What are some things adventurers could find sealed away for 10,000

>>50462994
World destroying technology

>>50462994
Skeletons in crypts.
Dead people.
Fossils.
Fossil fuels.

>>50462994
The corrupted remains of a world-destroying villain.
Holy secrets saved for only the direst times of need
skub

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A highschool time-capsule.

>>50462994
The secret porn stash of an ancient evil.
It might not defeat villains, but if you show the stash to its original owner, it might get so embarrassed about the sins of its youth that you get an attack of opportunity.

>>50462994

Nuclear waste.

>>50462994
An intelligent weapon bent on ending a bloodline of some kind. A forgotten piece of technology from a race lost to the ages. A wonderous collection of books and scrolls containing almost endless, bountiful knowledge. A gateway to another plane of existence.

>>50462994
Casks of honey. Still good!

Rocks

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The Clock of the Long Now would actually be a pretty fun joke dungeon.

>carved into the desert mountains
>strange symbols and dead languages near the cavern
>follow a long straight tunnel so far you cannot see the light from the entrance anymore
>you enter a room dominated by a 3-story contraption. A staircase leads you to a large wheel running the circumference of the machine.
>it takes three party members to move it. After a full turn it locks into place, and the machine slowly clunks to life. Rods move up and down as the gears wildly spin.
>A star chart at the top begins to rotate wildly, trying to catch up with 10,000 years of lost time.
>it all whams to a halt. A soft ticking can still be heard.
>you check the readout. The artificer pulls out his pocket watch.

"Tch, all that and it's 5 minutes slow!"

yo mammas snatch

AW SHEEEIT I WENT THERE

>>50463308
Everyone went in there. You're not special.

A cute girl! She had to be sealed away for being too cute!

>>50463417
Fuck off.

>>50462994

Wally. Took a while, but you finally found him.

>>50463448
Cute!

>>50462994
A vacuum sealed technical and medical library, also containing a dictionary and language primer and several working solar panels and computers.

>>50463192
I'd slap him and tell him his watch is fast.

>>50462994
Ancient, formless entities that just want to sleep.

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>>50462994
>Players discover an ancient sword stuck in a stone.
>Detection magic shows it's not evil
>It is however sentient and annoying as fuck

Until they put it back put up a background track of a political talk show that the player who wields it disagrees with the most.

>Stefan Molyneux the Sword

A duck that shits gold.

And all of the noblemen of the land are willing to kill for it.

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>>50462994
Spent Nuclear Fuel from a reactor. It's still hot and radioactive after 10,000 years.

>>50466042
Holy hell, I laughed.
You win an internet.

>>50466101
>PCs break into an ancient vault looking for treasure
>Ignore warning about a horrible fate that would befall anyone who disturbs that which is buried here
>find a giant metal canister
>detect energy radiating from it
>break it open hoping for powerful items
>they find brown oxide powder and blistered corroded steel
>the next day start experiencing symptoms of reddening of the skin, diarrhea, vomiting, faintness, dizziness
>next week skin develops wet sores, hair starts falling out
>eventually collapse from starvation, dehydration, blood loss, and skin desquamation

Acute radiation poisoning would be a pretty unfair trap to spring on adventurers

>>50462994
Nuclear waste.
Magical waste.
Seeds of long-extinct plants.
Ancient stashes of preserved food.
A society of people who hid from an apocalypse of some kind, but nobody retrieved afterwards.

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>>50466042

An ancient, yet ultimately alright to be around force.

Like an Elder God, but they like humans and try to give advice when they can. Whether or not that advice makes sense in our reality is up for debate, but they at least try to be helpful.

>>50467110
Maybe all the Elder Gods originally liked humans but they got tired of being ignored.

Grafitti

>>50466436
The fighter will still pass his FORT save

>>50462994
Corpse of a guy who fell into a glacier and was well preserved.

>>50462994
the recipe for mom's spagetti

>>50462994
Valuable treaure hidden and then forgotten by the world.

>>50462994

>Seed vault
>Plants of ancient history ready to be planted
>New ingredients for magic and curatives

>Rosseta Stone like artifact
>Describes the events of the future, but are now on our past

>The entire species
>The adventurers find themselves frozen in time

>Realm reaching magic nullifier
>Sealed so that magic could exist, the seal was technology based

>>50463114
>looking back on some of the earliest faps you ever had and realizing how poorly drawn everything is in spite of how incredible you thought it all was at the time
Roll a will save

>>50463037
>skub
>not a world destroying villain

The shills are worse than ever

Sealed away hero who proved to be too much of a threat to that one powerful, expanding city-state of evil wizard slavers circa the dawn of modern civilization when bronze was hot shit

He still thinks the wizards are around and you can't stop him

>>50463134
>An intelligent weapon bent on ending a bloodline of some kind.
What if it's a weapon meant to destroy a bloodline that no longer exists due to some other extraneous circumstances.
>/pol/ Sword wakes up.
>"KILL ALL THE SARGAMENIANS."
>"Those people died out 9,000 years ago in a huge plague."
>"I HAVE NO PURPOSE IN THIS WORLD."

