Help me get with this woman. I am completely and utterly hopeless

My sides

I have no idea how to open these conversations. I just want to fuck someone, what is the quickest route to that?

This poor woman

Jesus fucking titty sprinkles.>>25199708

Please tell me you let /b/ write your replies?


>I just want to fuck someone, what is the quickest route to that?

Hire a hooker. Seriously. Leave this poor woman alone.

>>25199711
No these are all mine, pretty much unironic replies.

I don't want to use a hooker because of STDs.

>>25199713
condom

Though, if you're a kissless virgin in your 30s I don't think having STDs will hurt your chances any further.

>>25199716
I'm in the lower half of my 20s.

I'd recommend you set yourself a more achievable social skills goal to work towards. Maybe 'talk to someone for five minutes without using the phrase "kissless virgin"'

this is just too funny to be true

>>25199723
At least someone can get joy out of my misery.

>>25199718
Why you matching with a woman in her 30s then?


... Anyway, genuinely seems like you need it, so I'll help.

"Sorry. I get quite nervous when it comes to talking on tinder. I'm much more relaxed in person. I'd really like to get to know you better. Would it be possible to meet up for a coffee?

>>25199727
>Why you matching with a woman in her 30s then?
I like older women.

>>25199728
>I like older women.
We all have our concept of the ideal partner. All good bro.

Send her what I said. I can't guarantee she'll go for it, but you should at least try.

And in future, women don't like men with insecurities. You don't have to act like an alpha fuck, but at least avoid telling her you're a virgin that just wants to get laid within the first 5 minutes. Women don't appreciate that.

say "i'm tryna get that drip drop (that) pussy on my junk"

>>25199737
Cheers.

What would be a good opener then for someone I didn't sperg out on?

>>25199742
"hey I sperged out on the last one"

>>25199742
>What would be a good opener then for someone I didn't sperg out on?

You were doing fine until the whole "unemployed, mental health problems and virgin" part.

Also, how do you send pictures in tinder?

>>25199756
Do not send her a dick pic.

If she's asked for a pic, use it as an excuse to add her on other social media. Snapchat, kik, facebook, etc.

>"Sure. Add me on _____, my username is Kissless_Virgin69"

>>25199699
Smooth as fuck

>>25199695
How do you plan on keeping her after she sees that you have no social skills in real life?

>>25199766
I just want to lose my virginity.

>>25199768
>I just want to lose my virginity.
Then hire a prostitute.
Check backpage or whatever
Wear a condom and you'll be right.

this is the best game i've ever seen

>>25199768
oh dude keep posting please.this is so funny

What's the best dating ap for this anyway? Or is there a site better than craigslist I don't know about?

stay woke my man