Are you pathetic? Are you hopeless? I don't just mean that

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Feel free to post pics of yourself, contact info, and maybe what you secretly hope you might find. For all you know, your main problem may not be an issue for a fellow 4channer.

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OP Here. Going to start with myself and hope others join in.

>33 years old, so past my prime
>Divorced
>Haven't been on a real date in 12+ years
>Single father with full custody
>5'6" manlet (I don't actually care, but it bothers women so I'm counting it)
>Weigh 250 lbs
>Have depression and anxiety
>Hate crowded and/or loud places, so avoid going out much
>Complete nerd that even goes to sci-fi conventions (pic related)
>Disabled due to Trigeminal Neuralgia (look it up if you don't understand why that would be disabling)
>Have a small side business that I'm usually too sick to actually deal with
>Extremely poor
>Son and I live with my mother
>Drive a 2001 Ford Taurus with 172,000 miles
>Have 4 dogs
>Still occasionally have to deal with my ex, Satan

kik: NickTheToiletBear

Hell, there's more reasons than this, but I figure I'll give a little something to start off.

I know I'm no prize, and my stellar 1% response rate on dating apps shows women know it too! I'm usually told I'm a "really great guy" but not their type. Same thing I've been told most of my life.

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>>24643822
Bumping. Hopefully some other pathetic friendos will join in and tell us all about their lives.

I'm more hopeless than all of you, I've read enough to know a variety of things which fly contrary to the current cultural narrative, and I'm not willing to play dumb. I also have no interest in casual sex, non-committed relationships, or even the type of marriage where you never really get to know each other based on insecurities and long-studied aversion to genuine empathy. I'm going to die alone.

So cheer up anons, whether you're a cripple, a fatty, an avoidant spineless faggot, or just old, you still have more of a chance of finding a compatible mate than I do!

>>24644135
Ah, come on. None of that disqualifies you at all.

This is 4chan...gotta have more pathetic people than that.

I live alone in a gigantic apartment in the city and spend all my money on booze. GF of almost 5 years cheated and I immediately hooked up with my ex who I hadn't seen in 6 years. She's cool but flaky so that's a bummer. No clue what to do honestly.

>>24644316
Don't limit yourself, man. The ex isn't someone you'll grow to love. And the most recent ex is a cheating whore. You aren't limited to two women to fuck for the rest of your life. Also, kudos on the huge apartment. I'm OP, living in my childhood bedroom WITH MY SON. Your living situation could be so much worse.

We were both cheated on. I know how much it sucks. My ex wife cheated on me after 2 years, but I was an idiot and stayed with her. We had a kid together. Then in year 6, she cheated again, after I had quit my job to take care of her mother full-time because of brain surgery. It was her little way of repaying me for not wanting to stand by idly and watch her mother die. As a caveat, she admitted she didn't love me and never had. But that I was the kind of guy she "SHOULD" be with, so she tried to make it work. Then, when her attempt to leave me failed because the guy she cheated on didn't want her, she kept asking for me back. I stayed there to be caregiver for her mother, since I knew nobody else would do it. Took me about 3 months before I caved and took her back again. Stayed married 4 more years. Don't be pathetic, like me. Don't do it.

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I was first diagnosed schizophrenic before I was diagnosed with BPD. I'm depressed, angry at the world, and abuse all the people in my life that I love. I'm also a raging alcoholic that's still in love with every single ex I've had, despite the fact I lied to them, abused them, and they all put up with me until I forced them to leave.

>>24644539
DESU, all of my dealings with people who have schizophrenia confirm this. Relationships are temporary when you can't control your brain. Sorry to hear it, man. Taken any effective meds?

>>24645084

Nothing that has particularly lessened the anguish of living with this dissociation and its hell.

I self-med now with alcohol, but pot would probably be best. I hate my life and I want to die, but the part of me that was meant to be a normal human cries out for life. It's terribly conflicting and it's terrible in itself.

>>24644282
>This is 4chan...gotta have more pathetic people than that.

Well I'm a professionally-diagnosed autist. My first memory of considering suicide was in the 4th grade. I had no real friends growing up, just now and then someone who'd put up with me. Spent all of high school in a sped place, padded rooms and all.

What's more pathetic is that I came this close to getting out of it. After several years of false starts in college, I was one class away from graduating and had a job. Of course accomplishing all that didn't make me feel pride and motivation like it should, I hated every minute of doing it. One suicide attempt later and I quit my job and left school without my degree. (that one class was an "experiential learning" deal, you had to be employed and write about what you did at work)

That was four years ago and now I'm a fat 29yo virgin neet. I think its worse since I don't really have an excuse. I'm not disabled or anything, I just can't handle normal adult human activities and stresses properly. I couldn't manage to live life.

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me, i'm an amputee. i wasn't when i used to use 4chan, but i am now. funny how most of everyone that i used hang out with pretty much just found other stuff to do instead of hanging out with me. shrug

>>24645113
Hmm...I'd say it's time to move to Colorado or find yourself a dealer you can trust. Still, sorry you go through that.

>>24645166
Same thing happened to me when my ex and I split. One word text responses...from the nicer ones. The others either disappeared or made a play for my ex's vag. People are shit, man. I think they're worried they'll be expected to "do something" for you, so they avoid you when things get bad. Any luck on getting one of those fancy bionic limbs I keep seeing videos about?

>>24645151
I want to feel bad for you, except that your story is pretty familiar. Only difference is I didn't get diagnosed until I was in my late 20s and already had a son...and we were trying to figure out what was "wrong" with him.

No, what all the time in padded rooms taught ME was that if you can't appear normal, fucking fake it. Study body language and vocal patterns. Took me years, but nobody knows I'm autistic until they REALLY get to know me. I don't let most people get to know me that well, and the ones that do have known me long enough to not care and just have assumed I was "eccentric". You got further in school than I ever did...dropped out of high school at 14. But I got a GED. Dropped out of college...three times. I never got anywhere near a degree, there. But I learned from my mistakes. I took a job that required me to deal with people, so I could put things that I'd studied into practice: sales. I lost so many fucking jobs. Seriously, I was so proud when I was 27 and had kept the same job for a full YEAR.

I'm teaching my son how to do the same thing, but he's 6. And he's doing so well, he's advanced an entire grade. If nobody will help you, then TEACH YOURSELF. Youtube and Wikipedia have so much info I didn't have back then. I took psychology classes and watched documentaries on how to spot liars. Learn how neurotypicals think and what they want from their interactions with others. Thats half the battle.Then use it on a woman and get pussy

>>24645350
nope. i have too high of an amputation for that to work. i still could fell all of my feeling in my arm for years afterwards and i can still feel my hand even to this day if i concentrate. i would say out of the 20ish friends i had, it's down to about maybe 2 or 3, not counting family. i had a gf, too, but she stuck around for about 3 or 4 years after. so i at least don't think it was the whole reason for us breaking up. we just went our separate ways but we are still friends. i sometimes wish i wouldn't have lived after the motorcycle accident but my mom would have buried me as a christian. i know that you are dead, so it doesn't really matter. i was living life as a christian by name just because i didn't really care but after you go through that it really makes living your life different. i know that people say that life is so short but i could really tell what they meant afterwards. so if any of this makes one person hear what i have to say, it's life life to the fullest, tell people what you really think no matter the cost. if they don't like you afterwards, fuck them. you really didn't need them in your life. i still hold the door open for people, i don't park in a handicapped spot, i still live my life exactly the same minus the limb. i also make sure i tell people i am an athiest, i don't hide behind a "christian" tag. i became an athiest in middle school/high school times. there's no way to become an athiest than going to a religious school like i did. i have to thank them because about half of my teachers were athiest's like me. or they didn't believe what the schools taught which was odd to me. so i read books about it, i watched cosmos (the original), anything i could and made up my mind by the time i graduated from a catholic school.

tl;dr life is short, be what you are, fuck em if the say you have to believe what they believe

>>male
>>22
>>disabled, but not enough for neetbux
>> work 20 hours a week max cause im physically sick
>>dont make enough to move out cause of medical bils even if i worked 40 hour weeks
>>one neighbor who i can count as friend but he is moving across the country in a month
>>cant drive so stuck im my dads basement
>>dad hates me cause i dont do anything and he was an actual good person at my age hitchhiking in Mexico in the early 70s
>>no interests and just sleep all day mostly
>>only video game i play is garbage runescape and pokemon
>>addicted to weed and blow all my money on it
>>cant stop masturbating even tho i cut it down to like once a week, every time i cum i feel like i killed my own kid and i sink further into hell
>>stuck with dad cause havent talked to mom since she kicked me out and i ended up in jail for not going to school CAUSE I WAS FUCKING SICK


thats just some of it i think

>>24645513
Anon, I hope the tech catches up for you soon. And you're right...fuck anyone who tries to force their view of the world down your throat. I think a lot of your teachers at least saw that there's room for more than just one viewpoint.

>>24645539
>Runescape
I found your problem.

>>24645589
it is a massive problem but i dont play it much its just i cant get involved in videogames anymore

>>24643822
to all you kids claimig mental illness

you're not mentally ill, you're mentally WEAK

suck it up and join the rest of the human race

the leftists will sympathise with your condition, and tell you you're a special snowflake

you're not special. and anything you've gone through, someone has gone through and not only survived, but thrived.

suck it up kids.

>>24645599
You should also tell the guy with only one arm he is weak too. That will regrow his arm for sure.

Only people who have never had a mental illness go on and on about how it doesn't really exist. You need to introduce yourself to some fucking SCIENCE. You know, people like you are the assholes that think they can beat the autism out of their children or pray the gay away. It is an amazing kind of stupid. All those "fake" mental illnesses you think are just in people's heads have verifiable, measurable impacts that we have only had the science to detect for about 10 years or so. But here is a news flash, dipshit: just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it isn't real. Google "atoms" if you don't understand what I mean.

