>Shadowrun campaign. >Party is assigned to get their hands

>looking at the artifact
>not just giving it to the drop point

Say goodbye to your team.

>>48579132
What if it's DWARVEN fruitcake? That could be used as a mighty weapon!

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>>48579132
>My character likes fruitcake.

>>48579132
You mean like, THE fruitcake?
The passive aggressive "keep sending it to each other" fruitcake constantly exchanged by the late great Dunkelzahn, and the late not-so-great Alamais each year from 2020 to 2057?

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>>48579132
You can no longer escape. He hungers.

>>48579315
What the fuck else would it be?

>>48579132
There's a monastery near my town where the monks make fruitcake for sale. I can only imagine that it would repel vampires and other undead.

>>48579378
A normal fruitcake?
A fruitcake elemental?
A biologically enhanced fruitcake based lifeform?

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>>48579315
>Dunkelzahn faked his death and disguised himself as a fruitcake, knowing no creature would so much as touch him.

>>48579407
I guess you can say it's the ultimate fruit form.

>>48579315
Best to be safe. Leave it where you found it, call Johnson and tell him to get someone else.

>>48579173
this is one of the most boring aspects of shadowrun.
you aren't wrong, and that's the problem. "proper" shadowrunners would be so afraid of everything they never have fun and you never actually get to learn anything. just playing with blinders on makes for a dull game.

>>48580105
Blame bad gms who would flail the skin from characters contacts the first run they do not run 100% to their expectations

>>48579132
>a dragon was the one that assigned the run
>he wants the fruitcake because it was his mother's and she sent it to him for Christmas and is complaining now that he never eats her fruitcake
>she's coming over for dinner this weekend and he needs to have the fruitcake there to eat or else she's going to find out he's been laundering them through corps

>Runners are assigned to recover something
>Inexplicably betray their Mr. Johnson and keep it
>Without knowing what it is

I somehow doubt these particular runners are going to live very long.

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>>48579132

>>48580141
Good Runners would know what's in the box before opening it. These aren't good Runners.

>>48580512
To be fair, if this is THE fruitcake I doubt even the best runners would know what's in the box.

>>48580652
I always wondered what Findley would turn the fruitcake into if it was featured in ED.

Probably something like the book of blue spirits, except it turns people into were-fruitcakes instead of drakes.

>>48579350
FUCK

>>48579132
For a second this thumbnail looked like a badly painted land raider

>>48584601
>We shall purge the unjolly enemies of Santa Claus!

You have now pissed off the ghosts of TWO dead great dragons, not to mention whoever had the damn fruitcake.

Good luck enjoying your pay.

>>48584743
Dunkelzahn isn't dead. He's a part cyberzombie spirit roaming the Prime Material side of the Great Divide. Baka.

The cake is probably so old it has a long-eriadicated virus in it like the Black Plague. Better put it back in the box and give it to the person who hired us.

>>48584743
Correction, a dead one and one of questionable status.
Either way the best course of action would be to put the fruit cake in one of their caskets.

>>48579132
FRUITCAKE???
You have no idea....

>To Alamais, I leave the fruitcake we have exchanged every Christmas since 2020. Unlike you, I’m really dead.
(from Dunkelzahn’s Will)

>>48584755
Or not. Fiction books are not always canon.

>>48579132
>>48579173
>>48580105
>>48580141
We did get that job, and we did open the box, and it WAS a fruitcake.
The object was actually some piece of tech that was supposed to be worth tons of cash. I saw the game winding to a close, so instead of completing the final mission, I convinced the party to keep the thing and sell it off. GM pulls back hard. Did I say 8 million? I meant 8 thousand.
Was really looking forward to having my rent paid for 8 months in advance. In the country we would have fled to.