>Your horse cries when _________ Let's give your horse

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>>50076242
>He sees you lose a little bit of yourself each time you kill one of those Colossal beasts.

>>50076242
Currently playing a LG Mind Flayer Mystic/Fighter Multiclass that is pretending to be a plain-old High Elf Fighter with the help of a Hat of Disguise (and humorously hindered by his Charisma stat of 3). None of the players have caught on to his true nature, but my GM makes my horse specifically dislike him. Sometimes he bucks him off when he uses psychic powers, sometimes he moves away from him when he tries to mount, sometimes he makes some sort of sign that he understands the telepathic messages of genuine friendship the Mind Flayer sends him.

Though it isn't crying, his horse did whinny in joy when he went into a dubious portal where the bad guys were without bringing him along. I am genuinely curious what the DM will make my horse do, especially since he said his horse was the smartest horse out of the party's mounts.

>>50076672
Forgot to add that the horse probably isn't fooled by the Hat of Disguise. Hopefully I can reunite my character with this fun horse and become friends with it.

>>50076242

Oh no, you did NOT just call old Axe crazy a cardboard cutout. you have no fucking idea what you just did, son. You know who I am? I'm a barbarian who has killed hundreds of men with my axe alone, who double-fist punched a dragon and KILLED IT, who snapped the neck of the mightiest gnoll chieftan and stole his clan, and as a human, no less.

And I wouldn't dare, in a million years, to fuck with Axe Crazy. The old girl is insane.

Your warhorse ever get spooked? rear up and run off? not axe crazy. Axe crazy sees enemies and it's nothing but thundering hooves and foam at the mouth. Most horses hate armor. It's bulky, heavy, and blocks their peripheral vision. NOT AXE CRAZY. She prances about like I'm taking her to the damned candy store when the armor goes on. That thing you call a cavalry charge? Oh, that's not what she calls it, no. To her, it's GRAZING. GRAZING ON FLESH.

One time, a blackguard and his nightmare rode to challenge me. When axe crazy intimidated them, said horse REARED UP AND BUCKED OFF THE BLACKGUARD, followed by IMMEDIATELY TRAMPLING HIM TO DEATH. I gave no commands, and could barely hold the reins during the ordeal.

I seriously hope she didn't hear you, but she probably did. My advice is to find a pegasus. Maybe, just maybe, you can outrun her. But nobody outfights my goddamned horse. Nobody, not even me.

>>50076242
>as it stands, he may as well be a cardboard cutout
Funny that, this is the exact reason that I let my players roll for their horses' stats. Gave them all a bit more personality, I felt

Horses can cry?

>>50077136

Only the good ones

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When i smack it for eating my damn chicken
Fucker always gives me this look before

>>50076242
Dunno, when do horses cry?

>>50076242
>inb4 your horse is an awakened horse origami made from cardboard

Behold, the portable horse! Still needs to eat doodles of carrots though.

>the times he strode free among the steppes
>the times he caught the eye of a beautiful filly
>the times he splashed across the river
>the times before the white man came

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>>50076242
You ride it but don't let it ride you

A good paladin always lets her horse ride her

>>50077408
>>50077408
Don't get me wrong, he hated the savage, but he hated the stink of the white mans cities worse. Before his heart grew hard and calloused, Geronimo truly cared for his stallion. Enough so that when it broke his leg, he shot it himself.

They both shed a tear that day.

>>50076672
>LG mindflayer
I hope cthulu eats your genitals

>>50076242
>your horse cries when you fuck the dog instead

>>50077184

WHY DO WE SCREAM AT EACH OTHER

>>50077593
What are you, nine years old? Use your hand.

>>50076242
But anon, my horse IS a cardboard cutout.

so far nobody seemed to notice. Or they're very polite.

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>>50076242
>Let's give your horse some character anon.
okay. mine only wears sunglasses at night.

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>>50079738
>dollar menu paladin

>>50078341
THIS IS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE

>>50079852
Hey, mine's spraypainted silver. Who do you think i am, a hobo?

>>50076526
>That feel when he limps back
MOTHERFUCKER. How could a mere beast without a single line be such a bro?

>>50079826
>Horse wears shades indoors
>Everyone thinks he's a tryhard
>Actually he just has cataracts
>He's on a quest with the heroes because he wants to earn enough gold to afford good eye surgery

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>>50076242
My horse can't cry anon But damn, does it rattle a lot!

>>50076767

Kill yourself.

>>50076242
You fuck her right in the pussy.

>>50082740
>>50076526
You know Agro is a mare, right?

>>50083758
Horses have a ton of character.
Like Xena's horse. I mean... no one in that show had a TON of character? But Argo had as much as anyone else int he show.

>>50083149
>her
And he doesn't cry, he gets all excited. Doesn't even care about mares anymore.

I ruin everything I touch. My horse, my dog, my trusty squire Clarence.

I just wanted to be a proctologist.

>>50076242
But my horse IS my character, anon.

Okay, it's a robot disguised as a horse, but the rest of the party treat their horses like motorbikes anyway, so they don't notice.

Anyway, to fill in your blank:

>Your horse cries when the bard gets rejected. Again.

>>50076242
When it cuts an onion, of course.

>>50076242
>Your horse cries when good men do nothing.

>work out hard
>eat loads of fiber
>have a nice clean bowel movement
>trot over to the monkey to present your rump
>ignored again
>best years are passing away, you can see it every time you stoop down to have a drink
>ridden, fed and ignored
>sometimes you think you can smell glue and you come to realize it no longer terrifies you

>>50076242
That's not a horse, that's a dog

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>>50088373

>>50076242
>Your horse cries when you HORSE PUSSY

>>50076242
We part ways after a gentle kiss.