Hey /tg/, which race makes the best steak in fantasy? Orcs,

>>50700108

Minotaur

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>>50700108
Gorkan Ramsey can assure you dat orks make da best steaks. We don't get our meats frum sum diddly twats in da market. WE GETS OUR MEAT STRAIGHT FROM DA BEAST!

Den we cooks it up real noice, lil bit o' seasn'n an serve wit taters.

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>>50700155
What's taters?

>Orc steak
Cooked over a large campfire (more like thrown in a pan that is then itself thrown into a bonfire) in a mixture of herbs, spices, and vegetables native to the rough orcish lands. Very smoky and spicy.

>Dwarf steak
Big hunks of meat smothered in rub and charbroiled till well done in gigantic brass and stone furnaces. Extremely savory.

>Elf steak
Only the finest cuts of beef seared blue and served with a light white-wine sauce and asparagus (or appropriate fantasy equivalent) on the side. A light, elegant taste.

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>>50700125
Underrated post.

Orcs strike me as the types to cook it till it's basically just charcoal, elves seem like they'd serve it still bleeding, dwarves somewhere in between.

>>50700155
10/10 saved and /thread

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>>50700108
>Orcs, Dwarves or Elves?
Nigga please

>>50700108
Humans.

>>50701085
>>50700125
Anon, that's cannibalism. Or sort of.

>>50701126
Not if you're a human cooking the tauren.

>>50701175
>tauren are the best stakes
>tauren make other tauren
>tauren make the best stakes
I get it.

>>50700108
...and I just made some pretty good grilled steaks...

>>50700368
>cooked in fire

>cooked on charcoal

>cooked on PROPANE

>>50700312

Po-ta-toes, my compatriot.

>>50702781
>>50700312
it's what you get if you bury the guts of Irish men

Elves and Dwarves actually rarely cook steak. Elves do not typically raise domestic animals for food, instead they eat things they actually hunt or trap themselves. Venison "steaks" and are often served with forest mushrooms, and rich fortified wines. Rabbits, (which often eats elven crops) are also common to eat.

Dwarves by contrast typically eat mountain goat with strong aged spirits occasionally watered down with apple and berry juices or malted barley water. Dwarves and elves actually share a common love of mushrooms. Dwarves also use goat milk, fermented, creamed, and otherwise, as a flavoring in many dishes (in addition to just enjoying cave fermentation of sausages and meats in general. Dwarves also love pickles of everything from fish to chicken eggs to pigs feet).

Orcs are actually the only one of the the three that regularly interact with cattle (usually owned by humans) and as with most every meat eaten by orcs, cattle is eaten seared to the orc's preferred doneness (usually rare) in a fire. Orcs actually cook with a wide variety of spices and so their dishes often take on an exotic caste. Tougher cuts are rubbed with these sweet and aromatic spices before being left to roast tender in the still warm embers of the fireplace till morning.

The steak most likely to eat steak as we would envision it is humans followed closely by halflings (though a halfling would normally never hurt and animal they consider much more useful alive than dead.)

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Humans.

Humans are always the best, in half the time.

We should just get rid of the other demi-human abominations.

pic unrelated

>>50700108
Probably orcs.
Dwarves have more limited supplies of straight meat, since they live in the mountains. I suspect dwarves would be damn good at cooking mountain fish or doing goat farming, though.
Elves have a tendency to be vegetarians and sticks in the mud, so the amount of their people who would take the time to cook steak would be extremely limited.
Orcs, however, live in areas where bovines would be useful and easily availiable, and even if they are nomads or raiders, at least buffalo or the equivalent would be a prime meat target.

>>50700108
It depends on the setting.

Orcs cook and eat their steaks well-done.

>>50700368
>steaks cooked well done
I always knew dwarves were shit tier, but this explains why they're always dying out. Such shit taste is terminal.

>>50709995
If anything, orcs are the ones most likely to eat it seared and bloody, provided they don't just eat it raw

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>>50700108
dragons.

>>50711096
to be fair, being able to sear both sides at the same time is a marked advantage at keeping the moisture in. The steak won't even be squished, either.

>>50710093
>shit tier
You just have shit taste.
And enjoy your parasites, because I don't think medieval-tier civilizations have modern-tier food sanitation tech.

>>50711907
You have no taste whatsoever if you think we'll done tastes good or that dwarves are anything but garbage people only like because of DA MEEMS

Elven steaks makes a terribly, terribly long - first you need raise a PERFECT cow, like a marbled meat or something. They sing a sad song when they have to butcher their cow for being a steak. Then you need prepare meat and seasonings, which takes about a month at least. Only then you might need to begin heat up a grill. Elven steaks might be perfect, but they make them well done.

Dwarven steaks might be the best steaks you've ever had, albeit they tend to be dry. But boy, beware if you mix up a wrong sauce or even DARE to question recipe, you and whole your family would be a target for a centuries long bloody grudge.

Ork steaks are not sophisticated - rub some salt, pepper and throw it into firepit. Let it roast a minute then eat. Or kill. Or rape. Or eat while raping, I'm not a judging you.

>>50700108
Orks cook the best steaks
Elves make the best steaks
Take that as you will

>>50700368
Based on that description, definitely orc. Though, the dwarven steak doesn't sound too bad either.

>>50711204
A chef with built in convection oven in his mouth.

>>50711096
Dragons are pretty tasty, if MonHun taught me anything

>>50711907
Cooking any halfway decent steak well done absolutely ruins the texture

>>50701242
Stakes are for when the poker game gets intense
Steaks are for after the game

learn to fucking english

>>50700368
>well done
>savory
Pick one.