That being said, a lot of people make their situations worse by not working on them. That could be said for most people, though. I am sure when you drink so much that you shit your pants, you don't wipe your ass in the morning and say, "I am an alcoholic and need help." Your "advice" helps like a dildo made of cactus, so fuck off.

>>24645621

message wasn't directed at people with actual physical disabilities

i could probably get diagnosed with all kinds of mental weaknesses that would make me eligible for disability, sympathy from like-minded people and free meds to help with what other mentally weak people claim to be stopping them from enjoying normal lives

instead, I suck it up and go to work like a real person, not a handout/sympathy seeking, non functional creature.

>>24643822

>Being a NEET is comparable to having actual physical/mental disabilities

thanks for the laugh m8

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>ok in every basic way
>something about me where no matter who i meet, i am LOWEST priority in everything

i am the least respected indicidual i know

heres my body though, roast as you will

>>24643822
I'm diabetic... does that count?

>>24645713
Type 1 or Type 2?

>>24645662
>message wasn't directed at people with actual physical disabilities
So where do you draw the line? I have Trigeminal Neuralgia. It is a neurological condition that causes most sensory stimulation of the trigeminal nerve to be interpreted as extreme pain. That's "all in my head" as someone like you might say. Should I get treatment or just "suck it up" since people like you can't acknowledge that it is real? The medical community even calls it one of the most painful conditions one can have. Depression, PTSD, bipolar, etc can all be shown having physical effects on the body and even show up on MRIs and PET scans of the brain. But I am sure science must be wrong, because Anon says so.

>i could probably get diagnosed with all kinds of mental weaknesses that would make me eligible for disability
I doubt that. You're just trying to make it seem as though you understand, when you don't. If you really have a problem that could be diagnosed, then fucking do it instead of making bullshit claims. Only an idiot ignores symptoms of a greater problem.There are tons of people who abuse those systems and I am not denying that, but there's people with real problems you don't understand that make them unable to function, too.

>instead, I suck it up and go to work like a real person, not a handout/sympathy seeking, non functional creature.
So Daddy never hugged you. Being tough is all that matters. Got it. I tried living life like you for a long time, thanks to my cruel ex wife. And guess what...things got worse. They progressed until the point where I may not physically be able to hold down a job ever again. Your advise is basically the average anon yelling "kill yourself".

In spite of everything I just said, a lot of people (and yes, some in this thread) have a bigger problem: defeatism. I had hoped that maybe some of us could help each other, by providing perspective and advice.

What do you think you are going to accomplish with your vitriol?

>>24645539
What's your diagnosis?

>>24645667
I see nothing wrong with you. But you have a very defeatist attitude. Start demanding the respect of others with your words and actions. Value yourself. You have worth...don't let ANYONE make you feel otherwise. If people do, then move on. Make new friends. Don't allow others to walk all over you. Be the master of your destiny.

>>24645713
How much of an impact does it have on your life? I am a diabetic too, but it is well managed. Diabetes is one of those diseases that can be managed fairly well, and we are on the cusp of much better treatments for. You have the power to control it...you just have to be vigilant.

>>24645666
Not comparable in any respect other than lumping it into the "why people see themselves as pathetic" category. Learn to context, Anon.

>>24645621
i am the guy with one arm and my mom (who is a doctor in religious studies, mind you) TOLD me that i would grow my arm back if i believed like i used to in christian religion. i wish i was making this up. i told her that i don't, but asked her about all of those war veterans who do believe in it and they haven't grown any of their arms or legs back. i guess she only figured that i would cower and start believing again... i had two arms when i quit believing in it and i sure as fuck won't be buying into it with that horseshit she told me about thinking i would go back to it

>>24646455
Dude. That is FUCKED UP. Only the Catholics and the Jehovah's Witnesses are that bad. Just going out of their way to ignore facts and reality. I see it so often, living on the border with Mexico. Absolute, blind faith in the most insane ideas. And these are things they've been told, cause they sure as shit didn't bother reading their Bible. It's horrible that your mom would say something like that to you.

The sad thing is, their madness keeps you from having any truely spiritual experiences of your own. I'm not saying you have to join an organized religion, but you can have your own beliefs that don't have to conform to anyone else's. I have a near-death experience when I was younger, and I've had a very unique outlook on things since then.

I'm pretty ugly and socially awkward. I think I may be autistic to some degree. I can talk to strangers easily but have trouble making friends, let alone getting dates or romantic partners. I'm depressed
For no good reason and have been son since I was 19. The only way I cope is by stress eating, which has made me gain noticeable weight and makes me hate myself even more.

I feel very pathetic compared to people like OP who have real problems, it makes me suicidal.

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>basic details
delusional 18 year old girl
i hate myself
>wtf is wrong with me. who hurt me. why
- schizophrenia
- daddy issues (tfw no father)
- heroin/cocaine addict and still doing it
- super abusive and manipulative towards men that i fall in love with and can only convince myself that they love me too if i hurt them
- super fat and cant lose weight bc of medications
- losing the ability to walk due to chronic illness
- hella breathing problems
- self-harms like an edgy emo kid
- constantly beat up and hurt by the people i attend school with
- no friends in real life
- kissless virgin
- i live my life based off a supposed delusion
- shadowdude who follows me around every day tells me what to do
- everyone thinks im crazy
- unable to get any more medical help even though i know i need it
- probably going to shoot up laetr idk
- thinks men are far superior to women while living in a society where they're supposed to be equal
- i want to die all the time 24/7
- actively seek out death at every opportunity
- goal career: serial killer (i dont plan on doing naything with my life tho, not even that.)
- violence makes me feel comfortable
thanks whoever created me
>contact (i guess if u want to contact me?)
discord: nekomeowmi#8973 (if this doesnt work tell me ok thanks)

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I seem to have severe depression and schizoaffective disorder. I've had plenty of relatio ship experience though but I can't seem to find the right one nor have I let myself be happy. Almost everything is meaningless to me now including having a special someone

19/f
Im schizophrenic but whatever. Just have to get on with life and make the best of it because this shit isn't going away.

>>24647213
though I will never tell anyone that knows who I am that I have fapped to cp or get a 5 yr old autist boy to touch my nips when I was 11 in a psych ward. my biggest shames

>>24647213
also my solution is that I will never have a serious relationship, only friends that I fuck who don't mind if I randomly go off-grid

>Not sure what to do anymore

I'm a successful man almost in his 30s
Moved to another state for a large salary increase
Have a great career, and plenty of happiness to go around, tfw can't find a gf or some new friends

>>24644135
You sound stuck up, tell me what you know Anon. Do you really think another couldn't reach the heights that you have??.

>>24644138
Exactly. They're making excuses. But I do too.

>>24644316
Eh.. I would get out of the city if you haven't the spirit for it. I know exactly what its like going back to exes..... Feel free to vent to me and ask advice or whatever. At least you're aware of your exes problems and you're not putting her completely on a pedestal

>>24644497
The girl you're referring to... I always try to look deeper into these situations. Why was she like that.. Maybe she had a mad childhood and she's let herself turn into a black hole that you let yourself get sucked into.

>>24644539
I figure depression always pairs with BPD and schizophrenia when went untreated or if its severe depression... You remind me of myself holy shit

Relationships aren't going to happen for us like anon said below.... Unless we can control our brain, you fucking read me? :\

I'm 21 years old and I've never been on medication but I'm nearing the days.. I can't keep pursuing these places people and dreams when I can't even remember my name sometimes. I recommend anti psychotics, I hope you know what anti psychotics are. Instead of looking at it like you want to do and you hate your life, look at it like this instead; go ahead and kill whatever it is inside of you that is making you the way you are already. Metaphorically kill yourself, the thing that is holding onto you making you upset

>>24645599
That is my fetish, please lecture me some more senpai;3

>>24645666
This

>>24646507
I am an ex indoctrinated Jehovah's witness/ childhood lost

>>24647041
Being socially awkward can be a good thing. What scenarios do you find youyrself not fitting in?

>>24645539
>runescape
Damn, sorry to hear that. That game almost ruined me too. Was introucdd to it in middle school. Thought it was stupid at first, downloaded at home and played it 4 hours straight. Instead of doing hw immediately, as soonas id get home id go on runescape till parents came home, then switch to hw. Teachers woild say they didnt understand why i wa failing quizzes but doing the hw. After finding about private servers playing about 7 different ones and switching whenever one went down, and then going through multiple resets where youd lose all upir items, i gave up. Now im doing aok. 22, decent job in risk mgmt, trying to finish a bachelors degree. To anyome reading this that plays or has played or consideringnplayed rs, please dont do it unless you can control your gaming habits. It can and almost ruined me, hence the name.

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>18/m Virgin and never had a relationship, yeah I know it's stupid but I suppose I need no mention this

I have social anxiety and depression. I think not that much depression right now, but just because I hide it to live a more "normal" life.

Now I'm just empty, really, I don't demonstrate nothing more than an otaku kid that like games too. I can not demonstrate a lot of emotions right now. I think it's because I spent a lot of time looking for answers or something else, Changing my way of being, tor realize that I never had a real face. Always smiling, so the people around me can not worry The only things I have are my friends, and no one of them is a girl so you know. I love them, for me friendship and love are importants words with great meaning. They are my onle reasons to be alive right now, and goals I suppose, because everyone need goals to feel they are doing something.

I feIt for a long time that I must find that special someone. Not by a typical egoism, but to be each the pillar of the other. I really hope that someday I'll find it, someone like me, or it does not have to be like that. But I'll now it's her. So I'll place a little hope here.

So yeah I think that's my story, I know it is not that bad and some people here should have worst lives. Sorry for my english tho. Greetings to all.

>Contact
Skype: thediegox444
Kik: DieTomoGzg

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>>24643822
>being a neet is mentioned at the same time as severed limbs, morbidly obese and schizophrenic

Wow is being a neet that bad...?

