Hello, and welcome to 'Whose Heresy is it Anyway?',

>>48112590
Where's the toaster, I'm horny.

>>48112590
Why did you install a male plug?

>>48112590
Wouldn't this work out better covered in oil?

>>48112590
Maybe you should get repaired.

>>48112590
>"Hey, is it true that thing's harder than diamonds?"

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And for your next topic;

>Things you are unlikely to hear in a Genestealer Cult

>>48113059
>Hey, Andy, you've seen my shaving cream?

>>48113059
"Any volunteers to be PR flack?"

>>48113059
>"So, I was thinking of growing a mullet..."

>>48113059
"Man, there's nothing less attractive than a bald head."

>>48113059
"Lets take things slow."

>>48113059
Ew a bug.

>>48113059
"Hair stylist welcome."

>>48112590
Why can't we connect anymore?

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Next from the hat;

>Ways to guarantee your homeworld getting Exterminatus'd

>>48114091
"I think Horus was right."

>>48114091
Hereticssaywhat?

>>48114091
Call the Inquisition, I don't give a fuck

>>48114091
>"I was thinking of downplaying the skulls when I redecorate your quarters, Inquisitor..."

>>48114091
>I dunno Bob, if they live just on the other side of this Veil of Reality thing, shouldn't we invite them over on tea?

>>48114091
>"So about that eye of terror, it's a good start...but we can go further and do better. Just think of the boost to trade revenue from tourism."

>>48114091
Eldar Welcome!

>>48114091
You know, if the God-Emperor is supposed to be all knowing and all powerful, why in the fuck do I need to worship him all the fucking time. If he knows EVERYTHING, he should know why I don't always show up to mass and not care.

>>48114091
Diversity is our strength!

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what's this on this next card?

>Things you would expect to find in a Dark Eldar Valentines card

>>48114789
... Some kind of horrible trap?

>>48114789
Drew Carius.

>>48114789
Monofilament wire dental floss.

>>48114789
To steal a joke from >>48115106 - A monofilament g-string

>>48114789
"Slaneesh is pink, Horrors are blue,
before you can blink, I'll torture you"

>>48114789
A tiny haemonculus made to look like an anatomically correct, still-beating heart

>>48114789
Drugs and super fetish gear

>>48114789
When opened, it disperses a knock-out gas and activates a homing beacon for your DE wiafu to pick you up

>>48114789
Some sort of Shredder Dildo/Fleshlight hybrid

>>48114789
A mon-keigh v-card, packaged along with the mon-keigh and ready to be revoked along with his internal organs.

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>>48115401
>>48115398
>>48115350
>>48115216
>>48115189
>>48115175
>>48115153
>>48115106
>>48114946
>>48114972

Intriguing, yet highly disturbing...

what've we got now?

>Things a Chaos Lord would bring to your Mom's house

>>48115610
A Slaaneshi tongue-whip

>>48115610
The blessings of Papa Nurgle in the hopes the constant vomiting will make her skinnier

>>48115610
His roving gang of murderer-rapists and a truckload of cocaine

>>48115610
A bouquet of tulips and a polite gift card.

My mom gets along really well with everyone, even Chaos Lords.

>>48115610
An appetite, my mom is a great cook and always cooks too much since she has 4 kids and 3 of them boys

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>>48115610
A word about our lords and saviors, in exchange for only a minute of her time.

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>>48115694
awww.

diddly dit, what's the next skit?

>unusual items to have master crafted

>>48116149
A dildo.

>>48116149
>>48116197
a lasgun dildo

>>48116149
Digital weapons.

I thoroughly enjoy how 90% of what I know about Warhammer is from jokes about Warhammer. In related news, this thread is a learning experience.

>>48116149
Prosthetic Finger

>>48116355
Always happy to educate a fellow anon.

>>48116149
Departmento Munitorum issued undergarments.

>>48116498
Haven't you read your Primer, Guardsman? They already are master crafted.

>>48116149
Master Craft my bottle opener up

>>48116149
A Choppa, or anything orky.

>>48116149
The Emperor.

>>48116149
a toothpick

>>48116149
>>48116197
>>48116284
a lasgun dildo that can actually kill something

>>48116149
Cobra Escort
>>48118459
He's already master crafted, you git!

>>48116149
master crafted STC

>>48114157
what?

Plot Armour

Wallets

>>48116149

A servitor that then master crafts mastercrafters.

>>48116149
Grav-chutes for the Elysian Drop Troops

>>48114625
>>48114710

SAY IT LOUD
SAY IT CLEAR
TYRANIDS ARE WELCOME HERE

>>48115610
>Things a Chaos Lord would bring to your Mom's house
Your dad.