A child with a wooden sword runs around bopping random objects

>a noise marine
Helps him find a place of safety of course

Obvious ambush.

>>44367331
And you have fallen into my trap 'hero'

>>44367331
>shrug and follow
>to protect innocence is a paladin's duty and joy after all
>whether that be with dragonfire and blade against monstrous hordes
>or just playing along with a child's game
Then >>44367392 happens and he feels a right idiot. An honourable fool is still a fool.

Since it's roughly how the current game started, do the exact opposite of what the kid says.

>>44367331
The Warlock blinks. Surely, to make an example of the child here and now would be good fun, but there are others and to verbally gut the child here and now would result in negative repercussions. As a result, he kneels down and whispers to the child: "My young lad, I am an ancient and wizened wizard sent to fight the danger. However, the good lady bearing the mandolin on my left is a princess in disguise and has need of your skill and sword. You should usher her to safety posthaste." He then stands and leaves the party bard to deal with it. Bonus points if she bangs him.

> Al Qadim rogue/merchant prince
Laugh heartily, give the child a bag of sweets for 'defending' the city and send him home to his mother afterwards.

Then go on and finish his assassinations/politicking for the day.

Or, other game:
>Halfling Totemist
Manifest a few of his melds, run around being a monster for him to thump on to teach the young one about defending kith and kin.

I bop him with my sword.
The child is dead.

>>44367392
>>44367408
>The ambush is a bunch of other kids with wooden swords bopping your metal protected chest

>>44367331
Send him 6 seconds into the future and then keep walking.

Look the party in their eyes, and force everyone to roll for Wisdom.

File: 0fb7cbd0c9554b9ac7d2fc7461901c2f.jpg (330KB, 800x1035px) Image search: [Google]

330KB, 800x1035px

>>44367331
Abduct both children, throw them in a pit, only they now use real blades.

The survivor becomes a space marine.

>>44367503
Yeah until the illusion wears off and you figure out you're being beaten to death by orcs

>>44367331
He would smile and play along with the child, and follow him. While his occupation demands him to hunt evil above all else, he mustn't forget his humanity.

>>44367541
>Another illusion, they're actually still kids; you're being mindfucked by a creepy wizard

>>44367503
Then there is much ham acting before finally being slain.
And a vague disappointment I didn't get to play a dragon.

>>44367541
Pretty sure you'd disbelieve the illusion when a child bobbing you with a wooden sword hurts like an orc with a iron-weighted mace.

>6 foot vampire about as hairy as an ape, with empty eyesockets, black metallic armor, and a blade radiating cold energy

Well for one, I commend the kid for having gigantic fucking balls for someone his age

Then I play along. Vampire Blackguards can still be nice guys.

Have him kidnapped, chemically indoctrinated, and trained to be a killing machine, the finger of the Rogue Trader Quinilli Quo.

>>44367572
>The creepy wizard is actually the cat in the "wizard's" lap

>>44367541
>>44367588
whose to say it's not child orcs with iron wooden swords. The kids might be sweet but they do play rough.

It's why Sandal the elf kid isn't allowed to play with them anymore. Joe Earlybearded the dwarf kid is cool though.

Anamir the halfling though was banned because she's not really a kid. Also is a girl and has cooties from living in a hole in the ground. (her cleric though reassure the cooties have been cured with a "remove disease" spell and wasn't contagious, but the kids aren't so sure)

>>44367331
Believe the child and prepare for battle.

>>44367773
Still worrying the orc children had a glamour on them then.

>>44367832
Roll to disbelieve.

File: images (4).jpg (7KB, 225x225px) Image search: [Google]

7KB, 225x225px

>>Cleric of Pelor (Walking medkit edition)

Follow the child, and play fight for a bit with the boy and friends, pretend to be defeated by them. But I would follow it up with some Heal Minor wounds on all of them, so that they can feel the touch of the divine, to inspire them to greatness in the future.

>>44367917
>the children disappear
>the streets are barren
>the houses are empty
>the street is weathered
>the town delapidated
You've been living here for over three years now. It has clearly not been inhabited for far longer.

>>44367966
Actually I was going to joke that when the glamor drops, it turns out they're not orc children... They're full grown orc LARPers who just wanted someone genuine to be in on the action.