>>24646507
well get this, she's not catholic. my dad is. she's a southern baptist if i am remembering correctly. i know that catholics can have weird things but she is supposed to be "one of the ones that god put here" to help us. not only has she read her bible, she has read it MANY times over. she even has whole sections where she has it bookmarked. she also thinks catholics are crazy/non-religious. but it was better to send me there than a regular school. also she really thinks that the whole noah story is real (nevermind how the got the kangaroos ans koalas on there), that the dinosaurs were placed there under ground because satan just wanted to see if we would believe in them or god (i wish i was making this up, i really do). somehow in the third and fourth grade i used to believe in the dinosaurs, and still do, she would help me build a science fair project and i would list all of them by the years they were found. fast forward to today, now it's just all because satan put them there. i can see how the candidate who was a brain surgeon yet completely believed in the bible could think because of her. she is now the pastor of a church she and my stepdad own, but she was watching bill maher,etc, when she was raising my little brother.

I find my situation kinda funny.

When I was depressed as fuck, searching for rescue and unable to actually accomplish anything I was at my best. I was creative and inspired, I could write and I could cook. I was interesting to girls and had a bunch of relationships/1 night stands/whatever. It was just easy and natural to be "attractive" while I was next to killing myself.


Now that I have it alright, the stress is gone and I'm not so depressed anymore I am an uninteresting autistic sperg who nobody wants anything to do with. I literally can't seem to talk to people anymore, I can't write for shit and I am not motivated to create art of any sort. I have no time for people as I work till I drop and if I don't I have no idea what to do with myself. Maybe I'm just reverse what I was before? No idea. 22/m total fucking loser lol

>>24647293

>>24647041 here, it's not that I don't fit in, it's just that people don't really get on with me too well. Most people I meet don't make an effort to get to know me at all; I often feel that no one really wants my company. I feel that unless I pay for company, or offer some other sort of compensation, I don't really have the right to seek out anyone's time.

>>24647428
Hey I'm a 23f and you sound just like me

You guys seem to have legitimate issues. I'll just sound like I'm bitching, but here goes.

I have GAD, as well as depression and a panic disorder. Women don't seem to like me at all, and I have no idea why. I can make them laugh easily enough, but I don't understand what it is I do wrong.

Surely it can't be every woman I've met. The common denominator is me.

Am I wrong in thinking this way?

I'm disabled, I'm embarrassing to be around and I constantly need help with stupid things.
I'm underweight and probably always will be. I keep trying to gain weight but I'll probably always have a flat chest and boyish features, although it doesn't really a matter because my face is busted too.
My hobbies are all solitary and I get too obsessed with them.
I don't have any friends. More than anything I want to be friends with other girls but women don't like me and I don't know why. I'm just a shitty person I guess.

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Sorry for not responding sooner, anons. Was trying to make the day fun for my son.

>>24649276
>I'm disabled, I'm embarrassing to be around and I constantly need help with stupid things.
What's your disability, if you don't mind my asking? And not everyone has a problem with that.
>I'm underweight and probably always will be. I keep trying to gain weight but I'll probably always have a flat chest and boyish features, although it doesn't really a matter because my face is busted too.
Now you're just being hard on yourself. And I am sure I could get you up to a healthier weight. I have been doing that for my son. It is about balancing caloric intake with your caloric use per day.
>My hobbies are all solitary and I get too obsessed with them.
Like what? Vidya? Clue us in.
>I don't have any friends. More than anything I want to be friends with other girls but women don't like me and I don't know why. I'm just a shitty person I guess.
I am blaming this one on women being evil to each other.


>>24648952
>I have GAD, as well as depression and a panic disorder.
There is a new device I am going to try that is 75% effective for those problems. Except GAD...what is that?

> Women don't seem to like me at all, and I have no idea why. I can make them laugh easily enough, but I don't understand what it is I do wrong.
Read up on body language and work off that. Also, smile and make lots of eye contact. Also, try to empathize when they complain.

>Surely it can't be every woman I've met. The common denominator is me.
>Am I wrong in thinking this way?
No, but there are things you can do to work on those particular issues.

>>24649363
>What's your disability
Autism
>I am sure I could get you up to a healthier weight.
I have a hard time eating enough but I try really hard and I don't gain anything.
>Like what? Vidya?
Mostly vidya, yes.

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I used to be a prostitute and I thought one of my clients would fall in love with me and save me. Now I'm fat, can't talk to people, scared of sex and fall for every other person I meet.

>>24647428
I feel that. 23/f life finally settled down, good job, decent health and all my chances at dating and friendships disappeared.

I work a ton and don't even have time for a hobby and spend my breaks on 4chan looking for my soul mate RIP

>>24649421
I wonder how many guys who see prostitutes hope for the same thing.

I'm sorry about your situation. I'm sure you're a nice person. Even if you use lobsters for satanic rituals.

>>24649373
Are you diagnosed/doing anything for it(like studying behavior)?
What kinda vidyas?

>>24649496
>Are you diagnosed/doing anything for it(like studying behavior)?
I'm diagnosed, was in therapy but stopped going a couple of years ago and haven't been doing much since.
>What kinda vidyas?
I like strategy and fps games on PC and also some Nintendo games.

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>morbidly obese my whole life
>fucks me up socially
>think I'm too fat for friends/relationship
>get to socially acceptable weight
>pic related
>look like human garbage bag
>think I'm too ugly to have friends/relationships

I guess I was destined for this life of solitude...

>>24649542
>That droopy stomach.

Wtf happened?

>>24649542
the chocker tells me you suck a mean cock so you cant be all that lonely

>>24645599
I'm gonna go shoot the next person who tells me to suck it up tbhfam

>>24649558
Almost all my weight was in my stomach. At my highest I had a beer belly that would make any working class construction worker jealous, the fat is gone, but the skin is still the same size.

>>24649560
idk bb u wanna find out

>>24649558
They lost heaps of weight really fast and is left with loose skin Its not that hard to figure out

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>>24649421
I used to date a former prostitute. She told me she had that idea too. I think Pretty Woman kind of romanticized the whole thing. Did you have any clients you would have wanted to rescue you? Also, what changed between then and now to make you have trouble talking to people? I posted my Kik at the start...feel free to send me a message. Maybe we can chat and help you feel a bit better.

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>two friends but we basically don't do anything ever.
>No social media so no social status which makes me feel out of place and i'm sure girls think it's creepy.
>basically can barely smile and look depressed all the time
>completely uninterested in shallow relationships and i feel like i already missed out on my only real chance at love

Clinically depressed, deaf, NEET, living with parents and slowly gaining weight but too lazy to do anything about anything. Hello all.

>>24651054
I can't decide if I'm more or less depressed by seeing someone in my exact situation.

>>24646017
>I have Trigeminal Neuralgia

I'd really like to hear more about this and what how you go about your daily life dealing with it

>>24646455
Your mom sucks

>>24645739
Type 1! I'm not one of those 'take a pill' and it's all kosher kinds xD
>>24646045
Are u?! kik plz? It's prtty well managed actually but when I'm high I'm so freakin surly. Walkin down the street like 'bump into me bitch, i could kill u so good..'

>>24649579
Please do

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>>24643822
>Recently turned 20
>Only ever had a single job that I work now
>No car, have to take public transport everywhere
>Live with my mom and a "friend" of hers
>Have a few IRL friends, but they are usually too busy to do shit
>Only ever had a single relationship that lasted a whopping 3 weeks
>Spend all my free time playing vidya and fapping
Kik: Sharp984
Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/neckbeardedviking/
Feel free to hit me up on either of these if you want to chat or anything. Meeting new peeps is always awesome.
Also pic related. Me a few years ago. I've since shaved my head and keep my beard to a nonexistence.

Where to start? I'm a person with literal derp eyes, since its almost impossible for me to look in the same direction with both of my eyes, or else the strain causes me to be unable to actually see what's in front of me without just seeing it like super near-sighted. I can look straight ahead with my right eye, but my left eye is looking left from the corner of the eye, and if I use my left eye, my right eye is looking up. This is when I'm just relaxed and using a specific eye, with my right being dominant due to it having stronger vision, as my left eye took damage when another kid attacked me and chipped my skull by throwing me into a toilet, which now causes my left eye to droop at points, especially when I'm tired, since why not?

I'm overweight, since I grew up shitty in the earlier years and there was actual times we didn't have food or know when the next meal was coming, which causes me to finish whatever I'm eating, even to a point of feeling pain at times if the meal is too large. Like if a pizza isn't cut up, I'll eat the entire thing, but if its sliced, I don't have a problem with saving pieces for future meals. It's also a problem when someone gives me a plate that's loaded, since I feel I HAVE to finish the plate, in order to not waste food. Ate out with a family member and the place didn't offer us boxes, so I just kept trying to eat to not waste the food.

Besides having PTSD from a generally bad and abusive childhood, I was finally diagnosed with Bipolar type II, which means I'm prone to having depressive episodes, without full-on losing it when I get on the happier end. If I have a hypomanic episode, it causes me to feel filled with energy and really crank out creative stuff, and causes me to be more willing to take risks, including ramping the sex drive up to insane levels, and cause me to want to spend money. The only real counter I have is to just keep myself miserable to a degree, since I don't know how far on the edge I am when I'm having one

>>24651179
The irony is that AFTER I've started treating the BPII, I feel even more depressed now that I'm able to think clearer, and really see situations as they are. Oh, and I upped my dosage in the past year, which caused me to put on an extra 30 or so pounds in under a month time, which added to the depression.

As far as friends goes, I burnt through almost everyone I had, with only one real long time pal for the past 14 years sticking through it with me, who doesn't understand the stuff that really bothers me, and flatout told me he likes me better off the meds when I'm wild and uncontrolled. The usual cycle is that I'll make a friend, we'll hit it off really strongly, then they just push away from me and say they dislike me, or usually just befriend me for a specific reason, then have nothing to do with me beyond that.

