Alright, let's try something new Suicide story share thread

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Here's the entry scar. I don't really want to take a picture of the peg tube scar, but just imagine a little bellybutton above your original

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>What did you try?
I tried to hang myself on my patio almost two months ago. It took me about half an hour to get up onto the railing and tie the noose around my upstairs neighbor's pole. I jumped four times in that half hour.
>Why?
General loser shit. I've been living the same dependent lifestyle from middle school to college. Never had a gf, I'm awkward, anxious, filled with regret, unmotivated, tired all the time, sick of the mononty, low grades, lack of privacy and freedom, horrible memory.
>How did you live?
It's a mix between the fact that while I tied the noose right, I tied the loose end very basically and my weight probably had something to do with it.
>How do you feel about living?
I'm glad I'm taking pills and don't want to die any more, but I'm not in much better of a situation. I'm really not motivated to get better and I'm still thinking about it maybe 5 times a week instead of my usual 10-18 a week. But I do feel like a weight has been lifted.
>Post about scars and show any that are visible.
I got none. Not even a rope burn.

>>25458795
sorry to hear that man. typically, from what I hear, hanging yourself rarely works, but, hey, a fucking bullet didn't work for me so sometimes you just can't win you know?

>>25458800
From what I've heard, hanging is a generally fairly consistent means of suicide. Usually lasting at most six minutes. I'm fairly suprised how not only did a bullet fail at suicide, but how little it seemed to disfigure your face. I'm sure you have image problems because of it, but to me it just looks like something smoking would give you. It has to suck having a lazy eye and a metal plate in your head after all of a sudden tho, Can I ask how the plate affects sleeping?

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>What did you try and why?
Alcohol poisoning
>How did you live?
Although my heart stopped for a short amount of time I was brought to the hospital and woke up the next day drunk as fuck, and I was sore for weeks
>How do you feel about living?
Well I have a bit of brain damage. I feel like I lost a part of myself, and that I can never get it back. My life is a struggle of mental illness and not even being able to take care of myself, and being homeless on and off. I feel so isolated and alone because I hate society and am nihilistic as well in couple with being deficienct in brain. I'm trying to join the military but first have to lose like 30 lbs and take care of court stuff but if I fail I give up.
>Post about scars and show any that are visible.

You seem sweet anon. I'm glad you got a new lease on life.

What did you try and why?
Tried to OD on nearly a three month worths bottle of antidepressants. I've had depression since I was about 13, my dad died when I was young and my mom's a smart woman who's been broken and alcoholic since and all I can do is love her and watch. I dropped out of high school because of anxiety, essentially had no friends, was trapped in my friends apartment after she abandoned me there. No job, no hope, collecting welfare, and then I had a huge, messy breakup with my gf.
How did you live?
Because I'm a moron and no dose no matter how large of the medications I had could kill me. I was nauseous and absolutely fucked out of my mind for about two weeks straight though.
How do you feel about living?
I don't honestly know yet. I just went through another shit break up, I'm jobless again. I feel like I'm learning to cope, but I'm so fucking scared of loving anyone because when I get dumped I lose my shit (more than most, I guess). I rely on the beauty of nature and a dumb sense of humour to get me through.
Post about scars and show any that are visible.
I would but my camera is shit. I have so many horizontal scars on my right wrist that it's mostly numb, and three deep vertical ones on my left from another attempt. Some on my neck as well.

>>25458637
Should've jumped off a building instead.

>>25458645
How are you NOT a vegetable?

>>25458637
>>25458645
>>25459108
> How are you NOT a vegetable?
dumb luck I'd guess
went in under his chin
through his tongue and nasal cavity
missed his optic nerve,
but damaged the nerves that control eye movement
pierced his frontal lobe
and out through the top of his head

the biggest factor of why he probably isn't suicidal anymore
is probably because he basically gave himself a partial lobotomy
part of his personality was removed when the bullet damaged the frontal lobe

>What did you try and why?

So far I've tried hanging, a variety of different poisons and drugs, ODing on my different medications, alcohol poisoning. I have been...Annoying resilient and/or fortunate to most attempts, whereby I've almost been successful and had someone that was checking up on me stop me, or the attempt just hasn't had the desired effect.

As for why? I've not had a particularly good life. I've spent most of my time being beaten, abused and taken advantage of in some way or another, and simply don't want to be here any more; It's painful, there's not a night go by that I don't have some kind of nightmare, and I've never REALLY known a minute's peace and quiet. Being Bipolar is a bitch, having depression is a bitch, and ultimately, not being able to function in close proximity to any kind of human contact is a bitch. I would...Kill for just one moment of being able to just be held without some manner of panic attack happening, but that doesn't look like it's ever really going to be on the cards.

