So, /tg/, do you think old testament God would be a good GM?

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He'd be the worst rules lawyer imaginable. But all with unfamiliar house rules not in-book ones.

He wouldn't tell you, he'd just off your character.

>Rocks fall, you die
>What why?
>What's your shirt made of?
>Uh, 50% cotton and 50% polyester
>Exactly

Fuck no. He'd want you to follow every single rule to the letter, and do everything he said to the point where you might as well be reading off a script. And if you didn't, he'd murder you and your entire family. Like, there are lots of reasons the Abrahamic god gets criticized, "Being an enormous asshole" is one of the most prominent.

>>50048108
>>50048249
As for Jesus, he probably be better. Though I imagine he's act like a Lawful Stupid Paladin god of some sort, harshly punishing players if they ever do anything that isn't the most lawful and good option available. Same thing for having any amount of wealth that keeps your character from being a dirt-poor hobo.

>>50048297
>harshly punishing players if they ever do anything that isn't the most lawful and good option available.

Jesus wasn't like that, his whole schtick was being the kindly father.

>>50048192
You'd deserve it, polyester is an abomination.

>>50048318
Well, I'm not super familiar with the source material, but I feel like he always stresses doing the morally right thing. So, like, the thing about money, I imagine he'd punish you for spending it all on yourself and getting the best gear available, and not giving any of it to the orphanage or something. Or, like, part of the quest would involve helping a farmer plow his fields or something. As stereotypical as it is, I do think he'd turn any system into DragonRaid.
>A group of orcs and goblins approach you.
>Alright, lets kill 'em all!
>Are you sure you don't want to put your swords and wands away and instead talk this out peacefully for several hours? I mean, you don't know what powers they could have that might make the fight almost impossible to win. *wink wink*
>Ugh... roll for diplomacy...

>>50048108
>GM: Okay, your waifu says she'll do you for another night if you let her cut your hair
>Player: Uhh... sure. That sounds reasonable, why not?
>GM: The moment she takes her knife to your locks, you feel your power level decreasing. Samson is reduced to level one and now fights using a normal man's game statistics.
>Player: WHAT THE FUCK!
>GM: Your fault for not reading your restrictions list. If your hair is ever cut, you lose your powers. It's just like drinking and everything else on the list.
>Player: [internal screaming]
>GM: By the way, later on, you notice some more philistines coming...

Top tier GMing.

>>50048379
So, he'll discourage being a mindless murderhobo.

What's the problem?

>>50049981
>What's the problem?
Well, the problem is
>he'll discourage being a mindless murderhobo.

>>50049963
>GM: Look, don't eat the fruit from this tree, because if you do, you'll die.
>Player: OK, sounds fine.
>Snake NPC: What? No, the fruit won't kill you, but it will make you smart.
>Player: Really? I wonder why he'd say that then.
>GM: Do you eat the fruit?
>Player: Yeah, sure.
>GM: OK. A few level 20 angels with flaming swords suddenly appear.
>Player: WHAT
>GM: They're coming for you. Better run.
>Player: FUCK YOU!

>>50048108

He would tell you you could play any allignment you want, then if you didn't play lawful good every possible bad thing would happen to you while anyone who was playing lawful good would be showered with intelligent weapons and armour. Ocassionally a DMPC would show up and force the entire party onto the sidelines.

>>50048108
I can understand the badmouthing of occasional "rocks fall" incidents, but I think they're exaggerated a bit out of proportion. YHWH is understandably sick of rules-lawyering after Abraham haggled over the 50, 45, 40, 30, 20, 10 righteous men, and runs decent scenes otherwise.

>Player: "I'm going to conceal my sword..." (rolls a 4) "...by hanging it on my other side, apparently."
>GM: "The guards search you..." (rolls a 2) "...search your left side only. You make it in to the king's private chamber with your left-handed sword on your right."
>Player: "Okay, I'm going to tell him to lean in close because I have a message from God, and then sneak attack him."

Or this:
>GM: "You drive up to the palace of Queen Jezebel, and see her standing in the window waiting for you, all dressed up and with makeup on, blowing you kisses."
>Player: "This is the one who's been abusing all the smallfolk, right?"
>GM: "Yes."
>Player: "And the populace probably hates her, right?"
>GM: "Where are you going with this?"
>Player: "I want to make a diplomacy check to get her servants to push her out. They surely hate her too, and she can't be specced for stability."
>GM: "OK. Jezebel is pushed out the window of her palace and falls to the ground in front of you, taking... (5,6,5,6) 22 falling damage. Dead on the spot."
>Player: "And this is why I try to be nice even to NPCs."

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He would make a really cool story where you smited all the evil in ways that only work in a world where there is only good and evil, but he would be so attached to it that if you even hinted that you wanted to deviate his railroad, you would be hit with an instant TPK.

>>50048108
Never trust a GM who tells you to worship him or be eaten by bears.

>>50051419
This never happened

>>50051514
Yeah! The bears were sent to eat the children because they disrespected a prophet.

Totally different reason.

>>50051405
>if you even hinted that you wanted to deviate his railroad, you would be hit with an instant TPK.

That's a gross exaggeration.

Adam and Eve eat of the forbidden fruit. No TPK; they're kicked out of the Garden.

God tells Moses to speak to a stone to make it give forth water. Moses is struck with a case of the murderhobo and beats up the stone instead. No TPK; he instead gets excluded from the Fantasy Retirement Home.

The Israelites make a golden calf to worship. No TPK; they just have to drink the bitter dust of it after it's smashed.

Jonah gets told to go prophecy to the city of Nineveh. He runs the other way. Still no TPK. The storm and the giant fish are blatant railroad DMing, though.

>>50049963
To be fair the issue wasn't getting his hair cut, it was that cutting his hair was the only rule he didn't routinely break by that point

>>50051706
Don't know about the jewish view but from a christian standpoint getting killed by god is pretty meaningless