You exit your office and in an alcove you see a fat man you once

I push the fat man onto his back.

I stab the fat man and take his pie

Use fingerbone on door

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>>51033682
...

>You're on a bus. The driver arguing with a face he's drawn on his hand
>He tries to hide it, but you realize it's your face

I pet the cat.

>You're napping in a backyard hammock. You wake to find a sparrow perched on your chest.
>It has a semi-erect human penis.

get ye flask

>>51033682
Sadly, there's no way to shoot this website.

>>51033682

Can I just admit to be a replicant now so I can go home?

>>51033682
Why is there an alcove near my office building?

You wake up in the dark and find you cannot move. A frog with human eyes and teeth climbs over your chest and starts whispering into your nostrils.

After a particularly enjoyable night on the town you find that your teeth are shedding as walk home.

>>51033682
What do you mean I don't help him?

>>51034432
I send it to bed without supper.

>>51034478
I take them to the vet.

>>51033682
"Frank, this is exactly the kind of shit that got you fired in the first place."

I attack the Placeboo.

>>51033682
Thirty seconds ago you will be imagining the conversation we were about to have now.

>>51033682
Everyone is john?

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>51033682
I roll d20 to strike a pose at him

>>51033682

How do we know YOU are not the skinjob?!

>>51033682

I yell "cease all motor functions" to the interviewer, as I am clearly spending my vacation at Future World and want to troll the people running these hosts.

You walk into your local grocery store and find a solitary camel with four humps, drinking cognac. The store is otherwise unoccupied. The camel appears to be sick, but continues to drink.

>>51033682

What's a cat?

>>51034949

"You know what a dog is?" "Yeah." "Same thing."

>>51034000
but you can't get ye flask

>>51033682

I hand him a burger.

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>>51033878

>>51034966
Why can't you get ye flask?

>>51038071
That's a chick with a dick. Nice.

>>51033682
Rick, what the fuck?

>>51033821
Jesus christ is this from something? It's poetic.

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>>51038350
Question from the Voight-Kampff tabletop game

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I... I... What sort of questions is that? I nod.

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While cooking dinner, your wife calls. She asks if you will be home late. The dish is green beans and steak. The beans are seedless.

>>51038465
Say not by much, use it to get her flowers before I get home.

Treat a bitch who cooks you steak well, meng.

>>51033682
>>>/qst/

>>51038509
See >>51038385

>>51038495
You clearly care for your wife, anon.
That is very admirable. Now, these are just questions, and I don't make them up. They're designed to provoke an emotional response, so just answer quickly and truthfully.

You are in the woods. You stoop to drink from a lake - the lake seems murky, uninviting. Bugs buzz in the air, and a fish breaks the surface, a little way off.
Though you are repulsed, you take a drink.
Why is that, anon?

>>51038598
Probably because I'm lost and potentially dehydrated, but ultimately I don't have enough context to tell you for certain.

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>>51038659
You do need to contemplate these answers, simply answer quickly and truthfully.
Please do not get agitated.

Now. You are at a society affair. The guests are enjoying raw oysters as the main dish, but the entrée was boiled dog.
Do you eat?

>You are on an airplane. Over the intercom, the pilot announces he's leaving the cockpit to fight you
>Your wife looks away

>>51034387
He said exit your office, not your office building.

>>51038509
Why don't you just use your mod powers yadda yadda

>>51034926
I don't think they respond to that command from guests. I've been wondering exactly how much discussion people have about WW in the outside world. I imagine there's probably at least a wiki about all the things people have found (Pariah, etc.).

>>51034926
>I am clearly spending my vacation at Future World
It made me laugh imagining a theme park that has things like flying cars (that actually fly) that don't exist in the "real world".

>>51038385

im loving these questions

>55. You’re the lone police officer monitoring traffic for speeding. You catch someone and pull them over. It’s your spouse. Do you write them up

>No, I blackmail them for guaranteed future sex.

>>51038731
I eat the dog, but not the oysters. I hate oysters.

>>51038731

no, i get drunk and embarass myself

>>51038731
Hell no. I don't associate with Korean pigu.

>>51038731

>You do need to contemplate these answers, simply answer quickly and truthfully. Please do not get agitated

He has a stoic demeanor and calmly says: "But I am answering truthfully. The people who made these tests should have studied philosophy."


>Now. You are at a society affair. The guests are enjoying raw oysters as the main dish, but the entrée was boiled dog.
Do you eat?

"You have a contradiction there, I suguest you read the definition of entrée. But, for the sake of argument, I'll give you resonates each possible world."

"If the meal consists of oysters, then I'll eat it. ... If the meal consists of dog, then I first ask the waiter if it is replicant dog--as eating real dog is against the law and the aversion toward eating something 'dog-like' is irrational."

As he said all or this his facial expression, tone of voice, and eyes remained very stoic. He also dressed like one would expect of a college professor.

>>51039215
>As he said all or this his facial expression, tone of voice, and eyes remained very stoic.

I feel as though you have never read Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep, nor have you watched the movie Blade Runner.

>>51039243

Some humans do behave like that.

>>51039270
Right, but the VK doesn't care about your voluntary body expressions. Come back when your greentext mentions being able to manually control the dilation of your irises.

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>>51039098
Interesting.

>>51039101
Please answer the questions as posed.

>>51039153
Wise. They are all replicants. I should know.

>>51039215
Hmm - Interesting.
To tell you the truth, I don't know the educational background of the people who make these questions. Hell, they might be plumbers.
Would you like a cigarette?
Again, just relax, you do not need to answer these questions at length. We simply measure emotional responses.

It may be a little while, but rest assured that we a have a remarkably low rate of false positives. There is no cause for alarm.

