>You are walking down a road when you see the shadow creep

>>50166229
"Cage the Elephant is a shit band."

>>50166229

>Thou can relieve my of my coin
>But not afore I ask
>What turned thee to such villainy?

>>50166229
Mildly amusing good sir.
But I fear I have not a copper to give.
For you see I have a story of mine own.
I was first taught the art of manipulation by one who knew it better than I.
Verily it is an art that is difficult to teach.
With a singular deception I caused quite the stampede
Whilst stepping back into mine row a mob leapt to their feet
The fell upon a stranger, dancing and chanting, without knowing it was really I.
I then stole away with my teacher, him praising my actions
I then set on a journey where as I had lost myself among many others with a mask of my own flesh
The simple people could not see me hitting them right betwixt their own eyes
Of course this could go no longer as I had to travel on without a word
The revelation of my true self led the people to flee for their very souls leaving me here, with nothing.

>>50166229
>Why do you rob me?
>If you want my money all you have to do is play for it.

"Fucking Elf Bard Fags never giving me a moment's peace!"

> I blast the Fucking knife-eared Faggot in the face with my Wand of Annihalation and then I loot the Tree Fucker's wallet and hit up the tavern when I reach Town.

Try it fag, I've got 76 HP.

>>50166229
Look the bitch straight in the eye
"Get fucked"

I like to believe I can stand up for myself. But in reality I'd just hand her my coinpurse and then get mocked for being robbed by a woman because most people somehow think it's funny.

My sole consolation will be that I usually don't go outdoors with too much money on me. I'll at best lose 20 euros or something.

For all your talk you sure like stealing someone's time

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>>50166229
"Did you know that I can rage as a bonus action?"

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>>50166229
OP...

...you fail. You just fail.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSseiQglvG4

>>50166229

'I want to die
Please kill me quick
All elves are faggots
Suck my dick.'

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>>50166578
Or alternatively
"Did you know that moon circle druids can wildshape into animals in the blink of an eye?"

>>50166229
I have 200 hit points.

I tank the hit, pull it a warhammer as large as my would be robber, and bring it down on his face.

Spend less time singing and more time robbing.

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>>50166599
>You will never have a fluffy bear pet you can boop on the nose
I will never not have this feel

>>50166229
"Your olde timey speak is shite, mate. If you want to look sophisticated, do your fucking research."

Thou canst have mine coin,
but prithee, afore the exchange I must inquire
from what source comeith thy life of brigandry?

>>50166229

I cage the elephant.

>>50166229
YOU'LL HAVE TO CATCH ME FIRST! *meep meep*

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>50166229
Talk my way out of it so I can pay the prostitute further down the road.

>>50167669
Anon, that's an elf robbing you. She IS the prostitute down the road.

>>50167669
>4
You successfully convince her that your coinpurse is in your right pocket. She takes it and runs off to the nearest alleyway. Great job on avoiding conflict, you sly talker!

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>>50166671
Never be afraid to follow your dreams.

>>50167669
You also burst into song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdsmuElafSY

>>50166229
with such shitty rhymes
you won't get my dimes

>>50166229
>>50166295
fpbp /thread

>>50166229
>Temporal Acceleration
>Schism
>Hustle
>Regain psionic focus
>End Temporal Acceleration
>Linked Synchronicity/Vigor
>Regain psionic focus
>End turn

>>50168928
>Suffocation
>No Breathing
>Don't give a fuck
>If I'm bleeding
>This is my
>Last resort
>End turn

>>50168950
>Action readied from Synchronicity goes off:
>Immediate Reaction Time Hop in response to Suffocation

>>50166229
>I say
Thee spoke a lot of words, I don't know if thee spoke the truth
Got so much to lose
Got so much to prove
God don't let me lose my gold

>>50167921
Wait, didn't the guy in that pic get eaten by the bears?

>>50169002
He's alpha as fuck.

>>50166229
>I'll give you a silver if you prove you can sing that in proper tune.

>>50169002

No this is the guy who raised a bear cup and had the fucking bear over for dinner and his wedding and shit.

With a wave of my finger and a flick of my dick,
one zap from me will kill you quick!
So get on your knees to suck and blow,
but no time for that I've got to go!

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Quick draw, shoot him in the stomach with my pistol. Steal his lute.

