Anyone here molested as a child? Haven't had one in a while.

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>>25482813
Alright fuck it

>be me 10 or 11
>live in apartment complex with mom and little bro
>large courtyard surrounded by buildings.
>play there all the time
>one day see girl I went to elementary and part of middle school with
>Had a crush on her, major
>curly brown hair, cool as shit, tiny bit of a tomboy
>her parents are divorced, dad lives across the courtyard now
>she's over on the weekends, we spend time together outside all the time
>my mom and her dad meet since we are over at each other's places all the time
>Mom's cool with me spending time over there. Thinks her dad will be a good influence on me since my dad bailed (white, not a nigger)
>Her dad invites me over one day when the girl is not there
>asks me all kinds of strange questions about if I like his daughter and if I like girls and shit
>think I am in trouble
>asks me about if I touch myself ‘down there’
>he’s giving me the sex talk. Wasn’t clear until he got to the end and then my mom asked about it later.
>my mom asked him to, it seems. She says it is something my dad is supposed to do
>embarrassed, but he seems nice and cool about it.
>talks about porn and then shows me some. long time ago, so VHS, no internet yet
>talks about masturbation and what it is and that it’s ok, all guys do it
>long story short, he tells me I can watch porn when I want at his house and he'll leave the room so I can spank it.
>Kinda horrified and embarrassed but also really want to see more porn.
>go over occasionally and ask to watch porn. He’s always cool about it. Pops some in and leaves the room.
>Sometimes, after a while, he walks into the room, passing through, or to get something. Sometimes he just sits over on the other side of the couch and watches porn too but not looking at me.
>sort of embarrassed, but after a while, not.

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>>25482990
>Soon he’s jerking his cock at the same time. First in his boxers and then soon out in the open
>amazed at the size of his cock. Never seen an adult one IRL. Watching him cum blows my mind the first time. I still can’t jizz.
>There is a video camera, which I know now, was on every time but didn't realize at first. I am a dumb kid
>this goes on for a while. Jerking to porn in the same room, but a lot of the time I am just watching him and how he does it, using lube sometimes etc. I’m just playing with my cock and watching him cum all over himself.
>occasionally we’d shower together after, but he wouldn’t really touch me.
>One day he comes over while I am playing with mine and gets down on his knees, I am on the sofa.
>Asks me if I want to try something that feels really good. Tells me to close my eyes and take my hand away.
>And now he’s sucking me…
>Horrified and embarrassed and scared but oh god yes, that feels amazing,
>He sucks me while jerking himself. Still no real orgasm from me though.
>first real orgasm comes very soon after. Maybe like a few weeks after.
> I think my first real jizz was in his mouth. That took a bit of time to happen though.
>When it did happen I was surprised. Thought I had peed a little and tried to get him off. He lifted his head up and spit my cum into his hand and showed me.
>He told me he was so proud and that I was becoming a man and could make babies and stuff.
>we do this for a while, we’d start jerking separately then he kneels in front of the couch and sucks me while jerking his cock.
>at first he just shot his cum on the carpet but after a while he stands up and shoots it on my body but he always waits until after I have cum.
>showering together more now because I’m frequently covered in his jizz, he always swallows mine
>asks me if I want to touch his cock in the shower one day
>goaheadtasteit.png

