>Grandpa, can you tell me about the days of Rooney?

Good actress, why better than her sister

Is grandpa dead?

When you are 80 years old, wrapped in a blanket and comfy in your rocking chair by an open fire, surrounded by your great-grandchildren; you can tell the spellbound youngsters about the time you saw Sir Wayne Rooney retire from international football after choking against a team of dentists and part timers which has never won any silverware or even qualified for a competition of note in its history, scoring a penalty against the mighty Iceland.

The fire crackles as the children gasp in awe. Snow begins to fall outside the window as your tale comes to an end, but the youngsters are still thirsty for more. 'Tell us about the two he scored against Andorra again Grandpapa' one child begs. 'No, no! The legendary brace vs Kazakhstan!' implores another. The oldest boy pipes up: 'Be quiet you two, Grandad tells those ones all the time. Go on, tell us the one you promised us last time - the penalty vs Slovenia...Grandad..G-Grandad?'

The rocking chair creaks to a halt. A serene expression is on your face and all of Rooney's goals flash before your eyes in your final moments as the children embrace you. His one World Cup goal, the legendary double in Minsk, that tap-in against Liechenstein. They know what's happening and are scared, but calm.

The last thing you hear as you slide into the black warmth of death is the youngest boy - old beyond his years, a football fanatic who spends every free moment outside kicking his battered leather ball against the wall 'Dont be sad, he lived a hell of a life...in the age of Rooney.'

oh i remember the day when he was appointed to the house of lords. he managed to revolutionize british politics all by himself, rejuvenating the empire and even our ambitions regarding space exploration. look up there, there shines rooney10, a star named after him. his football career? no one really talks about that anymore.

honey since when you started to look so sexy?

File: rppney likes lolis.jpg (32KB, 233x362px) Image search: [Google]

32KB, 233x362px

ah yes, the age of rooney

Back then dear there was a club called Man United who won their last premier league trophy with the departure of Howard Webb

Ye he were shit lass

>>75701487
Played for United some how was top class up until about thirty despite always coming off break over weight and being fat as shit until December

Haha I'm not your grandpa you little whore
I just bought you from the slave market here in Madrid.
Now suck my dick with that cute mouth of yours inshallah

>>75702393
>>75702756
These were shocking

But I laughed, and snorted hard. I am not proud of who I am, but my palates and nasal passages were cleansed. Gracias. Gracias a lot my friends

>>75702395
I want one of those sweet apples now.

How do I make one myself?

>>75704380

Make sugar syrup, dunk the apple in it, let it cool down to go hard.

You could also add food colouring and use apples and onions so it's like a Russian roulette for Halloween.

>>75701487
honestly i didnt watch much CL as a kid or EPlel
but everytime i did watch pooney he shokes.
i cant even believe that this guy was a good player

>>75702332
lel

>>75704534
I like raw onions

>>75704648
everyone does my great grandfather survived stalingrad because of those nutritious mofos

>>75702986
sudan
wow

>>75704710
And now you're posting on 4chan.

I'm sure he'd be proud of you.

I know Rooney ruined his own image, but he legitimately was world class for several years.

>>75702332

great copy pasta

>>75704911
What do you want him to do, retard? You have no army, and if you do have it, they are probably controlling the border so refugees get their welfare

>>75705282
he should join the army band

>>75702986
>pedophilia socking in sudan
yeah right