Then the rest of the adventure is the group just carrying a racist sword that constantly tells racist anecdotes or jokes about a race of people they have absolutely no context for understanding.

>>50469235
More realistically, the sword recognizes that every human alive (save for a few isolated island populations) is a distant relative to that bloodline.

A force for good that the bbeg sealed away

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An ancient Good that just wants to make the world a better place, but all the kings in the land derive their power from the dark lord who won 10,000 years ago, and so now they recruit a bunch of adventurers to vanquish Good once and for all.

>>50462994
A trap. Spring-loaded spikes or somesuch, so that it hits them when they unseal the chamber.

An ancient evil, sealed away until such a time as it could be dealt with. That time is now, and it's kind of pathetic.

A natural disaster in progress.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing; pure vacuum. The contents leaked away into the astral plane molecule by molecule.

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An immortal singing frog.

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>>50463471

>>50467299
this could be a pretty good setting, honestly.

A bunch of freaky ass star gods who came down on earth and did shit, but eventually as time went on their attitudes changed, and each in different ways.
One may still hang around and teach humans eldritch sciences and secrets, seeing the good in them, while another just fucked off to a mountain or a remote island and just sort of hangs. Another may decide that humans fucking suck and kills any they come across, while another may devote themselves to protecting the world from threats humans aren't yet eldritch enough to defend themselves against.

>>50469277

...so world ending terror?

>>50462994

40k ration bars.

They're probably still as close to edible as they ever were, too.

>>50462994
an Angel Grove, California destroying villain.

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>>50462994
a guitar. intact and preserved, and capable of changing the greyscale world you live in

>>50463146
Damnit, came here to say that

>>50462994
An ancient good who intends to kill all things remotely evil and was sealed by an alliance if villains

Weapon schematics for a +2 Weapon.

>>50462994
Cute fae creatures ala Batmite and Mr Mxyzptlk

>>50462994
A Dead God

>>50466042
Everything from that show was beautiful.

>>50462994
By sealed away, I'm assuming you mean actively and intentionally sealed instead of simply forgotten by time?

>several hundred years worth of cooked and prepared food, locked in a permanent time stop effect to prevent spoiling
>the magical, and fully depowered, staff of a defeated world destroying villain, known for creating artifacts of terrible power
>a collection of angry mollusks
>what can only be described as a self-contained and self-supporting breeding program for mimic octopi from uncountable aeons past. there are no octopi in sight, and you are greeted warmly by people of indeterminate ethnicity.
>a small population of long-extinct insects, best described as spiders with the anatomy of wasps, disposition of africanized bees and hive structure of ants. they prove nigh-immune to chemical attacks, and are roughly as hard to kill as cockroaches. their venom causes warts in the stung area, and they like to go for the eyes. the warts eventually fall off, and 1d4 grubs emerge from them 1d3 days later. the insects are somehow instinctively aware of this, and will arrive to retrieve the grubs almost instantly before they can be attacked by predators. which might've been a problem in their normal environment with reptiles as the dominant type, but the grubs are horribly toxic to mammals.

A bottle of pickles. Still fresh and delicious. Just aged well.

>>50469277
That was the first thing that came to mind, I thought it was boring and overdone.

>>50462994
A bag of holding. Full of nothing but solid mithril 10 inch dildos.

Is becoming rich by selling the contents really worth it?

>>50463450
Underrated post.

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>>50462994
An ancient arcanist's lunchbox, food uneaten and untouched, preserved with time magic and just as delicious (and probably still hot!) as the day as it was prepared.

>>50475585
>Not being known throughout the land as "Dildacales of Reasonable Prices"

Where the fuck do you think you are

The Warner Brothers and the Warner Sister Dot?

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>>50475693
Perfectly preserved food rations

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>>50462994
>What are some things adventurers could find sealed away for 10,000 years that are NOT world destroying villains?

