Let's play a fun little game /tg/. Use Gatherer's

Mageta the Lion

Well, that kicks ass

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>>50889050
Not what I was hoping for, but I'll take it. Bodyguards who are ripped. as bi-scum i am pleased as punch

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>>50889083
>that kicks ass
Mageta's a badass, but his allies tend not to survive long. He's like Gideon except cool.

>>50889050

On my phone, so no image, but Arashin War Beast is pretty good considering everything else!

I suspect I'd have to very quickly get a large plot of land for it to graze on. It's ability only triggers when it's attacking so that means no ethereal manifestation army for me unless I go supervillain.

Overall I could manage and it's a solid defense against a lot of nasty things out there.

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>>50889050
Eh. Maybe I could get it to serve me drinks or something.

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Sweet

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Joy...

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Oh shit nigga.

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>>50889553
Get on my level, bi- atch

>>50889594
That looks vaguely female, it's going to eat your ass.

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Dragon!

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>>50889050
Let's see what I get...

Oh, look, it wants to kill me. Thanks, OP.

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This mean I'm princess mononoke now?

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Well I guess I'm fucked.

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Oh, nice. I get a cool flying weird-ass looking buddy and then after he dies I gain a new layer of protection.

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>>50889050
Th-this is just a fucboi looking dude, r-right?

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I'll just have to build my house on a graveyard site, and I think I won't be bothered by much.

I wonder if he won't be a fan of living in a desert.

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Definitely improved.

>>50890028
No. But those are some big blades.

>>50889215
I like the way you think, sir.

>>50890048
Well rip me then

>>50890061
Could be worse. You could of gotten Oona.

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>>50890036
>nibbles.jpg
you got me

here's mine. lazy, opulent friend that if he dies leaves me some of his crap? sure, I guess. I mean unless lewd is allowed. that man is a looker.

>>50890121
OP here, lewd is allowed if you're into dudes. Homos circumvent the female clause.

The big question here is it big enough to ride?

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>>50889050
BFFs

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>>50890205
forgot image

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I guess my house get's haunted by a book loving ghost.

As long as he stays quiet while he reads...

>>50890205

Mine is a 6/6 buffalo/wolverine thing. I think it probably can double as a mount.

>>50890213
You're a lucky guy bruhv.

>>50890205
I've got a hexproof wolf, so sadly no.

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Funny, I wanted to run these dudes in a deck with Odric 2.0 for a while.

>>50889144
kys literal faggot

>>50890304
Shit, I remember these guys. One of the first cards I've ever got as a kid.

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>>50889050

AHAHAHAHA IT'S APOCALYPSE TIEM!

>>50890227

Not only is he quiet, but in the morning just before you wake up, you have fevered visions of things that may be during the day, giving you insight as to how to handle future events.

>>50889950

You are forever prevented from going innawoods for the threat of this angry forest spirit gutting you is too great. Should you ever enter into any copse of trees thick enough that you can't see the end on the other side, you will be horribly attacked, mutilated, and left as a warning to all who cross the forest.

>magic: the SJW pandering thread
>filled with mincing little cockbitches

Why am I surprised

>>50890307
Nah, I'm good. Thanks for the offer. If you're cute I might consider it though.

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>>50889050
Don't mind me, just chilling with my invincible sky beast.

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I mean.... it would be interesting.

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>tfw completely and utterly fucked
>tfw nothing can protect you
>not even the army

I doubt even hiding in a bunker will save me with fucking EIGHT POWER. How do I spend my last moments bros?

>>50890459
Tell her to show tits or get the fuck out.

>>50889050
By the way OP, can I try again? This shit's kinda fun.

>>50890483
OP here, roll away friendo

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>>50890459
Befriending this

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Mischievous devil bro. Probably would make a shitty roommate but would be fun to hit the town with.

>>50890468
Eh, if I'm about to be turned into a fine paste I may as well try.

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got prime time. pretty neat.

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>>50890497
Jeeze, what's with me and green tonight. Not bad mind you. Wait, is Kodama a female? Can spirits have genders....Oh shit.

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Look at this crazy fucker,you know he can turn the town red just by looking at him.

Dude flies too so that's like the best piggyback ride ever.

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Sweet. I think I become ruler of the world now.

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I had to roll like 20 times. I kept getting enchantments. Friggin weird.

>finally get a giant snake that can copy itself and give me extra spells.

Welp, I'm a spellslinger at heart, so I guess this works out.

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'dem dicksuckin' lips

>>50891385
>If the card represents a female in any way, it instead devotes itself to killing you. Sorry degenerates.
Yo fucked, cracka

>>50891385
>makes an almost endless army of 2/2 elves.
>acts like a crazy ex- girlfriend.

You're so dead.