I feel like the real life version of Moe from the Simpsons, since nobody's interested in me, and when I show interest in someone else, women shut me down faster than a bill collector calling with an unlisted number. I'm turning 31 in less than two weeks, and nobody's ever made a pass at me. The most I've ever gotten was a 4 year old saying I have "an interesting face", while I had a gal tell me my voice was hot when I worked retail and helping her over the phone, just for her to completely shut me down when she came in person shortly afterwords to get the car battery I helped her find. The only person to officially have a relationship with me just did it to have me co-sign an apartment with her so she could leave her dad's house, and she treated me horrible afterwords, even threatening to kill me a few times and stating she wanted to hurt me, while being extremely controlling, to the point that she wouldn't let my family talk to me and wouldn't let me visit my own family, nor let them visit us. She also hated me for being depressed so much, which yeah, hard not to be in that situation

>>24645599
Haven't even commented in this thread yet, but there's always one of you faggots. If they really sucked it up and stopped being faggy, the first thing they'd do is go after all their old enemies, people like you included.

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Severe depression and avoidant personality disorder, I'm pretty much fucked up in the head and can't fix myself my shitty looks is a plus to this.

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Hi

I'm 22 years old
I have sever autism/Asperger, can not socialize with people
I Have sudden outbursts and twitches
ADHD
A general hated towards people

I'm honestly a nice person, I just cant interact with people, I get so anxious I feel like my chest is going to explode.

>>24651255
Do you have kik?if you don't mind

>>24643822
>18
>Depression
>Can't really small talk because it bores me
> Took meme subjects
>Zero people I'd consider friends
>I use people and because of this I've tried to avoid romantic situations
>Mum has anger issues, I don't really feel any kind of connection to her but I don't know if that's just due to my age and the nesting thing.
>Dad died
>Growing up was surrounded by spiteful woman which led to my low-self esteem
>Only "girlfriend" I had turned into a whore
>Been rejected from most universities
>Can't afford work experience (connections, travel, etc)

feels good man

>>24643822
erm...
I'm 23 years old
Not a virgin so i guess thats a good thing
I'm 89kg and 1,72m
I have 1 friend that i don't get along with anymore, this is not an overstatement it is reality
I had friends once, even a girlfriend but i pushed her away along with everyone close to me and the ones that were left hated me because i 'abandoned' her.
I hate myself am never happy with how i look or am.
I was bullied in school quite a bit, i never thought about suicide or self harm because i thought and still think that is for weak people and i want so bad to be strong.
I feel incredibly lonely even though i live in an apartment with the one person i consider a friend but we no longer share any of the interests that lead to us being friends, all he cares about are his new friends and going out to bars and places that i dislike quite a bit, even thought i was the only one who was there to help him when he needed he is definetly not there for me.
I don't have any drive or ambition besides getting a paycheck so i can buy things to keep me alive, i dont have any dreams or things i want to do either.
My dad left shortly after i was born as well.
I am not able to let people close to me or trust anyone enough.
I am also stuck at a dead end job that i don't like and doesnt make enough money for me to live confortably
The few interests i had as a child that provided me with joy and took my mind off things no longer matter to me and i no longer derive enjoyment from them either
I know a lot of people have these issues, but I'm honestly having a hard time dealing with them and I am not able to talk with anyone so i figured venting on an anonymous board may help me.
Thanks for listening

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>21
>Male
>BPD comorbid bipolar
>Single
>Haven't dated in a good three to four years
>A bit underweight but within healthy BMI 135 lb
>Manlet tier 5'7"
>Entp
>If going full horoscope with personality stuff, Leo sun, Gemini moon, Gemini rising
>Constantly switching major and income
>Live with parents
>No car
>Mommy issues (that shit no one really considers)
>Still smoke weed occasionally
>Still lost
>Still uncertain about most things

>>24651291
what is with the hot chick.

>>24651628
Probably catfishing. It's strange seeing someone with autism have such good fashion sense.

>>24651628
im good at pics


>>24651644
i dont think u get what autism is

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Let's see how many folks here can compete with my power-level:

>28
>Virgin
>Grew up in a very isolated town in the backwoods of Wisconsin.
>Mother was an Ed Gein's mom tier fire and brimstone born-again Christian who coddled me and protected me from women who she considered "dirty" and "impure"
>Father suffers from severe clinical depression but doesn't take his meds anymore. My mother bullied him and treated him like garbage most of his life. Almost all of my childhood memories from home are of her screaming at the top of her lungs at him over inconsequential shit.
>Spent my childhood buried in books and school work.
>Had zero social skills. Was edgy as fuck. Most people considered me a school shooter in the making so they left me alone.
>One girl started writing me love letters and called me every night on the phone in middle school. My mom got freaked out about it. Later, all the students in my class convinced me that she was just playing an elaborate prank on me, and I dumped her in the shittiest way I could. She later developed bulimia and I never got over the guilt.
>Was also a violinist who was hauled off to tons of state competitions where I generally earned top marks for my performances. I was a natural; I never needed to practice. I hated it, I just felt like a dancing monkey all the time, but was too shy to stand up to my mother about it.
>Graduated at the top of my class, got the impression that most of the teachers were relieved to see me go.
>Went to college for music performance, but my poor practice habits caught up with me and I transitioned into biology. Started drinking heavily around this time. Still no friends and I became more isolated than ever before.
>Graduated with honors, a thesis, and a scientific publication in a fairly respected journal.

1/2

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>>24651691
>Today I'm a grad school who deeply hates academics and the culture of the ivory tower.
>I've tried to come out of my shell and start dating, but I've realized now that I'm too broken and weird to reliably connect with anyone, so I spend my afternoons shitposting on 4chan, getting scared reading about the psychology of serial killers, getting wasted and daydreaming about killing myself.
>I graduate at the end of this semester. Not sure what I'm going to do then. Kind of juggling the idea of driving up north and ending my life then, but I also don't want to hurt my family, so I'm caught in a bind.
>The worst part is that I know I don't have any other major mental issues other than my severe depression. I'm not bipolar, I'm not schizophrenic, I'm not really disabled in any other way. I'm just a broken, wasted shell human being.

My life reads like a blueprint for some kind of domestic terrorist, but I know there's nothing wrong with me. I just kind of want this sick charade of an existence to be over tbqh familiaroni.

>>24648922
>>24649430
>now i relate to girls older than me

>looking for your soul mate
Yeah I have a nasty habit of finding people on 4chan hoping they'll be the one or something. Maybe I'll find what I'm looking for. I've found it in the past but I can't handle normalfags at all. They are horrible. They confuse me and I can't relate so I'm forced back here to search.

Needless to say I've never really found anybody here worth anything to me to be honest. Yeah I've had a few relationships come and go from robotqts and /soc/ but eh. Lets be soulmates anon. I'll tell you my life story, you'll tell me yours then we'll remove each other within the week.

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>>24651119
>>24646045
Are u?! kik plz?
Am I...what? I mean, I probably am.
Kik: NickTheToiletBear

>>24651291
It is never too late to learn. Trust me on that. I'm OP, read the first few posts of mine. I talk about how I learned to cope with my Asperger's. You can do it. If you need someone to talk to and give advice, let me know.

>>24651089
>>24646017
>I have Trigeminal Neuralgia

I'd really like to hear more about this and what how you go about your daily life dealing with it

You want me to talk here or you wanna talk in private? I'll get started a bit, though.

Honestly...my daily life is nothing compared to what it once was. It's a juggle between making sure I've got enough meds in me to cope when it is bad, the exhaustion caused by chronic pain & my meds, and trying to force myself to do the most basic of things.

Really, my first priority is my son. I make sure he gets fed, goes to school, gets his homework done, and is entertained and loved. I have to neglect myself sometimes to have the strength to do all that. And when I'm in pain, I boil it down to the simplest way to accomplish things. Often, that's having my mother take him to the bus, sleeping until he comes home, sitting in the bathroom with him while he takes a shower, sitting with him at the dinner table, and making quick meals that take 30 mins or less.

I'm actually fortunate to be on the autism spectrum...my perception of pain is very different than most people's. To give you an idea, I once dislocated my shoulder and then put it back in the socket myself, 20 miles away from the nearest hospital on a freezing Michigan road. So when I talk about the pain from TN, you get some perspective. It is, by far, the worst pain imaginable. It is like a massive electrical shock to the jaw, that then radiates outward along the nerve. The attacks last about 15 seconds or so, and if I have one there is NOTHING I can do except stay perfectly still and wait for it to pass.

>>24651702
>>24651691
No clue what your degree is, but if you're about to graduate with all those personal achievements behind you, tough it out a bit and start working on earning some income and gaining independence. Your future may seem bleak to you, but I see someone that is about to be handed the key to the city, so to speak.

You know what you want, it sounds like you'll be in a job / work situation with your degree to start financing things and filling your life with what you want. Depression by itself does horrible things to the way one perceives their situation, and getting wasted only fuels the underlying troubles to push one to try to escape.

Perhaps look into some counseling to develop strategies on how to approach some of your obstacles?

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>>24651715
I think all of us hope to find someone who can love us on here, to some degree. I am just realistic and know that I don't really have much to offer most women.

>>24651773
I've been here 13~ years. I only know 4channers. I can't non4chan people. It shows. I just don't understand whats different about them. I have a lot to offer but when I didnt know what I had to offer others wanted to go find it. Now that I know what I can give its totally fucking wrothless.

>Huge, massively over-thinker.
>Get bored of anything or anyone in seconds
>Read faces and body languages continually, making me uncomfortable if I know the other person is not comfortable with me.
>Makes stupids errors just because it might be different / exciting
>Dropped last job because it was night shifts + weekends, living at parents home again (24 yr old).

That's pretty much it. It might not seem real, and other people consider it excuses or stupid, but my patience for other people is extremely limited. Unless that other person is actively engaging my mind, or otherwise there is a comfy silent, my energies to stay with other people will drop off like a stone in a river.

I have been able to spent 3 months without talking to anyone, not even thru internet, without feeling the need for it.

And when I finally meet someone I might be able to connect with, the other person stops talking to me mysteriously, and demands to never see me again, lowering my self esteem till this day.