And Ancient Spell, sealed away by those from a time long past for being too dangerous, too powerful for this world.
The spell is actually an outdated piece of crap that is worthless compared to even the most basic modern day magic, not just in cost and difficulty but also in effect. It's like finding the Ultimate Weapon of the ancient and it's a pointy rock

Final Fantasy 2 was the first game to have the Ultima Spell, and a good chunk of the game is spent working break the seals to acquire it so you can fight back against the BBEG with it. One of your party members even has to die to break the seals. When you get it, it is a piece of crap that deals almost no damage no matter how much you level it, being weaker maxed than some of the basic spells are starting out. It turned out there was a bug in the code for it and the Coder refused to fix it once it was found out, because he thought it made sense for some spell from 10,000 years ago to be way worse than what has been developed since then.

>>50463417
>>50463471
Is she really cute?

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>>50476488
DO NOT ASK FOR WHAT YOU ARE NOT PREPARED FOR, TRAVELER

>>50476638
How cute are we talking here?

>>50476638
Psssh, she can't be that cute.

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>>50476488

Graboids

>>50476638
There's no such thing as cute.

>>50476317
You know, I'm sure there's at least one canon character in D&D who is, what's the term? Pragmatic? Practical? enough to not even bat an eye at a never ending stream of mithril dildos.

All you'd have to do is set up a blacksmith shop somewhere that you can melt them down into mithril bars, and then you'd be set for life.

>>50476783
>melt them down into mithril bars,
Why would you do that?
That seems like a pointless step.

>>50476801
Because I am pretty sure the local prude will round up a mob of glorified witch hunters to murderhobo your ass if all you sell is giant dildos, made out of mithril or not.

They'll probably declare you some kind of demon worshiper trying to corrupt the pure and innocent. Hell, they would probably even get a paladin to join them to give them some credibility.

>>50476850
Alternatively, you could make a demon cult of debauchery and sin and hold weekly orgies to corrupt the pure and innocent.

>>50476850
The middle ages were way less prude than you think. They had daggers shaped like dicks, fittingly called the bollock dagger.
Knights added erect penises to their armor, just for bragging, and non-knights added ones to their clothes to not be left behind.

>>50476850

That's why you use a pneumatic hand-canon to shoot the mithril dildos at them until they go away.

>>50476850
>Adventurer
>Worrying about Murderhobos

>HEY DM
>WHAT
>HOW MUCH EXPERIENCE DO WE GET FOR KILLING PCS?! I KNOW YOU SAID NO PVP BUT THESE GUYS ARE STARTING SHIT

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>>50476736
>>50476689
>>50476659
I'M WARNING YOU

>>50477007
I bet that girl's not so cute.

>>50477007
Cute doesn't exist in nature.

>>50469076
>>Rosseta Stone like artifact
>>Describes the events of the future, but are now on our past
You know, I really like this. They find stone tablets telling of arrival of unspeakable evil and how to defeat it, but a little research shows that the date is 3000 years in the past. Did the evil win? Are the characters now living in a world of evil? Who can tell!

>>50477007
YOU'RE NOT CUTE

>>50477007
>>50477080
I'M NOT MOVED, DO YOU HEAR ME?
YOU'RE NOT CUTE!
YOU CAN'T MAKE MY HEART SKIP A BEAT!
NOT
CUTE

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>>50477020
>>50477036
L A S T C H A N C E

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>>50462994

A sandwich.

>>50477104
There. Is. No. Cute.

>>50477104
Not cute.
This is my stand, I need to take it now because if I don't then who will?

>>50477255
>>50477173
He's probably going to post something like a realistic oil painting of Yotsuba doing something adorable, isn't he? We done it now boys.

>>50477286
How do you live with yourself, knowing that there is a little girl going through an existential crisis right now because you denied her of her very nature?
She lives only to make your heart go warm and soft, and she is trying despite your cold and bitter nature. Have you no sense of mercy? Can't you even pretend to acknowledge her efforts?
You are the worst.

>>50477336
This site was founded on one principle above all else: The requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or the consequences. When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you she's cute, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world -- "You're not so cute.”

>>50462994
A rather fine hat.

>>50477336
There is only one truth in this place. There is only one idea, one concept, that is belived by every member of this site. Sure, we may argue, and bicker, and call each other faggots, but if you are going to post here you should know the Rule of this place.
Pics or it didn't happen

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>>50477496

>>50477545
DOOO ETTTT

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>>50477418
>>50477336
>>50477286
>>50477255
>>50477173

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>>50466436
>As the skin and flesh start falling off of his body the wizard has an idea
>Inspired by brains-in-a-jar he develops a spell that keeps his brain alive even without organs and moving even without muscles
>Thus Skeleton Wizard was born

>>50477775
>not just carrying a bar of plutonium with you throughout your adventures so that you slowly build up an immunity to radiation

what if the cute girl was already posted but we didn't recognize her then and now we'll never see her, because our hearts are no longer full of magic

>>50462994

Septic tank to the gods.