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>>25482993
>He never kissed me or anything like that. Put his arm around me on the couch and stuff and would give me rubdowns with oil, especially before fucking me.
>Figured out much later the gay porn which he only showed occasionally had no kissing or anything. He either edited it out or fast forwarded. I think there were only like 2 scenes total.
>One day we are the sofa bed which was still folded out because his daughter has just left
>I’ve cleaned up and cleaned out, like a good boy, lubed myself up a bit and I’m jerking myself while he sets up the camera as usual
>This time though there is a long cord into the TV which is an enormous rear projection model. Old school now, but state of the art then.
>first time he’s ever done a live feed type thing so I can see. Think it’s the coolest thing ever.
>I am sucking him and he’s watching it on the TV behind me. Kinda rush the BJ because I want to see it too.
>He lays flat on his back, and I am squatting over his dick and he’s holding my ass cheeks in his hands. Slides me down on his cock. I’m hard, sticking straight out.
>takingitlikeapronow.webm
>I’m watching this on the big TV, fucking amazed, because I had no idea that’s what it looked like really.
>I can see his cock sliding into me and it’s AMAZING. It looks like the porn he’s showed me and for some reason it was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. His cock looks too big but then it’s inside me and I’m pressed down to his balls.
>Sliding up and down slowly, want to jerk myself but have to use my hands to steady myself.
>switch to doggy, face towards tv

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>>25483001
>I don’t exactly understand all of that then really, but I feel this wave of what may have been shame or embarrassment. I know I felt physically hot all of a sudden.
>then on my back at the edge of the bed. Dad’s holding the camera, sort of POV
>start jerking my cock, watching myself on TV
>He’s filming and smiling down at me asking if it feels good and I nod. He says it feels really good to him and that I am sexy
>’Sexy’ makes me feel very weird. I’m surprised by the word, and stop looking at him and go back to looking at the TV.
>suddenly cum buckets all over myself, never done that while being penetrated
>hellyes.jpg
>That really cemented how I felt about anal. Being fucked was a thing for him and I did it because I really kinda loved the guy but it always made me nervous
>felt like I would get hurt, as there was always a tiny bit of pain, but now I get it.
>I also would get a bit soft and never thought I could get off like I did when he fingered me but this was a whole different level
>so Dad pulls out, cums all over me, which normally, he always came inside
>some lands on my face
>firsttimeforthat.ogg
>dad zooms in, I am watching myself turning my head back and forth.
>seen it in porn never on me, kinda mesmerized, dads got a huge grin
>okthatwasfun.scr

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>>25483005
>this goes on till I am about 15 or 16, right before highschool
>dad rails me or blasts my throat. Girls ignore me but I have less interest because my balls are always empty
>Went to Disney with him and his girls even, mom couldn’t afford it. He never did anything with me when they were around though.
>Dad basically treats me like the son he never had which I know sounds horrifying to some but I fucking loved the guy
>must have swallowed buckets of cum, mom had no idea, never almost got caught
>as I got older, from time to time I would worry about what we were doing, getting caught, being called a fag, etc.
>He’d always reassure me…and then fuck me. He never tried to kiss me or make out or cuddle or anything. No feminization, no verbal abuse nothing at all.
>Never close to getting caught since we were in his Apt. My mom called sometimes to tell me to come home or whatever.
>The occasional weekend when his daughters weren’t there were awesome. He’d take me to a movie, then we’d go home, cum all over everywhere, shower and then he’d make grilled cheese and we’d watch cartoons or something
>then things got weird, and awful and that part is hard to reconcile with this part.
> I wonder from time to time if he hadn’t crossed a line, and also if he hadn’t been taping it and shit, if I would have any negative feelings about it at all.

Uhh yeah it was the only time I got laid

>my cousin marries a guy
>he's in his early 30's and is pretty creepy
>they had kids together
>they raped them (only got 16 months no joke)
>fast forward to when I'm 8
>parents too hooked on drugs that we're borderline homeless
>they send me there to live with them for a while
>go to their shitty trailer
>they're extremely nice at first, cook me chicken wings and we play ice age together on the PS1
>then just a little bit later he asks me to sit on his lap
>was too retarded to think anything about it
>after a while he raped me can't remember all the details

I wake up nearly every night screaming because I have vivid nightmares about it, only medication stops it but my parents took away my antidepressants and sleeping pills because they don't believe in them and think they're making me worse. Oh well, hope somebody jerked off to the story.

>>25483034
Fuck sorry anon.

internet hug.

