>A scorpion, being a very poor swimmer, asked a turtle to

>>50234153
How the fuck would a scorpion sting a turtle while riding his back?

Fuckers got a shell.

Nice twist on that. Yes, I've encountered those dickheads. It was a samurai who refused to help the party fight back after an ambush because he fought with the paladin the night before in and out of game.

I chuckled.

>>50234167

Usually it's a frog that it happens to, but maybe it got stung in the neck or something? What if it's a softshell turtle?

>>50234167
Throat hit. She'll doesn't fully cover the neck or flippers.

>>50234153
I find the best way to deal with such players is to give them a taste of their own medicine.

That can range from removing a limb, killing them or turning them into a newt depending on the circumstances.

When they inevitably get upset, just shrug and say, "It's what my character would do."

Only a handful of times does my group let their character override their common sense, but rarely does it disrupt the story that much.
Usually it just means they have to fall for the obvious mimic/doppelganger/spike trap/cunningly disguised bard etc. instead of prodding everything warily with a 10 foot wooden pole.

I'm usually the one ashamed because I act (IC) before I think

>>50234153
Why did you post Ball of Arms Man?

>>50234153
You really fucked that story up.

>>50235483
>>"It has nothing to do with logic," the drowning scorpion sadly replied. "It's my nature."
Is the only thing he/she changed

>>50235546

Just told it in a shitty way and on top of that it's supposed to be a frog because a turtle makes no sense since it has a shell to prevent that very thing.

>>50235613
>not knowing what a soft shell turtle is

But... why did he post Ball of Arms Man?

>>50235848
Because he couldn't post Ball of Boobs Woman since /tg/ is a blue board.

>>50235899
Ball of Arms Man x Ball of Boobs Woman is my OTP

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>>50234153
Just last weekend.
The party leader needed a torch to burn unwanted vines, sadly the only torch they had left was being held by the half-orc who only wanted to trade one shiny thing for another.
So the leader traded with him a mastercrafted flute for the torch. 1 second later the half-orc blew the flute with all his might, alerting the entire enemy stronghold we were sneaking into.

The fucking party leader forgot that the half-orc had INT 7 and was being roleplayed as a brain dead retard!

>>50236545
>INT 7
That's not even that low. Plus, isn't not doing retarded stuff like that more of a Wisdom thing?

>>50234153
Yeah, I had to deal with a DH player who did this to justify every asinine thing he felt like doing. The fact that he was also a spotlight wore didn't help matters.

>>50235899
I was just about to ask after Ball of Boobs Woman. I wonder how she and Ball of Arms Man are getting on...

>not using the "I can swim" version

>>50237172
doesn't that defeat the point though?

the idea of the story is the scorpion is willing to die in order to also kill the frog/turtle/whatever. If it's not a sacrifice then the scorpion's just a dick

>>50237207
The scorpion is a dick either way, but if it can swim, then it's a clever dick who tricked the frog into being vulnerable while hiding its own strength.

>>50237245
And if he can't swim he's a slave to his own dickery.

>>50237264
Which is why the "can swim" version is used by the people who emulate the scorpion's trickery and the "can't swim" version is used by everyone else.

>>50234153
Why doesn't the scorpion just sting it after they get to the other side?

>>50237371
Because it's a murderhobo like my players.

>>50237245
>>50237371
the moral of the story is that a douchebag will screw you over if you help them, even if they hinder themselves in the process
this is because douchebags aren't cold pragmatists, they're just douchebags by default

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>>50234153
Reminds me of this.

>>50236637
when you're roleplaying with idiots it doesn't really matter

>>50234257
I very much doubt you have ever actually done that, or at least have never done that and had them learn a lesson. Someone who is that stupid and petty would continue to be stupid and petty, because they are stupid and petty.

>>50234257
Usually when this happens, the entire party agrees to murder the offending character because they're a hindrance to everyone else's livelihoods. We're already putting our lives at risk for fame and fortune, no reason to bring along someone who handicaps us more than they help.

OOC we usually give the person a pass or two if it's not, like, directly attacking the party, and just a minor stupid thing they did.

Wherever there are doors, I must open them.
Wherever there are unexplored areas, I must explore them.
I am a squishy Wizard with 6 strength and I will be the first to go on.

>dwarf tries to fuck every female NPC
>wizard gets annoyed and rolls to cockblock
>dwarf tries to fuck wizard's younger sister
>wizard webs and color sprays dwarf
>dwarf spends rest of campaign taking everything he can to make him better at killing casters

>>50235613
>Implying that a turtle would swim while hiding its head inside its shell.