>little to no success on dating sites >too much of a social

>>24694615
Dude are you me?

>>24694615
Or are you me? Blew over $600 on online sites, paying to send messages etc etc. No luck at all

>>24694615
The cycle will only end when you find someone. Then you can use the internet for friends with your SO isn't around the stave off loneliness. Are you a NEET? Work with any girls?

>>24694636
>Are you a NEET? Work with any girls?
No. and yes, but they all ladies in their late 40's that are married with kids. Also I barely ever see any of them.

I have no idea how to meet people IRL since I have no friends either

>>24694676
Did you try match and eharmony? Post your profiles, I'll tell you what you're doing wrong.

>>24694696
I have okcupid. I also use Tinder, plenty of fish and Coffee Meets Bagels
>>24694625
>Blew over $600 on online sites, paying to send messages

How do you blow that much money on dating sites?

>>24694706
Over a period of 4 months trying about a half dozen or so different sites to see if that helped. It adds up

>>24694615
On the verge of wanting to be castrated or something so for ever alone won't be such a great pain. You are stronger than I m8

>>24694615
I'm a recovering NEET so this is from experience and not just some bullshit feel-good platitudes:

you will get better at talking to people the more you do it.
instead of focusing on what you can't handle right now, try extending your comfort zone by frequently doing things that are only slightly uncomfortable, you will find your tolerance slowly increasing.

for example, I started doing my own grocery shopping instead of ordering it delivered off the internet, which gradually normalized the experience of having to talk to the cashier human to the point where I dont even think about it anymore. the idea is to get used to something slow enough so that you don't freak out and have an autism fit because you jumped in the deep end but don't know how to swim yet.

here's a fun thought experiment: when you find yourself having the thought "tfw no gf", instead of thinking about how nice it would be for it to magically occur, consider what it would really take for that relationship to begin and continue existing in spite of your difficulties dealing with people.
consider that any gf worth having is a complete human person with their own ideas of what is attractive in a personality and that anyone who likes you 100% the way you are right now would probably be undesirable to you due to how low you perceive their standards to be, cos your sense of self-worth tells you that nobody could possibly like you because you're broken and flawed.

at a certain point you should realize that it would be a living nightmare that you are completely unprepared for. do not become discouraged, this is only a depressing awareness if you do not try and increase your preparedness. I have found focusing on self-improvement through exercising and engaging in projects you enjoy away from the computer (learning new recipes for me) incredibly helpful in increasing my perception of my own value to other people, which has a cascade effect on all the other areas I was just shitting on about.

>>24695096
>at a certain point you should realize that it would be a living nightmare that you are completely unprepared for. do not become discouraged, this is only a depressing awareness if you do not try and increase your preparedness. I have found focusing on self-improvement through exercising and engaging in projects you enjoy away from the computer (learning new recipes for me) incredibly helpful in increasing my perception of my own value to other people, which has a cascade effect on all the other areas I was just shitting on about.

I am already sort of at the point where I know that a relationship now wouldn't be a good idea but I don't have a clue of what I can do to improve my overall person and attitude other then working out, getting a better job, and getting therapy to help with my self esteem issues (that last bit hasn't helped me at all and I've been going to various therapist since I was about 10).

Also I just have the looming since that no matter how much effort I put into it that it will amount to a fat load of nothing and all the effort would have been a waste

>>24695200
efforts means nothing if you can't visualize where you want it to lead to and can see the path connecting you to that goal. otherwise your motivation will fade as soon as your loneliness abates even slightly.

the trick with this is to recognize the mental associations you've unconsciously created that lead you to not try anything because it's a bigger emotional drain than doing nothing, turning them around and making them work for you, so consciously try and create constructive habits that once you are used to will be comforting to repeat. exercise for example is a tedious repetitive chore right up until the point where you start seeing beneficial results, but if you can break through that wall you'll start to unconsciously want to continue that trend now that you have some kind of positive feedback.

socialization is the same way. focusing on your inabilities will only give clarity to the gulf that exists between you and what you want. instead focus on what you can do right now and use that as a stepping stone to do something only a little bit harder. take baby steps and don't look down.

also one of the turning points for me was talking to my GP about finding and going to a therapist on my own without help from family members, they reccomended someone close by that they knew personally had done good work with some of their patients with similar issues to mine. having a good relationship with your therapy person is essential since otherwise you probably won't feel like opening up and being honest which is where the identification of issues you've been dealing with but werent aware of begins (for me it was severe anxiety that had been undiagnosed for years)