>>50889050
>Silver Myr
Guess I don't have to wash the dishes myself anymore.

Fog Bank.

I guess people will have a tough time attacking me and I will be surrounded by fog constantly. Maybe I'll work at a lighthouse.

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>>50889050
Life is now a grand adventure living on top of this guy

>>50891922
Gotta love the durrdle turtle.

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I am now friends with a wall.

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>>50889679
>>5089030
>>50890468
>>50890369
>>50891411
>>50891438

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I aint never had a friend like him

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>>50889050
It's only a whelp but it's a dragon. It could grow into something great though.

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I'm okay with this

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This is pretty badass. Angels are pretty much the ideal servants and guardians.

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>>50889050
I WILL ADORN THEM IN THE FINEST OF STEEL FORGED IN THE HOTTEST OF FLAMES

THEY SHALL BE MY MOUNTS AS I CHARGE TOWARDS ENEMIES UNKNOWN

THEY SHALL BE THE SOLDIERS I LEAD TO THE DESTINY OF OUR PEOPLE

THEIR SCIENTISTS WILL PRODUCE THE FINEST WEAPONRY SO THAT WE MAY CONQUER THE STARS

I AM NO LONGER TO BE CALLED BY MY BIRTH NAME

I AM
THE EMPERBEAR

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Not bad. Lots of green around where I live so surely it'll get its buff.

Quite the bodyguard/muscle to have around.

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I don't know shit about Magic but he looks badass.

>>50892682
I barely play and I fucking agree.

I think it's the art on the black cards that drew me in.

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>>50889050

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>>50892183

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Not bad

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>>50889050
Not too bad.

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>>50894716
Oh wait, I only now realize that I'm dead.

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>tfw can't into thoughtweft

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>>50892010
We must fight to the death

>>50894830
> (Walls can't attack.)
Such intoxicating naivety.

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cool, but slivers are so annoying

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Daru Healer. Morph, and it can prevent damage. So, someone that's just kind of there without being a big attention grabber that helps me out here and there. Not bad.

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>>50889050
Goddamit, I'm going to get murdered

My last words are

AROUND ELVES, WATCH YOURSELVES

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What am I, Corvo?

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>If the card represents a female in any way, it instead devotes itself to killing you
Well, shit.

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Well isn't this a hot piece of ass.

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Gonna reverse the gender stuff because I ain't into chicks. Guess we're going to hang out and talk about Avacyn and stuff.

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Great, I get the retarded cousin of Innistrad's werewolves

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>>50892579

sup

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>>50894830
>>50892010
We must unite our forces and find one with the power to tutor up Rolling Stones..

Then the world will be ours.

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>>50895837
Does this count?

>>50889050
[Spoiler]Fuck your spoiler text, Angels are GOOD

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Fuck your rules.
I'm a dragon now.

>>50890004
Wow, jewish cards look pretty cool, and the set icon/color/art makes it look biblical

>>50896075
But maybe you're not

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>>50889050
Looks like it will protect me.
Once.

>>50889050
Thriving Ibex

A sick ass Goat as a pet. And he can get more powerful at least once. So that helps out.

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This works.

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So, I am friends with a commie. Cool?

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Whoa, I've never seen this one before...
Awww it's a cute bunny :D
Uh...I guess my life improves. Kezzy can beat someone up as long as they "control no creatures" whatever that means.

>>50896945
>anarchist
>commie
Pick one

>>50897826
Whoops I read that wrong. I'd lose 4 life.
Well as long as I don't meet an "opponent"
I'll be fine...I guess...

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This is just spooky. I guess we could spook people together.

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>>50889050
As soon as I'd get drowsy, it's just hold that loss by tapping in my place.

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Well I get +1/+1

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I suppose i can live with a weeaboo fightan djinn. I wonder if he is fuckable?

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For the glory of Phyrexia!

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>Craw Giant
Well he's not the best creature in the world, but he's far larger and stronger than a man, so he will make a stalwart companion.

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its okay

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>>50890227
I rolled again till I got a female, so,
She can attack from the air, ghost bro can't stop that I'm screwed

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Ah hell yeah, we're going to purge some eyeblights and not afraid of anything.

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I very much like this. Not only do I get fluffy companion to cuddle and hold hands with, but he also makes me buff as hell.

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>>50889050

One way to find out.

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Doesn't offer much in the way of protection but boy, would my garden flourish

>>50898603
Anon and Silverheart, wrestling duo.

>>50898676
Hold the fuck up. Why did you make a custom card of a real card?

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Genderless cosmic horror ahoy! Time to remake the world in my image.

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uuuh
how is this ability a good thing
at least it's huge

>>50898973
Should we tell him?

