I'm a coke fiend, I really am. Sometime I smoke cigarettes,

I'm struttin' my stuff in downtown Houston when all of a sudden Whitney's like, get your cok out of my butt
I comply and do the duck waltz out the door
"u like anal then duck waltz?" I ask from the front lawn.
she looks down from the second story at my lemonade stand where I'm doing showing some kids how to do the duck waltz and jumps headfirst.

>>5734828
I swiftly bask in the sun, then crawl back to my doghouse. "I'm Basker." I, drifting away, softly speak to myself.
"Oh no u ain't." says a cutting voice. I open my eyes
It's dog, the busker, he works at the Hilton. "You're my wife." he says
Disgusted, I reply "you're psychotic." but I really AM his wife, but not just that-I-I'm also a true basker. I bask with the best of them, on my back, on my front, even, sometimes when I'm feeling freaky deaky AND super wild...just don't tell anyone...but...on my side.

"yo bro, u from Barbados?" I open my eyes to the voice. "No, I'm not from Barbados." I sigh. I often dreamt of being from Barbados, but I wasn't born in Barbados, I wasn't even CONCEIVED in Barbados. Oh how I wish I had been a Barbadude.

I bust into the church like it's nobody's bidniz. I go on a rampage with these buckets on my feet, running around and looking at everyone in the eyes. I go to the holy water container and break it off and dump the water into my buckets and throw the holder at a statue of the virgin mary. "Take that, you SLUT!" I scream.
soon i'm being chased around the church, sloshing in my buckets. "Can't catch me!" I yell as I lose my balance. I fell, but Based God caught me and now I'm not wearing any clothes except a window shade I swiped from Macy's, I adorn my cape like a true superhero would
"do tha duckwalk" I order.
they comply. my small parts exposed, I strut out into the sunday sun, it's a brave new world.

so I went to jail. so wut?
So, 'nuthin', I ainno criminal, I'm just a working guy, u know, a woodchuck. So wut if I'm not a beaver? them damn beavers said if I don't get out of their house in 2 seconds they was either gonna drown me or throw me in jail, that's when this big mother with a monocle says "time's up" as I'm laying there relaxing and then throw me into the rapids, i'm flailing alphaly until I get pulled under and my body opens a door and I'm in a jail cell with a moat in it. I play here happily with my rubber ducky until the end of days

quality thread, keep it up!

so i'm watching lord of the rings and i'm starting to get really horny so I do this:
I paste bat wings to my arms and masturbate by flapping intensely
my fatass cousin who we call "Tootsie Roll" is on his side on the couch in the other room
I ejaculate and go flying out of the room, and land in front of Tootsie Roll's couch.
I cover up with my bat wings and sidle out of the room.
"You fat sunovabitch!" I call at him

I wont read all this stuff but I appreciate that you gave me the chance

true story of the stoic Stella:
dis dumb broad named stella keeps raising her hand in class gibbn da dumb teacher answers
"shut up Stella." I say
"what'd you say?" she asks
"I SAID 'SHUT UP'!" I scream flipping over my desk then jumping over it onto her desk.
"I'm a gargantuan giant" I scream battering my chest with my fists
I fall thru the desk and me and stella walk around
thanks stella, ur a real stoic

part 2: stella and I go to harass my mom (still attached the the desk).
we walk through the front door and my mom's crawling around as usual, crawling rrrrreeeeeeaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllyyyyyyy slowly backwards
"u r a worm" stella tells my mom, then dumps me out of the desk
I think of crawling around
"don't even." stella says, eyeing my menacingly
the teacher busts in through the window on a vine, but swings back out.

hey ya'll, the following is a true story of triumph & struggle, blood & glory:
>be in third grade
>doon da duck walk home
>"quack quack" I say as I take flight
>fly over the street
>far below me cars are swerving out of some madman's way that's running through the street waving his arms like he's a duck
>the goof
>a guy gets out of a car and starts chasing the kid
>flap faster! I think
>soon i'm dumped in the dirt

the story of the gazomboni
I built a house on a wicked hill
full with ice skating rink
I hire this old guy to take care of the rink, a guy with a real softspot for iceskating rinks
>"why do only you use this?" he one day asks
>"Why, no1 else wants to visit Wicked Hill" I reply.
>So we load up the house on top of the Zamboni and ride in2 town
soon we're getting hypey until this jackass gets on the rink and starts acting like a duck

>>5734828
FAT FAG

>>5734847
thanks.

the name's Cornelius and I'm a real bassur.I've come to the conclusion that the people of Mars are degenerates, so here's wat I did:
I walked around on Mars without a space suit.

