Your party's quest is simple, /tg/. All you have to do is

>evict faeries from natural habitat
No thank you. I'd much rather go fight a beholder naked and unarmed. Unless I'm playing a monk, in which case I'll put on full plate armor and pick up a sword for the first time in my life.

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>>49343210
Yah, I'll pa- pass.

I mean It's not like I'm incompetent enough or PFFT SCARed to ge- get the fairies out of the tree.
I'm just, I'm just too uh, professional to do IT, yeah.

Yeah

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A half-wild squirrel, you say?

>>49343210
You shitting me? If you've got Fairies in your tree, you either make friends with them, stay on their good side, an hope you don't accidentally tread on one of their sacred shrooms, or you pack your bags and get the fuck out of there.

Nobody messes with fairies, or if they do, they're fucking insane, or one of them. Probably both. You don't mess with Fey, and you hope to god they Don't take an interest in you. They will fuck your shit up Storybook style, which is not only painful, but also humiliating.

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>>49343210

Oi beleeve Oi may 'ave a solution to dis predickament.

>>49343210
I guess I'll start with setting the tree on fire and wing it from there.

>>49343703
Well, fine. If you want your death to be swift, ironic, and told for generations as tale for children.

The Mechanicus's shoulder mounted rocket launcher detects their tiny movements and fires at their branch.

The Mechanicus is still too focused on her work to notice.

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>>49343210

HAVE NO FEAR! THE PALADIN IS HERE!

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>>49343210

At LAST! A task that justifies my fighter dragging this immense pile of buffallo skulls around everywhere!

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I challenge the fairies to a game of basketball. If they lose, they have to leave.

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>>49344556
You dare ball with the fae?!

Madness!

>>49344586
My face was once on the box of cereal. But for some reason, children stopped eating breakfast. I have no idea why.

>>49343587
>>49343703
>>49343804
>>49343962
>>49343999
>>49344071
>>49344556

I mean, have we tried just asking them to leave? Just say "Hey Fairies, could you leave the tree?" Don't launch rockets or pile up bovine skulls outside their doorstep, that's like the rudest thing ever

>>49344823
>talking to fae

>>49344832
This. This is how madness comes about.

>/tg/ faced with anything resembling a fairy
>DUDE LE FAE

>>49343210
Either you don't fuck with them or you burn down the whole forest to be sure.

>>49344862
I dunno man, I mean its not like they're going to go full German fairy tale on you for asking

>>49345197
In any case where you have to asdk a faery to do or give anything - as in leaving a tree - you MUST offer them somethign yourself. Or else there can be no bargain.

EVERYTHING with the fae is a bargain of somekind. Unlike demons and devils, their bargains are necessity of what they are.

>>49345272
Can't you just bribe them with milk and honey?

>>49343210
Why would I remove them from the tree when I'm the one who put them there?

>>49346256

Because then they're your responsibility, obviously.

I hide candy, snacks, and some pretty stones in a nicer tree away from this tree. Then I loudly boast to my fellow party members about my awesome, secret tree that is exclusively for me.

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>49343210
>a half-wild squirrel could do this

I find one and ask him to do it

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>>49343210
I am literally built to do this.
Am I allowed to cut down the tree as well?

>>49347547
This is a good answer.

>>49347697
>Campaign main goal: Get the fairies out of the tree
>How to do so: Find the only half-wild squirrel in the world to do it
HIGH-QUALITY ADVENTURE!

>>49347913
This sounds whimsical and light-hearted. I'd play it.

>epic quest arc to find the squirrel
>the half-wild squirrel teaches you his secrets of fairie removal
>return to the tree to find the three fairies drunk on power and tree-sap
>confront the three fairies one after another in a final boss-rush

>>49344556
Obligatory
https://youtu.be/J9FImc2LOr8

"OK men step one, we need a honey badger..."

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>>49345350
Milk and Honey is for male fairies.

Its cold whiskey and hot dick for female ones.

Now telling them apart. There's the rub.

>>49343210
>Seriously, a half-wild squirrel could do this. I'm sure your party can manage.
If it was that easy, why is someone hiring a band of wandering mercenaries to do it?

>>49343210
So I'm going through the forest,
And I see the fairies under the tree,
So I stop and put them on the tree,
And then I continue on my way.

