Help me out /sci/, I need ideas for a non wallet breaking way

A shotgun is cheap and so is birdshot. But you can't use projectiles, too bad.

>>object: a material thing that can be seen and touched.

I was going to suggest a net or poisoning their food, but this is material I guess. What you can do then is dismantle several microwave ovens, place the magnetrons next to where they eat, and hope it does some damage.

Can you not just make sure nobody happens to be standing behind the birds at the time? That seems like a pretty straightforward solution.

>>8803036
>>8803046
I should have mentioned this is at my work, and basically we are going down the list of shit upper (as in not at the store) management has told us no for.

Basically the problem is they fly around our lumber yard and shit on all the wood staining it, then fly into the warehouse area where we sit and shit all over our space.
They just cover everything in shit and ruin product and our days, but despite the ruining product upper management doesn't like the idea of employees walking around with weapons.


Only one of the managers has permission to use a BB gun to kill them from corporate, but hes always really busy.

BB gun is what we used to use, that was no no first time they saw that.
Then a bow
Then a slingshot
Then a old sling and rock
Then they just said outright nothing that shoots projectiles.

As to the magnetrons, I thought about that honestly, taking a bunch and trying to waveguide them into a beam to at least fry the little shits from like 5 yards maybe, but I would have to do a lot of reading up to find myself competent enough to pull that off.

At this point the only thing I can come up with is a potato gun like vortex gun to hit the little shits with a wall of highspeed air to hopefully break their wings so I can go smash them.
The reason I need some reach is because they usually sit up in the rafters which is a good 25-30 feet up.
I figured /sci/ would enjoy these retarded constrains as a stupidly impractical solution is the only allowable solution sadly.

>>8803079
Honestly it sounds like management is the problem here. If the birds shit on your lumber ruining the product, pest control would quickly pay for itself. Tell management how much time and money you waste on this bird problem and they will have to agree.

BB guns are not ideal, as it's easy to do a damaging shot, merely wounding the bird. This is considered unethical.

Microwave magnetrons should not be attemted unless you know what you are doing; in which case you probably know they are innefective weapons. High voltage capacitors can outright kill, and the radiation can easily blind you if too close.

It should be mentioned that the only bird killing experience I have is shooting a large seagull with a pistol once.

>>8803129
Did the seagull explode?

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>>8803130
No. Seagulls are about the limit for 9mm

>>8803129
>Honestly it sounds like management is the problem here. If the birds shit on your lumber ruining the product, pest control would quickly pay for itself. Tell management how much time and money you waste on this bird problem and they will have to agree.
They don't ruin the product honestly, just cover it in shit....

...That we have to then handle

Also I forgot to add blowgun to the list of shit we have tried.


Honestly at this point its more of a fuck you I'll find a way since they said no to our fucking slingshot.


As far as a ethical killing, they die within seconds of being hit, if whatever knocks them down we just go break their necks with their hands so none of them suffer for any real time.
Random side note, we have like 7 different types of sacked goods on pallets, and for some reason they only like to shit on the mortar mix, couldn't tell you why.

>>8802608
Speak to them. The longer the better.

>>8803142
For the rafters or whatever inside you can install spikes or something like that maybe? Like those anti-hobo spikes near doorways or the ones on billboards to stop roosting pigeons.

Grackles and crows generally are fairly intelligent and social birds, so i dunno how to get them out of the yard

>>8803158
No, the lumber sits on the rafters and the birds sit on the lumber sadly.

Side note, you are mistaken on one account, Grackles are retarded.

Grackles aren't close to crows, they aren't even in the same Genus.
Shit they aren't even in the same family, they are in the same Order and that order is over 50% of all birds

I like crows
Grackles are a shit.

>>8802608
I'd just bring a .22 air rifle despite managerial objections, and keep it it of sight when the big wigs are on site.

>>8802608
did you try sound?

>>8803281
To scare them off? Not sure how i would go about using sound to kill

>>8803079
If the management doesn't want to deal with the problem, why would you give a shit about it?
Don't harm birdies

>>8804151
>why would you give a shit about it?
Don't have the best reading comprehension skills do you?

I mean I guess if you like 100 gallons of shit over all of your stuff, and the area where you sit down to rest during the day sure, why would I care.

>>8802608
I live on a farm in the Midwest.

We have a noise maker that makes these odd noises every 20 or so minutes. It keeps the birds away desu.

>>8803142
Bruh, why do you care? If you're just an employee who cares if they ruin or damage product. Management knows. You did your duty. If you're hourly let the bosses do their job, and you do yours. You're opening yourself to getting fired if you kill birds. All it takes is one person complaining that you're a nut who snaps birds necks, or a video on Facebook, and you're gone.

>>8805446
Also,
>vortex guns that break wings
nigga what century are you in? 3400?

>>8802608
Pay a Falcon trainer that eats them. Golf course do stuff like this. Or just pay an exterminator to do the BB gun if its insurance/liability reasons.

>>8805448
I know falcon trainers are pretty badass but didn't realize that they actually eat live birds. Damn.

http://www.electronicpestcontrolpro.com/electronic-bird-repellers/mega-blaster-pro-bird-repeller/

>>8805446
The first part i would agree with to a degree if they didnt litterly shit on my head. The second part 100% no, i live in the deep south. My friend basically got a payed day off because he killed a shit ton one year. Its the fact that they are afraid a stray bb fly to the fucking moon, hit someone, and they will get sued. Thats why i was told if i could kill them without projectiles they would welcome it.

>>8803079
Okay here is what you do. You have to Divide and Conquer these birds.

You pick some random characteristic that can be found in about half of the birds. Then you feed the one half with the characteristic, be nice to them and all. But the other half you have to start fights with. They will get pissed and try to shit on you. But your birds will see that shit as aggression against themselves, because you are their man you know. And then you let them fight it out among themselves.

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>>8805940
Made me think of this gem of a post.

I got quite a few laughs outa it.