Ideally your shit comes out as a smooth, single turd that barely

Just eat a lot of fiber from various sources.

just eat lots of fiber and drink lots of water.

>>7893912
>barely requires wiping at all
>ideally
I use like one roll of TP per shitting session. I think this is the cause for my shitposting.

>>7893919
See, that's not good. Animals don't have TP either, they can only lick their ass maybe. If you do it right it should only be a few sheets of toilet paper.

>>7893923
>See, that's not good
Yea not shit. How do I into more fiber?

>>7893923
That's because animal anuses are specially designed by G-d to poo without leaving anything, man's unnatural upright posture leaves him with a smelly rash if he does not wipe.

>>7893926
what is the natural position for man?

>>7893928
On your four, ass bent upwards.

>>7893928
To walk on all fours, that's why our hands look like feet because they used to be feet but when Man was evicted from the garden of Eden he started walking on all twos in defiance to G-d.

>>7893928
Poo outta loo

humans didnt have toilets or toilet paper until relatively recently in our evolution.

let that sink in a bit

>>7893951
>sink
Haha nice!

>>7893951
>6000
>toilets were used in Rome 2000 years ago
There isn't a huge gap m8.

>>7893924
I use water to first wash my ass after shitting.Because no matter how many rols I use, I feel dirty afterwards.However eat more bread if you want smooth shit

>>7893928
Squatting, for shitting

>>7894038
>owever eat more bread if you want smooth shit
You sure about that? I always had the idea bread makes my poopy more mushy?

>>7894067
Depends what bread
Brown/wholemeal has more fiber so more liquid in the end stage

White has less, so drier results

>>7893917
>>7893918
>fiber
you clearly know nothing about shit. He didn't ask how to get the messiest shit.
>>7893919
>>7893923
>what is water

>>7894092
Eat 3 bananas a day and you will have poops that you never have to wipe.

You on the other hand sound like you have a terrible diet in the first place. Eating EXCESS fiber is what can cause problems. Stop being a tard.

>>7894145
I once ate like 6 bananas in one day and I still had shitty poop

>>7894038
>I use water to first wash my ass after shitting.Because no matter how many rols I use, I feel dirty afterwards.
Thought it was only me anon

What's the normal amount to poop? Once a day?
I'm on the potato/fish/vegetable diet right now and poo like once every 2/3 days.

>>7894461
Once or twice a day.

>>7894474
>twice a day
only ever did more than once a day when I had diarrhea

>>7894151
you gotta wait 3 days to see results desu

>>7894477
I was surprised when I heard it but twice a day is pretty damn normal apparently
desu I can't see myself shitting everything I eat in a single day in one go, it would be a massive turd

>>7894489
desu I just shit in the morning then head out then never shit again for the whole day.
Shitting twice a day means that it'll inevitably have to be in a disgusting public place.

>>7894499
>In the morning
>In the evening
Doesn't have to be in public.

>>7894507
What if you're out late?
"Shit sorry I can't make it to xxx because I need to shit"

>>7894517
I don't know, I'm never out late.

>>7893912
I eat a fuck-load, like probably 7000 Calories a day. The shits are non-stop. I always get one out in the morning, but then spending all day on campus guarantees that I'll be taking at least another shit or two in public. It's all about finding the quiet bathrooms. But still, it always seems like:

>find perfect bathroom
>quiet, clean, no one around
>sit down, about to let out thunderous shit-fart
>faggot comes barreling in
>literally chooses the stall DIRECTLY adjacent to mine
>sit there holding the shit-fart in the pod bay doors with all my strength
>eventually say fuck it and become embarrassed after I obliterate the toilet
>wash hands, stare directly at feet to avoid eye-contact with the witness

>>7894524
Neither am usually, but sometimes there are talks which run until 9 so it'd be a bit of a shitty thing to miss.

>>7894527
You should just shit faster than they can finish or hang around till they're gone.
Or if you're alpha stare straight at them when you're both out.

>>7894527
>7000 Calories a day
What the actual fuck senpai, height and weight?

>>7894545
6'2" 210 lbs, so not massive, just highly active. I used to be an athlete and would eat that much just to keep my weight up, now that I'm not playing sports I never really stopped eating like this but the training and cardio seems to keep my weight static.

>>7894548
210lbs hot damn son

Remember, this is a /sci/ board. This thread is literally shitposting.

>>7894527
>7000 calories a day
Doubt it

I'm actually taking a shit while reading this thread.

>>7894145
>Eating EXCESS fiber is what can cause problems.
and how much is that?
Let's just wait for your response so I can debunk your shit.

>>7893912
I've been having clean shits almost exclusivly for the past 3 or 4 months AMA

>>7893912
I haven't had a good shit for about 4 years. I don't know what caused it but I've had terrible (TERRIBLE) gas ever since, I don't digest stuff properly. It's fucking torture.

>>7895061
Shit, I know what you mean bro.

>>7895047
One question: hoooow?

File: 1412642634.bastek_demondog.jpg (303KB, 294x800px) Image search: [Google]

303KB, 294x800px

Luckily, for everyone in this thread that is having problems there are a lot of smart people who put together comprehensive guides to solve your problems.

http://health.gov/dietaryguidelines/2015/guidelines/

And on top of eating properly, it's a good idea to sleep your needed amount every day and establish a sleep schedule. By establishing regularity in your food intake, you give yourself the ability to know when you are going to shit and will be better able to recognize clear correlations between what you eat and what your excrement looks like. Exercise is good too, but I know that's a lot to ask for.

are you guys eating things to simply achieve an ideal shit? Or are you eating things to be healthy and shot a healthier way.

If a person is healthy, his poop should be pretty heathy too, no? Whatever healthy poop may be.

>>7896569
I can't read all that text. Give me a TL;DR

I have good shits whenever I eat lentils and vegetables and meat which is most of the time. Seriously, my wipes are just to check these days.

>>7894903
Me too

>>7896578
^^^^^^
This is the species that is going extinct this evolutionary turn off the wheel

>>7893912
Eating paleo works wonders. Stir-fry some veggies like broccoli, spinach, peppers, and onion, along with some meat. No wiping required.

On the other hand, if I eat beans, I get filthy diarrhea and fart stinkbombs that people comment on. That's why I couldn't stay vegan. It even happens with hummus to a degree... I wonder if they all have diarrhea in the middle east, or what.

>>7894743

Phelps used to eat 12000 calories a day

>>7896795
>mfw when evolution hasn't had time to catch up with our reading habits.

>>7894151
You mean you ate 6 bananas ONE day while you probably eat pizza and hamburgers all the time you greasy fuck.