>>44367996
My paladin then lectures them on safety and forethought. What if he'd lashed out in shock? He's not waving around wooden training blades and cantrips. This is serious divine magic and enchanted steel/metal. Someone could have lost something or gotten severe burns or the like. They should be glad they picked someone who doesn't twitch to combat that quickly.
>IT'S JUST A PRANK BRO! ITS JUST A PRANK

File: image.jpg (197KB, 640x896px) Image search: [Google]

197KB, 640x896px

Oh thank you so much for rescuing me ~<3
Where shall we hide together? :3

>>44368956
Detect Evil.

>>44369032
These paladins, I swear, they get younger and smarter every day.

File: 1450618233708.jpg (13KB, 250x253px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 250x253px

>>44367966

>your fellow party members were just figments of your imagination
>the dm now guides you through an empty barren world, everyone but you was an illusion
>get a hunch, roll to disbelieve the dm
>You are now sitting alone at the gaming table

File: 1388510857635.jpg (471KB, 1264x3192px) Image search: [Google]

471KB, 1264x3192px

>>44367331
I answer the call to adventure

>>44368956
SS succubus, don't you have a court order?

>>44367331

The place is dangerous. I go with him.

Nah, idgaf, you *always* trust the locals.

>>44368956
You have to smite ALL the evil

>>44367966
Friendly reminder that it's spelled Dilapidated

File: 1422643658527.jpg (11KB, 213x200px) Image search: [Google]

11KB, 213x200px

>>44367331
Clearly a fey trap.... and therefore will make an excellent story

PLAY ALONG AND PRETEND I SUSPECT NOTHING

>>44367331

>"THE CRUSHING FIST OF TEMPUS GUIDES MY HAND! LEAD ON TO THE FIGHT! VICTORY AND GLORY AWAIT US! TEMPUS VULT!"

File: image.png (44KB, 640x640px) Image search: [Google]

44KB, 640x640px

>>44369588
Nein!
I am having the diplomatic immunities!

>>44367331
Drow Rogue does along. He never really had a childhood and he's mildly curious.

>>44369433
That's so DAMN good GMing though.

File: let_s_pretend_by_merlkir-d8eufws.jpg (313KB, 800x450px) Image search: [Google]

313KB, 800x450px

Allow myself to be drawn into the heroquest, hope for magic power instead of horrible death

Lure him into the wilderness, feed him insects, teach him to speak with beasts and trees.

Then bang his mom

>>44370324
I could have sworn I had a Nazi succubus picture somewhere...

File: Asmodeus_holy_symbol.jpg (96KB, 825x805px) Image search: [Google]

96KB, 825x805px

>>44367331
>"In Asmodeus' name, cease this tomfoolery at once or I shall be forced to report this behavior to your parents and/or legal guardians!"

I have never had so much fun playing nofunallowed before.

>>44367331
>Fake paladin and cynical vampire lord
The Great Paladin of Toussaint is busy doing some paladin stuff (showing off in front of damsels, seducing maids...) and has no time for such bullshit. Pack him by the neck, carry him aside, let my eyes turn red and whisper in my most edge lord voice: "This place is dangerous indeed, as I am here!" Once the terror sits, change my eye color back to normal, drop him, and send him away with a swift kick in the butt.

File: carlos.jpg (8KB, 262x192px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 262x192px

>>44370870
Can you NAZI it?

File: Mutants and Masterminds.png (532KB, 1200x533px) Image search: [Google]

532KB, 1200x533px

>>44367331
Follow him for laughs.

>>44367331
"What say you, brothers? Should we bring him to the Chaplan for testing? There's courage in this little one!"

>>44372285
I don't understand what the +twitter means.

>>44372384
My character has a twitter account which he uses to tell his followers about his exploits.

"Just kicked some robbers' asses when they were trying to rob the bank down Avenue 34. #getrekt #irule #needanewcostume"

>>44367331
follow him find out why the place is dangerous and attempt to it

also tell him to stop hitting random people

>>44367453
>Al Qadim
>read that as Al Qassam

Been hanging out too much in /k/'s middle east threads.

Play along and make friends. Kids are fantastic CIMIC assets.

>>44367331
"err wha--"
>look around
"Is it me? It's.. it's me?! B-but it's never me--"
>shake head, put on expression of fear
"Oh nooo! Noble knight! Quick! Lead me to safety! There's... monsters afoooot!"
>draw rapier, follow child

>>44367331
>Show the kid my badge
"I know, that's why I'm here."

>>44367331
Great, now the party has to find their Ogryn because he followed a kid and is now hiding from scary stuff.