You probably know me as the janitor. What you don't know about me is that I'm rrreeeaaallllyyy musty. People don't like to talk about the musts. I must with the best uvum. I'm known to shower money on hoes b4 I'd shower in water. So the following is how I turned a ho into a musty bitch. "Why are u rubbing on me?" she asks. "cuz I'm slick like dat." I reply jauntily. Soon.

There is a tide in the affairs of men. I, Julius, am the face in the moon at night. No, I'm not on the moon, I just shine my face on it.

"Suma Luma" I say. I slide around. "Bitch, move your body like I snake." I tell her. I show her how to do it. Soon, she's copying me. soon, we're racing the best of them on a nascar track, literally giving people the shivers.

>>5734828
"I'm in the pig pen." I whisper.

Ol' Bassur MacDonnel had a farm. Here's the story of how we got hyphy:
I put on my locket and ride a rocket thru the sky.
"Oh wow." Says Ol' Bassur Macdonnel. "I wif I cud git gud on da fly."
A horse brushes him with his tail.
"Check out this painting I'm making." the horse tells him.
"Das rad mein." Ol' Bassur MacDonnel chatters.
"I have an idea." says Ol' Bassur Macdonnel:"Let's socialize the industries."
soon we're on wallstreet, lookin' massive fly, gettin' hyphy. "Let's put it on all on black 20." I say
"Yea, nigga." says Ol' Bassur Macdonnel "That's my farm."

>>5734828
Marmadukeba bashes my skull in wit a club. The chess pieces I wash playing against the ghost of Washington square is like "Hey, man" real slowly "'das agains da rules."
Marmaduke drools stupidly, "Gimme da girlfriends." he says
"U got that girth?" Marmadukeba asks hisself.
Looks in his pants. "Nope." he replies.

Marmadukeba works the straw. He's sweating out of every pore-literally bleeding in the blazin' sun. He sits on a hot ass rock. "Ouch!" he fumbles for his gun. "I'mma get the gfs" he thinks.
He starts running towards the city despite the fact it's 100 miles away and his pants fall down and he trips and lands flat on his face.

Marmaduke: "Impossible." "Babes!" he says. He's looking at an oasis in the desert. The Mermaids are swimming or on the rocks. Marmadukeba walks up "I'm strutting" he thinks to himself on borderline panic.
"Nope." says a merman with his hand on Marmaduke's shoulders.
Another merman throws a wrench, it hits Mamadu square in the face. Mamadu grabs his dick. "sucky sucky" he says.
The dinosuchus slaps him in the ass with a wet towel, strutting from the shower. "Dinosuchus!" Marmadukeba says as he fists his leg.

>>5734979
MamaduBaBa walks off betaly and dies in the desert.

My name is Agatha and I'm on my death bed. I have one last wish: to play the trombone, one last time. I grab my trombone and let out a long honk.

>>5734989
I hear the trombone and bust thru her window. "What's going on in here!?" I screech crazily, with mad eyes the trombone. I wrench it out of her hands and do a marching band routine, right there and then. Agatha is smiling and nodding and clapping along. "Clap dat ass." I say. She does, once, then dies.

I trap by the subway. I'm a gigantic spider. I'm a fatass lardy bitch, hardy hardy. I flip tricks. "Hey, get in my telephone booth." I say, from my phone booth to a gawky businessman. He complies. "hey baby, you're in my phone booth." I say. He leaves.

Dear diary,
please excuse me for being so rude to you. I know, you've been blowing up my fone with calls, texts, faxes, and morse code. The thing is, I don't think we're going to work out together.
"B-But"appears on the page in red ink "We was supposed to git in shape together." appears, "And then the world was our's."
"Dern." it says.
"Sucka" I says

>>5734828
literally poop

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>>5734828
nice