The only thing I value is intelligence, and I know that I'm

Practice

Intelligence isnt real. The dumbest motherfucker I met got 2 masters from Stanford and a PhD from MIT, I can gurantee you are smarter and a better person than he is. Who gives a fuck about math, doesn't mean shit.

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lower level math like calculus is just grinding

higher level stuff is a bit harder to practice for because there's rarely a general method to solve problems or prove things, so you need to improve abstract mathematical thinking, which is a lot like training for being a math detective

a lot of people say you're born with a "math gift" or some shit, which may be true for some people, but i am 100% certain i was not born with such a thing and i've done very well in math
i would argue that it does require a certain degree of masochism though

>>8462462
Sounds like you have a problem with memory not logic. Work on putting more importance into remembering things in general and your life overall should improve. I'm guessing that you use a lot of computers to keep track of things for you instead of writing them down or committing them to memory. Stop doing that as much, or do some memory training exercises.

t.Someone that had the same problem and is slowly but very effectively fixing it.

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>>8462491
>higher level stuff is a bit harder to practice for because there's rarely a general method to solve problems or prove things, so you need to improve abstract mathematical thinking, which is a lot like training for being a math detective
This, and this is why I find it easier than the grinding stuff. Don't be dismayed by your hardships with peacounting, but try the proper stuff and see if that world would be your oyster!

Do you ever try reading on your own time since you graduated or are you just recalling bad memories from college

Even as a STMEme student I find I understand subjects from a textbook quicker, and have a more pleasant time doing so, while studying on my own time with no arbitrary academic pressure (say, during the summer)

One of the more irritating but perhaps necessary things most modern pedagogy perpetuates is relegating more fundamental questions to higher-level courses. There are some things that will nag at you but you don't learn until you're in a 600-level class. For example, freshman chemistry is an arbitrary collection of facts because it's not like you can teach how the nucleus actually works (statistical physics and quantum mechanics) to a bunch of freshman

Make it a point to sit down with a textbook (Basic Mathematics by Lang, Algebra by Gel'Fand, Elements of Algebra by Euler, there are many wonderful elementary books written by mathematicians who wanted to elucidate rather than just sell textbooks) in the afternoon and work through a section or two a day

>>8462462
Jesus fucking Christ you sound like an idiot, and for none of the reasons you think.

What do you want to try to accomplish? "Be Intelligent"? Is that your life goal? Be Good At Math? Fucking Why. That's what you need to ask yourself. Why. Why do you even want to be alive right now?

Maybe you should value something other than "Intelligence". Maybe you should define an actual fucking goal for yourself. And don't tell me you have one, because if you had one, you'd be looking for ways to achieve success in spite of a dumbass imaginary obstacle like "my brain isn't good enough".