>>24651787
....are.....are you Moot?!

>>24651818
No, I was here right before we got /k/ as a board so we could stop shitting up /b/ with our threads constantly.

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>>24651143
I sent you an add request on Steam.

>>24649533
Fun times. I'm the OP. Maybe we could play a game sometime. http://steamcommunity.com/id/callmepotato83/

>>24649447
I've had three friends that were prostitutes/escorted at some point in time. They're all nice people. Never asked me for anything, either, other than lending my ear.

>>24649542
Honestly, it isn't that bad. There's things that could be done. I'll probably be facing the same thing, as I'm overweight but loosing weight. I could potentially offer something to help...I'm the OP. I could make you a shea butter cream, which could possibly help with a bit of the stretching. I've done it before for some of my customers who have recently been pregnant. It's not a miracle cure but it definitely helps the skin and can also reduce stretch marks.

>think I'm too fat for friends/relationship
>think I'm too ugly to have friends/relationships
Neither are the case. Friends don't care about things like that. Your self-worth is the real problem there. You need to believe you have something to offer besides your looks. If you'd like to talk, let me know the best way to get in contact with you. I'd be happy to be a friend.

>>24649579
Ugh, I have felt like that too. Notice the disappearing act once logic was applied to his arguement.

>>24651823
Oh shit, bro. You've been here longer than me. I can still clearly remember the glory that was the original /r9k/, before it's rebirth and shitification. Do you carry?

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>>24651765
Yeah I suppose. Really all that's left in my life is school, and that's it.

I anticipate that I'm only going to become more isolated and atomized once I get a job. College is really the only opportunity you have to network with people effectively for friends before those doors start to close, and then after that really work is all you have. Meetups make me nervous. I can't handle them. Furthermore, it has become increasingly difficult over the years for me to be able to relate to anybody anymore. I'm reminded of that quote by Morgan Freeman in the Shawshank Redemption where he talks about slowly becoming dependent the walls that imprison you reach the point where getting out becomes impossible because there's no way left to cope with the change.

Counseling might help. I've tried it in the past but got nothing out of it. I doubt anyone is going to be interested in associating with me given my mountain of baggage, my awkward demeanor, and my general nihilism and pessimism about the world around me, anyway. In a lot of ways I kind of don't want to get better, because I don't know how else I would define myself or what I would become. I'd have to rebuild my life from the ground up, without any basement floor or landscaping to begin with, and I don't know how to do that, or even if it's worth it.

If I could give those keys to someone else I probably would. I just don't want them.

>>24651877
I used to carry a .50GI converted glock because I just wished a nigga would but i've been living in NYC for the past year so uhh, boating accident.

>>24651676
My little brother is autistic. You must be very high functioning.

>>24651615
>Forgot Kik

I'm a professional. I swear I'm good at this. Been marinating in dank memes since i was a runt.

Kik: duckpuncher

>>24651937

At least, (Assuming the picture is real) you are cute.

>>24651918
You don't even know me though?

>>24651676
>>24651644
>i dont think u get what autism is

Have to agree here. Having autism doesn't mean a person can't be attractive or have a sense of style. Autism has more to do with understanding and desiring social interaction than with how one dresses.

And just because your little brother is autistic, it does not mean that all people with autism are the same. That's why it is called the autism spectrum, because every case is different.

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>>24651816
>Huge, massively over-thinker.
I, too, overthink things a lot. Borderline nihilistic.
Sometimes existential shit, sometimes stupid video game shit.

>>24649363
>GAD
Generalized Anxiety Disorder

>smile and make lots of eye contact
I have a tendency to watch someone's mouth when they talk, and I'm only smile when something makes me smile.

My doctor wants me to read some self-help books, but part of me wonders if I'd be wasting my time.

Yay for aggressive self harm scars across my legs and left arm

>>24652317
>>24651763


Thank you, it has been very hard

>>24652317
It's not that far of a leap if you think about it.
>Autist has trouble understanding people
>they don't understand why people make fun of them
>they don't understand it's because of their clothes

Yes I get every case is different
>anecdotal spoiler alert
but my friend has child services called on her family in hs cause his autistic brother refused to wear new clothes, and always showed up in old, torn, overly large clothes which made it seem like he was neglected.

>>24652542

You are ignorant

>>24652609
Pls explain then. I'm not claiming what i'm saying to be fact, just that I can understand /why/ that anon though that way.
Aren't you being ignorant for claiming that a person with ASD can't be someone who doesn't understand social trends and the publics reaction to the way they dress?

>>24651511

I have one, celiseninsan

>>24652640
I never said that?

I didn;t make any claim other than you are being ignorant,

>>24651291
For some reason, i doubt this very much

>>24652688
Can you explain to me why? I don't understand.

I was extrapolating that a person who is social 'defunct' /may/ not be able to understand the social implications of their clothing choices, or even understand that there is a problem.

>>24649373
I'm a personal trainer (technically), if you want to talk about your attempts to gain weight I may be able to offer some advice.

>>24649542
There are surgical options to tighten up the loose skin; at that extreme a level you may be able to convince your insurance company that it's a necessity, and get them to cover it.

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I enjoyed reading stories in this thread so ill join.

Female
18 (19 in a month)
US

Im very emotionally absent. I wouldnt say i dont feel, i just very rarely do. Insults dont effect me, compliments dont. Most of the time i have a hard time noticing if something even is an insult. I just got a job with family so i guess im no longer a NEET. I dont love or hate. But i do realize im empty and dislike it. When im around people i dont feel the empty. But i sound autistic when talking and if someone gets past that i have nothing to talk about with anyone because i have nothing to care about. I work and then take medication to sleep. Then it repeats. Now the kicker is what does make me feel, pain and touch. When someone touches me i feel real. Which is never besides hand shakes. But pain i can do when ever. Rather its pinching myself at work or burning my skin at home, i feel alive. I tried prostitution for my old friend a while back but he insisted i wouldnt get to far. Its begining to get hard, dealing with the empty.

>>24652542
>>24652609
>>24652640
She's making a point. You ARE ignorant, meaning uninformed. Cases of autism differ so greatly, you can't assume that your brother's issues apply to everyone else. Hell, I managed to be in sales, a human interaction-based job, for over a decade. And I was relatively successful. Yet I'm still on the spectrum.

>>24651867
I will add you later.

>>24653081
Do you have discord?

>>24652542
Some autistic people like old clothes because autistic people have sensory sensitivities and new clothes usually feel tight or very itchy. Some autistic people are not bothered by how their clothes feel.

>>24653236
She said she has "severe autism" which is obviously an exaggeration.

>>24653268
but it isnt?

>>24653268
>>24653273
Given what she said about her social abilities and avoidant personality, I'd say she may be correct. Sounds borderline nonverbal. Just because she's pretty doesn't mean that she isn't incredibly awkward and hates social situations.

But yeah, totally get you about the sensory sensitivities. I only buy certain types of clothes. I almost always wear shorts, too, because I am very warm by nature.

>>24653299
Her problems sound like they're based in anxiety, not autism.
She can drive and do her own hair and makeup. She's got focus and fine motor skills. She doesn't have sensitivities to touch and probably not smell either, which means it's likely her SPD isn't too bad in general. A non verbal person isn't automatically "severe."

>>24653321
Yeah, that does sound more like Aspergers combined with a severe anxiety disorder. That is pretty common with women on the spectrum, though. I never had an issue with fine motor skills or focus either, however.

I dunno, really.

>>24643822
I'm just way too into the people I am attracted to. Whenever I spot someone I'd like to be with I end up picturing myself with little fantasy scenarios of us doing everything together. Starting a family, dying for said person, going to nice events I could see us going to together.

This lasts for weeks and I completely faze everyone else out. Then I eventually snap myself out of it and move on to whoever.

I have way too many cutesy bullshit scenarios in my head that I know would never play out the way they would with that actual person so I don't attempt.

I feel alone all the time, even when I'm with people. I'm capable but can't motivate myself to do anything. I take two medications and all that's done is make sure I stop getting into huge angry tirades. I had an emotionally abusive relationship for the past 3 years. Im 24 and I havent graduated. I spend all my time and money kn video games. I have a few friends, but im alone a lot. I drink to feel better.

I was raped when I was 12, my brother died when I was 11 after a surgery that was supposed to cure his epilepsy. Well it did succeed, he had an allergic reaction to the anesthesia, went into a coma and we took him off life support. I just spend 60$ on a drawing tablet and I havent even drawn a single thing since last week when I bought it.

I keep telling myself im going to do it but I never do. My parents still believe in me is the worst part

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Depressed, don't feel comfortable around people. Thought about abusing drugs and have had suicidal thoughts in the past. Kik is FrostyWhirl, snap is frostywhirl1if anyone wants to talk about anything. Apologies if I don't respond right away, I'm really tired.

>>24653236
>you can't assume that your brother's issues apply to everyone else
But I didn't? All I was saying is that there are SOME cases in which a person with asd MAY have issues with clothing.
I'm not being ignorant, but now I understand why you think that.
I would have appreciated it if you had actually looked at my posts though.
>>24652542
>I get every case is different
>>24652640
>I'm not claiming what i'm saying to be fact
>>24652785
>a person (not all people)

I live with my mom in a cockroach infested house and she is a bat shit druggy that takes care of my grandma that has Alzheimer's and my grandma shits and pisses all over the fucking house and I'm scared to move out to my dad's cuz I think she will abandon my grandma and my mom would be found dead somewhere fml I wash clothes at my aunt's cuz my mom washes and drys my grandmas shitty clothes at our house so all the other clothes and towels smell fucking bad. I dropped out of high school twice and now I'm a senior in a independent study program trying to graduate I only have 50 credits as of today. We have 3 cats I'm extremely allergic to them and we got 2 dogs, I love them and all, but fuck the allergies are cancer. Idk what the fuck I'm going to do once I graduate. I kinda want to go into the military, work my way up, study economics and us gov and whatever I need to and run for president in 2036 but idk. Fml LUL

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>>24653535
Fair enough. I concede the arguement.

