>WARNING: This product contains chemicals, including lead

Put the product over a heat vent so that you can earn a place among the league of /sci/ lung cancer victims.

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>tfw used to play with a huge lead ingot as a child

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>Lab ventilation broken
>Won't be fixed for at least two weeks
>Given gas masks "in the mean time"

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>WARNING: This food product contains DNA

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Wait I thought I was supposed to eat this?

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>>8668929
>CAUTION IONIZING RADIATION
>no lead shielding
>30 mSv samples

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>high school students
>WARNING: CORROSIVE (10M HCL)
>kid wants to wash his hands
>other kid hands him ""water"" after not reading labels on bottles when I'm away for 2 seconds
>I have to yell at them and snatch it away and land in the shit

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>smell chemical
>check COSHH form
>safe limit: 2ppm
>olfactory detection: 400ppm

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>be me during the swedish metal wave of the late seventies
>goes to some obscure consert
>only a handfull of people there, band was more indie than bands today
>lead singer goes on stage
>"are you ready fuckers?"
>swedish crowd, more silent than a funeral
>"i said, are you ready?!"
>you could hear a needle fall
>i have to think fast
>"for the last time, are you ready to rock?"
>i scream "yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeea" in a high pitch
>think agitated autist in public
>if the crowd was dead before, they are extinct now
>singer is staring at me
>"fuck yeah, that's the spirit"
This part of the story doesn't really lead to anything, but:
>playing is over
>bandmembers go backstage
>their manager or something comes up to me
>"they wanted to see you"
>"oy gevalt, me?"
>"yup"
>i go over to meet them
>they are pretty chill
>asks me what type of music i like
>"i have the metal flowing through my veins"
>"prove it"
>wat
>he gives me a syringe
>"here, prove it"
>it's literally mercury
>fuckfuckfuck
>"take it you pussy"
>my hands are shaking like an aspen leaf, and you probably don't understand that idiom you neet
>i grab the needle with my limp noodle arms
>heavy as fuck
>i don't think i could even deadlift it at the gym
>"come on, leat the heavy metal devour you"
>audibly swallows my saliva
>"here goes nothing, i guess"

Long story short, I did the mercury and I think I have autism now?
Holp?

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>American """food"""

>>8671623
Well at least it wasn't a vaccine

>>8671642
That would actually look delicious if I didn't know how it was prepared.

>>8671652
My heart pumps metal and I think I have gotten neurological problems because of it.

It's probably negligible amounts of formaldehyde but knowing California they'll put this label if anything touches it that could have potentially touched another thing which could cause cancer

>>8671698
My friend owned a furniture store and one of these labels was on a couch he bought from California. When someone went to buy it they flipped shit because of it. He called the company he bought it from and it turns out it wasn't residual formaldehyde it was the fact that the couch was in a warehouse in California and the fact the workers there moved the couch with a gas operated forklift was grounds for putting the label on. Even though there was no chemicals in the couch just the forklift touching the underside with its forks because propane could cause cancer it's fucking retarded

>>8671600
Who in their right fucking mind would give any highschool student anything above 1.0 M of any type of any type of harmful substance used in a high school lab.

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>>8671623

>>8671623
You know that shit is literally poison, right?

f@m you could get cancer from being under power lines

it's the most random "fuck you" disease in the universe

>>8671660
>packet of crisps
>various ketchup like sauces
>served in polystyrene box

eat the barrel of a gun

>>8671642
DOG BLEZ AMERIKA :D:DD:DDDD

>>8671642
Isn't that from some south american shithole?

>>8668929

>literally almost everything has to have this fucking label printed on it because california is retarded

>>8671642
>the way they prepare it as if it's some fine delicacy.