Things you've always wanted to say to the Elf around

"Look man, I really want to fuck your sister. Or maybe it's your mother. Or your grandmother, you haven't really made clear exactly what your blood tie is...."

>>50092795
Got wood?

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>>50092795
Do you use the maximum pad, or the minimum?

>>50092795
"Dude, she's not a vampire! She's a demon thrall! For fucks sale she never had anything to do with drinking blood or shit like it!"

>>50092829
That's my grandson you sick fuck.

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Why are your people such overbearing cunts? I mean all this could of been prevented if your people did not simply exile the arch-wizard of questionable morality with a stated goal of returning his love from the realm of the dead and with all the means, ability and intention of doing so, why did you see fit to simply leave him in the woods like a fairy tale?

I mean, I don't blame you but your people as a whole. It would be remiss of me not to, he was schooled in your Towers, given free reign by your magistrates and lauded by the people for his achivements. But you guys really have caused more than your fair share of problems for our world.

>>50092994
Excuse me Commissar, but how did we wind up in Fantasy Battles? I thought this product line was discontinued.

>>50092795
I love you

>>50092795
So what's with the ears anyways?

Soooo the ears.Are those like... erogenous zones or something? I mean do they have a purpose or are they just kinda like that?

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>>50093067
sick fuck.

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Dungeoneering equipment you can't legally buy.

>>50093393
Ten foot dildo

>>50092987
...So can I?

>>50093393
illegal equipment?

...how bout them dwarves?

>>50093393
Thief 's Tools.

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>>50092795
Enemies you might encounter in a Sauna.

>>50093540
My own curiosity.

>>50093551
damn

>>50093093
Look man, Imma be honest with you, I ain't got an ancestor's damned clue. I mean, they're not particularly touch sensitive, and frankly, the shape doesn't really help with hearing. I pretty sure that they weren't even always like this, going by our REALLY old artwork. For all I know, some old as fuck elf god got salty that the new kids on the block had the same ears as his top shit, so he changed ours. I mean, I asked my god of the hunt about it, but it got super awkward and he changed the subject pretty quick like, so... I dunno?

>>50093540
sauna mimic

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>>50093393
I got lamp-oil and rope, but I don't have a license for explosives.

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>>50093540
Sean Connery

>>50093540
A water elemental, waiting in truly devious ambush

>>50093393
Healers

>>50093605
>my character once inhaled a water elemental while failing a drowning save.
it ended badly.

>>50093393
Elves

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>>50092795

Alright, listen to me you knife eared piece of shit. If you go any further with your piss-stained pubic hair you call a wig, I'm gonna wreck your shit so hard you won't even be able to walk with your limp dick. I'm gonna shove my foot so far up your shaven, perfect little ass that your breath is gonna smell like shoe polish. Then I'm gonna take that little red anal bead on your belt, and push it in your face. I'm gonna flagellate you with my fucking beard. I'm gonna build you a pair of runic, mechanical balls and use surgical precision to sew them to your groin where your manhood ought to be just so I can kick them with my iron fucking feet you twat.

okay someone else take over. i'm going to bed.

>>50092795
Alright, I've never said this to a man before, but you smell amazing.
I mean it, I really do.
You smell incredible.
I don't know exactly what it is, if it's the spice rub, the hickory, or there's a sauce involved.

Hey, Philips! Did you use some kind of special barbecue sauce on this elf?

>>50093540
A sick cunt, brah

>>50093551
Lmao

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Things buried way down at the bottom of the dragons hoard

>>50094495
The dragon's sex toys.

>>50094495
The corpse of a thrown out party member

>>50094495
A horde of dragons.

>>50094495
Her first piece of hoard.

It's her first, and last, mortal lover

>>50093093
My mom was a bat, that my father knocked up out of wed lock

>>50092795
>How sensitive are your ears?

>>50094495
bejeweled cuckold ring

That one suit of armor he liked

Human Suit with sail boat shoes

>>50093540
Old Men who refuse to close their towels.

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>>50093814
I got that.

>>50094495
The dirty magazines he's hiding from his mother.
Gold-Enameled Sluts and the like.

>>50094495
An extremely handsome game show host.

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>>50092795
>Elf-kun, I've always...

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>>50094495