>>24653361
Hopeless romantic, eh? Yeah, I am too. My ex hated it. She wasn't romantic in the slightest.

>>24653229
What went wrong with the prostitution? And what's to stop you from hooking up with someone to get more physical touch? I understand what you mean, though. I'm a very physically affectionate person, myself...and I haven't been able to be so in a couple of years. At first, because things had gotten so bad with my ex, and then with us splitting up. Going without it has felt like trying to kick drugs. That longing is always there, always driving my thoughts. And the lack of it makes me feel hollow and worthless.

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OP here. Have been awake all night thanks to pain. It's so bad I can't even wear headphones or earbuds right now. This may be a rough day for me...already taken my daily limit of Gabapentin, 1800 mg.

>>24653514
I am insanely envious of your hair.

>>24647164
Any other way to contact you? I so rarely do voice chat. At the very least, could offer some fatherly advice.

>>24653321
But again, you don;t know me at all.

My sense are very much sensitive, I can't stand loud noises, I tend to hit myself if its a sudden loud noise.

People usually avoid touching me, if you met me you would understand what I am talking about instead of going off appearance

also idk why you think i do my own makeup/can drive, I am clearly not driving in that picture and my mom does my makeup

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We should make a Discord. It'd be easier for people to get in contact and chat, I think. Or we could not do that. Just a suggestion.

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>>24654366
Went ahead and made a Discord server anyway. It's very simple at the moment, but if people actually join and are interested improvements can/will be made.
https://discord.gg/Rte8PJ9

19/f
I changed my mind. I don't even like relationships because being in them is painful for me. My mind tortures me, my thoughts scare me, my emotions betray and hurt me. I want to die but I can't leave my mum like that. I have no friends and the only time people ever spend time with me is if I give them sex. I don't blame them anyway, I am nothing. I think it's selfish of my mum to want me to live because I have nothing to live for... I can't find pleasure in anything and just want to curl up into a ball and die. I want some love but love doesn't exist and I can't seem to ever love myself. There's not really any point in bettering myself anymore, I did try extensively but I will probably just destroy myself now and not give a fuck.

>>24654364
You're sitting in the drivers' seat.

My special someone is a youtuber all the way in South Korea who hates me now.

Hates self. no mental disorder to excuse it. has trouble keeping friends. walked from my last job because I hate retail. I have a degree and my health. I have no direction. I hate going out. Everyone else in my family is way more successful than I am in almost every way

>>24654494

Kik me

Devlot

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>>24654494
Don't be like that. I'm only 20 and never even had an actual relationship. Even if shit looks terrible, the more negative an outlook, the worse it seems. I'm sure you can find friends here, it's what others are looking for, I'm sure.

>>24649542
You must have lost a lot of weight, damn. Doesn't this eventually go normal?

>>24654499
Just forget it

>>24654522
>>24654514
Thirsty

>>24654593
Not Anon, but that doesn't change entirely. He will have to operate.

>>24654494

I've been there. I got lucky, and one day one of my erratics thoughts just wanted for me to stop caring about everything. I've been living a better life for myself for the past 2 years.

I still can't stand most humans, but that's because how my mind works. Hope you also get lucky.

>>24654462
Is there any way to enter a discord server anonymously or do I have to set up a new vpn + account just for it ?

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>>24654677

>>24654686
You should be able to join the server as a guest, if you don't already have an account. Not sure about switching accounts or logging out or anything

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Here is my second attempt at writing up a post, because apparently the system doesn't want to let me post what I had written out originally.

My issues lie within the realm of control and manipulation really. If I'm interested in someone romantically, I have a strong desire to mold and change them to what I view to be ideal. In relation to that, that's how I usually determine whether or not someone is worth going after or not; it depends on how close to my own desires they are already and how easy they'd be able to influence and change. Given, this isn't just about sex or anything of the sort, even though I know that's what a lot of people think when they hear the word manipulation. It's an insult to someone like me, to just try to coerce someone into something so base and simple. I don't want that, instead I want someone to call my own in regards to mind, body, and soul. To tailor and change them so that they fit me perfectly and no one else, so that they couldn't even think of being with another. It's like a give and take really, for them to give up total control to me and in return I'd treat and make them feel like the most precious thing in the world. There's a lot of love and passion involved as well as possessiveness and even obsession to an extent. I think that the best metaphor for something like this would be a doll and her doll maker, and very fitting as well since I'd essentially want her to be my little doll as well.

To illustrate this a bit more though, I'm not talking about little changes like introducing her to my favorite game or movie. That's normal, something that everyone tries to do with their significant other. The things that I'd do or would want to do take a bit more of an extreme route, which I'll continue in my next post, as much as I don't want to.

>>24654801
So, as I was saying before. The changes that I have in mind are go much deeper than that, mostly in regards to her own personality, mannerisms, and desires. Like for example:

>Manner of talking, writing, tone, accent, and word use
>Her hair length, hair color, hair style, what sort of make up she uses, her clothing, fashion style, what she can and can't wear.
>Personality and personality quirks, how she addresses me, how she wants to be addressed.
>Interests, desires, fantasies, what makes her heart flutter and what puts a smile on her face
>Political stance, religion, views on the world, views on others, how to interact with others.
>At the final stage, more extreme changes like even a new name to go by to finish it all

A bit more excessive than I originally let on, right? There's probably more to it as well, but I could go on and on if I'm not careful. The point is that I want to create a proper princess for myself (and not in the sense of that dd/lg trash either) and create our own little world where just the two of us matter. She just needs me and I'd need her, and we'd be happy together with our new life. So in the end I guess you could say that I'm obsessive, controlling, and even (excuse the weebshit, but it's easiest term to use) yandere to a large extent. That's also why I'm somewhat drawn towards girls with DPD as well, since I know that they're usually extremely willing to change in order to be praised or given attention, but really all I need is someone willingly eager and capable of trusting me, which I doubt will happen anytime soon.

Kudos to anyone who took the time to read all of my madness, I guess you could say I am a bit of a monster after all, but that doesn't really bother me.

>>24654053
i never do voice chat.. if you want i can add you on skype if you post it or make a discord real quick (no dl required) and message me to exchange skypes

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>>24654801
>>24654827
dude i would hella be your girlfriend holy shit

>>24655528
Is that an actual hypothetical offer or did you just like what I had to say? The isn't the sort of thing I offer lightly (as pompous as that sounds). Given what you posted before, we'd need to make drastic, drastic changes to your life style among other things really, and quite frankly I don't want to put your down or harm your self-esteem if things won't work out in the long-run. I'm very demanding, especially when it comes to schedules and rules. If you don't think you'd be committed enough or would follow through with things, then I appreciate you at least saying you'd be interested in someone like me.

And as an aside, Danganronpa is good taste.

Well i wouldn't say i'm any of those things that you said. I was a NEET for 3 years though, i've been mostly getting my life back on track, meaning i got a job and also in college and met new people.
But i'm still suffering from depression, i get bullied at work (well not really bullied but people laugh at me all the time and everyone thinks i'm a joke)
I used to suffer from bad acne troughout my early teenage years, i've been constantly told i was ugly by people, classmates, random people on the street, girls on the bus, random people in school, and while i don't get that anymore i feel like they still think that. I have grown to hate any sort of photograps i'm in because it always ends up with people looking at me and laughing or cringing and i cannot bring to look at myself in them. I used to have difficulties looking in the mirror and i still do if it's really close up.
I'm very shy and quiet and somewhat introverted, and while i do go out from time to time, i'm pretty much ignored by anyone apart from my group. Random girls go up to my friends while i'm like a ghost. This was always the case as far as i can remember, and not just when i went out but pretty much everytime and everywhere when i'm with others.
All the girls i talked to online ghosted on me after a while, some after i posted a picture (talked with a girl who lived like an hour away and sent me her instagram but after i sent her a picture she never replied again)
I managed to go on a date for the first and last time in my life. It was great, i enjoyed it, i don't think i fucked up anything but there were some awkward moments. Nothing happened. The next day the girl told me she didn't like me enough to be worth the travel (we lived 5 hours away by bus) though she did enjoy it. Now she has a BF that i think is also a LDR.

Cont

>>24655633
I don't have difficulty making friends with girls and talking to them but anything more i just shut down. I also can't flirt or do any pick up lines and find them awkward and cringy. I tried several dating sites, and messaged a lot of girls but none responded. I've had one girl tell me she wasn't interested and two others reply in some barebone sentences, not answer my questions and when i asked to go into detail they just stopped replying all together. I don't use tinder because i don't have facebook or any social media accounts.

At work i became friends with this girl at work and she seemed to like me but she was not looking for a relationship and found the concept of being attracted or being in a relationship with her friends "weird and disgusting". Yeah she was weird like that

Anyway, i have a crush on another girl but i'm extremely scared of talking with her for some reason.
I swear i caught her looking at me and smiling and i just couldn't bear to look at her and smile back or do anything, i just ignored it or looked away. She hasn't made any moves towards me or anything so i don't know.

So yeah i'm pretty much scared and way too shy to do anything sexual related with a girl and sometimes i swear if it came to that, as in a girl pushing herself on me i might just run away or something.

>>24653788
I have no emotial attachment besides 'i want to be touched'. So i cant make conversation and ask someone, i dont care about anything enough to talk about it. To me, it seems redundant to talk. It would be easier if i already knew people but i havent had a friend since high school. I cant really go up to someone and say 'touch me' but thats all i know how to do. Thats also why the prostitution fell though, im a cold emotionless person, not to many people are into that. I also have sexual anhedonia so sex isnt overly thrilling. People talk to convey wants and needs, i just act.

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>>24655618
no i for real would be your girlfriend
also dw i do the self-hating already you wouldnt do anything
id at least try to go through with it if possible

also yes bicth!