So I'm going through the forest,
And I see the fairies on the tree,
So I stop and put them under the tree,
And then I continue on my way.

So I'm going through the forest,
And I see the fairies under the tree,
So I stop and put them on t-- WAIT A SECOND

>>49348979
Why not cold whiskey and hot dick for both?

Also, I usually don't lurk /tg/ and just this thread from the front page... what's the deal with fairies?

They seem pretty low-tier in power and danger. Though, I can imagine how the 3 fairies in OP's picture would be dangerous if they acted with malice-- one can change the scenery/make things invisible/general fuckery with light, another can mute sounds, and a third can track the position of animate objects. Basically an invisible, soundless hunting machine that can also fuck with your perceptions.

With the added bonus of immortality(Though I'm assuming not like Kubera web comic style god reincarnation, where they can't die unless the facet of nature they're spawned from is also removed. Ie. god of stars can't ever die unless every star in the universe is wiped out).

But fairies seem more mischievous and childish rather than fatally cruel in modern works as opposed to older ones. Even then, it seems more like a whimsical nature that accidentally fucks people over due to complete lack of understanding or care.

Wouldn't fighting any other deadly magical creature be worse?

>>49349424
You're really, really underestimating fairies anon.

>>49343210
''Oi you dumb fairies, get out of the tree or it's davy jones locker for you''

>>49349424
Ok, so Demons and Angels? It's all Politics. Deals, Laws, that's all part of maneuvering through the planar laws in order to get more power or influence. That makes sense. You can understand that.

Fey? Fuck understanding, here's what you're dealing with:

You have a five year old child.
You know a few things about this child.
-He has the worst case of ADHD imaginable.
-He's currently quite happy.
-You also know that he's got the power to fuck with reality as he sees fit, and he's clever at using this power maliciously when he's angry or he feels that he's been wronged.
-You don't know what he wants, but you have the sneaking suspicion that even if you give that too him, he'll find some way to fuck with your end of the deal.
-It's all a big joke to him.

Good fucking luck.

>>49347817
>literally built to do this.
Then why are you so shit at it curry-man?

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>>49343210
It's not even my tree. Plus, I technically owe them my soul.

Long story, okay?

>>49343210
Sorry, the tree's now blown up. So, they're out of it because the state in which it now exists can't be construed as a "tree". How much was the pay again? There's a new book coming out this week and I want to pick it up, but I'm tight on cash.

>>49353524
The cost of the explosives to do this was probably more than the cost of the book.

>>49343210
Cold iron wind-chimes.

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>>49350569
>>49353294

Why does /tg/ get so autistic and elitist whenever anything involving faeries (or however you want to spell it) gets brought up?

Even in settings where there are demigod-tier fae lords like the Dresden Files, Changeling: The Lost, or, heck, 2e/4e/5e D&D... the Fair Folk are not that much worse than the other supernatural creatures of the world.

Yes, they are not to be underestimated, but all their unusual qualities seem par for the course in the face of all the gods, angels, demons, dragons, reality-blaspheming abominations from outside the universe, and other setting-original monsters like all of D&D's weird extraplanar outsiders.

You inevitably have someone like >>49353294 blubbering about "B-B-But fae are on a whole different level, man!" with some weak argument about how they think differently from humans, which might as well apply to any other supernatural creature.

It gets taken on /tg/ to extremes where a single pixie mook is overblown as worse than a full grown dragon. Even in the pro-fae settings like the Dresden Files, those pixies are just the "comic relief character who can put up a good fight" type of character.

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>>49355640
>Why does /tg/ get so autistic and elitist whenever anything involving faeries (or however you want to spell it) gets brought up?

>>49343210
I'll just scout out a bigger, better tree than this one, prepare some knock-out gas to put all the fairies to sleep, pick them all up and put them in a big, comfy rucksack and then put them all in their new home.

>>49355896

You fool! We'll have to move them from THAT tree then! And then we'll have to find an even taller tree! Where will this madness end?

>>49343210
Last time my PC had to interact with a fairy, she ended up waterboarding it until a dragon appeared to tell her to stop.

>>49355640
Because it's fun, man. Lighten up.

That's why it's my favorite tree.