So....Why am I here? Yeah, yeah, I know; "if I were REALLY determined, I'd have succeeded already" - and it's a valid point. It's actually a conversation that I've been having with Dignitas to argue for assisted life termination in Switzerland.

>How did you live?

Begrudgingly..

How do you feel about living?

I'm ready to go. My body aches, my head hurts, and...I'm actually a little relieved to discover that I have a little heart failure going on, kidneys are packing up, and with my family's history, I'm pretty sure cancer is going to hit. I don't know when, but...I'm ok with it. I...Have no energy, and I don't care or particularly have anything or anyone to feel alive with and for. Pathetic, right? Trust me, it's not escaped my attention.

I guess I'm spending any time I do have in between having my lawyer argue for me to be euthanised by trying to put a little good in the world where I can.

Well I haven't actually tried it but every time I drive anywhere I have to physically restrain myself from swerving into oncoming traffic.
Kinda weird desu, because I don't really have any of the usual signs of depression or whatever, it's just like my brain wants me to fucking die and there's not a whole lot I can do about it. I have a pretty good life. Maybe a little directionless, but that's not unusual. And my brain still tells me that dying in a car wreck would be swell

>>25460506
I get this a lot, even to this day. Occasionally I will sometimes just pop out of myself (for lack of a better term) and begin feeling like I'm sitting in a theater watching a film in first-person. It's almost as if I can see the path that everything will take, including myself, and fear that that path leads me directly into oncoming traffic. I'm just glad that path hasn't been followed yet.

I haven't attempted anything due to my phobia of any kind of pain and overactive imagination (my suicidal thoughts also bring along thoughts of reactions of family and friends and those bring me back), but I once got very close to breaking my 9th-story window and jumping. Right after I snapped back from this state of mind I began the process of moving to a ground-level apartment as an immediate preventative measure.

I've experienced many different types of suicidal thoughts - it's hard to explain them to anyone who hasn't experienced them. Feeling worthless or deeply regretting something is just one of many different mentalities of a suicidal person. I've also had moments of morbid curiosity/boredom, moments of emotional exhaustion ("I just want to sleep forever"), moments of dissociation ("I'm in a dream I have no control of and death is the only escape"), etc. Often times I don't see death as an ultimatum, but as an option. I've heard someone describe it like "Well, I could get some homework done, I should pick up a few things from the store, and oh yeah, death is an option on today's schedule, let's just pen that down" or something similar. It's often passive thoughts.

My life is honestly pretty great, I'm an incredibly lucky person, and lately I've been using my experience with that edge to help friends and family back away from it - helping others can help you more than you can understand.

OP, and everyone in this thread, I'm glad you're still here. Having seen friends and family escape the worst, I truly believe there is a chance for everyone. Keep fighting.

>What did you try and why?
I'm 22 and have had schizoaffective disorder (bipolar type) for my whole life, and ptsd for a few months after trauma in April. The auditory and visual hallucinations really get to me sometimes, especially with having to relive my trauma every day or so. I've tried three times throughout my life and have been hospitalised all three times.
>How did you live?
All three times I was rescued by my spouse. Thank god. I don't know where I'd be without them.
>How do you feel about living?
Right now I'm in a really great place, but I'm on amazing meds that have improved my quality of life by 95%. I'm still struggling with my ptsd but I'm slowly working towards recovery. :)

Implying I'd have the guts to even try.

Tempted so many times to just drive off a cliff or something, but I'm actually terrified of failing and being a vegetable. Wouldn't be able to live with that embarrassment lol.

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>>25458637
>What did you try and why?
drowning
>How did you live?
i'm not sure, i woke up coughing up water and didnt have the energy to try again, walked ~150 metres home and went to sleep
>How do you feel about living?
that was almost ten years ago and in all honesty i can't say it's been worth it.

>>25461040
Im sorry to hear that anon. I hope you find something that makes it worthwhile

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I've come somewhat close twice. I made a cut one night when I was feeling bad. This was the worst cut I ever made (if I made more of the same depth, it would've killed me). There's the scar I still have today.

The second time was actually a couple of days ago. I was at the beach and suffering really, really badly. The balcony would've been so easy to go over. 11 floors and brick at the bottom... Would've been nice.

How the fuck did you survive a brain gunshot?

I am planning on suicide soon. Within a few years. I am able to wait for now to see if life improves. Probably won't. I have a cliff in mind with a 160 meter drop onto rocks. Gonna go head first and pray that I don't survive. No backup but I might try getting some heroin and maybe snorting a lot of heroin before I jump so I can die of OD if I survive the fall