>>24656299
Alright, I'll bite then in that case if you're that interested and if you're not worried about what may or may not happen. Let's talk a bit more and see where things stand. I'd ask where to add you, but you've actually already got me added somewhere. I'll give you a little hint: it's on discord and we talked about Danganronpa before. Shoot me a message on there if you remember and we'll talk.

>26 yo male 5'9" 123 pounds
>Autistic and almost asexual as fuck
>Live with my parents
>Very Pessimist
>social anxiety, depression and shit... as everyone in here.
>don't even know drive
>Literally I have no friends nor even acquaintances (used to have acquaintances but I burnt bridges and fucked it up)
>I had kinda girlfriend until five years ago... We were kinda happy... then a heart attack killed her
>Sometimes I try hard to "be normal" but I can't. I can't feel worthy of relate me with someone I'm interested
>There is nothing more to said, I'm done
>People around me in my job don't give a fuck if I don't talk in years (three or four years)
>I cannot feel interest in something or somebody quickly, so anxiety fuck it
>I've heard my father says to my mother "Even he's not Christian anymore, anon is our son we made him, what should we do with him? Kick him out?" In front of me, they pretend they’re happy. So they just stand me because they think I'm THEIR mistake and responsibility, which make feel bad because they were good with me and are good even now.
>Feel guilty and as a leech about that
>Have No reason to live
>I hate myself
>I've being all alone in years, there was no helping hand to take me out of this depression hole, nor even now
>Every fucking morning think about kill myself, don't do it because I'm too fag and the self-excuse of my parents would be sad
>Self-injury makes me feel like a little faggot, so I still doing it because I feel I deserve it, and because no one cares, isn't easy hide it anymore and no one fucking help me or say something.

I was crying while I wrote this. I know it’s not the worst, but I'm not strongest, I'm very weak and I can't stand it anymore. Don’t think I could stand it anymore than this month. I wish I could kill myself before 2017.

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>>24644057
>hopeless
Nicholas, you look very happy with jack, why you think you’re hopeless? I’ve been sad and depressed by years, and I barely remember what joy felt like. You have a son to love, how can there not be hope for you?

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>>24656770
Wuh oh, you found my facebook!

>>24644057 (You)
>hopeless
>Nicholas, you look very happy with jack, why you think you’re hopeless?
I'm incredibly happy with Jack. My son is basically my whole reason for existing. My health issues are bad enough that, were it not for him...I probably would have ended my life by now.

>I’ve been sad and depressed by years, and I barely remember what joy felt like. You have a son to love, how can there not be hope for you?
I'll admit, a lot of it is being bitter about how my marriage turned out. I gave my ex wife 10 years of my life and saved her mother's life. She repayed me by cheating repeatedly and telling me she didn't love me and never had. That kinda screwed up how I view myself. Combine that with my health issues, and I feel like the chance for me to find romantic love again is probably slim to none. I feel romantically hopeless, and hopeless about my health issues. But not about my son.

But I appreciate what you're doing here. When it comes right down to it, if all I ever get to be again is a father, then I'll deal with that. My first priority has always been my son and his happiness. And I got so lucky with him. He's a WONDERFUL kid. Brilliant, funny, and sweet as can be. I consider myself to be the luckiest dad on Earth.

So tell me about you, anon. Do you want to talk about it? Maybe I can offer some help.

>>24656856

Ha, fuck. I generally dislike childrens, and parent stories, but yours has some relatable something that makes my eyes watery.

>>24656894
>Ha, fuck. I generally dislike childrens, and parent stories, but yours has some relatable something that makes my eyes watery.

I hate kids. I really do. But not my kid. That's kind of normal for parents. But thank you...I appreciate that. My son is very special, and I feel incredibly fortunate.He's so smart, he has actually advanced a whole grade level.

How about you fucking take a shit so I can shove it up your ass hole you stupid fags lmao I'm going to break your spine using your collection of dragon dildos that you got from being such a cock sucking queer.

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>>24656943
Ok. Sure. Yup. Uh huh.

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>>24656943

>>24656943

But I don't like dragon dildos. I prefer Basix ones.

>Chekmate

>>24653268

My tag probably won't be the same but this is >>24653081 and I do in fact have Discord. CaptainEpix#8952

>>24656856
I don't know what I really want. Last time i remember was kinda calm and relax was when I think police that catch me was el cartel (I'm mexican btw), I was watching theync videos night before, just thinking "they will rip off my body in a narcomensaje" I wasn't afraid then "I don't have to live anymore... it's ok for me". Then my fathe was passing by, they ask some cuestions, realized I wasn't the killer drug addict they was looking for and just let me go.I was disapointed because they made me go on with my life instead of put a bullet on my brain. I was in fight club thing so I believed if I don't have any fear, "do as you will" and shit... And I found myself unwilling to live anymore :/

I was a little insane six years ago, I could deal with that then and pretend be "normal" but when I met the girl we was really happy and don't give afuck about if I looked normal o r not, (no one but me and her knew we "were together" we keep that for us) no one notice it or tell me, so I think I looked normal, but when she died in september 2011 I was destroyed and pretended I was ok, but I freaked out on next february. My whole life was related with a church, even I pretended I devotedly believed, I didn't, so I renounce to stay there and openly say I'm atheist... and ralized I had no friends, an unwilling to try to make new ones.

>My first priority has always been my son
Thats what I was talking about. When I was with her, we used to talk about how would we have our child or childrens. I remember I said her this song would be the best song I could give him or her https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-69OBcc6Fk for both of us, children was a dream, thats why I didn't understad how can you filled pathetic or hopeless. I did it because I had nobody to help me, and don't want to see anybody in the same bottom than me.

>>24653229
>>24655767

I know what it's like to be alone. I'd like to be your friend if you'd like. My kik is Skittz360 if you'd like to not be so alone all the time.

>>24643822
afraid to talk to girls I really like, but all other girls idgaf about.

physically fit and tall and great in everyway pretty much.

and i get social cues.

but I'm always consumed by fear that my behaviour isnt right in the eyes of girls i want. like shaking fear makes me physically cold to the touch.

it consumes all my motives everyday.

21 virgin.

>>24655767

Have you ever been to a psychiatrist? The 'empty' feeling you're describing sounds a lot like a way in which depression can manifest.

I'm morbidly obese, not scooter bound levels, but a body like a melted beach ball.

Permanent NEET manchild, someone asked me how old I was and I responded "16" even though I'm 22.

I Think I have AvPD and DPD, never been diagnosed because I can't go to a psych, I'll wake up in the middle of the night having panic attacks because I'm having a dream where I'm out in public and someone will start giving me shit. Anxiety is bad enough that if someone, even on 4chan, asks if they can try be my friend or for contact info that I'll have a panic attack if I don't focus 100% on something else entirely. Just the other day I thought about trying to enroll at a CC for something and I couldn't get past the main page of the site before it felt like I was dying.

Lack a personality, I'm not funny or interesting, there's nothing going on there, it never developed.

I have no irl friends, I've cut contact with every person I've ever had in my life, online or off. Only have a small group of people I talk at online now and I don't think they'd even call me a friend.

I'm a failure in every single regard.

>>24653788
Common thing. Just fing another one it'll pass

>>24658255
How can you be a failure in everything if you have never really tried.

>>24644057
You know what to focus on. Your child. New dad here who was always an underachieving loser. Make that child's life the best it can be. Be a good dad. Hone that child into a good person with a bright future. When you think you have nothing look into the fave of your child. Youll need nothing else.

>>24645667
love your nipples, I'd give one of my nuts to have a chest like you.

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>>24651083
Be strong anon

>>24658255

Why can't you go to a psych? If it's just 'anxiety', try to find some way to self-medicate enough to do that. Medication has a serious chance of starting a domino effect that lets you fix all your shit.

>>24656722
Don't give up, anon. From reading things, it sounds a lot like depression has kicked you down, and the family situation hasn't helped it.

I wanna give you some advice that I used in the past. Finally broke and realized I was on the edge, so I talked with an unrelated family member about it, and they called 211 to talk with someone to figure out what options I had. They suggested a baker act by calling the cops, and said that it would admit me to a crisis center, and just to default on the bills and they'd write it off as a tax write off due to involuntarily being placed in there. One 911 call later, I'm escorted into a facility and tell em my problems, then I'm admitted. They did some blood work to check for chemical imbalances and possible Thyroid antics, had me talk with a psycharatrist who gave me the diagnosis of bipolar, then gave me meds. Had to stay for a minimum of 72 hours there, so blood work was checking to see how the meds would react, and they had staff constantly checking on all of us.

You'd think shoving 30-50 people in the same area would be a disaster when they're all different kinds of broken, but fuck no, it was like a party since everyone was kind and understanding what others were going through. We even had nice food from the hospital and I even scored a steak dinner at one point. They offered us some group sessions to learn some relaxation exercises and other tactics, and it wasn't too bad of an experience.

From there, I have reduced meds and psychartrist follow ups every so often, and able to use that now to obtain all sorts of extra options, like extreme sliding scale with local psychologist for $10 for 30 minutes of time, as well as part of the local health care network to have things like a doc and even $20 dental. Even get to use it to have special adjustments made at college classes.

I admit I'm probably the exception, and not the usual experience, but maybe consider 211 and suicide hotline if its too much?

>>24658255
Manchild isn't some death sentence, anon. There's thousands upon thousands of them for you to connect with if you allow it.

As far as the college goes, don't do it online, go through an advisor in person. Actually see the college, and talk to someone about what you're after. Challenge yourself even to do it, since it sounds like it would be beyond your norm, but that's not a bad thing.

I'd suggest looking at my previous post >>24660289 to possibly consider free options to docs and possibly meds to help deal with the anxiety.

You're young, and still have plenty of time to change things however you want, but you have to actually yearn for change and be willing to work for it.

I'm 26 and a dude. I have autism, but I still have a thriving social life. I'm also fat, but that isn't the problem either. The problem is that I am suffocatingly clingy and will crush you with my love. I cannot get close to girls for that reason. Nobody has been able to handle it--more people can handle my health issues than the cling.

