem if it's not that fresh.

>>51048694
Necromancers would be terrifying to fight at the butcher, barber, and by the seaside. Literally surrounded by dead material.

Only the first movie was good all the other movies in the askewuniverse fucking suck fuck you Kevin Smith

This looks like something out of a horrible /d/ream.

Topsoil is usually mostly decaying plant matter.

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>>51048694
And so, conjure Osleyuth was added to the Summon Monster table.

Jello is mostly made out of ground up bones.
Would that be usable by a necromancer as some sort of scheme to infect a populace with negative energy?

>>51048694
>Oh my God game master, WHAT IS THIS THING?!

Seriously though, isn't shit a bit too soft to make the golem a serious threat? You can't really hurt someone (at least physically) by beating them with shit

>>51053400
It's called suffocation.

>>51053400
Depends on how much shit you're beating them with and how fast you're doing it. Water's softer than shit but water elementals do pretty well for themselves.

>>51053291
Jello-slimes when?

>>51048694
The same reason they don't animate dirt, because dirt is worm shit.

It isn't a corpse at that point.

>>51048694

Poop is mostly bacteria, you'd need a druid to do this shit, not a necromancer.

We all know that the true threat of a poop golem is that, win or lose, you risk losing any and all dignity you ever had.

Silly anon, everyone knows that if the proteins are denatured you can't use that flesh.

Now bones, you can grind that too powder and still use it.

>>51048719
Have you been by a stables? They have literal mountains of horse shit mixed with hay. You don't even need to pay them to take it away half the time.

>>51056006
I can confirm. If you ever go into one of those big industrial-sized barns, the whole floor is hidden beneath a six inch layer of piss and shit. I can imagine a dungeon being similar, with the combination eventually gaining magical sentience and becoming a fecal ooze or some shit.

>>51048694
You just watches Spoony's episode about the manure golem, didn't you?

Why not animate the poop still inside your rectum?

>>51048745
>Hell, I bet the farmers would pay you to get rid of their animal shit for them.
>paying people to take away your supply of crop manure
Dumkopf!

>>51048800
can a druid animate feces while it is still inside the person? Like shitbending

>>51055514
assuming you had any to start with

>>51055514
Who gives a shit

seriously, I need more golems

>>51048694
It could be beaten by a rain storm. Or dry out on a particularly sunny day.

>>51049112
>shit necromancers actually believe

>>51058666
You can't just use any shit as fertilizer. Pig shit can contain bacteria or parasite eggs capable of surviving in the soil, getting into vegetables and infecting humans who eat them. There are ways to kill those pathogens for good, but I am not sure medieval peasants knew how to do it.
Besides, it can be a specialized animal farm which does not grow a lot of cops, so they don't need the manure.

>>51048763
Hair or nails makes more sense imo since when you get into shit the line starts to blur to the point of asking why necromancers can't just animate all the non-living biomass in a forest or the sea, or animate things like coal and oil.

I could picture it more as a specific ritual to create a shit undead from a corpse or victim with the shit and fluids bursting out of them and assuming their form.

>>51060265
"Fun" fact, parasites were a huge problem in ancient rome because of how they used human shit for fertilizer without knowing how to process it or even that it needed to be.

>>51050148
I did have one of my Wizards build a custom spell that allows them to animate all the hair on a target's body.

You basically got a couple of options
>Entangle the hair together to restrict movement, slowing them to half speed and requiring a STR check to perform actions
>If hair is long enough, choke them or attack nearby targets for 1d4 of damage per turn.
>Rip all the hair out of the target in one round, dealing 1D4 per caster level, the removed hair forms a small animated object, as per the spell Animate Object

>>51054190
Yawgmoth would like a word with you.

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So i guess this is the best place for a story of mine from a few years ago
>2lt in army in middle of desert outpost
>drew shortstraw for shit duty this month
>literally had to drag septic tanks out to middle of a pit, empty and burn feces to clean due to no one wanting to come pick it up and pump it elsewere
> grumble because its anjoying as hell because we have to get suited up and stand guard over literal burning shit to make sure fires dont spread or we get shot at while it happens.
>finally get everyone ready and out the base, empty tank into shit pit without issue, smell is horrible.
>Me and CO, a friend from back at academy, were just talking about days back in hudson valley, when I hear one of my squad leaders shout they are lighting the fire.
>hear fwoomp of methane being torched.
>then hear a hissing scream followed by terrified shouts of troops.
>ohshitohshitohsit.webm
>we run over to back of truck to see a shit covered flaming mass flailing around like crazy
>Had jumped on one of my men, who was now vomiting with scorch and scratch marks all over front of vest
> hissing gets more frantic, everyone in full paralized fear of what we've just wrought
>flaming shit beast flailes more, flinging flaming shit over everything, including CO, he hits ground rolling and wretching.
>my sides are in orbit.
> flame beast lets out another blood curdling hiss and jumps on another troop, sending them to the ground, screaming and gagging
>PSG comes out of his truck and smacks beast with shovel, stunning it and sending in flying.
>decapitates with another hack of etool.
>finally get close enough to see it was some giant lizard that had been sleeping in th pit and been awoken by being covered in flaming shit.
>get everyone back safely, no injuries except few minor burns and scratches, but everyone was on medical watch for sepsis.

Still hilarious when i think back, but have never really had a relevent time to share until now.

>>51060648
heck the Chinese used what are known as "Pig Toilets" up until very recently in history(and indeed might still use in some very backwater regions)

/tg: really has gone to shit...