>go up to give presentation on the history of conjurations

>>49632210
Dude, all you need is to be yourself! You just have to find some confidence and the rest will be easy.

Also maybe look for some dried frog pills.

chicks dig evokers, you should went blast wizard

>>49632210
Man it feels good to be a sorcerer. That's what you get for being a shitty wizard.

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Using my charm to drown in poon while experiencing the power of beings beyond your comprehension.

>>49632210
I think someone hit you with a dream spell of some form. Or maybe it was just you.

>>49632210
I know that feel.

Got laughed out of college when I mixed up my grimoires.
I was supposed to give the apprentice an introductory Transmutation rebind, but had inadvertantly handed him my personal grimoire for study.
He cast Gully's Gluteous Growth on three witches and when caught he handed the spellbook over to the Grandmaster.

Now the only female relations I get are when I polymorph my familiar.

>>49632210
Bags of holding can't release items unless you will it.

>>49635147
OP must have got it from the discount Uni store.

>>49635147
OP's subconscious spaghetti got too strong, bag of holding picks it up as 'open the gates!'

>>49635147
>he's never been to UnsUni
Lol you missed out dude

>>49633470
>polymorph my familiar
They're called man's best friend for a reason, anon.

>>49632210
Just go be an adventurer, find a group, have some laughs, slay monsters have some fun. Sooner or later you will become famous, people will remember that toss up and laugh, but raise a glass in your name.

>>49636723
>have some laughs, slay monsters
I'm 5 foot seven and built like a twig.

>>49636946
>implying that matters when you are a wizard

>>49636946
>I'm 5 foot seven and built like a twig.
Will they ever learn?

>>49636967
>Hurr durr what is invisibility
>hurr durr what is hate
If you're going to ignore the most useful spells you can fuck off you eldritch knight mage wannabe

>be initiate chronomancer
>think I forgot one of my scrolls in the lecture hall
>walk in a few hours after the class has ended
>professor is there
>he congratulates me and invites me to see who else successfully passed the final exam
>wat
>wait there for an hour
>no one else shows up
>he crys about the sorry state of his class, gives me a pat on the back and sends me on my way
>leave with my scroll
Did this count as cheating? What are the chances he'll find out I didn't actually travel back in time?

>>49637151
Yeah, as if even the professors would actually understand time magic
You're safe, Anon

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>>49632210
>humans thinking they can begin to master the intricacies of magic.

Let's be honest. You never really had a chance in the first place so don't be so hard on yourself. But think of it this way - I'm sure you have another 4 or 5 whole decades left to live and there are other things you might be able to learn during that time.

It's possible that if you dedicated your remaining lifespan to learning a trick you could become somewhat competent at at it before you died of old age. Consider studying how to hitting things with sword, or learning how to adequately prepare a particular style of cooking. Whatever choice you make noble human, I truly hope you find some meaning to your life within the few short years left to you.

>>49636683
But if anyone found out, I'd be a branded a sheepfucker. Us outside New Zealand have a problem with that.

I also doubt I could sell my scrolls if anyone found out I spin my scrolls from the same beast I bed with.

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>>49632210
>stuck through magic studies to the point of conjuring demons
>quitting school after a single flubbed presentation

Did you quit magic every time you fizzled a cantrip? How did you even get through your first level spells with that attitude?


You should have treated that wand and rings just like when you miss a weave strand. Just pick it up, brush yourself off, and keep up the verbal components.

>Be janitor at a magic college (no names, don't want to be fired)
>Get some cool tools, Mop of Dispel Magic, Prestigitation Wand, etc
>One day find my closet has been broken in to, wards were dispelled
>Bunch of dangerous chemicals, basilisk blood, hydra bile, even my bottle of regular ass bleach is missing
>Probably the transmutation seniors trying to avoid the requisition process

Thinking about getting revenge before I ask the Abjuration Department to strengthen the wards on my equipment. Think some Sovereign glue on the doorknob would be good enough?

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>>49632210
Sup /wiz/ I've got a conundrum.

My mother (who is a dragon FYI) wants me to train my sorcerous talents but I want to be a proper Wizard like my dad was before he left my mom to his own private demi-plane. I try telling her this but all she does is get mad, fly off to the nearest village and burn all the commoners there. I understand she's upset but I think I really don't have the aptitude to be a sorcerer and I want her to accept my choice in life.

In short /wiz/, what do?

>>49633470
Transmutation is for nerds. It's all about overcompensating with spells of enlargement.

>>49640459
I know who you are (psion here), and I'm friends with a mimic. I'll send him over and you can catch them red-handed and paralyzed.

>>49640655
>friends with a mimic
What, you have it as a pet or something? Are you crazy?

