It might be a weird question to you but it's crucial to

>>47931148
Depends on the setting.

But then, you probably already knew that.

Vampires don't eat

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>>47931148

>but it really is important to me

Why?

>>47931271

This. They're dead. They don't breathe, they don't eat, they don't drink anything but the blood that powers them, and everything below the waist is just out of order.

>>47931319
>>47931271
I know they don't eat,but what would happen if a vampire trying to pass as a human ate a typical dinner?

I will take the chance and ask in this thread. It will probably depend on the setting, so I will ask: are there settings in which vampires can still feel things? So maybe they still have the sense of taste and they might like to eat because of the taste. Or could there be another explanation fro them still eating, aside from what >>47931392 suggested.

>>47931392

Probably vomit it back up later. So beware of pale bulimics.

>>47931148
WoD: Vampire: they throw the food up later. Also everything that isn't blood tastes like ash to them.

I like to imagine vampires in modern society, while powerful badasses, are fucked because humans are so numerous so they'd have to fully pull off a charade to stay alive.
Vladmire the Night Shift manager at Walmart.

>>47931478
One book had them still able to taste things, though they still found eating unpleasant due to having to puke it up later

>>47931148

No matter what the setting is, vampires do shit. It's a kind of dark, almost black, soupy diahorrea. Smells like rotten sausages. It's a valuable reagent for mages.

Remember, this is in EVERY setting. Weeaboos, niggers, That Guys, etc, will all piss and whine but they're wrong. EVERY setting.

EVERY SETTING.

>>47931392
In the World of Darkness, vampires will quickly vomit up any food or drink they imbibe. Outside of some rare cases, they blood - vitae - only. They can give themselves what's know as "The Blush of Life" to temporarily appear human, including being able to hold down food, but it'll come back up later.

Not that it matters. Food lacks any real taste to them, especially when compared to the drug/sex-like rush of drinking blood.

>>47931148

in VtM a vampire could use a bloodpoint to "digest" food by turning it to something described as blood-stool.

Vampires in the Witcher are an entirely different species than human. They can, and do, eat human food/drink with no ill affects. One would assume they poop, but it's never concretely established. Higher Vampires are outrageously powerful so maybe they can just choose not to.

>>47931701
>they are so powerful they can choose not to poop
I shouldn't be laughing so hard at this

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>>47931392
>>47931478
Shadowrun vampires (and all the other HMHVV infected) still have taste and feelings. However, some of the infected (like vampires) can't digest anything but the metahuman flesh/blood/bone they need to survive, and have an almost allergic reaction to regular food.

So they can eat a steak dinner, if they don't mind puking it back up in a few minutes.

>>47931148
In my settings vampires get physically ill if they eat and drink like humans, but it will eventually pass as completely undigested food - sort of like poop but it's food that has been crushed and dragged through a dishes rice tract and rotted away in the nasty environment. One meal might be a migraine, but after a few meals it's like food poisoning with horrible gut pains and a fever.

Drinking blood supernaturally reinvigorates rotting flesh so there is no waste.

I hope my players never get curious about it, I know one of them will eat it...

>>47931148
Real-world vampires actually urinate as they feed, because the bulk of blood is plasma which is nutritionally useless-so they pass it through their system leaving behind the actual blood cells, so I imagine it'd be something like that. Obviously this makes for a more feral, animalistic kind of vampire instead of the suave, classy ones.

>>47931148
In my setting "vampires" are actually powerful spirits posessing a host that still eats and drinks and fucks normally. The blood and gore consumed by the spirit is stored in an extradimensional lake and burned to regenerate the spirit.

Woe be unto thou who falls in the lake of blood.

They just shit blood. It gushes out of them. That's why they're all so angry and evil all the times.

>>47934856
Catheters are a thing.
You can be a suave classy vampire with a bag strapped to his leg.

>>47934856
Last time that got brough up somebody wrote a greentext about a loli-vampire pissing on them as he drained them.

But vampires based on actual vampire bats would be pretty freaky. For starters, they don't just make two nice small holes in your neck, but an incision that bleeds like hell due to their saliva being anti-coagulatic. They also drink their own weight in blood, but because blood is mostly water the majority of it passes directly through their bodies, resulting in them urinating all over you.

Vampires are able to turn ingestdd matter into pure energy, leaving no trace in their bodies. This energy fules their vampiric powers. The blood drinking is just cultural.

Depends.

Going by the oiginal myths? They ddn't. most vampires just drank more blood and got soggy, bloated and disgusting.

Most urban fantasy has it that they absorb the blood over the course of a night into the surrounding tissues. Freshly fed they can bleed , though it just oozes instead of getting pumped out, while a hungry vampire doesn't.

By game system it varies too much to go into.

But no, they don't excrete at all.

>>47931148
del Toro's vampires shit right? Guano?

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>>47931148
Depends on the setting.

But applying real world logic, look at the only common mammal that feeds mostly on blood.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hematophagy

Vampire bats make a tiny incision, and use their tongue like a pump and half-straw to suck which is very non-messy and efficient.

They do shit. But mostly they just piss, while flying away from their target. They also prefer larger creatures because the larger the target, the less likely it will notice them.

Vampire bats are also very social, and can be tamed (although too exotic in diet and behavior to make a good pet still).

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=p08Y0oRAX3g

>>47931922
Hey, I hate shitting. If I could use powerful magic to remove the need to shit, I would.
Think of all the time, money, and water you would save.

>>47941186
A lot of animals just piss.

But while you do save time and water spent, your body spends more water to do this.

That's why we shit. To preserve water in our bodies. The entire purpose of the miles of large intestine you have is just absorbing water until all that's left is a gooey solid.

>>47931148
Assume blood is consumed at 100% efficiency and vampire doesn't produce body wastes, unless stated differently.

After all, their powers must take a tremendous amount of energy.

>>47939466
>But vampires based on actual vampire bats would be pretty freaky.

Is hematophagy even viable as a source of nutrients for something human-sized?

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>>47943503
No, but no one cares.

>>47939466
...Got a link?