>We've got your test results back from the lab, anon.

>>50280124
a raging hardon, please help me nurse

>>50280124
Flancer and EIDS

I actually had this in my setting. Potion over consumption and consuming spoiled potions could give a variety of maladies. Croaker was a common one for transmutation potions. It causes the flesh of the neck to bulge like that of a frog, and the mouth to turn huge. Loss of muscle control in the lower lip causes the mouth to gape open and drool, and the only language the creature can manage is guttural croaks.

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>>50280142
That's not very professional, anon.

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>>50280124
Terminal gains

explosive womblosis

>>50280124
"Please dont say aids, please dont say aids.....its aids isnt it."

>>50280124
Autism

>>50280167
What would make a potion spoil by the way?

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>>50280335

Sazalle's Scaly Seduction. Your body is now producing pheromones that make you sexually attractive to reptilian humanoids of the opposite sex. Beware of lizardfolk, kobolds, lamias/nagas and possibly even dragons attempting to lure you into sexual congress - by force, if they must.

>>50280124
Crabs
Not STD crabs but actual crabs.
They're in a bucket outside the door

>>50280369
Why are all your pictures 404?

>>50280354
In Dark Sun, potions are enchanted fruits that will last a hundred years without spoiling, but once you bite into one, it starts to rot.

In Ye Olde Genericke Fantasie Setting, they probably go bad after a couple of days with no refrigeration. All those newt eyes and frog tongues just sitting around in stale water.

>>50280354
Incorrect storage. Air exposure will do it, so you're supposed to cork a potion and seal it with wax. Then if you think the potion is getting used soon undo the wax seal.

After opening (without sealing) a potion will keep for ~3 months, depending on the spell level. Lower level potions keep longer, higher level keep shorter, because of the volatility and magic decay the potion goes through.

You're supposed to keep potions in a cool dry environment, sealed, which will maximize storage time.

Going through an anti-magic field will take time off a potion's lifespan as well. Or being in an area of high energy magic.

>>50280403
>>50280401
These both make sense, just curious.

Always wanted to play dark sun, no ever wanted to play though.....ahh saddenesss my old friend

>>50280397
Because Hiro's trying to make more money off of 4chan

Rolled 7 + 2 (1d20 + 2)

>>50280243
>roll for seduction, +2 circumstantial bonus for a nice big bulge
Please, nurse, you are under oath to treat this.

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>>50280601
First take two of these.

>>50280691
Ohhhh free drugs and nurse loving you scored

I'd tell you, but I'm afraid I've got... AMNESIA!!!

>>50280383
Why'd you have to make it weird? It didn't need to be weird.

>>50280729
Roll resistance against narcotics. No bonuses.

>>50280124
CANCER

>>50280354
Bad juju

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>50280867
I'm okay!

>"...a 9 inch phallus and a frycook position at a local Wendy's paying $300,000 a year"

>>50280999
You forgot a surplus of melanine

>>50280978
... You feel slightly dizzy. Perhaps you'd like to take a seat?

>>50280124
A bad case of tumblritis.

>>50280124
>One bad case of ______

>>50280124
Prostate cancer. Turns out, those weren't suppositories.

>>50281113
>onefighteroneflask

>>50281046
You're not the nurse, so shut the hell up. Or would you like to take care of my raging hardon?

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>>50281133

>>50281159
Sure, why not, after all these pills, but does the chick come back eventually? You don't look like you tire easily

>>50281219
>You look like you tire easily
What a retard

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>>50281219

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>>50281321

>>50281219
I'm sorry, Anon, but it's necrotic. We need to amputate as soon as possible.

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>>50281344

>>50281321
Who are you and what did you do with the guy nurse?
>>50281346
You're no nurse! What's going on?!

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>>50281321

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>>50281359

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>>50281379

>>50280124
Breast cancer. Also, a sex change.

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>>50281391

>>50280124
Boneitis.

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>>50281405

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>>50281370
I beg your pardon?

Look, after all the "virility enhancers" you've taken, you should be glad it's limited to the phallus. It needs to come off before it spreads.

Take some anesthesia, and
give me the dick.

>>50281428
Look, I'll meet you half way. You give me the drugs, and I give you the D, but it stays attached to me in the end

>>50280124
A huge duck

>>50281527
You're dick has become a duck.

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>>50281491
Nein. You must surrender. Yield or ve vill be forced to chain you.

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>>50281491
How about I drug you so much that you can't remember to sue for malpractice?

>>50281548
No, it just polymorphed the broken potion bottles into an equivalent volume duck. It just keeps following me around and quacking every time I try to talk.

>>50281548
is it smug?

>>50281624
Kinky! I like you, frau krankenschwester

>>50280124
Basilisk HIV.
Fucking magical ingredients.

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>>50280124

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>>50281704
You heard him. Commence plan B.

>>50280124
Health/regeneration potions give you cancer.

Mana potions give you all sorts of nasty brain diseases like dementia and Alzheimer's and schizophrenia.

Stamina potions just give you heart problems and fuck your digestive tract for a while.

Potions in my setting basically just give you immediate positive effects in exchange for fucking up your health later in life if you consume too many or are really unlucky.

>>50281690
No, angry.

I knows what you did last christmas.

>>50281829
Well, for starters could it give me a short recapitulation, because all I know is I was so drunk I blacked out.

>>50280124

approx. 1d8+4 hit points each

>>50281856
Seriously? Dude, it was all over the kinows. You're even more srewed up than I thought.

>>50281939
>kinows
News.

>>50281939
>ITT: anon finds out firsthand about the crippling long-term dexterity penalties that accompany potion overuse

>>50280124
Immortality.

Please note, sir, you are not invulnerable. If you get trapped in a collapsed mineshaft, you are not going to have a good time.

>>50281548
Your your has become a you're.