The shame is real. thanks for sharing

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bumpan

>>25483034
for the love of god give more details

I was raped by my 13 yo friend when i was 5

>>25483420
It was traumatic you sicko.

>>25483034
That's awful Anon, when you can escape them, take your medications. I hate that it happened ..
I'm a man I was abused as a boy, it was not sexy, I don't want to give details for someone to jerk off to. Because of this I don't have normal, healthy relationships.

>>25483034
i hope you're okay

>>25483428
green text? sounds hot

>>25483432
it's hot

the innocence of youth being exploited is one of life's ultimate pleasures

>>25483469
She said that it was traumatizing. Like I've known some victims who thought it was hot but this one didn't

>>25483477
her being traumatized makes it even hotter

>be me, 4 years old
>got involved in sexual experiences at a very young age
>girl of the same age from around the corner comes over and we play with our toys
>she wants to play house and tells me to take off my clothes, instructing me through what to do
>have 'sex', mother walks in and she runs out
>scolded and punished
>alone at home with 12 year old sister weeks later
>says she wants to know what it's like and touches me
>undresses me, sucks me and gets on top of me, putting it in
>mortified
>7 years old now, 10 year old girl came over to watch films
>some scene with an old joystick control airplane, and she grabs my cock, pretending she's flying a plane
>doesn't stop, gets undressed and we fuck
>see one another nearly every day the next 3 years, same thing happens every time
Welp.

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>>25483432
>>25483477
>>25483034

The clearly awful hateful shit is easier to wall off and compartmentalize, I hope.

Maybe not.

For me the problem was the dichotomy. The fact that I enjoyed it to some degree and then knowing you were used and taken advantage of. Fucked me up for a long time.

Here is the rest of my

>>25482990

story

>Ok Part 2: AKA Things got weird and horrible
>Still 15 or 16 I think. Fully into puberty, horny as fuck all the time.
>go to “Dad’s” after school for some funtime
>There is another guy there and a kid I would guess 8 or 9? Seems younger than I was when I started with dad
>Guy is OLD maybe 50’s, big ass beer belly, thankfully clothed.
>I’m immediately freaked, I know this stuff is supposed to be secret so I’m wondering if I should even be here.
>Basically they want me to fuck the kid.
>I pull dad aside and I’m freaking because no one was supposed to know. Tell him I want to leave. He says it’s all good, calms me down, gives me a beer. (Ya I know)
>I confirm that I don’t really want to do anything with the guy but he’s telling me this is for fun and they are just going to film.
>I am nervous as fuck, get down to undies and go back in LR. Kid is already on the sofa bed naked.
>Dad and (Grandpa? I guess), have cameras. Sit down next to kid, nervous. Grandpa tells us to go ahead and get started.
>Kid goes down on me, sucking like a pro but It takes forever to get hard. Have to close my eyes.
>Get hard and kid gets on his back, I lube myself up and the kid lift his legs up and lubes up too like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
>I’m trying to be like dad and tell him I’ll go slow and shit and get him to talk to me but I slide right in with almost no resistance.

to be cont

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>>25484595
>It’s the first time for me. Never penetrated anyone before. It feels good and the kid seemed ok but very passive. I’m trying to “perform” for the camera now like porn, trying to get him to jerk himself. He does for a bit and then stops even though he’s erect.
>Eventually I cum, pull out, they zoom in on the butthole and cut.
>So I go in the back to shower and change and shit and I’m thinking about shit and feeling kinda ok and kinda not ok.
>I come out and grandpas on the couch with the kid, who’s now dressed but it’s clear he’s been crying but has sucked it up.
>Dad rushes me out the door and I’m fucking freaked.
Long story short I tell dad the next day to get fucked and I’m no longer coming over any more. He’s very morose and kind of just says okay and that’s it. See him around but don’t ever talk to him again. Even stopped talking to the daughter. My mom knew something was up but thought I was being a moody shitty teen, which is true kinda but I def had reasons.