Also I have arthritis, which is completely unrelated but it sucks.

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>>24660376
I understand how your autism works because mine works in a similar way, but with my son. I'm very protective of him, and very loving.

There's ways to work on it. BTW, what kind of arthritis?

>>24658568
Congratulations, new dad. Trust me, that's how I'm surviving all of this: I put my son's best interests above everything else, and make sure he is loved enough that he doesn't miss his mother. But I won't have to do much to hone him into a good person...he came out that way. He's literally been the best, sweetest kid any parent could hope for. He is loving and affectionate, even though he's on the autism spectrum as well. He knows right from wrong and has for a long time. He's empathetic to a huge degree, and I think sometimes that makes him sad.

>>24661628
WTF. It rotated my picture!

the more i read the more depressed i get

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F/North America
Borderline personality disorder, have done the psychiatric legwork for years to not be outwardly insane.
I'm still feeling very numb inside and I'm trying to figure out who I actually am. I feel like I could just be anybody, it's hard to explain and really draining.
I've met a lot of really great guys who do literally nothing wrong, but I just slowly lose the initial feelings I have for them over the course of a few months. I hate that there is no way to explain that to them, and that I feel like I have to sort of force them to not want to be with me either. I feel akin to an emotional woodchipper that just chews up other people.
I try not to tell men that I'm like this because they will read all of the negative things that people say about BPD relationships online and run. They think I'm going to end up keying their car, or something.. when at this point I'm just clearly unable to firmly connect the way other people do.

I guess I have it luckier than many though.

>>24644135
It's not a pissing contest, anon.
>>24646455
This is hilarious, btw. Your Mom is insane.
I'm glad that despite how shitty your accident was, you're able to /bee yourself/ now and live the way you'd like to.

>>24662121
that doesn't seem pathetic to me. admirable, if anything

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>>24643822
I am by the medical definition obese, but I'm not like those stereotypical hamplanet shut-ins who can't even stand up without turning their knees to powder.
I walk for an hour most nights so I can destress, it's just that I like food too much.

As far what's keeping me from getting a girl, the fat doesn't help my chances, but in all honesty it's because I find socialization uncomfortable and ultimately unrewarding. I can't imagine being happy while spending a large amount of time around anyone, it just sounds like a bunch of sweat with no real payoff.

btw, pic related is me.

Yeah I'm hopeless.
27 Male.
Born with spinabiphida, so constant back discomfort and an awkward walk
No friends, no family, no job, chronically anxious and depressed alcoholic, possibly schizophrenic.
Met my schizophrenic father once 12 years ago.
High school and college dropout.
I've probably had 50 jobs, mostly brainless backbreaking labour, hated all of them
Moved 30 times before I was 18. Virgin, never had a girlfriend.
Not bad looking, just zero self esteem and no style or personality whatsoever.
No skills, no hobbies, no talent, no dreams, no money.
Can't drive.
Live alone, only go out for food and booze
Smoker
Bad teeth, nail biter, probably balding.
Ugly genitals.
Haven't had meaningful physical contact since I was 12.
I'm totally fucked and basically waiting to die.

>dad is a violent schizophrenic paedophile from a rough city
>my mum was also violent
>parents moved from Manchester to Taunton in 1981 because racist
>had my sister in '89 and me in '92
>used to beat me, lock me in cupboards and wash mouth out with soap when I was as young as 3
>had to watch and sometimes get caught inbetween parents physical fighting
>mum and dad divorced in '95
>mum took me and sister to Manchester women and childrens home
>met a guy called Frank
>he used to beat me and my sister, swung us by our ears until they bled
>dad found us and took us to Exeter
>sexually abused me, physically abused me, mentally abused me and verbally abused me
>used to go crazy a lot, heavy drinker. extremely violent
>dropped sister off at cop station in June of '97
>I'm with this crazy bastard until late '98
>go into care
>am withdrawn
>I molested kids when I was a kid (even living with my dad)
>my foster dad cheated on my foster mum so there were a lot of fights there
>foster dad has punched me on occasion
>I tried to fuck foster sister
>killed her hamsters and a dog
>pyromaniac
>thought about mass murder a lot
>thief
>vandal
>I attempted burglary once
>zoophillia

I want to find someone... Either a qt or a bro to end normies with. No takers yet

>>24663399
Maybe you just need a decent father figure to give you advice and help you. It is obvious you have had it rough. But your past does not need to define your future.

>>24647164
Sounds like BPD, not Schizophrenia

I do think I have some sort of mental disorder. I'm a really fat ugly NEET so just that alone is enough to fuck me over, but on top of that I have a super defeatist attitude and have extreme trust issues to the point where even now, when I have friends who I talk to and hang out with every single day, I assume they always have an ulterior motive and don't actually care about me, or talk badly about me behind my back.

I've been told I'm a good person or nice or funny or whatever but I just can't see any of it. I'm a kissless virgin, never hugged, the works, but I've still had a couple women interested in me, and even have one interested in me now, but I just can't see why they would be as I am way under their league looks-wise. I know logically that sometimes ugly guys get attractive girlfriends just due to their personality or whatever, but I just can't foresee that happening to me so when someone shows interest in me, whether it be platonic friendship or romantic relationship, I automatically assume they just want attention/validation or are using me.

Depression is great.

>>24663621
Kek. Tfw mum and dad issues... There's no help in a father figure when you're already 24 years old.

And the past is your present and future. It's lineal

ive come to the realization that i am lost in life.
im 26 and i know theres something out there for me but i cant seem to find my passions. its the only thing hurting my confidence and in turn keeping me from pursuing women.

how can i turn my interest and passion into a money making career?:?

>>24663752

Pff, you want to kill people and are such an idiot. Causality has a weak thing for humans, it let us change our future disregarding our pasts.

If you don't believe me, just shoot yourself at the head at a distance of about a meter with a colt. For the about 0.00012 seconds that your conscience has left, you will know that, since your future has ended, you have disproven causality, and saved someone's life.

Rage kids..

>>24651816
are you me?

>>24664467
You can't prove that I aren't.

>>24664304
I have saved a life by killing myself. My own

Everyone else can suck a dick. And my rage is justified. What kind of parent does that to their kid

>>24651886
Depending on the college you attend, that may not always be the case. I'm in community college, and since its overrun with the kiddies, it isn't really feasible to connect to some of them, and I've talked with others in my age bracket that say the same thing.

If you want to give those keys to someone else, perhaps look into doing volunteer work or some form of charity? It would not only benefit others and build yourself up as a result, but allow you to mingle with all sorts of people that you would normally have no interaction with, which can assist in the work place / school being the only real outlet for real life bonding with others.

As far as redefining yourself, it's all good, since you're still young enough to live life, but old enough to be wise to some of the bullshit that it can throw at you. You're at a point where you can define who you want to be, so seize that and even if you have to fake it at first, do it until you become whatever you want. Even if it just turns out to be someone browsing 4chan and able to order out without regrets sounds like a sweet gig. Consider putting some of the extra job money aside to go out of area at points and see some stuff you're wanted. Maybe even make a bucket list and try a few things out

>>24663752
See, you say that, but that isn't always accurate. All it takes is clicking with the right person to act as a mentor of sorts, IE someone that gains your respect in some manner, and it can be worked on. I've seen it happen with a few people that entered trades and were in positions where they had to learn from someone with more experience, but were genuine in wanting to do whatever it was they were doing.

Conversely, I'd watch you stream Postal 2 or Hatred if you do it straight face. It indulges your fantasies but would allows others to slowly connect to you, if you allow it.

>>24664003
Pffft, it's <current year> anon, people will pay money for ANYTHING these days. What passion and interest do you have?

>>24664878
What kind of idiot makes others suffer because he suffered.

Let me get something right, kid: everyone suffers. You are not entitled to something just because the fucking imbecile of your dad fucked your shithole so hard that now all you can muster is a murderous intent for everyone on the fucking vicinity.

The people that you may kill didn't did shit. You just want to wank off the semen of your dad.

If you are going to kill yourself, stop being a fucking coward and do it already. If not, stop wasting my time and learn to control your emotions, like the rest of the universe.

>>24663677
Apart from being KHV, you're me in a nutshell. I wouldn't wish this existence on anyone.

Loneliness is painful.

>>24643822
I don't know. I'm probably just a bitch.

And that's just it. I loathe myself so much. I hate everything I do and I feel so fucking stuck, no matter where I am. I was brought up sheltered and that fucked up my empathy. I was bitched out for every little mistake growing up, for ever being less than perfect, and for ever loving someone my parents couldn't tolerate after not giving her a chance. For any shortcoming, I was made to feel stupid, used up, inadequate, hateful, beyond redemption. And I always think that way about myself.

I have a gf I met on Omegle who loves me, and I'm out here trying to make myself a living and be with her. I can't let my problems go, though. Even though I've found work, I have to grind my teeth and move on as fast as I can the instant I mess up, no matter how much I'm talked out of freaking out. I tell myself the worst things: "You're not worth love, she's only with you because nobody else has come yet, they're only taking you because you're all they've got, they're only taking you out of fear you'll sue, they're congratulating you as a courtesy, not because they mean it, etc etc".

I truly loath myself. I've failed my girlfriend emotionally, I've fucked up everything I've touched, and I have to fend off suicidal thoughts every day. I'm a fucking lunatic. I try to convince myself that none of it's real and that I'm just giving myself a placebo effect, but that never works.

I don't get it. I'll always view myself as nothing but some moronic, floundering bitch.

I even used to talk shit to my accounts online and say what was in my head, just because it was an alternative to literally eating my arms and hands.

But then, it's probably nothing. I'm just some subhuman who needs to get over it. That's what I tell myself. I'm nobody's problem but my own.

>>24663399

>zoophilia

I can relate, anon. Trauma makes you get into some weird shit.

>>24653229
Do you want to try to be friends?