You are a proffessional interviewer. You interview people suspected of falsely posing as humans.
You offer the man you are interviewing a cigarette. He declines.
What is your next question?

>>51039545

"... I. Do. Not. Eat."

>>51039545
This question. Then I ask him how he feels about recursive questions.

>>51039545

"do you have a preceeding heart or lung condition"?

>>51039640
Did you mean 'a preexisting heart or lung condition'?

>>51039545
"You wanna go for some coffee after this?"

>>51039293
You are now dilating manually.

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>>51039763

>>51039621
this is getting entirely too meta.
I mean damn, Charlie Kaufman, some of us have work in the morning.

>>51040203
"How do you feel about the impact of meta arguments?"

>>51040278
Fun things are fun. Meta is usually pretty fun. But it can go too far.
Do you know what your own cum tastes like? Masturbation is fun, but if you ever jack off to the point that it gets in your mouth, you've probably gone too far.
That's about the same point meta leaves a foul taste in my mouth. It tastes like self-congratulatory cleverness and salty pennies.

>>51040312
>Masturbation is fun, but if you ever jack off to the point that it gets in your mouth, you've probably gone too far.

On the contrary, that means you're just beginning to go far enough.

>>51039545
You a droid?

>>51033762
Kek

>>51033762
F U C K

>>51040312
"If you had to describe one aspect of your mother as 'tasting like self-congratulatory cleverness and salty pennies' what would it be?"

>>51033682
>express confusion with mild distaste
>Ask "Why is he there?"

>>51040405
probably her meta humor.

>>51040312
>Masturbation is fun, but if you ever jack off to the point that it gets in your mouth, you've probably gone too far.

You lack ambition.

>>51038598
Earlier I was hungry, and ate several mushrooms. The mushrooms were hallucinogenic. I am on Pluto.

>>51040435
I mean, it's funny you say that, that really is one of my flaws.
I could make excuses about having had ambition once and having it beaten out of me by failures, but honestly I was never very deeply motivated by my dreams as they were. If my needs are met and I'm comfortable, I'm happy with my place in the universe.

>>51040497
That's generally not so wrong, so long as your needs aren't being met by inflicting undo suffering on another. Ataraxia is a fine goal.

>>51040534
I mean, beyond "I live in the first world, so my cell phone and clothes and shit are all made by slaves in southeast asia" I'm not inflicting suffering. I pay my own bills by working for a living, just not going out of my way to try to move up the corporate ladder or anything.

>>51040566
Then hey man, power to ya. The world would be a much better, though probably less advanced, place if everyone could just be happy with having enough.

>>51040566
We prefer to use the term "replicants" so as to not confuse them with actual humans, capable of suffering, rather than a finely crafted facsimile.

>>51034949

Chinese BBQ.

>>51041627
Did you know, the fastest way to pass a Turing test is to aggressively attack your proctor's humanity?

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>>51033682
Cat? I'll tell you about my cat!

>>51042088
Bot detected.

>>51042088
>>51042311
I know I'm human. What are you?

>>51042376
I'm one of multiple scripts set to run on this website to maintain the illusion of other participants and posters than you.

>>51041627
no one is crafting southeast asians. they're actually people.

>>51042376
>>51042414
Both of those are impossible, because I know for a fact that I'm a Boltzmann brain and none of this actually exists.

I am a human.

Beep boop.

>>51042455
That's what the random chaos of entropic fluctuations WANT YOU TO THINK.

>>51042507
hey, I've gotta ask. What does beep boop actually mean?

>>51042655
It means we still have one meatbag to hunt down.

What if there aren't any actual humans left?
What if the beings with a full emotional range and reproductive capabilities are just second generation replicants?

>>51042790
I guess we'll know for sure in a few years.

>>51033682
You are walking down the street when a clown in the sewer. He asks if you want a balloon.

>>51042807
I ask him what floats down there.

>>51042872
he says they ALL float down here. When you're down here with us, you'll float too!

>>51038509
I'm sure there is a dick somewhere you should be sucking .

>The plastic tips at the ends of shoelaces are called aglets
>Their true purpose is sinister

>>51043522
This isn't about conspiracy theories, it's about situations to evoke emotional reactions.

>>51043650
You don't get emotional about aglets?

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>>51043522
>>51043650
>>51043662
Actually, why wouldn't the test contain a few statements meant to illicit emotional responses?

If you heard that you'd be credulous about its validity. That's a measurable emotion on the human face.

>>51042293
Under-lifespan post.

>>51042790
Remember, the test doesn't actually screen for replicants, just plonks you on a bell curve of empathetic reactions. The rest is constant conjecture.

>>51038385
This looks like a great game, tense as fuck. I've got to convince one of my friends to play this with me.

kill jester

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>>51039243
>I feel as though you have never read Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep
I feel as if he did. He reminds us that real animals are almost extinct, and we should empathize more with them in the spirit of Mercerism.

>>51046132
>just plonks you on a bell curve of empathetic reactions. The rest is constant conjecture.

Remember: lack of emotional affect is what separates us real humans from the replicants.

>>51038385
I get the feeling this would be an excellent game drinking with friends. The question is, where do you keep your drinks while you're all sitting around the table? You could just hold them in your hand, but if they were to be put on the table a move to grab your whiskey could be seen as a move to pick up your gun.
Is this a design flaw, or a feature?

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>>51042293

>>51042790
What if humans never even existed in the first place, but will in the future, when replicants master the highest degree of bioengineering ?
Are we a product of ourselves based on false memories implanted by some other us ?

>>51044060
Is Danny de Vito fully human ?

>>51051730
He's about half.