>>50898930
Just googled it because gatherer wouldn't let me link it, didn't even see it was a fake

>>50898973
Emracool is best girl. You're fucked.

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Kinda lame, but hey, you don't say no to free golems.

>>50898181
Kek

>>50898981
If somebody shot a bolt at your face it would absorb the damage you took and if it had long enough to recover it would regenerate to do it again

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Wow.

>>50899800
He shouts encouraging things at you during fights, but is too puny to actually fight himself.

>>50892290
cute

CUTE!

>>50892572
>depicts a female
that angel is killing you son

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Niceeee

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Could be worse!

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>>50889050
Well this sucks shit. People are going to think I am a furfag now.

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Already hard and waiting.

>>50902548
you dead son, you deeeeeaaaad.

>>50899671
RTFC, you can redirect damage to you, not the other way around

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>>50889050

Well, I guess I get some points for the coolest ride in school.

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A giant freaky mutant catfish monster?

Not bad. Plus I'm pretty sure my own color identity includes blue, so if I count as a creature (which, since I don't seem to be awakening a spark as part of this scenario, seems to be the case) it makes me stronger and more energized to boot.

>>50903454
>Plus I'm pretty sure my own color identity includes blue

>>50903478
I mean, if I were a card in MtG I'm pretty sure I'd be WU, both by my personality and my profession/skills (pharmacy with a background in academic research, so the healing side of white with the knowledge/science side of blue).

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>>50898973

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>>50903454
Good old Murkfiend Liege. I've pissed off more people with him then I can count. Good job Anon, he'll serve you well. Speaking of which I get this. A horrific shadow monster that can't be blocked. Well, it could of been worse.

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>>50889050

I ask him the secrets of flight. If anything, I'd probably end up becoming an apprentice, as opposed to the master.

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Sooo... How much can i get done with all the countries i'll own as long as i have him?

I'll be able to bleed them dry for a shitload of money, that's for sure but what else can i do? sell them to myself perhaps?

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>>50889050
Yay!

>>50905216
Did you read the spoiler friend?

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Guess I have an undying angry plant protecting me!

>>50905285
I did. Maybe I wanna die.

>>50904451
Whatever you decide to do you need to do it quickly, once you own all of the land he will leave you and everyone is coming to get their homes back.

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>>50889050
I'm not sure how I feel about this, it's a powerful ally but I can't help but feel that I won't be the one calling the shots in this relationship.

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>>50889050
>Foul Imp
Use him to rob a series of stores late at night since I think he has near human intelligence.

>>50898981
Dude you literally got a stand.

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Good dog.

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Bretty solid.

>>50898227
That is canonically a female. You're getting fucked in the ass and you can't even target her.

>1st go, Joven's Ferrets

I get some cool ass little ferret's to take care of, that I can offensively to distract people. I'm basically what's-his-nuts the beastmaster without being a 240 pound beefcake. Cool enough.

>2nd, Spellgorger Barbarian

His arrival plunges me into a temporary bout of madness where I randomly forget something, probably permanently. When and if he ever dies, I get a great idea for that business I've always wanted to open up.

>3rd Phage the Untouchable

Oh. I die and she probably proceeds to annihilate any nearby cities until somebody finally puts her out of her misery with a fucking tank. At least it will be quick for me.

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So.... like a guard dog only better?

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>Wanted Kozilek, the Great Distortion
>Ended up with an obscure ramp elf trying to kill me instead
Not an improvement but not really much of a hindrance either.

>>50892682
Congrats, you're fucking rich

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>>50889050
JUST

>>50903525
Blue white is by default the color of smug faggots so yeah I think you've nailed it

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>>50889050
notbad.jpg

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Yeah not really something i want in my life desu

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>>50889050
OH SHIT
OH FUCK
SHIT FUC

>>50907283
Why? I'm curious, explain please.

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Looks like I'm going to have a very tough time keeping this guy from going after the neighbours, and the neighbours' neighbours. At least when some authority shows up, he'll take out multiple at a time, right?

Maybe we could "rob" (read: smash) three banks right beside each other at the same time!

>>50908995
cof·fer
ˈkôfər,ˈkäfər/Submit
noun
plural noun: coffers
1. a strongbox or small chest for holding valuables.
synonyms: strongbox, money box, cashbox, money chest, treasure chest, safe;
2. a recessed panel in a ceiling.


The Cabal may not be rich anymore, but that man knows what wealth is. And if I know anything about black mana and those who use it, they'll have some of that wealth back soon.

Jam Magus of the Coffers in any EDH deck with Necrotic Ooze to extract delicious wins.

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My dragons shall blot out the sun!

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Seems pretty bland but I'll take it.

Litterally hold the world ransom

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>>50909845

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>>50889050
Probably going to teach me to suck less at life or something. Neat.