>>50475221
>spiders from hell

This is horrifying. I like it

>>50469466
>An ancient evil, sealed away until such a time as it could be dealt with. That time is now, and it's kind of pathetic.
OG SEAL ULTIMATE WEAPON

ULTIMATE WEAPON KILL ALMOST ALL

LOCKED AWAY FOR ALL TIME

It's a copper shortsword.

>>50477988
>>50476466

>>50477988
Side arms don't make for good ultimate weapons.

>>50469092
I look back, and see...it's actually not as bad as expected. Guess I rolled pretty well.

>>50476801
Yeah, this. Just claim that's the new mithril standard, and sell them as-is.

>>50462994

The Ur-Mime

>>50462994
Ancient good
Sleeping army of golems, awaiting order from its long-dead (?) master
Jehova's Witnesses still waiting for apocalypse
Ecosystem of very strange plants and animals that use geothermal energy instead of the sun
Gems made out of pure concepts (good, evil, skub, cuteness, purple, faith, et cetera)
Father of currently existing gods that was imprisoned here for being an ass and eating his children
Hell/Underworld

>>50478248
>Hell
Is she cute?

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>>50478269
That depends... Do you like sulfur, dry heat and painful pleasures?

>>50478290
So she's kinky?

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>>50478269
>Hell-tan
Heh heh. Are you into traps and monstergirls, anon?

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>>50478312
DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE FUCK YOU ARE

>>50478312
You don't have to be "in" to something, to post about it.
I mean look at /v/

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>>50462994
Sacred Tome-esque reality lynchpins/knowledge fonts/macguffins.

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Ancient sex toys.
Ancients texts that reveal that the Great Queen of this and that ancient kingdom may've had sexual relationships with some bard.

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>>50462994
Ancient Kings and their weapons

>>50479524
>What do you mean, I'm no longer king?
>some Breton upstart invaded my country and supplanted my dynasty with his almost 3000 years ago?
>Well, he's got no bloody legitimacy then! The people will know who their rightful lord is!
>What did you just say? De-democra... Are you saying my country iss being governed by a cult of Satanists now!?
>That's it, I'm going right now to save them. And I'll take this holy artifact of war with me, it might come in handy.

>>50475693

Oh man, if I found a good lunchbox from the 80s with a quality fresh meal in it that would be a fantastic day.

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>>50479421
Is that in centimeters?

>>50482354
It's a feminine penis.

>>50462994
the silver skeleton
http://archive.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/oa/20061017a

>>50463095
what was in it

>>50462994
A deadly virus in the permafrost

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>>50463417

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>>50476720

>>50470655
Bloodborne.

>>50469150
>not fucking loving skub
literally kill yourself
im not joking

>>50482354
No one ever claimed that ancient Swedes were well endowed

>>50484421
or modern either

>>50462994
A very bored shopkeeper

>>50462994
Pic related seems an excellent option...

>>50468506
>evil fighter passes fort
>proceeds to make armor of it and becomes a radioactive blackguard

>>50462994
Themselves.

See, they made a bargain with a gorgon - she'd petrify the and place them in the vault, and they'd be awakened after ten thousand years so they could fight in the final battle for the fate of the world.

Of course now the prophecy's long since turned out to be false, so they've got to figure out something else to do now that the current party has unsealed them.

>>50462994
A pickle jar.

>>50483166
Seconding this.

>>50462994
Some rocks.

>>50488727
> Stein is the quest giver.

>>50483603
>Capitalization/punctuation issues
>"literally"
Typical skubfag.

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familiar / waifu / pack mule

>>50479362
>Ancient wish-granting tome possessed by demon overlord
Fuck why haven't I stolen this yet, none of my players play NIS games they won't know a thing

>>50462994
Jars of still edible honey

Control unit for an army of Automaton -Farmers

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>>50491301
Sphinx Chan is the real treasure.

>Scrolls full of ancient, badly written teen poems made by BBEG or some evil god. They are sappy, sometimes not rhyming and hilarously terribly embarrassing.
> an art gallery, describing what appears to be a rising, golden age and fall of several worldwide empires.
> an old giant mirror in which two fighters locked in perpetual combat. Sometimes they do speeches, but you can't hear them or understand them.
> A cheese and wine vault.
> just a tree. It's most purest oak in the world.

>>50476867
>>50476881
>>50476924
>>50476985
LMAO, I fucking love you /tg/. Never change.

A large stash of wine.
The wine is so exquisite and valuable an aging emperor is willing to trade all his titles to the party so he drink away his final years in decadence.

The party must hold off stabbing each other in the back long enough to reach the emperor while every thief, villain, king and adventurer tries to take the wine for themselves.