>>49632210
>tfw keep failing wand inspection day

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>wizards with no confidence
>wizards that don't even lift
Do you even love yourself, faggots? /fit/ battlemage is a prime pussy smashing material, and you just won't to blow ot, because you're too much of a beta to get your shit together, rofl.
>>49637960
How's living alone in your grandmother's basement going? No wonder I get so much elf pussy, because betas like you are stuck in your shitty cribs.

>>49640655
>friends with a mimic
Yeah right.

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>>49632210
Cultists man, they are just getting me down. Pic related is one of them dirty cultist fucks. I can't go two weeks without getting word of another isolated hamlet that's having problems with that damn eldritch cult. I've tried finding their base but nothing works! They just summon horrors I go in and banish them and fireball/ice spike some cult conjurers and.... You wouldn't happen to know how to bind horrors would you?

>Sent to fucking Conjurations School (UCCC)
>I can't conjure shit
>It's cool though, I rock at pretty much all non-core coursework, help my bros out when I can, and they help me when they can
>Final year fuck yeah I'm gonna be a wizard
>One major summon as my final exam? No probs bros I got this.
>Find out ahead of time the examiners are detecting for illusions with some fancy custom spell
I'm fucked /wiz/ I'm utterly fucked. I've delayed for six months now taking that blasted test. I'm an illusionist damnit! I faked just about everything I ever conjured. If I don't get certified now I'll never qualify for a tower-loan, or an apprentice. I'll be a wage slave to some Lich.

>>49647558
Cultists are to dark magic what the washout gangs are to proper wizardry.

Just insult their moms or something and it'll quickly become apparent how stunted most of them are, despite all the black robes and demon masks.

>>49632210
That's why I went warlock, man, so I don't have to deal with any shitty university/school/college

Also because I didn't get accepted in any

>>49640610
Water to Whiskey
Geoff's Curing Curse
Awaken Machine
Transmutation is the best school.

Too bad they outlawed Midus' Brilliant Alchemy.

>On my way to school
>It's familiar picking day, I really want a snake or a raven
>A group of asshole apprentices I know jump out of the bushes just outside school
>One hits me with a sleep spell, and when I wake up trapped in a Sealing Circle
>Have to wait for a teacher to come and dispel it
>Really late now, only one familiar left
>Teacher hands me a plastic bag full of water with a goldfish inside it
I'm working on a curse to get back at those jerks that jumped me, any ideas? I also need something to ward off Catfolk.

>>49648474
Just turn them into toads, that's a classic.

As for catfolk, turn them into toads.

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>>49648361
>Too bad they outlawed Midus' Brilliant Alchemy.

That's because it's a fucking curse, wizanon. Everybody likes gold right up until it's time to piss or fap and then it's all "oh no, my dick is solid fucking aurum."

Solid being an exaggeration of course. Flaccid ass golden dick forever. That shit's resistant to counter-transmutations, too. People will tell you it's for the economy, but no. Truth is somebody out there is now stuck with Midus' Brilliant Penis and can't actually afford to fix it. Despite the obvious.

ayyo were kan i get miit with gude luuking wizard cicks? yu heve dhem in your lokal area right? I em a wizarr dtuu! Guud with majick, need praktise partnerr

>>49648474
Use dancing lights against catfolk

>>49648714
>implying anyone would belive we have orks in our academy
Geoff, pls, this joke wasn't even that funny 2 years ago.

>>49632210
>be me
>in collegium
>prepared for evocation exam
>holding several such spells in my mind for the final exam
>friend taps on shoulder
>speak final syllable of magic missle
He was in the hospital for a week.

>>49646629
Is that a euphemism?

>>49648814
Didn't you have a wand inspection day?
I always liked it, mostly because mine was always big, clean and in a good shape.

>>49648931
It's easy to keep it clean and in good shape if it's never used.

>>49632210
Never had that problem. Went to a bardic college myself.

So uh who do i talk to about enchanting my Adamantine greatsword? Can you make it do something cool like shoot lightning and fly?
How much is this gunna cost?

Give me all your spell components or we'll find out how well you cast cantrips while choking on your own teeth.

>>49649202
So i told the barbarian to rob some wizards because he can pass his dex saves with ease
AND HE ACTUALLY DID IT
THE ABSOLUTE MADMAN

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>>49648992

>>49632210
>he majored in wizarding
>not alchemy

Good luck getting a job

>>49648103
>UCCC
>not actually an illusionist school decked in several layers of illusion

Ah, to be an undergrad. The real test is if your illusions can actually fool the illusion detectors

Who necromancer here?
Bitches love skeletons.

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>>49649343

>being in post-mortem communications

At least the magic-history majors will have a job teaching it. Enjoy having your shit kicked in by paladins for the rest of your unnatural life.

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Anyone else having runnomancy as a magic field?

>>49649343
Bonedancer here. Always popular around this time of year.
Plus it's convenient to have my skelebros bring me fresh brews.