Okay,before I even start this just let me say, if you're

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Okay,before I even start this just let me say, if you're going to tell me or anyone else in this thread, "you're fucking crazy!!" or say anything negative then please butt out now because I know I'm crazy! I wish I had an explanation to offer for how I feel but I don't so don't make me or anyone else feel worse about it pls.

Okay, so as early as 8 or 9 years old I wanted to be disabled. I used to watch all the medical marvels on talk shows and envy the paralyzed people in wheelchairs. As I got older, I wanted to be a leg amputee. Both legs, and then it progressed into wanting to lose an arm. The idea of having a little nub was so appealing to me.
These days I have a few different "ideals" of what I feel and mostly its having no arms at all, maybe 2 inch nubs, but they would still be pretty useless. And on a way more extreme level losing a leg at the hip, too short for prosthetics.
I have a lot more to say on the subject, but I'll save that for if anyones even around.

TLDR;
any other devotees or people with BIID?
Looking for(not nessacarily sexual, but I could get down with that) roleplay/convorsation, or just people to talk about BIID with. I've never truly met anyone with BIID(at least that I know of),to this extent.