"hmmm.... mmmmmm... Oh terribly sorry, i was absorbed in

>>48127616
>+999 Jolly Cooperation
>Best Onionbro
>Second-best Sunbro
>+fuckloads on damage rolls vs Giants

>>48127616
+20 to Toast
+30 to Napping (Only thing to do, really, after a good toast)

>>48127742
>bro

Not after that "greedy guts" shit he ain't.

>>48127916
That wasn't him.
He is totally wearing evil armor though.

>>48127916
That was Patches disguised as Siegward after he somehow tricked him into taking it off and then pushed him down a well.

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>>48127616
BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY ROCKIN ERRYWHERE

>>48127616
favored enemy: giants

Size/Type: Large Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 5d10+25 (52 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 15 (-1 size, +1 Dex, +5 natural), touch 10, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +5/+14
Attack: Claw +9 melee (1d6+5)
Full Attack: 2 claws +9 melee (1d6+5) and bite +4 melee (1d8+2)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved grab
Special Qualities: Scent
Saves: Fort +9, Ref +5, Will +2
Abilities: Str 21, Dex 12, Con 21, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 10
Skills: Listen +8, Spot +8
Feats: Alertness, Track
Environment: Temperate forests
Organization: Solitary, pair, or pack (3-8)
Challenge Rating: 4
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always neutral
Advancement: 6-8 HD (Large); 9-15 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: —

>>48127916
You never saved Onionbro from the well??!?!?!

>>48127616

PRobably a paladin, or a straight fighter with UMD maxed.

>>48127916
You so dumb.

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I'd say to not give him too much Wisdom because he got robbed by Patches, but then again, pretty much EVERYONE gets one-upped by Patches in this series.

>>48131988
This.

Most everyone either genuine get fooled by him or just simply have a moment of deliberate stupidity and naivete because they want to purchase shit from him....

>>48127616
well since no system was specified i'll just stat him for his own game.

vig: shitton
end: 20 (he doesn't do many consecutive swings)
vit: probably about 20, iirc he fat rolls so he needs just enough equip load to avoid slowalk
att: 18, for 3 att slots; he casts two miracles one of which requires 2 slots
str: 40
dex: 40
int: base is like 7 so that.
faith: 30+ as sacred oath requires 30
luck: probably base level as well

>>48128177
>he somehow tricked him into taking it off
I ship it.

File: tmp_20235-Turning down the GM's favorite plot hook-702737229.gif (864KB, 480x270px) Image search: [Google]

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>>48132029
>>48131988

>>48132206
Imagine that happens to you and you think that's how it's supposed to be. The timing is perfect.

>>48131988
I fucking hate how you can not kill him on first contact in bloodborne.

I tried to kill him as a spider in the school but it just would not hit him. Next thing I know, I am shoved off the side of a cliff in Dark Frontier.

>>48132029
>because they want to purchase shit from him
In DS3 you can just kill him and give his ashes to the old lady.
Notably, they reveal that Patches is millennia old and avoiding hollowing by never losing hope. Why would you lose hope when there's always profit to be made?

>>48132122
>int: base is like 7 so that.
7 is basically retarded, I'd give him nine, which seems to be about average.

>>48132733
INT in Dark Souls literally means nothing outside of not being able to cast certain forms of magic and having lower defenses toward some damage.

>>48132804
Nah with low INT a lot of characters talk to you like you're retarded.

>>48132845
There are literally two characters who have lines that vary based on INT, and both of them are sorcery vendors. Of course they're going to call you stupid; you aren't a magic user so you must be an idiot. As far as they're concerned anyone intelligent would decide to be a mage.
Straid doesn't count, he calls everybody an idiot.

>>48131988
Krekk's porn is great. Also, at first I read it as "Patches the Unbreakable" in-game somehow and thought this incarnation was going to be a hulking warrior now with the Eagle shield and a mace. I preferred my first impression.