>>50166229
I carry no money for I am too rich
Sucks to be you, indeed, life is a bitch
But say, I am in need of some people of skill
People with backbone, grit and strong will
You dared to accost one such as me
So let me fly this one offer by thee
Say those debts vanish and bellies get filled,
And there are some bad men that need to be killed
And to kill them will take the best of the best
Wouldst thou follow me on that mighty quest?
For sure I can promise treasure and renown
And maybe some teensy small backwater crown
If thee like my proposal then come and see me
Between yon boulder and the smitten old tree
Past shadows of grass, turn left and the blizzard
Knock seven times and ask for THE WIZARD

>>50166514

As you draw your wand he uses his readied action to slit your throat. You are dead.

Would you like to start again? [Y/N]

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>>50170926
Is this Gruntilda's brother or something?

>>50173905
I carry no money for I am too rich
Sucks to be you, indeed, life is a bitch
But say, I am in need of some people of skill
People with backbone, grit and strong will
You dared to accost one such as me
So let me fly this one offer by thee
Say those debts vanish and bellies get filled,
And there are some bad men that need to be killed
And to kill them will take the best of the best
Wouldst thou follow me on that mighty quest?
For sure I can promise treasure and renown
And maybe some teensy small backwater crown
If thee like my proposal then come and see me
Between yon boulder and the smitten old tree
Past shadows of grass, turn left and the blizzard
Knock seven times and ask for THE WHIZZARD

>>50166229
I'm wearing mail and carrying a greatsword. He should've brought something more substantial than a knife.

>after ten hours thread was about to die
>suddenly five posts in quick succession
What's happening?

>>50174083
Someone bumped the thread back to first page and a few more people saw it?

>>50173983
>Plebian Serf implying I don't have a contingency plan for every possible possibility.
>Implying Implying
What self-respecting Illusionist/Evoker doesn't walk around invisible with an Illusion of himself walking on the road? That Fucking Knife-Eared Piss Faggot Queer won't know what hit him.

Also, hot damn by All the Gods he must be a Fucking Short-Ass Manlet of an Elf Faggot if he can hold his dagger at a Gnome' s throat!
This isn't the first time the Esteemed Trakoz Nimblitz had to waste his time smiling some pissant backwoods hick farmer of an instrumental bandit and by the Ancient Ones, it damn sure won't be his last!

>>50176029
Smiting, Fucking Auto-Correct Minotaut Shit!

>All these no-fun, alpha male wannabes who wanna prove their manliness by typing out how they'd kill an elf...

Or maybe the joke just went over their heads?

>>50176095
The joke was "got" really early in the thread, not much left for people but to fantasize about how they're the "L33T Masters of swordsmanship and spellcraft"

>>50174014
https://youtu.be/BojVGzEZQAE

>>50176160
How about we let it die?

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>>50167921
That guy looks like he is about to be raped by a bear.

>>50174044

Sick rhymes brah

>>50174044
Yoooooooooo

>>50166229
"Just kill me already."

>>50166229
*cast still & silent dimension door*
*teleports behind you*
>Nothin personnel, kid

>>50166229
"This is my magical realm."

>>50166438
Is this an Offspring reference?

Rolled 6 (1d20)

>>50167669
Better suggestion; Mention the prostitute to your attacker, and offer to pay the rate for the both of you.

You have a good night, make a new pal, and maybe your coinpurse stays intact.

>>50166229
"Ok, I got a ball of lint, a tarnished half-copper, and a lightly used toenail clipping. I don't know if you noticed, but I'm not naked to make a fashion statement. And no, you don't want to know where the coin-purse came from. You really, truly don't."

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>>50178610
>Lightly used toenail clipping

>>50166229
I cast shield on my self and use my action to use booming blade on her, then make some distance and ready to firebolt her.

>>50166229
I challenge them to a bard duel on the spot.

If they win, they get all of my money. If they lose, they join me and we start a bizarre adventure to become the greatest bard troupe in the land.

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>50167669
>>50178578
You guys just can't roll saves for shit.

>>50166229
I call him a fag and take a step forward through the knife while readying my weapon. I can tank it

>>50166229
release the polymorph that's keeping me human.

thats the trouble with mugging random strangers in a setting like this seems to be, the lvl 2 human bandit.is betting his life on being the most dangerous thing on that road

>>50166229
I shake my three hairy chins threateningly and begin to explain how much of an invincible manly badass I am.