As an Orc, elves do. Admitted a bit stringy but their meat is much more tender than that of a dwarf or fellow orc. Mostly due to their vegetarian diet. Herbivores always taste better than omnivores or carnivores.

>>50712366
to be fair though, well done is different than overcooked.

>>50712279

Can you fuck off with your asshurt crybaby bullshit?

>>50712387
Fair point, but even a properly cooked well done steak will be drier and chewier than it could have been. Unless you're eating really dodgy meat I don't see why you wouldn't have it at least medium well. I bet most people wouldn't even notice it's not well done by taste alone, just that it's juicier than usual

>>50711907
Rather unrelated to the topic at hand, but Ulysses S. Grant like his steak well done because he couldn't stand the blood in steak. Probably because of his experience in battles. Really though if you like steak well done then fuck you

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>>50700108
>Precision crafting the best steaks
Obviously Dwarves.

>>50712405
Says the whiny dorfwanker

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>>50713458
Indeed

> Orcs, ogres and goblinoids toss all their meat into a pot with rice and cook it with cumin, curry spices and clarified butter, accompanied by cups of a milk-based alcoholic drink that gives you the shits
> Dwarves eat stuffed grape leaves along with savory chunks of skewered meat roasted over low flames, washed down by swigs of dwarven liquor and boiled wine
> Elves eat barely cooked, lightly tortured animals of various species, including humanoids. "Guess the species" is a popular party game, with chefs using cooking methods, spells, spices and flavoring to try to thwart their wine-addled guests' sophisticated palates

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>>50700312
>>50702781
>>50703225

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Why do people bring up goat as an answer for dwarf having meat dishes

We have an answer already

>>50700108
Would some anon please have the decency to post orc restaurant critique?

>>50707784
That white mage knows EXACTLY what she's doing.

Elves are vegan collectors, so no meat.
Orcs eat any meat as jerky.
And dwarves are by far the best butchers. Plus, they really know how to cook meat.
Any other dwarven food is shit tier, tho.

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>>50714187
got you covered

>>50714585
Spotted the 1d4chan memeturd

>>50712369
How do you know he didn't mean stakes?

Dwarves might have precision, elves may have some of the fancier cuts.

BUT HOLD ON TO YOUR DICK PONCHO.

HOW ABOUT THE SPICIEST, BLOODIEST, SAUCE SMOTHERED SLAB OF BEEF YOU'VE EVER HAD? THIRTY SIX OUNCES SERVED MEDIUM RARE WITH THREE BAKED POTATOES AND A CHIEFTAIN'S MUG OF HONEY MEAD.

THEN GET READY FOR THE BEST GODDAMN FALL OFF THE BONE PORK RIBS YOU'VE EVER HAD. MARINATED FOR 48 HOURS IN OUR SEVENTEEN SPICE BARBECUE SAUCE AND A SIDE OF CRACKLING BACON.

THEN BEND THE FUCK OVER ABIGAIL MAY, BECAUSE HERE COMES THE GRAVY PIPE

>>50719511
Sounds great for anyone who wants to get through the meal without ever actually tasting the meat.

>>50710093
>implying you want tapeworms
Steak is pheb tier. Real men eat the entire cow.

>>50719206
Why so angry, anon?
I don't even come from 1d4chan.

Dwarves/Elves? Why not both?

Dwarves are the more likely culture to raise domesticated animals but their vegetable growth is mostly limited to stuff that grows underground or hardy enough to live in mountains.

Elves are less likely to raise domesticated animals but they are the masters of finding the perfect blend of herbs and spices for seasoning.

By their powers combined you get steaks raised and seasoned by the two great artisan races. As long as you manage to avoid a war in the process.

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>Orcs

smear a fistful of BBQ sauce over the steaks, cook them for a bit, eat them rare.

>Dwarves

Pour a pint of ale over the steaks, smack some seasoning on it, cook until well done, serve alongside some good drinks and taters for a hardy meal.

>Elves

Season the steaks with plenty of olive oil, garlic, thyme, and butter. Cook until medium-rare, serve alongside a salad and a glass of wine.

Pic unrelated.

>>50715971
Thank you, anon.

>>50719511
>elves may have some of the fancier cuts.
elven steak looked fancy, mouth watering and smells delicious ... until you put it in your mouth and realize it's grilled tofu.

>>50721093
Elves are more likely to make a carpaccio out of the meat than to cook it

>>50700108
Orks - bunch of rampaging always evil migratory fuck bumbers. they aren't even going to cook stead. they made meat edible, good job.
Dwarves - again lack of cattle underground. chances are your "steak" is made of a mushroom and about as filling.
Elves - The poncy fuckwits can probably cook. After all its basically a part of what they base their entire society off of in shitty fantasy with no original thought.

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>>50721459
>chances are your "steak" is made of a mushroom and about as filling.

Have you never had a portabella mushroom steak?

>>50721547
No, because they don't exist.

>>50721547
yes I cook them fairly often in the summer months. They may taste good but they are about as filling as a teaspoon of air.

>>50721641
>They may taste good but they are about as filling as a teaspoon of air.

That is incredibly unfortunate and I did not know that!

>>50722352
I think it's fortunate, because you can eat more of them.

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>>50700108
Elves make the best steaks.

Ever seen an elf eat meat? They eat grass and veggies, like cows and other farmyard animals.
They are grazers, they are there to be eaten.

And they are delicious with parsnips and sprouts. Yes, this christmas, I shall roast a christmas elf.

>>50700108

Orc is gamey and tough, Dwarf is dry and tough, Elf is like veal, but not enough.